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TRAUMAFESSIONS :: Unkle Lancifer on Alan Parsons Project

January 13th, 2008 by unkle lancifer · 9 Comments

What is it about the ALAN PARSONS PROJECT that has given me the creeps ever since I was a wee lad? Why is it that even now, whenever I hear them playing in a drugstore, I either immediately feel like committing suicide or I imagine it’s a bad omen that foretells that at any-second there will be a hold up that will leave cashiers and customers alike sprawled out on the floor swimming in their own blood? Alan Parsons was the audio engineer for PINK FLOYD’s THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON which explains a lot, but whereas the FLOYD come off as anti-authoritarian and kick-ass, Parson reeks of a sort of surrender to a larger malevolent power. It’s euthanasia music, a soundtrack for pulling the plug. The old man in the SENTINEL who has to guard the doorway to hell for eternity has ALAN PARSONS PROJECT on his iPod. The scariest song may be TIME which is an existential taunt just perfect for a hospital death bed, but the one that really gets stuck in my craw is EYE IN THE SKY which is either about a floating God face that judges your every move or a stalkers theme. I think maybe that guy who killed the girl from MY SISTER SAM listened to it. It may be responsible for the death of DOMINIQUE DUNN. I’m glad that there are some folks who do enjoy these admittedly well-produced ditties. It makes me feel that perhaps there is not really anything inherently evil within them. For me I’ll be fine never hearing them or getting that goosebumpy feeling ever again, and if some smart ass plays them at my funeral, I vow to rise up screaming!

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Tags: Traumafessions

9 responses so far ↓

  • 1 ericNo Gravatar // Jan 14, 2008 at 4:52 pm

    I totally agree He sounds like a dead person,he has an undead voice.I’ve worked at alot of Walgreens in my day and they used to play that baby every 5 minutes.Along with Captain of your heart(?) by some band called doubles.I actually thought they were the same band for along time.I even made a walgreens comp.Anyone want a copy? email me midnitetosixsteve1@yahoo.com

  • 2 andrew36No Gravatar // Jan 28, 2008 at 6:58 pm

    It’s bad enough having one Alan Parsons Project song reverberating uneasiness inside my head but two at the same time is far too much to handle. I recall coming across this album when I was a kid and when upon seeing the cover artwork I expected something psychedelic and rockin’ (ala Pink Floyd) but much to my dismay I was unprepared for the atrocious outer space funeral hymns that seeped through the stereo headphones into my virgin ears. Thanks for the memories! Next stop: Kansas, Dust in the wind.

  • 3 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Jan 28, 2008 at 8:07 pm

    Oh god, DUST IN THE WIND is a perfect example of the same thing, good call! Can you imagine if a D.J played that at say, a wedding? He’d be strung up and killed!

  • 4 andrew36No Gravatar // Jan 28, 2008 at 9:29 pm

    One could only imagine the mayhem or lack thereof that would ensue if that song were to be played at a wedding. Looks of bewilderment followed by a gradual sense of lethargy would be my guess.

    A whole section of this site could be dedicated to the traumatizing music of our youth yet I believe this would be much too painful to endure.

  • 5 AsatNo Gravatar // Apr 15, 2009 at 3:52 am

    LOLOL, and here I was worried that APP hadn’t made an impression on anyone because they tended toward the Ambrosia/Air Supply end of the rock spectrum. Hm, maybe that explains why the band got a name-check by Winton from “The Real Ghostbusters”. Dig up a copy of their creepy first album, based on Poe stories. Or their post-final album, based on the career of Sigmund Freud. If you think the music’s weird as random tunes on the radio, wait until you hear it in full ironic context. “Time”, by the way, has been covered by Mr. Bungle. Search YouTube for that mayhem.

  • 6 jlynn323No Gravatar // Jun 19, 2010 at 12:04 pm

    I’m surprised nobody mentioned “Games People Play” by Alan Parsons.  It is another one of those “you’re getting old, might as well end it” type tunes.

  • 7 Erin LashleyNo Gravatar // Jan 31, 2012 at 1:12 am

    I never realized Alan Parsons produced Pink Floyd at one time or that there was any connection, but I knew there was a Pink Floyd song that sounds a whole hell of a lot like an Alan Parsons song: a Pink Floyd song I can’t stand, naturally. This explains the heartbreak of that one song.

  • 8 morganenNo Gravatar // Apr 19, 2012 at 1:25 am

    “The old man in the SENTINEL who has to guard the doorway to hell for eternity has ALAN PARSONS PROJECT on his iPod.” LOL! That is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. I wish I could be that clever and descriptive when ranting about horrible music…or anything else.

  • 9 Thru-The-BlindsNo Gravatar // Apr 10, 2015 at 10:04 pm

    Granted, this is an older post, but OMG — I can’t believe none of you like or even appreciate The Alan Parsons Project! I own every one of their albums (purchased first on vinyl, then CD) and I can honestly say they’re my all-time favorite band. They’re usually catagorized as Prog-Rock, but there’s so much more to them than that! APP was one of the pioneers of the ‘concept’ album – each album having a specific theme that tells a story and all the songs relate to that. Seriously, Alan Parsons and his music partner Eric Woolfson (RIP) are extremely gifted musicians, writers, producers and audio engineers.

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