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Kinder-News :: Major Halloween Mask Recall!

October 15th, 2007 by unkle lancifer · 4 Comments

Are Silver Shamrock brand masks hazardous to your health? I don’t know — Do you think crickets, rattlesnakes and other assorted vermin pouring out of every orifice in your head is hazardous to your health? Dear readers I implore you, if you or any one you know has purchased a mask from Silver Shamrock Industries, dispose of them immediately, no matter what the cost. The three masks in question are easily identifiable by their three distinct styles, which include: skull face, green witch, and orange pumpkin. They all bear the telltale Silver Shamrock logo, which is a large disc embedded on the back of the mask. On October 31 there will be a televised event on ALL three of the available channels on your television set. The program will conclude with a big giveaway. Do not, under any circumstances, watch this show wearing one of these God forsaken masks! Inside ALL of the masks tags is a small chipping from Stonehenge that, when activated with a flashing pumpkin signal, will turn your living room into hell on Earth. Many have asked if they can simply remove the logo and watch the show as intended. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REMOVE THE TAG, not even with a hairpin, unless you want a laser to blast you in the face, and a gargantuan bug to crawl out of the cavity that remains.

Some of you may be thinking, “I hate my kid, what do I care?

Well, you will care when a snake crawls out of your kid’s head and bites you! Conal Cochran, the CEO of this nefarious company and designer of these “novelties,” has been planning just such a sacrifice for years, going so far as to create clockwork servants that resemble you or I. He considers this holocaust “a joke,” and claims the best Halloween took place three thousand years ago, “When the hills ran red with the blood of children and animals.” Is this the type of company you want to support? I know the jingle on the commercial is catchy and it’s easy to get swept up in the spirit of the season but, for the sake of yourself and for future generations, throw out those masks! For more information on Cochran and his atrocities watch HALLOWEEN 3: SEASON OF THE WITCH.

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Tags: Halloween · Holidays · Kinder-News




4 responses so far ↓

  • 1 cubanMIXNo Gravatar // Jun 6, 2008 at 12:25 pm

    nah,i think my girlfriend deserves a nice ‘halloween special” viewing with the witch’s mask i got her.That should put her in check

  • 2 mamamiasweetpeachesNo Gravatar // Oct 1, 2008 at 4:28 pm

    God I hated this movie…but I loved that ” 8 More Days To Halloween , Halloween, Halloween – 8 More Days To Halloween – Sil-ver Shamrock” song!

  • 3 horrorfan90No Gravatar // Jul 24, 2010 at 11:56 am

    mamamiasweetpeaches is part of the Myers brigade: a bunch of pathetic babies. Face it, Myers sucks. This is the only decent film in the whole sorry series. Get over it.

  • 4 SiloDwellerNo Gravatar // Feb 10, 2011 at 6:59 am

    i really enjoy this film. i especially like John Carpenter’s electronic score.

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