Lee Cronin's The Mummy
There’s always room in my heart for another creepy killer kid flick but LEE CRONIN'S THE MUMMY had me scratching my head so much you’d think a scarab crawled under my hat. There are some rich, intriguing elements dealing with the dread, repulsion and guilt that accompany the caretaking of a sick loved one yet much of it unravels when faced with even the slightest scrutiny and baffling character behavior reigns. For the most part, I have no idea why this movie insists on presenting itself as a mummy movie when mummies seem to be the furthest thing on its mind. Sure, there’s some Egyptian curses involved and a sarcophagus nearly lands on someone’s head but they mostly come off as decorative quota fillers. Spiritually, this movie has much more in common with Stephen King's PET SEMATARY and its too bad they didn’t just go with another title (THE RETURNED, THE CURSED, THE TAKEN etc.) to avoid expectations.
Cronin’s movie is really about a grieving family who lose their child to a kidnapper, get her back eight years later and then find out maybe they’d all be better off if she had stayed lost (much like his earlier work A HOLE IN THE GROUND (2019)). The child in question evokes much of the same type of discomfort as PET SEMATARY’s kindertrauma legend “Zelda” in that she’s creepy as hell and inspires extreme emotions ranging from absolute revulsion to cautious compassion and then back to pure nausea again. There’s a lot of body horror involved and like David Cronenberg’s THE FLY (’86), it raises the question of how long you can keep loving someone that is changing into something else. The atmosphere of sickness and death is palpable but thankfully Cronin injects enough morbid black humor to keep things from becoming too dire. It’s a rough ride though, especially for anyone who has had to deal with an ailing loved one before.
MIDSOMMAR’s Jack Reynor does an excellent job portraying the father but at the end of the day his biggest obstacle is the script rather than his seemingly possessed child. Every possible bad decision seems to be made by the characters and its almost like they’re all suffering from collective amnesia. I don’t even understand how the child Katie (Natalie Grace) is even allowed out of the hospital looking and acting like she does. I know the state of health care in America is dismal but Katie surely required a bit more healing before discharge. The doctors don’t even bother to clip her twisted toenails which leads to a very effective and yet very illogical scene. All I can do is recommend that you chalk up the slew of inconsistencies as “nightmare logic” and try not to think about how so little of the film makes sense or why nobody behaves in a way that resembles reality as we know it.
Maybe I was just lucky enough to see LEE CRONIN’S THE MUMMY with a game, lively audience but I rather enjoyed it even while marveling at the quantity of incongruities it shovels. Flaws aside, It’s got more than a few memorably gruesome set pieces, the mood is genuinely unnerving and the performances are above standard. I really dig Cronin’s style and wicked morbidness but someone might suggest to him there’s no shame in dialing up a script doctor. If you enjoyed EVIL DEAD RISE (2023) this is not much of a drop off and could have been something really special if they skipped the unnecessary globetrotting and kept the mummy angle under wraps.
Name That Trauma:: Scott on an Alien Commercial
Hi KT Team,
When I was young, probably somewhere between 3 and 6 (1989-1992) I was home sick with my grandmother. I was watching a claymation movie on tv about an older man and his hot air balloon. A commercial came on that traumatized me and left me scared of aliens. I can only relay what I remember filtered through a young child’s eyes and 35 years. The commercial seemed to be for alien insurance or a protection program or something. It almost felt like a psa. It warned of all the risks aliens presented. Showed a series of headshots of the various species of alien that parents had to worry about. All were variations on the classic grey alien. It had a white washed scene of human scientists working in a lab. It ended with a mother and her young daughter. The daughter was playing with a top and the mom left the room for a moment. When she returned, all that remained was the spinning top. The girl was gone. It may have been a promo for a show or movie or something, but if it was that aspect was lost on me.
I’d love any help you community could offer in identifying what the heck I saw.
Many thanks!
Scott
Name That Trauma:: R.B. on a Picnic Gone Wrong
I am looking for a TV-movie, or an episode of an anthology, that I saw when I was very young. I remember there was a man and woman having a picnic with their dog. The dog ran off and entered a spooky gothic house. The couple followed, there were some scares, and when they tried to leave, they opened the front door to find a brick wall. This aired at night on TV in Southern California, some time between 1981-1983. – R.B.
