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Traumafession:: Danielle P. on SpongeBob SquarePants and Very Naughty Hot Sauce

December 7th, 2016 · 1 Comment

Hello, Kindertrauma. I’m 14 years old, a bit younger than everyone else on this site, but I was scared of some things as a kid as well, and I only want to confess fears I’ve gotten over. Today I want to bring to your attention a scene from SpongeBob that used to scare me as a kid. It’s from the episode “Karate Choppers”.

Now, in this episode, SpongeBob and Sandy are karate fighting. During their match, Sandy grabs SpongeBob’s tongue and takes out a bottle of hot sauce and starts to pour a drop on his tongue. SpongeBob is terrified, as he’s freaking out, we zoom in on the drop of hot sauce, and all of a sudden, the screen goes dark and this creepy as hell human face appears on the drop, laughing evilly and rolling its eyes around. Then it says in a gravelly voice, “BY THE POWERS OF NAUGHTINESS, I COMMAND THIS PARTICULAR DROP OF HOT SAUCE TO BE REALLY, REALLY HOT!” and then we go back to SpongeBob and Sandy like nothing happened.

Yeezus on a bike, did that scare me! I remember when I first saw the episode 10 years ago, I actually started crying when the face showed up (granted I cried when I was scared a lot) and didn’t even remember the whole “powers of naughtiness” bit until four years later when I would browse transcripts on Spongepedia. I only saw the scene twice as a kid, and I remember the second time, my mom told me the face was Tom Kenny (which it is) but I didn’t care! Every time the episode would come on after that, I’d change the channel or leave the room, I seriously avoided the episode for ten whole years!

Last year, though, I decided to voice my fear of it and tried to get myself over it, but when the episode came on again, I couldn’t do it, I was scared! Fortunately, the scene appeared on the SpongeBob subreddit on Reddit and I made myself click on it and I got over it. Now I love that scene, but I will always remember avoiding the episode like the plague due to it. On the comments on that scene on YouTube, there’s a lot of people who were also scared of it, so I’m not alone.

Cheers!

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Tags: Traumafessions

Traumafession:: Allison G. on Baron Samedi in Live and Let Die

December 6th, 2016 · 1 Comment

Hi guys.

My movie trauma is the ending of the James Bond film Live and Let Die. I have never got over seeing Baron Samedi on the front of the train, laughing his head off! Just no!

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Tags: Traumafessions

Name That Trauma:: Tomb on a Creepy Masked Public Access Couple

December 5th, 2016 · No Comments

This might have been shown West coast/California. Public access show early 90’s Produced in Southern California, but shown on my local San Francisco public access.

This couple inside a home would wear these muppet style masks and, for example, reminisce about the 60’s. They’d be talking then it would cut to an exterior shot of them dancing in slow-motion to “Groovy Kind Of Love” still in masks …… yiiiihhh

Mind you, I think they were trying to be funny; they’d put on these weird, twerpy cartoon voices. It didn’t work. It just had that unintentional (or maybe intentional) creepiness.

It was like New Zoo Review meets Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman meets VIDEODROME.

The title of the show had a weird name muffkins? mushies?mooshies? I’m not making this up, it happened… like a giant millipede crawling on your face

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UNK SEZ: Stop the presses! This NTT has been solved by TOMB himself! Check out Tomb’s trauma (UNWIND WITH THE SWEETIES) in the video below (at around 12:25) …if you dare.

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Tags: Name That Trauma!

Apocalypse Soon Funhouse

November 18th, 2016 · 11 Comments

Hey kids, we have a great giveaway today sponsored by our pals at COMET. COMET has an incredible array of movies that you simply can’t get with a subscription to streaming platforms like Netflix, Amazon, or Hulu. From wild adventures on Mars to critically acclaimed classics, COMET is the ultimate home of sci-fi and horror… and it’s all totally free, no subscriptions needed.

YOU DON’T NEED A SUBSCRIPTION TO WATCH THESE GREAT MOVIES… THEY’RE AIRING FOR FREE ON COMET!



One lucky Kindertrauma reader will get all of this:

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Tags: Kindertrauma Funhouse

Name That Werewolf Movie!

November 4th, 2016 · 12 Comments

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Tags: Kindertrauma Funhouse

Happy Halloween, 2016! Love, Kindertrauma

October 31st, 2016 · 4 Comments

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Tags: Holidays

Kindertrauma Jukebox:: Total Coelo “Dracula’s Tango”

October 31st, 2016 · No Comments

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Tags: Kindertrauma Jukebox

Almost Halloween Funhouse!

October 28th, 2016 · 15 Comments

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Tags: Kindertrauma Funhouse

Name That Trauma:: Becca M. on a Crazed Cuckoo Clock Creature

October 27th, 2016 · 4 Comments

I was watching a movie or TV show when I was young (behind the couch because my parents didn’t know I was watching). I am dying to know what it is and cannot find it anywhere! Two red eyes were glowing in the middle of a cuckoo clock. A red imp/demon/thing comes out of it and stands next to a teddy bear. It grew claws and its eyes started growing red as well. I believe there is also a baby lying on the bed watching it all happen. It’s not cat eyes (although really similar cinematography) and I don’t believe it’s the pit because I can’t find that scene. I can’t find any record of it!

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Tags: Name That Trauma!

