If you called me on the horn recently and I didn’t pick up I’d like to apologize for that. Also, if you rang my doorbell and instead of answering the door, I poured a pot of boiling water on your head while bellowing in a demonic voice, “GO AWAY!” I’m sorry for that too. You’ll understand my behavior when I tell you that I was busy watching CRYSTAL LAKE MEMORIES: THE COMPLETE HISTORY OF FRIDAY THE 13th, the seven-hour strong docu-everything on the FRIDAY THE 13th series. It’s by the same should-be-sainted folks behind the dreamy NEVER SLEEP AGAIN docu-bonanza and it’s just as good…or maybe better… on account of I think I love FRIDAY ever so slightly more than ELM STREET. There, I said it. I can’t help it, the ELM STREET series may be more imaginative but FRIDAY is all kinds of rustic and I’m a rustic type of guy. I need to be in the woods not suburbia! If I’m going to drown, it’s going to be in a lake not a bathtub! You know, I’ve been trying to curb my nerd-thusiasm lately and now thanks to this, I’m so off the wagon.
Do you need to know anything more than the fact that CRYSTAL LAKE MEMORIES (which is based on the equally necessary book of the same name) features an interview with the banana-chomping hitchhiker from PART 4? Nor do I! But wait it gets better! Part 4’s Tommy Jarvis COREY FELDMAN narrates and appears in campfire set bookends! It’s true you’ll have to endure that dusty old chestnut about how HARRY MANFREDINI came up with the series’ trademark “ki-ki-ki- ma-ma-ma” musical cue but don’t worry; there are plenty of fresh anecdotes to keep things paddling forward. As someone who grew up in the stale era when you had only publicity shots to rely on, I really appreciate whoever they got to create Photoshop mock ups of Jason’s lost years. It’s clear that the filmmakers were well aware that fanatics have scoured this territory before (particularly if they’ve already read the book and have seen HIS NAME WAS JASON) so they really go out of their way to present novelty wherever they can and they do an admirable job of it.
If you grew up loving the FRIDAY THE 13th franchise this is a must see gift for you. It’s not all fun and games though as you may find yourself crying into your hands with every story about what might have been and the rampant disrespect and disregard delivered by the very suits that profited from the series. (I place a curse upon anyone responsible for destroying even a frame of FRIDAY THE 13th Part VII: THE NEW BLOOD!) For some of us, this series is more than just a cash cow. Personally, I see it as an unofficial map of my youth. Each film is like a time capsule signifying significant stages of my existence. My adolescence and teen years are submerged in Crystal Lake! The wide-eyed kid who saw PART 2 for the first time is not the same dude who smirked at PART 8. It’s amazing to think that once upon a time the distance between the original film and PART 4’s “final chapter” seemed vast. Even FREDDY VS JASON now reflects a crystal clear image of the time that it was made. I have watched as the parade of victims transitioned from much older than me to much younger than me. I must be dead because my life is flashing before my eyes. That’s what those who count the tickets will never appreciate and what makes fan-centric films like this so valuable. Wow, in some kind of strange slice of synchronicity, as I finish writing this, I find the Syfy Channel is showing a FRIDAY marathon. Looks like I’ll be dead to the world for a little longer. Don’t ring the doorbell!