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Stream Warriors! #1

January 30th, 2011 by unkle lancifer · 8 Comments

Now it’s time for a brand new show called STREAM WARRIORS! Will it have legs? Will it get canceled? It’s up to the horrifically random and meaningless nature of the universe I suspect. I don’t care. There are stray cats freezing to death in the snow as we speak.

But that’s stinkin’ thinkin’ and we’re here to have fun, fun, fun. STREAM WARRIORS is a magazine that shows up on the doorstep of your computer every Sunday. It was invented by a tenure-denied Professor to help you get the most of your Netflix streaming experience!

Balk and awe as three films currently available on Netflix streaming are yanked out of the crowd and recommended for your consumption. Don’t be afraid, it’s here to help you and if you don’t have Netflix streaming then well, you can still find some other way to check out the movies highlighted! Here you go with the first three, maybe you won’t like them but hey, at least you are not freezing to death trapped under a car!

BLACK WATER (2007)

There certainly is a plethora of pissed-off animal films out there so I think it’s important to distinguish this one from the riley pack. BLACK WATER is not a cheesy monster movie but a harrowing reality-based endurance film along the lines of OPEN WATER or this past year’s FROZEN. You’ll find believable, likable characters and a few genuinely sharp scares and the backdrop of the mangrove swamps of northern Australia brought to my mind both THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT and ALGERNON BLACKWOOD’s classic tale “The Willows.” Explore more HERE.

AFTER MIDNIGHT (1989)

Horror anthologies are difficult to pull off and no matter how successful the result, it always seems to pale when held up against CREEPSHOW. AFTER MIDNIGHT, when taken on its own terms, is spooky albeit light fun and it’s absolutely soaked in delicious eighties goodness. The middle tale involving a pack of teens (Including MR. BELVEDERE’s adorable TRACY WELLS and ELM STREET 3‘s PENELOPE SUDROW ) facing off against a pack of dogs is a highly memorable must-see that would have made a fine feature length movie of its own. The last tale starring a young MARG HELGENBERGER may wear out its welcome a tad but AFTER MIDNIGHT is a rare anthology film whose wrap-around story (thanks in large part to the cast) satisfies as much as the segments it surrounds. Read more HERE.

LEMORA: A CHILD’S TALE OF TERROR (1973)

The gritty cropped presentation of LEMORA on Netflix streaming leaves a lot to be desired but I’m compelled to recommend a watch anyway. (Ssssh, there’s a nicer looking version that you can view on YouTube starting HERE!) I’ve got acres in my heart marked off for any Southern Gothic and even more territory reserved for any that is stuffed with fuzzy monsters, singing witches and tricky vampires. Buoyed by an ethereal performance by the late CHERYL “RAINBEAUX” SMITH, LEMORA is a beauteous nightmare journey somehow simultaneously silly and astonishing. This makeshift mini-masterpiece mash up of horror and fairy tale elements should be seen by anyone with a taste for the darkly poetic. For more on LEMORA visit HERE.

There you go. That’s three movies that I think deserve your love or at least passing interest. Check them out soon ‘cuz you never know when they might disappear! Thanks for dropping by and now it’s time to close out the show with a rousing musical number….

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Dylan Donnie-Duke
Dylan Donnie-Duke
9 years ago

Holy flashback, Batman! I remember seeing “After Midnight” in my wayward high school days. I will be streaming it this afternoon. Thanks for the memories!
The only thing scarier than it are those sub-disco dance moves that Kristi and Jimmy were steppin’.

Chris
Chris
9 years ago

Let’s not forget, After Midnight also starred Friday the 13th part 4/Weird Science’s Judy Aronson alongside Tracy and Penelope in the vicious dog episode… which is arguably the best and most tense of the stories.

FatherOfTears
9 years ago

When I was a kid I came upon the ending of “Lemora”. Creeped me out! I finally saw it on WOR TV in New Jersey a bit later. Like the 2008 article it was called “Lemora Lady Dracula”. I didn’t remember much except the ending-which I won’t give away here. Now 30 years later I got this on DVD and the transfer is not that bad so it’s worth a look. “RAINBEAUX” Smith was great in this. She was either in her late teens or early 20’s and she was convincing as a 13 year old in this. A case of what could have been. Drugs lead to her downfall and she died in her 50’s. Oh, she is in another memorable film: The low budget sci-fi flick “Laserblast” which was given the MST3K treatment in 1996. If you don’t want to get the tin boxed set from Shout Factory that includes this you can see it beginning here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uumSrL7X-U

Chris
Chris
9 years ago

That’s what I’m here for, Unk. Useless knowledge. 🙂

On another note, hope you’re feeling better!

HorrorCat
HorrorCat
9 years ago

I recently found The Spell on Netflix insta-stream. The fact that so many of these great 70s and 80s flicks are showing up just makes me giggle.

pointybird
pointybird
9 years ago

OMG how can you KEEP BEING MORE AND MORE AWESOME? You have introduced me to so many wonderful movies — this is a great feature. LOVE YOU.

pointybird
pointybird
9 years ago

PS Lemora is one of the creeeeepiest movies I’ve ever seen. such an atmosphere of dread and evil. One of the creepiest things is how everyone hits on Lemora despite her stated age of 13.