PUFF Piece: Dead Bodies, Night of Something Strange, Bad Blood and We Go On

October 26th, 2016 · 2 Comments

Poor me because I have to sit back and watch all my pals in L.A., New York and even Texas get to see all the cool movies! Although my beloved city of Philadelphia is certainly rich in pretzels and cheez whiz, it’s got little to brag about in the movie going options department. So thank God for the glass of Gatorade in a smoldering Sahara that is PUFF (Philadelphia Unnamed Film Festival)! And extra props to them for spinning their web so close to Kindertrauma Castle (at both the awesome CINEMUG (a video store/ coffee joint!) and ADOBE CAFÉ (which is kinda like the cantina from STAR WARS) rather than forcing me to travel to some scary part of the city (anyplace more than 5 blocks away). Before I say something that gets me run out of town, here are four fine flicks that I was lucky enough to catch!

DEAD BODY (2015) (TRAILER)

This one was irresistibly billed as a cross between FRIDAY THE 13TH and CLUE and that’s a fair assessment that makes me want to redundantly add it’s got a strong APRIL FOOL’S DAY vibe as well. Anyone who grew up watching VHS rentals of assorted couples fleeing a faceless killer in the woods will feel snug as a bug in a rug. My only problem with this enjoyable throwback is that the identity of the killer is kind of obvious from the get go. I’m not saying that to impress you with how smart I am because I’m not smart. I’m actually really gullible when it comes to being out maneuvered by a movie. Unfortunately, all of my wishes that I wasn’t right and all of my prayers that I’d ultimately do a spit take and fall off my chair were in vain. Still, there are plenty of twists and surprises to keep you on your toes and I can’t say I’ve ever witnessed a nail-gun being used to such grueling effect before.

NIGHT OF SOMETHING STRANGE (2016) (TRAILER)

This movie is a disgusting, boldly repulsive potato sack filled with vile, stinky, politically incorrect garbage- I loved it! Strange, I know. And my positive reaction makes even less sense when you consider that this deadly sexually transmitted disease flick doesn’t operate much unlike your standard contagious zombie stomp. But I have to say, something about the consistency of this oddity’s brazenness won me over. Even though it often skates thin ice with the subject matter, it never comes off mean spirited and its devotion to nausea keeps it from feeling too skeevy. Yes, the filmmakers obviously have it in mind to shock and gall the viewer but not in the condescending way I tend to hate. It’s almost TROMA-esque in that regard. More importantly for my special effects loving heart, the goopy and gory NIGHT OF SOMETHING STRANGE excels at the same fantastic, freakishly fluid paranoid silly-putty body horror that drove such classics as THE THING (1982) and SOCIETY (1989). It’s exactly the type of rib tickling, stomach churning mayhem that fans often beg for but seldom get.

BAD BLOOD: THE MOVIE (2016) (TRAILER)

I’m not sure I understood everything that happened in this movie but I am very sure that at one point somebody turned into a slimy giant were-frog creature and proceeded to chase a panicked kid on his bike down a suburban street. Spoiler Alert: It’s not the slimy were-frog creature that ends up croaking (slapping my knee). There’s a sweet, mad-science comic book vibe hopping on this lily pad and the buzzing retro score is out this world. It’s hard to argue with a film that’s got the good taste to pay tribute to the fluorescent works of STUART GORDON while balancing horror and humor in the style of JOE DANTE (or so I’ve been “toad”… Hahaha… help me).

WE GO ON (2016) (TRAILER)

I had to see this one, it’s from the same folks (JESSE HOLLAND and ANDY MITTON) who did YELLOWBRICKROAD, a movie that gave me plenty to gripe about (as you can see in this review HERE) but ended up haunting me anyway. I’m happy to tell you that WE GO ON is exactly what I‘d hope for as there are far less issues for me to bark about and yet the nagging uncomfortable existential dread that chilled me in YELLOWBRICKROAD is back and then some. This here is just a wonderful ghost story that remarkably pushes the ancient art form into spaces I have never seen it occupy before. It’s all about the pluses and minuses in believing in the great beyond and it pushes the idea that the further you step into the unknown the more you may find your safe seat of sanity dissolving in this plane.

Most importantly, WE GO ON features the immensely talented ANNETTE O’TOOLE (CAT PEOPLE). If anybody reading this is in the business of nominating actors for their work in genre films, let me tell you, O’TOOLE deserves accolades and a half for her flawless work here. She’s so darn good and she’s in some fine company; CLARK FREEMAN and LAURA HEISLER who were both in YELLOWBRICKROAD are welcome returners and as if we could dare ask for more, living legend JOHN (GREMLINS 2) GLOVER is on hand to steal a few scenes too. If you prefer the chilly, cerebral, slow boil side of the horror bed you should tuck yourself into WE GO ON as soon as you can. It has so much more to offer than scares, it’s the type of horror movie that keeps you up at night trying to close the doors it opened in your head. Personally, I can’t wait to see what path these two filmmakers take us down next.

Hey, it looks like I enjoyed all four films with some extra affection for NIGHT OF SOMETHING STRANGE’s flippant midnight movie lewdness and WE GO ON’s stellar acting, profound themes and lingering chills. If you’re keeping score that’s four movies in one weekend festival that were more satisfying than the last four hype-scams I caught in the local multiplex. Oh, and I got to drink beer and eat nachos too! Thank you PUFF for advancing the Philly movie scene or for at least greatly elevating my pre-Halloween horror film intake! What would I have done without you?

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Tags: General Horror