Kindertrauma Funhouse
Ready Or Not 2: Here I come & They Will Kill You
2019’s READY OR NOT is a blend of kill or be killed motifs lifted from THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME dunked in seventies era occult paranoia and TOM & JERRY level violent slapstick. The jewel in its crowd-pleasing crown is a fierce performance by Samara Weaving portraying a betrayed woman on her wedding day forced to fight for her life against a horde of lunatic in-laws. Having ended on the most satisfying note possible (lone survivor Grace (Weaving) smoking the most deserved cigarette since Veronica (Winona Ryder) Sawyer’s at the climax of HEATHERS (’88)), it wasn’t exactly begging for a rinse and repeat sequel but fortunately, its continuation READY OR NOT 2: HERE I COME (which starts exactly where the previous flick left off) ups the ante on all counts, adds a few more vibrantly threatening and/or hilarious characters and may even be the finer outing at the end of the day. I’m not exactly loving the fact that now, seven years later, the idea of rich elites hunting humans to sacrifice to a demon in exchange for power has somehow become less fantastical and more likely than before, but here we are. For me, the most important factor in a survival/revenge movie is its comeuppance quota and there’s no question that RON2:HIC delivers on that front.
As prescribed by HALLOWEEN II (not to mention COLD PREY 2), it’s off to the hospital for unsinkable, blood-soaked heroine Grace where she meets up with estranged sister Faith (FREAKY’s Kathryn Newton) who she neglected to delete from her emergency contact information. Insults, accusations and recounting flashbacks collide as the two siblings catch each other up to speed. The family reunion is short lived when a would be assassin (rightful heir to Christopher Waken’s hand-me downs Kevin (CLOWN IN A CORNFIELD, ABIGAIL) Durand shows up to sever any loose ends hanging from Grace’s unprecedented survival of a worldwide Satanic Cult ritual. Please don’t make me explain the knotty intricacies, rules and technicalities involved in the curse-sport depicted, just know that it allows awesome people to participate like horror legend David Cronenberg as a psychotic patriarch who sired kids the likes of Sarah Michelle Gellar (BUFFY, SCREAM 2, IKWYDLS) and THE FACULTY’s Shawn Hatosy. Heck, this action/horror hybrid hootananny even secured such guests as MANIAC (2012)’s Elijah Wood and BATES (still miss this show) MOTEL’s Nester Carbonell! Not sure if it’s ethical for the casting director to read my diary, but I’m not complaining. Seeing all these fine folks butting heads on the big screen is like watching CLUE (’85), a star studded disaster film, and an exceptional episode of FANTASY ISLAND (which if I’m not wrong, played the DANGEROUS GAME card on multiple occasions) all at once. Ya can’t beat that.
READY OR NOT 2 is as much riotous fun as the snappy jaunt it spawned from but I’d say much more adept at exploring the benefits and deep pitfalls of family ties. Gellar is a standout as an ice queen who’ll stomp on anyone to retain power and Hatosy is uncomfortably scary as her sadistic, sociopath brother. Weaving and Newton make a great pair especially when handcuffed together a’la THE DEFIANT ONES or cracking skulls to the tune of Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart” (which is becoming a go-to horror staple after previous needle drops in URBAN LEGEND (’98) & overachiever THE STRANGERS: PREY AT NIGHT (2028). Considering the wedding ballroom location and the sisterhood angle, I would have gone with Sister Sledge’s “We are Family” but nobody asked me).
Poor THEY WILL KILL YOU! It’s a fantastic movie but somebody really messed up allowing it to be released so soon after RON2! Even if one could get past the fact both flicks are about surviving the night against a Satanic cult while kicking around themes involving exploitive class divides, the emotional heart of each film revolves around estranged sisters, the younger of whom resents being abandoned. It’s like the same banger song sung two wildly different ways. Both are equally worthy, but it’s gotta be disheartening being the second horse out of the gate, especially when the enthusiasm for the first horse wasn’t exactly off the charts. TWKY needn’t sweat it though, time will be kind and it won’t be much of a shock if this artsy, action packed also ran becomes a cult favorite somewhere down the line. My psychic prediction is that Director Kirill Sokolov will make a highly regarded masterpiece in the future and then folks will scramble around looking to check out his gutsy earlier work.
This is a gorgeous movie with rich dark, earthy hues that resemble a Goya painting and the sound design and use of edgy innovative music is phenomenal. We’re talking SUSPIRIA (’77) level eye-candy partnered with KILL BILL-esque over the top fighting sequences. It’s got a dark, gloomy occultist vibe akin to Alex de la Iglesia’s THE DAY OF THE BEAST (’95) and is generous with the gore in a way that recalls Peter Jackson’s BRAIN DEAD (’92). The SUSPIRIA nods continue as NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3: THE DREAM WARRIOR’s Patricia Arquette plays a queen bee marm who sorta channels Joan Bennett’s Madame Blanc and oversees an ancient Manhattan high rise secretly operating as a Satanic temple of sorts (shades of 2004’s TOOLBOX MURDERS). She’s even got a creepy kid sidekick (yet another note shared by RON2)! It’s all good stuff and I trust it will be properly appreciated one day. Twin movies are nothing new (looking at you VOLCANO & DANTE’S PEAK (both '97), not to mention DEEP IMPACT & ARMAGEDDON (both '98) et. al.) so rather than lament this duo’s accidental yet indisputable similarities (Oh, now I’m thinking of FRIDAY THE 13th (’80) & THE BURNING (’81) and my beloved hell party doppelgängers HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME (’81) and MADHOUSE (’81) ), I’ll just rejoice that they’d make an excellent double feature (preferably at a drive-in).
