
I feel for the deranged fisherman with a hook in the latest ‘90s horror legacy sequel I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER cuz I relate to being incapable of getting over the past and I sorta want revenge for the injuries this flick inflicted upon me; most notably, extreme whiplash thanks to the drastic highs and lows it delivers. On one hand, it gifts a true magical mid-way sequence of such wonderful surreality that it’s destined for legendary status and on the other hand, some of the fireworks it attempts to ignite turn out to be lead balloons. For every delightful character there’s an irksome one, for every savage kill there’s a limp dispatch, for every perfectly constructed callback to the original, there’s a cringe-worthy ham-handed pander grenade. I’m saying it’s a bit uneven. Chef’s kiss in some areas and lunch lady slop in others. I’m not mad though, it’s a summer slasher revamp of a right place at the right time hit that always lived in the shadow of SCREAM so expectations deserve to be kept in check. I do admire its sheer audacity even if its wheels are a tad wobbly at times.

Again a group of friends are left with a moral dilemma after some dubious vehicular choices. Sadly, this time around the propelling accident is hardly their fault (imo) lessening the horror and the group are fine but hardly as charismatic as the classic crew. Par for the course, threatening notes are received, interesting characters are slain too early (RIP freaky true crime podcaster Tyler (Gabbriette Bechtel)) and Scooby Doo level detective work ensues. Maybe I’m just an old curmudgeon (scratch the maybe) but even though I understand it’s imperative to the plot, the switch from highly textured and atmospheric working class surroundings to a glossy, angular LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS backdrop takes it’s toll. There’s a certain amount of relatability that’s lost but maybe that’s just my feeling of disconnect to the intended generation Z audience. The elements that unnerved me in the original like that shady cameo by Anne Heche and the smelly trunk full of crabs are replaced by shiny churches, glass mansions and lame engagement parties. I gotta say though, I did dig the pop music playlist in this one more than the original so maybe I’m not quite dead yet.

As far as my fellow old-timers go, I enjoyed seeing Julie James (Jennifer Love Hewitt) transform from a wispy whiner to a wise, level headed, no more F’s to give, trauma-expert and doe-eyed pup Roy (Freddy Prinze Junior) becoming a rough around the edges paternal salt of the earth bar-owner. On the down side, some of the editing leaps all over the place making it feel like there were important connective scenes excised. Without getting into spoilers, some of the murders leave gasp-worthy visual aftermaths and some come across as tame enough for MURDER SHE WROTE’s Cabot Cove. There’s nothing here remotely as thrilling as the Helen Shivers (Sarah Michelle Gellar) stalking scene in the OG but there’s nothing as eye-rolling as STILL’s “Ben’s Son/Benson” reveal either. The killer reveal here is going to be divisive for sure but I’m OK with it as it amounted to some extra scene-chewing for all involved. Ultimately, this is an OK enough fast food diversion even if some of the almost non-human dialogue may leave you scratching your head afterwards. If nothing else, this earnest (director /co-writer Jennifer Kaytin Robinson is clearly a fan) salute to the original hit and its middling sequel (we as a society have collectively decided the third never happened) delivers one absolutely gonzo scene that felt like a hug from the slasher gods and an amusing coda that could be a springboard for more. It’s a cruel, so-so summer but there are enough bright spots to make the trip worthwhile.

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