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September 3rd, 2010 by unkle lancifer · 7 Comments

Grab your robes and torches minions, Satanists are back in high fashion! Ever since I saw RACE WITH THE DEVIL as an adorable, yet malnourished, premie I have been stressed about stumbling upon these rogue nogoodniks mid-ritual!

Freedom of religion is important and I commend you sassy Satanists for not stooping to apply for tax exemption but sacrificing children and more importantly fluffy animals? Not the best P.R. move! What you need(s) to do is get some super star celebrities to be the face of your cause. May I suggest the delightful BETH HOWLAND and the quirky and quizzical Q-BERT?

Speaking of fluffy animals I spy childhood dream date ERIN GREY still lovely HERE!

Back to people who worship Old Scratch! Do you know what is the most underrated Satan worshipping movie? I say it’s BROTHERHOOD OF SATAN. That movie is bonkers with a capital bonk-bonk and yet visually I find it ever so arresting. Check out the trailer below. I love the meeting of the assortment of dudes in one room scene (@1:10). It’s so J. CARPENTER!

I watch so much crap that there’s no way for me to keep you up on what I have shoved in my eyeballs. Let’s take a look at some of the hard working bloggers out there who have succeeded where I have woefully failed!

TRUTH OR DARE: CRITICAL MADNESS can be viewed any time on your Netflix account. It is one bizarre yet fascinating movie directed by an eighteen year old. I’m not sure I could do it justice but I know that the VICAR OF VHS bit the bullet for me HERE!

TRUTH OR DARE got me in the mood for more stinkaroos so I polished off my ancient VHS tape by the name of THE WEEKEND IT LIVES. This movie should have just disappeared back into the hell pit from which it came from but for some reason it was resurrected as a DVD called AXE ’EM back in 2002. Have any poor souls out there witnessed this somewhat hilarious abomination? VEGAN VOORHEES has lived to tell the tale HERE!

JOHN KENETH MUIR cures me of the amnesia that almost made me forget one of my favorite BUFFY episodes of all time “Tabula RasaHERE!

VAULT OF HORROR spreads the word about the silent beauty that is THE CAT AND THE CANARY over HERE!

CAMP BLOOD shows off the awesome pillowcase that comes free with your purchase of the complete SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE set HERE!

And from the “Why didn’t I think of that ?” file, killer kudos to DEATH TO CGI for the awesome (What the hell is THE PEACOCK KING?) top ten pre-CGI transformation list over HERE!

I wasn’t a big fan of the cinematic adaptation of JACK KETCHEM’s THE OFFSPRING but if LUCKY McKEE is behind its offshoot THE WOMAN then so am I. Check out its official site HERE! (Thanks for the tip BLOODY DISGUSTING)

You know, sometimes when I read one of my own posts something horrible happens in my head. For some reason when I finish the last paragraph I hear the READING RAINBOW “Ba-dump-dump” as clear as a bell. While searching for the READING RAINBOW “Ba-dump-dump” the other day, I found this…

And in closing: JAMES CAMERON, first you break LINDA HAMILTON’s heart and then you insult (as whispered in my ear by FANGIRLTASTIC) the genre that you should be on your hands and knees giving a “blowing” (holla LAST EXORCISM fans!) -job to? This week’s Official Corky St. Clair BASTARD PEOPLE AWARD goes to you, ya big mirror-licking jackass!

Don’t you dare listen to a word of what that mean old glorified dingleberry said FRIDAY THE 13th PART3 IN 3-D! You’re better than all his lame 5-hour long movies put together. (Shut up ALIENS! I know you kind of rule but can’t you see F13 Part3 is in a bad place?) C’mon F13, groove us out of Kinder-Bitz with your disco theme. I know you want to. That’s it little buddy, lift up your 3-D chin! God (or Satan) don’t make no 3-D mistakes!

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Tags: Kinder-Bitz!

7 responses so far ↓

  • 1 JergyNo Gravatar // Sep 3, 2010 at 6:28 pm

    I always knew you were both bastard people. I hate you both and I hate your ASS FACES!!

  • 2 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Sep 3, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    Jergy, I’m so sad poor Corky didn’t make it on to this roundup …

  • 3 micksterNo Gravatar // Sep 3, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    Race with the Devil is terrific (as Peter Fonda’s super cool character would say as he is wasting lousy Satanists from the top of the RV)! A couple of years ago when I had my parents over during the Christmas holidays, my dad decided he wanted to watch Race with the Devil. My mom was none too pleased. I thought it was hilarious that he wanted to watch it at Christmas.

  • 4 LaDraculNo Gravatar // Sep 4, 2010 at 6:59 am

    That “Reading Rainbow” parody was definitely something that made me smile today… XD

  • 5 VicarOfVHSNo Gravatar // Sep 4, 2010 at 4:27 pm

    Thanks for the mention! TOD?:ACM is definitely a mad one, and entertaining as hell. Thanks also for the great videos. Reading Rainbow is priceless!

  • 6 TaylorNo Gravatar // Sep 7, 2010 at 9:30 am

    Here are my thoughts on Axe ‘Em.

    Race With The Devil is so good it makes Axe ‘Em look like Axe ‘Em.

  • 7 turnidoffNo Gravatar // Sep 14, 2010 at 11:06 am

    Thanks for the “Death To CGI” shoutout!  I just recently watched Race With The Devil and it further prooved my theory that any film with Warren Oates can do no wrong!

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