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Kinder-News:: Vote On Proposition M.J.

October 16th, 2008 by unkle lancifer · 34 Comments

The other day there was a disturbing development at Kindertrauma headquarters. We discovered that two of our finest and most beloved readers were, in fact, operating under the cover of darkness and hiding an illicit affection for Mary Jane brand candy. Mary Jane candy, which usually is wise enough to stay hidden throughout the year, is well known to resurface just before Halloween in order to sneak its devious way into trick-or-treat bags posing as a confectionery reward. My spidey senses are presently alarming me to the unthinkable conclusion that if there are two of you amongst us, then indeed there must be even more. Although I admire the bravery of the dissidents whose names I will, for the time being, protect, I must say that where I grew up, the love of Mary Jane candy was something that was not to be spoken of out loud in polite society. With an election on the horizon perhaps it is time that we ALL place our cards upon the table and reveal just where are sympathies lie!

So if you support Mary Jane and her theoretical peanut buttery goodness vote YEA! Or if you are like myself and feel she should be discontinued, never to show her face in another trick-or-treat bag for all of eternity vote NAY! The choice is yours my friends and I offer you this, if support for Miss Jane is greater or equal to her detractors come Election day, I will publish a public apology to her in the comments section of this very post! I also would like to state that I have no present beef with the fine people of Necco. In fact, I am a card carrying fan of the Necco Wafer, a pastel colored delight that is not only a sweet treat but, in a pinch, can be utilized as sidewalk chalk.

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Tags: Halloween · Kinder-News




34 responses so far ↓

  • 1 magicalshrimpNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 9:36 am

    Maybe it’s because I live in Canada, but I’ve never seen or eaten a Mary Jane candy. I am, however, one of the few people who will eat those weird molasses candies in the Halloween wrappers that everyone else hates.

  • 2 LaDraculNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 9:40 am

    Eh, they’re ok. Of course, working at a Wal-Mart, I see a lot of inedible looking candies, like old-school Creepy Crawlers-inspired gummies and full-size mask lollipops. Give me a 3lb. chocolate tombstone any day.

  • 3 mamamiasweetpeachesNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 9:50 am

    One of the reasons why Halloween is my favorite holiday is because candy you never see on a dailey basis – perhaps havent even seen in 20 plus years – seems to pop up. Everytime I see a MARY JANE I cant help but wonder – is there a small factory somewhere that makes them year round? Or do they work live Santa’s elves and work to make them only one month outta the year? OR are they all just left-over from the early ’70s??? I remember in the early ’70s seeing MARY JANEs in “Penny Candy” stores (remember those???) and even then I was like “What is this? The Great Depression?”

    The only thing worse than Mary Janes are those chalky TUMS-like hearts with messages on them you get on Valentines Day. Yeah- the ones made by those devils at NECCO!

    So my opinion? MARY JANES are NOT the worst candy ever made…but they run a close second!

  • 4 mamamiasweetpeachesNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 9:53 am

    UPDATE: ……..and the THIRD worse candy is those big orange candies that are supposed to look like “Circus Peanuts”!

  • 5 mamamiasweetpeachesNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 9:54 am

    UPDATE…AGAIN: ……..and #4 is “Candy Corn”!

    I’ll stop now.

  • 6 VicarOfVHSNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 10:06 am

    YEA!

    And again I say,

    YEA!

  • 7 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 10:14 am

    O.K. here is my vote and it totally counts. I vote NAY on M.J.

    At its best, it tastes like when you chew gum right after eating peanut M&M’s. At its worst, it will rip out a molar. If you like peanut butter flavor there is only one place to go…FIFTH AVENUE! Now those candy bars are a proper prize for trick or treating!

    I will admit that I would rather have an M.J than the circus peanuts that mamamiaSP mentioned. Those things taste like Tang dipped Styrofoam!

  • 8 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 10:27 am

    Magicalshrimp, 

    That molasses candy IS most probably a Mary Jane. she goes by different aliases in other countries in order to infiltrate the unsuspecting.  Candy should not be made out of Molasses. I know that times are hard folks but accepting the M.J is like rolling over and inviting another depression.  This is 2008! I declare sour patch kids and warheads are the future!!! 

