Rob Zombie’s Halloween

rob zombie halloween kids who kill woods
No, It’s not a masterpiece like the original. Gone is the pitch perfect ominous supernatural dread. Gone is the focus on the stalwart Laurie Strode. In it’s place is debatably the most interesting portrayal of a child killer in years. Before scoffing imagine Zombie’s haunted hay ride without it’s impossible to live up to title, HALLOWEEN, you will see the tale of a harassed child who snaps completely and a mother who desperately clings to the hope that her son is not lost forever to mental illness. Zombie’s white trash environment was widely criticized for being a cheap tack on catalyst for lil’ Mikey’s madness. I don’t read it that way. His siblings share a similar upbringing without a hint of the same affliction. In fact, young Michael has no memory of his actions and explicitly wants to return home and be with the family he still imagines alive. No, the roots of his behavior do not involve druid style mumbo jumbo, but he is taken over by a nameless something that still fits snugly inside the definition of EVIL. DAEG FAERCH’s heartbreaking portrayal is original in the annals of horror, with his soft features and sensitive disposition towards his mother (“I like your hair curly. It’s pretty.”) He is the antithesis of the robotic, cut in stone child demons that are usually displayed in movies like THE OMEN or THE VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED. When Michael reaches adulthood the second half of the film concerns the events we are more familiar with, but the shells in this game are switched around enough that you never really know what’s going to happen. Laurie bringing Lindsey BACK home to the Wallace’s to check on Annie? Brilliant. Credit should also be given for the more brutal and realistic violence. Usually In slasher movies victims go down quickly and easily. A simple machete to the face and they’ll even pose for you so can place them in a make shift shrine. These victims convulse, shake, squirm and crawl away just like real ones and the result is visceral and disturbing. In my book, Zombie’s meta take easily achieves the gonzo schlocky pandemonium of a real honest to goodness horror film, the kind of which there are far too few. I agree the ham fisted editing does weaken the theatrical version, but the director’s work-print closes with a much more touching and enduring finale involving a voice over from Mike and Dr.Loomis’s first session together. As the audio rolls we hear Faerch’s pip-squeak voice intone “Hi, I’m Micheal Myers…” Was his performance enough to convince me of that fact? To quote from the original film: “As a matter of fact…it was.”

  • “Love hurts” Zombie may never live it down but it’s a counterintuitive choice that genuinely lingers
  • Bully gets his comeuppance in the woods. If you say you didn’t enjoy this scene as much as I did you are a liar
  • Tiny Mike in giant mask
  • Lil’ Mike takes care of the nurse followed by an ear maddening siren blare
  • Many people THINK about blowing their brains out when watching home movies. Mommy Moon doesn’t just think about it, she DOES it!


halloween laurie strode class fate child abuse
We were moved by this Traumafession. Even though it saddened us, we think it illustrates just how cathartic and even inspiring a well done horror film can be.

The first time I saw HALLOWEEN it was on television and I was babysitting two kids at the time! Of course I immediately identified and was moved by Laurie’s sense of responsibility towards the kids in her care. I’ve probably watched it once a year ever since. It wasn’t until later in life that I realized that I related to her for another reason altogether. I grew up in a very abusive household. Running around the halls of a suburban house screaming for my life was like second nature to me. The scene that I love the most is when Laurie is in class and her teacher is talking about how fate is an unmovable object. Laurie has no idea what fate has in store for her that Halloween night; that she is going to have to transform herself to survive. She was and is a hero of mine because she grabbed that knitting needle, because she grabbed that clothes hanger, because she became someone she never knew she was.

Something Wicked This Way Comes


Something wicked Ray bradbury scary circus
 In Greentown, Illinois, October is a brisk month punctuated by the arrival of traveling lightening rod sales and carnivals. One by one, assorted townsfolk are granted wishes on the midway of Dark’s Pandemonium Carnival; for example, the ugly schoolmarm wants her beauty restored, the dual-amputee barkeep wants his limbs back so he can relive the glory days of short-lived football stardom, and the virginal barber wants to get with some ladies. Preteen pals Will Halloway and Jim Nightshade quickly discover the dark side to this freaky Make-A-Wish-Into-A-Nightmare-Foundation, and find themselves being hunted by the carnival’s sinister proprietor Mr. Dark (JONATHAN PRYCE). Will’s over-the-hill father (JASON ROBARDS) teams up with the boys to bring the calliope crashing to the ground.


