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Traumafessions :: Reader Grimpressions on Honeymoon Horror

January 15th, 2011 by unkle lancifer · 13 Comments

Freddy Krueger didn’t really scare me the first time I watched A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET when I was about 8 years old. I saw Freddy as more of a cartoon character than anything else. Maybe it was because he could change shape and had a wicked sense of humor. Don’t get me wrong, I love ROBERT ENGLUND‘s acting, but I found him funnier than I did scary. There was another horribly-burned mangler that traumatized me, even though I wouldn’t get to see him in action for over another decade, the killer from 1982’s HONEYMOON HORROR.

My parents got their first video rental membership in the late ’80s from a discount drug store called Phar-Mor. They were always trying to find a bargain so we ended up shopping there a lot. Their rental section was tiny, consisting of maybe a few hundred videos, but I remember it was usually swarming with people mainly trying to snatch the new releases. I spotted an empty video sleeve which had an illustration of a couple, in their underwear, sitting on a bed, surrounded by flames, and a guy with a hatchet looming over them. I picked it up and flipped to the back to be startled by a picture of a bald man that looked like the skin on his face was burned away.

I remember it looked like he was in pain, maybe because he resembled a normal person rather than a one-liner spitting maniac like Freddy. I couldn’t really tell from the taglines on the box if this guy was supposed to be bad or good, but I gathered that he was the character with the hatchet on the front. The thought of being disfigured by fire scared me more than anything. Since the couple on the cover were in their underwear, there was no way my parents would let me rent it because that insinuated a possible sex scene or nudity which was off limits. Now if the couple who was about to be slaugtered were fully-clothed, that would’ve been a different story. I was too afraid to watch the movie anyway. I think we ended up renting GHOST DAD that day.

Everytime we went back to Phar-Mor, I ‘d scan the entire section to find HONEYMOON HORROR. I would dare myself to pick up the box and check out the back. Half the time I’d chicken out. So when I found the VHS 12 years later in a bargain bin at a video store that was switching over to only renting DVDs, I was finally ready to face the terror. The movie was a sorry excuse for a slasher and wasn’t interesting at all for the first hour. I fast-forwarded to the last ten minutes to when the scarred killer busts through and shatters a kitchen door to hack some girl up with and ax. Even though the gore effects were laughable, it was worth the 7 bucks I payed for this scene and to have the video box. He then gets his guts blown out with a shot gun by, who I assume was, the girl’s lover. He had also killed a couple of other people before this scene, but his face isn’t revealed until the last ten minutes. The best part is, he sits up and throws a knife into a guy’s back from across the room for one final kill.

I read on IMDB that Sony Home Video bought the movie from its filmmakers’ for $50,000, distributed it, and it made $22,000,000 on rentals world-wide. With the images on the sleeve I can believe it. I’d be surprised if anyone who actually watched it wasn’t disappointed. HONEYMOON HORROR was a nice addition to my little video nasty collection. It’s since been packed away in my Mom’s basement and I haven’t watched it for years. It’s such a terrible film that I’m not sure it’s worth digging up anytime soon.

Grimpressions

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13 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Joanna BoeseNo Gravatar // Jan 15, 2011 at 9:50 am

    Oh Phar-Mor and your disorganized video section with all the ‘how the hell did this get made?!’ videos…how I miss you…

  • 2 EshbaalNo Gravatar // Jan 15, 2011 at 11:04 am

    Oh god, this stupid thing. I watched a year ago, and I absolutely hated it – but just like you, I was lured in by the amazing cover. Instead, I ended up mocking it horribly in one of my videos.

    Definetely not worth watching, but that cover is wonderful!

  • 3 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Jan 15, 2011 at 11:08 am

    JB, I’m jealous! I don’t think I’ve ever encountered a Phar-Mor!

    Eshbaal, do you have a link to your video? We’d love to see it!

  • 4 aunt johnNo Gravatar // Jan 15, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    I remember Phar-Mor… it was “Far More Than a Pharmacy” or so the ads promised.

  • 5 micksterNo Gravatar // Jan 15, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    Is it just me or does the dude on the cover appear to have larger boobs than the chick?

  • 6 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Jan 15, 2011 at 10:48 pm

    He’s got bigger “knees” than the Land-o-Lakes lady!

    I hope I’m not the only one who made one of these in elementary school.

  • 7 Philip MertzNo Gravatar // Jan 16, 2011 at 12:39 am

    I’ve never seen that! That’s hilarious!!! What a useful trick! I shall pass this on.

  • 8 EshbaalNo Gravatar // Jan 16, 2011 at 5:47 am

    Unk, my username links directly to my Horrible Horror Blog where I upload my videos.

    But for Honeymoon Horror specifically, here ya go: http://horriblehorror.blogspot.com/2010/02/and-so-i-finally-return-to-reviewing.html

  • 9 Joanna BoeseNo Gravatar // Jan 16, 2011 at 7:50 am

    I recall Bart Simpson doing the same thing with the Land ‘o Lakes box…

    “Dirty…clean! Dirty…clean!”

  • 10 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Jan 16, 2011 at 8:33 am

    Eshbaal,

    I was hoping you were talking about that video! I watched your review on Youtube while I was looking for a Honeymoon Horror trailer for this post and it cracked me up, good stuff! Inexplicably I was left with the desire to see the movie even though it looked so terrible! It looked like you found a pretty decent looking copy of it. Were you clips from a dvd or a vhs? Anyway, nice work!

    Joanna,

    You’re right Bart did mention the famous Land o lakes trick! I wish I could find a clip of that! All I can find are butterfinger commercials on Youtube!

  • 11 Joanna BoeseNo Gravatar // Jan 16, 2011 at 11:23 pm

    Tried looking for pics on lardlad.com….NOTHING. πŸ™ Still an amusing bit, though.

  • 12 EshbaalNo Gravatar // Jan 17, 2011 at 12:41 am

    Unk, Good to hear you found it funny. I do my best with these, but it definetely isn’t always enough (my review of the April Fool’s Day Remake is godawful if you ask me). I don’t exactly have the money to look for incredibly obscure flicks on DVD, so it was a VHS rip.

  • 13 Ryan ClarkNo Gravatar // Jan 17, 2011 at 1:04 am

    I got a copy of this on VHS for two bucks a few years ago. Like the writer of this entry, as a kid, I was fascinated by the picture of the burned man on the back of the box when I’d see it in the video store, but I never bothered to rent it. When I finally did see it, I enjoyed it a great deal because it’s such an awful film. A worthy purchase, I must say!

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