  • 9 theresnomrpibbNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 10:53 am

    NAY! And again, I say NAY! Mary Jane is the root of all evil.

  • 10 incognitovixenNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 11:56 am

    I say YEA to the Mary Janes only because I think all future trick-or-treaters should also suffer this abomination!

  • 11 FoxNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 1:05 pm

    NAY!  NAY!  All day and in every way, NAY!  Very much NAY!

    Good Halloween candy started with mini-Baby Ruths and y’all know it!

  • 12 AbsintheNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 1:23 pm

    I say Nay with you dear Unkle – but I do like candy corn and the little figures that are made of the same stuff – those are good.

  • 13 micksterNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 1:54 pm

    I will say nay because this sounds like crappy candy I remember as a child. The only difference is the candy I recall came in orange or black wrappers. I always threw it away as soon as I got go home. However, I do love orange slices, circus peanuts, and candy corn. All three remind me of my deceased grandfather.

  • 14 mrcanacornNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 2:29 pm

    I hate to disappoint my favorite Unkle, but I give those tasty little treats a big, “HELL YEA!”

    But, The Wife would classify Mary Janes as “yucky kid candy.”  You know, I’m not sure if she means the candy is yucky or the kids who like certain candy are yucky…I’ll have to ask.

    Mamamia, you don’t like candy corn either?!  Candy corn is by far my most favorite of all the Halloween candies! I will agree with you on those candy abominations…the disgusting Circus Peanut!  Totally gnar gnars!

  • 15 Amanda By NightNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 5:50 pm

    Circus Peanuts RULE! Not sure why but I strong affection for them. It’s a, uh, unique taste. But I likey, I likey.

    Candy Corn is about the greatest creation in the whole entire planet. Seriously. Stuff if GOOD!

  • 16 Amanda By NightNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 5:50 pm

    Whoops. I’ve never had Mary Janes, so I won’t be voting.  But considering they are named after a great shoe type, they might be alright…

  • 17 VicarOfVHSNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 5:58 pm

    I think one of the reasons I like MJ’s so much (apart from their awesome peanut-butter taffy taste, that I’ll defend to my grave!) is the fact that they are pretty much SOLELY Halloween candies around here too. I mean, you could probably find them year-round if you wanted to, but really the only time I get them is Halloween. It’s like peanut-flavored nostalgia wrapped in wax paper. Gimme more!

    (Note: I am a diabetic. Halloween is a very hard time for me. Insulin-consumption goes up a shocking percentage. But what am I gonna do, NOT eat Mary Janes? That’s CRAZY talk!)

    As to candy corn–yuck. I can almost hear my tooth enamel screaming in horror.

    I’m with everyone else on the condemnation of circus peanuts, though. Ooh, and Orange Slices. Never understood the appeal.

    And “Good n’ Plentys” too–or as I call them, “Industrial Dental Filling Removers.” :S

  • 18 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 6:52 pm

    I had to google “orange slices candy” because I had no idea what you people were talking about. My reaction when confronted with the image of those THINGS was a very Charles Shulzian UGH! I hate those! I had no idea they even had a name! I like the candy corn in SMALL doses but as for circus peanuts,…….Amanda, you know I have much big time love for you,……. we are like this (crossing fingers)…. but Gurl you have to RUN not walk to the Pennywise clinic and get off those things!!!! That’s  packaging material!!!! 

  • 19 aunt johnNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 7:42 pm

    Haven’t we got bigger fish to fry? And by bigger fish, I mean the dreaded Candy Buttons on Paper Tape!

    If I had a dime for every time my mom had to drive me or one of my siblings to the emergency room for third-degree paper cuts of the tongue, I’d be set for life.

    As for Mary Jane, I vote NAY… which pains me as I am a huge fan of her contributions to the ’80s funk-lite landscape… but Unkle threatened to banish me from the Castle if I went against him.