    • Jim & Will’s shared spider nightmare
    • PAM GRIER as the saucy soothsayer with the glowing eyes
    • The creepy ginger-haired kid who breaks the window with a rock
    • The meltdown of merry-go-round time machine
    • Mr. Dark’s “Have You Seen These Boys?” hand-inked jobs


    wicked tattoo ray bradbury

    TRAUMAFESSION :: Kinderpal Claire on POLTERGEIST


    poltergeist clown scary clown doll

    POLTERGEIST, 1982, had to be the scariest movie ever. I remember watching the movie with my 4 brothers. I was 7-years-old at the time. For me, there are a countless number of things in that movie which just scare the living crap out of me even to this day. One scene in particular that I will never forget is when little Robbie Freeling (played by OLIVER ROBBINS) was attacked by his toy clown. I sat watching the scene with my hands over my eyes. When I was brave enough to spread my fingers for a quick moment or two, I caught glimpses of the epic battle of boy vs. his clown. Glimpses were all I needed to firmly cement my fear of clowns. To add to the trauma, my brothers told me that my Strawberry Shortcake dolls were going to attack me … just like the clown attacked little Robbie. I went to bed that night with my Strawberry Shortcake dolls stuffed away in the closet and my Father lying on the floor in between myself and the closest. I wouldn’t go to bed without him there. “But what if my Strawberry Shortcake dolls attack me?” I cried. As I drifted off to sleep that night secure in the knowledge that my Father was there to protect me should my Strawberry Shortcake dolls decide to attack, he laid on the floor chain smoking Marlboros, cursing my brothers, and counting the minutes until dawn.





    rikki tikki tavi scary cobra
     This 1975 CHUCK JONES animated telling of RUDYARD KIPLING’s short story from THE JUNGLE BOOK features two villains capable of sending any child into retreat. The husband and wife tag-team terror strikers were named Nag and Nagaina and they were scary as hell cobras. With piercing eyes and hissing voices, they planned a heinous home invasion that, if successful, would leave a family of three dead. Of course all such plans are laid to waste as each of them are disposed of by the adorable and heroic mongoose named Rikki-Tikki-Tavi.INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

    • Rikki stomps sand snake Karait
    • Nag’s late night siege of the bathroom
    • Terror in the gazebo
    • The Rickster uses Nagaina’s egg as bait

    Trilogy Of Terror


    zuni doll karen black trilogy of terror
     Anyone who wants to hear about the first two stories in this trilogy raise your hand…anybody?…nobody? But they really showcase the talent of KAREN BLACK! No? Alright, I’ll make it quick. In the first one she plays a dowdy spinster who’s really a man-eater type hussy and in the second one she plays a dowdy spinster who’s ALSO a man-eater type hussy. (It’s like trying to watch MARY REILLY and PRETTY WOMAN at the same time with your eyes crossed). Now on to the yummy gravy. In the third installment she is cast (against type) as a relatively normal human. She’s not a hussy, though her mom thinks she is and she’s not a spinster because her hair is not in a bun and she doesn’t wear glasses. She’s also branching out with a new love interest, an anthropologist who she purchased a lovely Zuni fetish doll for. Most of this information is told to us via a phone conversation with her unseen ma who seems to keep her offspring on a pretty tight umbilical cord. After conveying to her mother that she’s an adult and capable of handing herself “Amelia” prepares a bath, but not before she knocks the little gold necklace off the doll. Thing is, the doll came with a note that explained the jewelry was keeping the tchotchke from coming to life. What follows is a whirlwind of gnashing teeth, swinging blades and wince inspiring screeches and gnarls as Zuni seems determined to illustrate mom’s point of view that Amelia should have never left the nest. It doesn’t matter how old you are, or how may times you’ve seen this RICHARD MATHESON penned tellevision movie, when this knee-high Tasmanian devil hits full tilt boogie mode you’ll either be on the edge of your seat or lifting your feet away from the bottom of the couch.


