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Official Traumatizer :: Large Marge

June 8th, 2008 by aunt john · 3 Comments

large marge
If your Aunt John learned anything regarding cross-country bicycle reconnaissance missions from 1985’s PEE WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE, it would be two simple things:

  1. There is no basement in the Alamo.
  2. Should you ever find yourself stranded on a deserted highway after falling off a cliff in a convertible with a mysteriously sexy prison escapee, never EVER hitch a ride in a big rig with a corpulent lady trucker who goes by the handle Large Marge.

You see, the Large Marges patrolling the interstates might seem like nice, flannel-clad Samaritans when you first climb into their rigs, but don’t be fooled. Sure, they’ll drive you to the next rest stop where you might hit it off with a Francophile waitress, but not before they subject you to this TRAUMATIZING tale:

On this very night…
10 years ago…
Along the same stretch of road…
In a dense fog…
Just like this…
I saw the worst accident I ever seen…
There was this sound…
Like a garbage truck!
Dropped off the Empire State Building!
And when they finally pulled the driver’s body…
From the twisted… burning… wreck…
It looked like… THIS!!!!!!

large marge

Should you disregard my warning and take a such a ride, please don’t introduce yourself at the next rest stop restaurant by brazenly announcing, “LARGE MARGE SENT ME!” You’ll be coldly greeted by gasps and sideways stares.

r.i.p. large marge

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Tags: Traumatizers

3 responses so far ↓

  • 1 micksterNo Gravatar // Jun 8, 2008 at 10:23 pm

    I remember going to see this movie summer of 1985. I had originally wanted to see Fright Night, but unfortunately, my best friend couldn’t pass for seventeen as I could at the tender age of fourteen. However, I digress, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure ended up being an awesome movie. I laughed so hard that I almost wet my pants. One other thing I learned besides the two you discussed, Aunt John, was that if you ever knock over the motorcycles of the Satan’s Helpers just borrow some groovy white platform shoes, queue up “Tequila”  on the jukebox, and dance on the bar smashing things. Next thing you know they will be helping you look for your missing bicycle.

  • 2 aunt johnNo Gravatar // Jun 9, 2008 at 10:33 am

    @ mickster: Ahhh yes, thanks for bringing this to my attention. The big shoe dance has gotten your Aunt John out of many a motorcycle gang jam while “TRYING TO USE THE PHONE!

  • 3 blueroc85No Gravatar // Oct 10, 2010 at 9:14 pm

    I love Pee Wee’s Big Adventure! My brother would always hide right before the above scene with Large Marge came on. I would have to tell him when that part was over so he could finish watching the rest of the movie.

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