Hey guys, just moved in with your girlfriend? Pretty weird stuff eh? Beading parties with the gal pals, crying jags and that crazy staring at you while you sleep thing can really get a fellow down. Depending on your girl’s breast size she may be hiding an invisible demon from her past who wants to usurp your position as man of the house. You’ve got control of the situation…or do you? Fey demonologists won’t help; conveniently informative Google searches that spell out your dilemma get you nowhere; and baby powder…who needs the mess? With the old ball and chain putting the kibosh on Ouji boards how are you supposed to protect your DVD collection and the giant white teddy bear you won for the honey at the state fair? This is your castle damn it and your girlfriend! Are you going to let a pushy poltergeist predator with three pronged chicken feet make you look like a wimp?
Before you even think about it, might I remind you that moving is NOT an option! No matter where you go that filly of yours will remain a magnate for these power plays against your manhood that only you are wise enough to detect. Stop spending hard earned cash on expensive video equipment to record your trophy girlfriend’s every move. It’s time to get rid of the problem at its source before YOU end up looking like a fool! She may have brought this ugliness into your home (and worse your bedroom!) but YOU can be the one who gets rid of pesky PARANORMAL ACTIVITY once and for all!
Simply provide us with a demon-mangled picture of yourself and a video clip of the unseen stalker physically yanking your half naked girlfriend out of YOUR bed and we’ll do the rest. We even have a sliding scale payment plan if you’re paying the rent while she’s in school. Don’t spend another sleepless night worrying about loosing all that is rightfully yours!
Call Paul Snider’s Poltergeist & Demon Removal Service Today! 555-DEMON