      • Blade under bathroom door
      • He can work doorknobs!
      • Lil’ Zuni doll cutting through suitcase
      • BLACK squatting on the floor pounding her blade in anticipation of mom’s arrival
      • BLACK‘s new dental work

    Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark


    kim darby vs small tiny chimney monsters
    On the surface, Sally Farnham (KIM DARBY) seems to have it all. Married to the overly ambitious Alex, a lawyer desperately trying to make partner at his firm, Sally has the free time to redecorate the ginormous estate she just inherited from her late grandmother. She even has the economic clout to keep a maid, a handyman, and the highly coveted interior designer Francisco Perez, an expert in navy, browns, and candles on retainer. The one thing missing from her seemingly perfect life is a study, a place with enough room for a desk, some filing cabinets, and a fireplace. Judging from the exterior shots, it seems as though Sally could have her pick of over 300 different rooms that could readily satisfy her need for a home office. What Sally wants, Sally gets, and she is hell-bent on quenching her fireplace fixation by redecorating the downstairs study, long abandoned by her late grandfather. Despite repeated warnings from the handyman that, “Some things are better left as they are,” stubborn Sally opens the side panel on the bricked-up (with steel reinforcement no less) hearth. As a result of her one-woman renovation, Sally sends a generation of TV movie watchers scurrying for the light switch when she unleashes three of the creepiest lil’ photophobic demons that look like the California Raisins crossed with Boy George in Taboo make-up


      • The disembodied voices intoning, “Sally… Sally…Sally, we’re waiting for you”
      • Sally’s tug-of-war at the top stairs with the demons after her decorator takes a tumble
      • Sally’s futile attempt at fending off the demons with an Instamatic as they drag her towards the fireplace

      I Killed Three People! by Rynn Jacobs


      jodie foster kills little girl who lives down the lane
       Howdy folks, My name is Rynn Jacobs,(JODIE FOSTER)I just killed three people and I could give a flying fig newton. I had no choice really because people don’t seem to get that this is MY HOUSE! You see, my terminally ill father took his own life like many a great poet before him, but not before he made a plan to make sure I was well taken care of. We found a beautiful house in a seaside town and he paid the rent up front for three years. At 18 I could do want I want but pops wanted to make sure I didn’t have to go to public school where I would be taught by THEM. THEM are those who tell you what life is about so you never really find out for yourself. The first two kills were happy mistakes. My mother showed up one day with her bright red nail polish and it was clear she had “taking over” in mind. As instructed by my father I gave her some tea with a little powder he had prepared. She said it tasted like almonds before she keeled over. The second was the nasty Mrs. Hallet (a begging to be killed ALEXIS SMITH) who stomped in as if she owned the place and never once asked if she might. She found mom’s corpse in the cellar and when the cellar door knocked her on the head, she ended up lying right next to her. Don’t shed any tears for that one, she was a snobby racist who was always threatening to tell the schoolboard about me. The third was ALL my doing. Mrs. Hallet’s son Frank (sleezy MARTIN SHEEN), what a piece of work! I met him on my birthday, Halloween night. It was clear from the get go that he was a pervert. He also tripped my crippled magician confidant Mario (kinderidol SCOTT JACOBY) and killed my pet hamster Ralph by putting a cigarrette out on him! Plus I swear he was trying to cop a feel when he reached into my nightgown to inquire about my key necklace. What really signed the creep’s death certificate though was when he found out about my set-up and tried to blackmail me into being “his.” THE LITTLE GIRL WHO LIVES DOWN THE LANE don’t play that. How’s your tea Frank? No, that almond taste is NOT from the cookies! Tell your mom “Rynn says hi, and sorry about the jelly glasses!”