There I was on the Ben Franklin Bridge mustering up the energy to jump rather than endure yet another Philadelphia summer, when Aunt John breathlessly approached. He screamed “Stop, don’t jump!” as he has done so many times before. I told him to go peddle his papers elsewhere and to go fly a kite and when he was done with those two chores, I suggested he take a long walk off a short pier. That’s when you’re Aunt John informed me of news that would change my dismal outlook instantly. “HORROR YEARBOOK…” he said panting clutching at his defunct ticker, “…says that FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE SERIES is going to be released on DVD!” Of course when Aunt John slapped my back in a congratulatory gesture he did inadvertently send me reeling over the bridge’s railing and into the toxic water below, but that’s neither here nor there. The fact remains that some day in the future, me and my idol ROBY will be together once more. In the meantime I plan to play the OPENING THEME MUSIC in an endless loop on Kindertrauma castle’s state of the art intercom system. It should provide the perfect accompaniment to my daily chores of shucking clams and sheering lambs.