After all the SPOOKIES love last Sunday I was all set to spotlight THE WILLIES today but then something happened. Late last night while reality and logic were fast asleep in their bunk beds, I stumbled across DEMON WIND (1990)! Many a yarn ago (a yarn is a year in Battlestar Galactica-ville) we received a “Name That Trauma” about a cabin that was demolished on the outside and yet totally intact on the inside (HERE). The film in question turned out to be DEMON WIND, which I had regrettably never seen. I made a mental note to check it out on YouTube but by the time I got around to it, it had disappeared! Rats and double rats! Then, to pour salt on my tender wounds, reliable sources like Matty from Boston and Enzo S. sang the praises of DEMON WIND within their respective “It’s a Horror to Know You!” posts! I probably should have bought a VHS copy right then an there but instead I went into a corner and prayed to God that one day DEMON WIND would return to YouTube even if only for a brief period so that I would not have to endure the pains of the postal system. Dumb story, dumber, right before I hit the hay last night, God contacted me through a headless Hummel figurine and was all like, “Oh, I’m sorry, I totally forgot you requested that! We’re so backed up here and your prayer was accidently received as junk mail. Here ya go- Here’s DEMON WIND on YouTube…”
DEMON WIND is terrible and eerie and strangely trance inducing and incredibly fantastic and also hilarious and wonderful and eye-poppingly bizarre. I think it changed my life. Yes, it did. It changed my life. I wish somebody could explain why DEMON WIND is not shown on T.V. everyday around the clock on a DEMON WIND Channel. I trust that writer/director CHARLES PHILIP MOORE is currently safely and securely kept in a mental hospital and that the key to his cell has been thrown into a volcano. You don’t understand! People explode in this movie and turn into infants! There’s a giant skull with a snake tongue and an egg opened up and spilled larvae! There are magicians and they play hacky sack with beer cans (?) and spin around with Kung fu kicks! Wait a minute, did I really see this movie or did I dream it? Oh my Lord, so many possessed demons and or zombies roaming the countryside that is paroled by an evil fog! Did I mention the horrifying taking doll?
All right, you just have to watch DEMON WIND is all there is to it. Trust me, DEMON WIND is going to come up at every holiday gathering you attend this season and you’ll want to have seen it so that you might join in the conversation and share your learned opinion. I can’t believe I wasted my life by not training to be a Kung fu magician. I really blew it.