How’s about let’s do something different this week!? I know it probably seems that I love everything but that is far from the case. I’d just rather talk about the films I enjoy and I figure if anybody desires feigned outrage, pointless fussbudgetry and persnickety cynicism, they can always visit an IMDb board! Every once in a while though, it’s probably good to clear out the rain gutters. So, in the spirit of spring cleaning, let me now share some Netflix Streaming films that, for whatever reason, failed to float my boat! If you yourself enjoyed any of the following, my apologies and good for you. I never say never and I invite these films to seek me out on a later date and convert me if they can!
THE RAVEN (2012)
I wasn’t asking too much from THE RAVEN. I only needed it to respectfully capture its time period, throw in a few POE references and tell a reasonably engaging story. I figured if I could look past the convolutions in SLEEPY HOLLOW and the atrocious acting in BRAM STOKER’s DRACULA anything was doable. What I wasn’t counting on was the misguided casting of the usually likable JOHN CUSAK. I’m guessing an attempt was made to present a lovably roguish character a ‘la ROBERT DOWNEY JR. in GUY RITCHIE’s SHERLOCK HOLMES flicks (both of which I did enjoy) but all we end up with here is an annoying prick. The one saving grace of the movie is LUKE EVANS and I have a theory that this whole thing might have worked if he and CUSAK just switched roles. Nah, probably not.
GRAVE ENCOUNTERS 2 (2012)
This one makes me sad. The first film was fun as hell and made me rethink all my prejudices concerning found footage movies. This one is exactly the movie I mistook the first one for. If you are wondering what the original would have been like with an intolerable cast… here is your answer. Also, I think somebody is gravely overestimating the terror value of elongated mouths.
SHARK NIGHT (2011)
You’d think aiming as low as possible might ensure some level of success but not in this case. There are plenty more fish in the shark movie sea, pick any and you’d be better off (I suggest JAWS: THE REVENGE, at least its funny) Thank God we’ll always have THE INNKEEPERS to remind us what SARA PAXTON is actually capable of.
KILLER’S MOON (1978)
A bus full of schoolgirls face off against four escaped mental patients tripping on LSD! I don’t know how this movie finds a way to be boring but it does. On the plus side, it stars a three legged dog named Hannah who lost her leg in a real life pub robbery and won an award for bravery! Hannah deserves better roles!