We here at Kindertrauma admit to a stalker-like fascination with the enigma wrapped in a riddle, bound with an elastic question mark and sealed with a “what-now?” known as Arbogast. His no-holds barred, unfiltered musings on the world of cinema has your Unkle Lancifer imagining the man of mystery looking like CHANNING TATUM yet having the mind of STEVEN HAWKINGS. On the other hand, Aunt John spends a lot of time (in the bathroom) fantasizing that he looks like STEVEN HAWKINGS, but with the mind of CHANNING TATUM. To each his own. Anyway, our love for Arbogast was tested the day he tagged us for an Internet parlor game that, to be kind, makes a Jenga tournament seem entertaining. Oh well, in the interest of not burning bridges with an evil mastermind who could crush us like bugs, we relented and grabbed the nearest book that was not a GERI JEWELL biography and did as we were told. On page 123 of the NECRONOMICON, the 3 sentences after the fifth are as follows…

No grain, no tree, no plant grew. The ancient Ones were Masters of Spaces now unknown or forgotten, and all was CHAOS. MARDUK was chosen of the Elders to fight KUR and wrest power from the Great Sleeping Serpent who dwells beneath the Mountains of the Scorpion.

Hopefully we didn’t just open a portal into hell.

One thing that Arb-y has been doing lately that is not annoying is waxing philosophic about “The ones they might have saved,” characters in horror movies that for some unexplained reason you did not want to see die. Is there such a thing? Why it appears there is, and we thought since we were celebrating Arbogast Day (which always falls on the day after Mother’s Day) that we would join in this discussion, so without further adieu, here are our picks for “The ones they might have saved“… Aunt John sez:My favorite character in any horror movie is that little kid in the sleeping bag in THE PROPHECY. I really don’t like what happened to him and think he should have been spared this indignity: Unkle Lancifer sez:Anne Ramsey’s Elvira Parker was a fascinating character that I was looking forward to catching up with in the inevitable sequels to WES CRAVEN’s tour de force seething indictment against technology DEADLY FRIEND. Those dreams were dashed when this occurred…P.S.: In non Arbogast Day news, your Unkle Lancifer and Aunt John are interviewed over at one of our favorite sites (besides Arbogast’s) DVD PANACHE. The interview was taken long before Arbo-gate ‘08, so you will find us in good spirits looking forward to a year free from being “tagged!“