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Bloody Birthday

March 12th, 2008 by unkle lancifer · 1 Comment


   If you ever give birth to a baby during an eclipse, take my advice and throw it into the nearest trash can. Babies born during an eclipse, having missed the influence of Saturn, have nothing by the way of human conscience. I can tell you first hand that living without a conscience is no big whoop; however, these eclipse babies also develop a passion for brutal murder, and without the conscience thing to curb their bloodlust, what you get is a situation like the one depicted in BLOODY BIRTHDAY. In this case, three kids are born on the same eclipse sullied day and as they near their tenth year of life on our blue planet, their insatiable desire for murder cripples, or at least complicates matters for, a small Californian town. The three kids in question are as follows; four-eyed weasel Curtis Taylor (BILLY JACOBY), cruel MISS-PIGGY-faced Debbie Brody (ELIZABETH HOY) and a boring blond kid who only becomes less so when a fish bowl is chucked at his head (STEVEN SETON). Whenever they can, they kill the innocent with an arsenal of jump ropes, skateboards, shovels, arrows, and, when time is of the essence, guns. Little Debbie is so blatantly evil that she charges her mischievous posse quarters to check out big sis Beverly (The non “Wubba Wubba Wubba” JULIE BROWN ) undress! Thank all that is holy that sometimes-sitter Joyce Russel (THE PREY‘s LORI LETHIN) and her lil’ bro Timmy (Mike Seaver’s pal Eddie from GROWING PAINS, K.C. MARTEL) figure out exactly what the terrible troika’s got cooking and vow to put an end to their sinister shenanigans. With a bucket load of bottom of the barrel co-stars (top billers SUSAN STRASBERG and JOSE FERRER make glorified cameos ), and a script whose mantra is “destination nowhere”, BLOODY BIRTHDAY may be an amateurishly decorated, half-baked affair but thanks to the nonstop mayhem, it’s also a wish come true for killer kiddie flick fans.indelible scenes
  • Mid coital teens pulverized in open grave
  • Dad cop Brody bludgeoned in the front yard
  • Junk yard refrigerator trap
  • Curtis tries to run down Joyce wearing ghostly guise
  • The great ant poison birthday cake debacle
  • BLOODY BIRTHDAY‘s ultimate trademark set piece JULIE BROWN gets arrow in the eye through makeshift bedroom closet glory hole
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Tags: Kids Who Kill

1 response so far ↓

  • 1 darkkoNo Gravatar // May 12, 2013 at 5:24 am

    Bwahaha, great review!

    I just caught this classic on Netflix streaming!

    Somehow, Bloody Birthday escaped my radar of B-movie horror.

    Going in with low expectations, I was pleasantly surprised at how nasty those kids get!

    I think this movie could have been great, but ended up being good for some kid violence laughs. That didn’t sound right.

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