UNK SEZ: “Let’s Party!” If reading that sentence makes you want to throw confetti, spread peanut butter all over your face or strangle a baguette, then you are probably one of the super lucky people familiar with the supernova of creativity known as FOOD PARTY. Hosted by the at turns adorable and diabolical THU TRAN, FOOD PARTY celebrates culinary madness and imagination (think BETTY CROCKER drop kicked by PEE WEE HERMAN or the live action version of the PLAY-DOH FUN FACTORY) and it just might be the very last vestige of brain tickling awesomeness on television. Hilarious and mind blowing, both giggle and nausea inducing, FOOD PARTY is the best invention since sliced head cheese and can be viewed Tuesdays at 10pm EST on my now favorite place on Earth, the IFC channel.
Recently while roving reporter AUNT JOHN was out shopping for “fantasy potion” and ingredients to make ham and spaghetti pancakes with pineapple sauce he bumped into the she-wizard of culinary kookery herself THU TRAN! Ever on his toes AUNT JOHN offered a trade to the joyous genius of grub; a hand full of soon to expire coupons for one super fresh traumafession. THU recognized that many of the coupons were for goose blood and happily agreed, this is what she whispered in his ear…
Many things scared me as a child
I was scared of having my feet exposed while I was sleeping. I was compulsive about having my feet entirely covered. I was scared that monsters under my bed would drag me down into hell by my ankles. Under the bed was the portal to hell.
Upon watching AMERICA’S MOST WANTED, UNSOLVED MYSTERIES, and many action movies such as anything in the DIE HARD series, ROBOCOP series, TERMINATOR series, and any JEAN CLAUDE VAN DAMME movie, I was horrified of my bedroom in general. My bedroom was on the ground floor in the front of the house, with a huge window facing the street with venetian blinds. There were street lamps, and any late night cars passing by, which would shine VERY brightly through the blinds. During nights of insomnia, I would stare at the window, and be terrified of villains smashing through the window double fisted with AK’s or uzis. Neither ever happened.
I also developed a HUGE phobia of small holes clustered in concentrated areas. This was developed shortly after watching NINJA SCROLL and being genuinely terrified of the wasp monster that attacks Jubei.
Specifically, I remember waiting at the bus stop going to 2nd grade and there being a huge smooth hill of snow that someone had casually scattered some salt on to. It created these holes that I was so terrified of swarming bugs coming out of. Even seeing tree bark with ant holes in it freaks me the fuck out.
I’ll stop at three.
Thanks THU TRAN for sharing your childhood memories with our beloved readers, you are a sport and an inspiration! You also back up my theory that the more scared you are as a kid the more imaginative you’ll be as an adult! Remember traumatots to watch FOOD PARTY on IFC every week. You will gain weight, wisdom and happiness and you’ll get to spend some quality time with your new friend THU TRAN!