  • 20 Blue SevenNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 7:48 pm

    Mary Janes are just all right with me.  I vote YEA.  Necco Wafers are revolting by the way, as are spice drops, Hot Tamales, Wintergreen anything, and, yes, the Circusized Peanuts too.  Give me some peanut butter cups, cow tails, Charleston Chews and dum-dum pops and I’m good to go.

  • 21 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 8:29 pm

    M.J’s are not just all right!

  • 22 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 8:40 pm

    Why not ask Jenny Powell if M.J.’s are “cool”

  • 23 mrcanacornNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 8:41 pm

    You too Auntie?!  NOOOOOOOOO!

    Obviously we might have our differences, but our brains are strangely linked on the matters on MJ’s contributions to the funk landscape (see that HERE).

    Candy Buttons, total crap….have you guys and gals read Jean Shepherd’s In God We Trust All Others Pay Cash?

    There’s a whole chapter on penny candy and he sums up my feelings on a couple of ’em:

    There were other, lesser Penny Candies; the strips of white paper dotted with geometric rows of yellow, white, blue, and red pellets of sugar, fit only for cretins and two-year-olds, the banana-oil flavored, peanut-shaped obscenities beloved of elderly ladies and girls, the jelly orange slices, and others.

  • 24 RedBoyNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 8:57 pm

    I like all of that Depression era candy. It’s all earthy and thrift-minded, not to mention the fact that practically all of it is flavored by household herbs and sundries (molasses, Anise Flowers, Horhound, Honey, Etc…) Verily I say Yea to Mary Janes, Squirrel Nut Zippers, Good & Plentys and Chowards… In addition, I would also like to throw my hat in the ring for Lemon Heads, Cherry Clans, Alexander the Grape, Johnny Appleseeds and those little chalky monster candies that came in the tiny litho boxes.

  • 25 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 9:23 pm

    FERRARA PAN! you are speaking my language!

    http://combustibleengineer.blogspot.com/2007/10/politically-correct-candy.html

  • 26 RedBoyNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 9:47 pm

    The ironic thing about Cherry Clans (The greatest candy ever – by the by) is that the racist packaging we have all come to know and (pretend like we don’t) love is Ferrara Pan’s attempt to tone down an even earlier design. Behold! a rare specimen of the elusive ‘Cherry Chan’! http://www.candywrappermuseum.com/cherrychan.html

  • 27 aunt johnNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 11:09 pm

    Can we also discuss these?

  • 28 aunt johnNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 11:13 pm

    Oh, and these too?

  • 29 aunt johnNo Gravatar // Oct 16, 2008 at 11:24 pm

    Just a side note: Our commenting system is super stinky in the sense that it likes to strip out HTML unnecessarily… so if you ever want to post a youtube video, just cut & paste the code in, and I will correct it on the backend.

  • 30 TenebrousKateNo Gravatar // Oct 17, 2008 at 8:37 am

    This is entirely more democratic than what I’m used to in the Empire, but I’m going to have to come down on NAY.  Also NAY to Circus Peanuts which got a mention here, in case we’re voting on that at some point too.  THOSE things are seriously the product of a twisted imagination!

  • 31 Amanda By NightNo Gravatar // Oct 17, 2008 at 5:34 pm

    Wow, I feel so alone on the circus peanut thing.

    It’s like I’m an island.

  • 32 mrcanacornNo Gravatar // Oct 17, 2008 at 5:51 pm

    @ Amanda,
    …in the stream
    That is what you are
    No one in-between
    How can you be wrong…

    Sorry, if I even hear the word “Island” Kenny and Dolly start lulling me into a peaceful place.

  • 33 micksterNo Gravatar // Oct 17, 2008 at 6:12 pm

    Amanda, Your not alone. I love circus peanuts too!

    Unk, I’ve been meaning to ask if you liked Freaks and Geeks. I hope the fact that you posted clips from the show means that you do.

  • 34 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Oct 17, 2008 at 6:22 pm

    Don’t worry Amanda, remember it takes ALL kinds of critters to make farmer Vincent’s fritters!

    Mickster,
    Love that show. (I especially love me some Millie.)

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