Undertone
I was on the fence about seeing UNDERTONE because even though critics seemed to be digging it for the most part, I was noticing it was divisive among horror fans in a very familiar way. This seems to happen a lot with small scale, intimate flicks that rely on viewers imagination/participation more than anything else. My track record with such movies is pretty spotty and unpredictable. I find THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT terrifying to this day while some people find it boring (I blame my deep fear of being lost- I have nightmares involving that predicament all the time). Some folks were terrified of PARANORMAL ACTIVITY but I never got that movie at all and sorta resented feeling jerked around by it ( I partially blame my strong aversion to the characters who seemed to be begging for trouble). I coerced a friend to drive me miles to go see SKINAMARINK and I’ll never hear the end of it even though I absolutely related to the childhood fears it stoked (though I also think it would be better suited to an art installation rather than a movie theater). (Semi) recently I was quietly chilled by Steven Soderbergh’s PRESENCE only to find many found it completely confounding. Seems like you just can’t predict how one of these deliberately ambiguous movies will hit you and who knows how much mood, life experience and current willingness to empathize effect the end results.
But then then the movie stopped and the harshest of lights went on in my theater as an emergency siren began to wail and a new voice boomed demanding that I go to the nearest exit as soon as possible! This has happened to me at least five times in my life beginning with a 1988 showing of MIRACLE MILE and always at the worst possible time! My go-to movie joint is in a mall and seems to be extra susceptible to this kind of disturbance. I should be used to this type of thing but with the world the way it is, I don’t feel like messing around with what could be an active shooter or let’s say, a nuclear warhead. So I high tailed it and came back later for a free voucher which I was begrudgingly given (apparently it was a short lived interruption and they started the movie back up exactly where they left off but sadly I happened to be in a “feet don’t fail me now” state of mind). Now, usually I would not dare write about a movie that I did not see in its entirety because the last ten minutes could conceivably make or break a film but in this case, I feel reasonably safe to recommend it on account of both roving reporter Mickster AND trusted Kindertrauma contributor Small Dark Cloud assuring me that having seen the full movie, they both give it two thumbs (or maybe ears in this case) up! The Honorable thing for me to do is use my voucher to indeed catch the last ten minutes of UNDERTONE as agreed but nope, I’m going to use it to see READY OR NOT 2: HERE I COME instead cuz I’m cheap and I can’t wait to see Sara Michelle Gellar on the big screen again (if this negatively effects READY OR NOT 2’s box office take , I am truly sorry). Perhaps after RON2 I will attempt to sneak in and catch UNDERTONE’s finale at last. One thing is for sure, I can’t stop thinking about it and that’s always a good thing.
Traumafession:: E. T. was Extra Terrifying! By Poke Trekkie
When I was a child, I only knew one horror movie, which was Gremlins, a movie that gave me nightmares for years. I thought nothing could ever scare me more than that one, but I was wrong. And it wasn't even a horror movie. One day my best friend brought her VHS tape of E.T. The Extraterrestrial, and we watched it together. I don't remember what I thought about the movie itself, or what I expected going into the movie, but I remember just how terrified of E.T. I was. In the beginning, when Elliott discovered him in his garden and you could barely see him, I was hoping I wouldn't get a clearer view, I didn't WANT to see him. Then, the scene of E.T. screaming in the field, briefly illuminated by a flashlight. I wasn't able to take a second look at this scene for years afterwards, I had to cover my eyes and ears each time. That was the worst one, but almost every single shot of E.T. gave me chills. Even though I was so extremely scared, my friend and I somehow ended up watching this movie multiple times every month for a few years, until her VHS tape broke down and became unwatchable. During that time, I had three nightmares I remember very vividly. They were almost identical, I was sleeping in my bed in each of them and E.T. was sitting on my blanket, staring at me. In one of those dreams, I was trying to hide underneath the blanket and he was walking all over me, it felt extremely real and I can still feel the weight of his steps 18 years later. When I was a bit older and thought my fear was gone, I ended up sticking a picture of E.T. onto my wall, then had to sleep with lights on for months just to make sure the picture wouldn't move. Nowadays I own an E.T. plushie and cuddled it at night once. Only once because my fear resurfaced, which is wild considering I am an absolute horror movie junkie now and thought nothing could scare me anymore. I hold both of the before-mentioned movies very dear to my heart. No idea how that's even possible after so many sleepless childhood nights caused by them…
Scream 7
Does the highly successful SCREAM 7 deserve the pummeling it received from critics? Nah, not at all. It’s got a spooky, surprisingly mature melancholy vibe going for it, one of the best kills in the franchise (clearly inspired by the classic 1981 slasher MY BLOODY VALENTINE), one of the stronger opening set pieces and juggles themes concerning trust, the paranoia of parenthood, the threat of AI, post-trauma survival and toxic parasocial relationships fairly well (especially considering that its director, Kevin Williamson, is responsible for the cinematic detention known as TEACHING MRS TINGLE). It’s understandable that some folks might be reluctant to support the film on account of its lamentable behind the scenes drama (in a nutshell: Production company Spyglass Entertainment fired proposed returning actress Mellissa Barrera for speaking her mind, lost co-star Jenna Ortega and the creatives known as Radio Silence due to their solidarity with her, and caused a complete upheaval of the planned trilogy story arc). Personally though, I’m far too invested in the long running SCREAM franchise to consider a boycott. It takes many, many folks to make a movie so my attendance is officially in support of the film career of newbie horror icon McKenna (ANNABELLE COMES HOME) Grace and frankly, I need to know what my boo Gale Weathers is up to (It helps that avoiding unpleasant reality is a specialty of mine). Anyway, it turns out that all the negative energy surrounding the flick kept my expectations duly in check and as much as I enjoyed recent SCREAMs 5 & 6, I ended up digging 7 even more. It’s got an eerie, quieter tone (similar to my faves the OG & Part 4 ) and I didn’t miss the sometimes overly flashy and chaotic (too lively for gramps) beat of the previous two entries.
Venerable “celebrity victim” Sidney Prescott (properly paid her worth, Neve Campbell) is back and seemingly following in the luckless (yet pleasingly autumnal) footsteps of final squirrel Laurie Strode (preparing for the inevitable a’ la 2018's HALLOWEEN and pissing off her overprotected child a’ la ’98’s H2O… sans the problem drinking, self sabotage and questionable hair). Like many successful authors, she’s gone and opened a coffee shop (?) in a small town to raise her daughter Tatum (a surprisingly engaging Isabel May) hopefully in a murderer-free environment. Tatum seems a bit too tall to be Sid’s kid until you learn her cop-pop Mark Evans is played by longshanks Joel McHale ( I easily accept Joel as a police officer thanks to 2014’s DELIVER US FROM EVIL). Unsurprisingly, suburban harmony is short lived when one of Tatum’s besties Hannah (aforementioned horror royalty McKenna Grace) is heartlessly slaughtered while rehearsing for a high school production of Peter Pan (in which Tatum plays the dog). Who is responsible for this SCOOBY DOO calamity? Stalwarts Gale Weathers (Queen Courtney Cox with a killer entrance) and sidekick Meeks-Martin sibs Mindy & Chad ( Jasmin Savoy Brown & Mason Gooding) provide back-up in the search for multiple red herrings and iffy clues. Happily for me, no wheels are attempted to be reinvented and the entire cast is much more likable than usual, Sidney especially. Gone are Sid’s hemming and hawing quirky mannerisms and instead what stands before us is a take no crap momma bear we can all be proud of. She’s straight forward, direct and focused on others besides herself. I think this my favorite iteration of her and that’s saying a lot.
Maybe I’m just half glass full rationalizing, but did things somehow (no thanks to the powers that be) work out for the best? At least in the fictional SCREAM universe? By sitting out the last installment (due to a warranted salary dispute) Neve/Sidney developed a strong, returning champion status and solidifies further audience loyalty and appreciation. By not returning here the Carpenter sisters Sam and Tara ( Barrera & Ortega) avoid bummer fates (Tara was set to die, Sam was to become a killer bent on revenge) and provide some much needed space to focus on the Heckle and Heckle comedic stylings of the suddenly much more endearing Meeks-Martin twins Chad & Mindy (Mason Gooding and Jasmin Savoy Brown). If things had gone as planned, I’m not sure we would have gotten a glimpse into what I think may be the present heart of the series, the the reluctant yet powerful friendship and comradery between Sidney and Gale. At one point Sid describes their relationship as “complicated but enduring” and I found that strangely affecting (not sure if credit goes to Williamson or reliable Guy (FINAL DESTINATION: BLOODLINES, ABIGAIL, READY OR NOT) Busick). Missed too probably would be Sid clarifying to her daughter that she named her after her BRAVE friend Tatum not her “victim” friend Tatum which I also found fortifying. Surely not all will agree, but as a lifelong slasher fan and SCREAM enthusiast since day one, I was very pleased with how 7 luckily hurdled every messy obstacle thrown its way. If I have one complaint, it’s only that Kirby Reed (Hayden Panettiere) wasn’t squeezed into the winning proceedings. Oh well, there’s always part 8 for that.
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