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Entries from April 2016

Let’s Go Crazy:: A Shining Prince Tribute

April 29th, 2016 · 5 Comments

Dearly beloved
We are gathered here today
To get through this thing called life

Electric word life
It means forever and that’s a mighty long time
But I’m here to tell you
There’s something else
The after world

A world of never ending happiness
You can always see the sun, day or night

So when you call up that shrink in Beverly Hills
You know the one, Dr. Everything’ll Be Alright
Instead of asking him how much of your time is left
Ask him how much of your mind, baby

‘Cause in this life
Things are much harder than in the after world
In this life
You’re on your own

And if the elevator tries to bring you down
Go crazy, punch a higher floor

If you don’t like the world you’re living in
Take a look around you
At least you got friends

You see I called my old lady
For a friendly word
She picked up the phone
Dropped it on the floor
(Ah, ah) is all I heard

Are we gonna let the elevator
Bring us down
Oh, no let’s go!

Let’s go crazy
Let’s get nuts
Let’s look for the purple banana
‘Til they put us in the truck, let’s go!

We’re all excited
But we don’t know why
Maybe it’s ’cause
We’re all gonna die

And when we do (When we do)
What’s it all for (What’s it all for)
You better live now
Before the grim reaper come knocking on your door

Tell me, are we gonna let the elevator bring us down
Oh, no let’s go!

Let’s go crazy
Let’s get nuts
Look for the purple banana
‘Til they put us in the truck, let’s go!

C’mon baby
Let’s get nuts
Yeah
Crazy

Let’s go crazy

Are we gonna let the elevator bring us down
Oh, no let’s go!
Go crazy

I said let’s go crazy (Go crazy)
Let’s go, let’s go
Go
Let’s go

Dr. Everything’ll be alright
Will make everything go wrong
Pills and thrills and daffodils will kill
Hang tough children

He’s coming

He’s coming

Coming

Take me away!

FIN

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Tags: Caution: I break for geniuses! · I Have No Idea What This Is · My own personal Jesus

Name That Trauma:: Buddo on a Giant Claw Weapon Trailer

April 28th, 2016 · 3 Comments

When I was a kid growing up in the 1970’s, only one movie theater in town was allowed to show DISNEY movies, and it was called the Manor Theater. In the 1980’s, it was featured briefly in the Stephen King feature CAT’S EYE, in the sequence where gamblers were laying odds on whether or not a frightened kitty cat could scurry across the street before being squashed by the oncoming downtown traffic.

The Manor was in the shady part of town, which always made it extra exciting when we’d go see DISNEY movies there, especially at night. I recall heading there to see 101 DALMATIANS with my family, and my dad’s sister’s family when it was re-released, and my Aunt Judy decided to sit in the back of the Station Wagon with us kids for some reason. Anyway, she dropped a hankie or something, and assumed it was beneath me, and was digging under my little butt for it until I got irritated and snapped, “Get your fanny out of my finger,” and everyone burst out laughing at my slip of the tongue.

Other than Disney movies, the Manor also showed B-movies on a regular basis, and eventually became the town’s first discount “Dollar Movie,” where my cousin and I last saw CLASH OF THE TITANS during its final run back in the 80’s, when I was a teenager. I recall seeing COMIN’ AT YA! in 3-D with my best friend there, but my strongest memory of the Manor was when I went to see THE ISLAND AT THE TOP OF THE WORLD there…(well, that, and an Easter Sunday Double Feature of the WITCH MOUNTAIN movies, which we talked the manager into letting us stay to see one more time; oh, what fun it was). Anyway…

Before the DISNEY features began, even before the cartoons they’d sometimes show, the Manor would occasionally regale us kids with trailers for more grown-up fare, which made a trip to that theater all the more provocative for us. Before ISLAND AT THE TOP OF THE WORLD began, I recall we’d decided to slip up to the balcony of the theater (another big treat for us, because we rarely got to do this), and with our Dip’n Stick candy in hand, we got ready for the show, and some possibly creepy movie trailers.

I do not know the name of the movie the trailer I’m writing about was, but I do know that it was an early 1970’s movie, and it was set in Africa – possibly during the historical time period when the British Army was having regular skirmishes with the Zulu tribes or other natives who rejected their presence. I recall seeing golden plains, a caravan of some sort, and African warriors in full regalia, including exquisite head-dressings, spears, shields, etc. Note that it was not ZULU DAWN, or ZULU! as I am familiar with them, but it had a very similar look. What stood out to me, though, was a close-up of a large weapon with a massive paw with giant claws that was suddenly hoisted into the air — zoomed in on, if I remember correctly – and then it strikes someone below. A woman, I think, who’s skirt has been torn from her in such a way as to expose her leg. As it slashes her leg, it leaves bloody tracks where the claws raised her flesh — and that’s all I remember, other than images of fire, and a battle sequence. Long story short: the trailer both fascinated and horrified me, and I’ve wanted to see that movie ever since… I have no idea if it was a major release, or a B-movie, or what — but I’ve not seen the trailer since I saw ISLAND AT THE TOP OF THE WORLD from that balcony in the Manor Theater. If anyone can tell me what the name of the movie was, I’s be forever grateful.

BUDDO – A regular here at our favorite childhood haunt.

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Tags: Name That Trauma!

Name That Trauma:: Warren F. on a Burnt Faced Boy

April 16th, 2016 · 2 Comments

Hello,

I’ve written to you before and you added my little archetypal childhood fear on your website. It was titled “confessions by Warren F.“, in it I related the story about a large muppet on “The Ed Sullivan Show” where Jim Henson had a “Gluttonous” huge puppet that ate “it’s own” smaller version of itself… you put this on your website and I thought that was really cool.

I have another memory of a movie where there is a boy who half of his face is “burned” or “mutilated” somehow. His eye on the messed up side is totally white. He is being followed or is leading a man into an area, and it starts to rain. When the rains begin the nearby “Black Boulders” start to absorb the water and to grow into huge columns that start to collapse and the man and the boy have to find safety…. I just wonder if anyone out there can help me with this obviously twisted but true memory?

Note: Today’s bumper images come courtesy of PAUL VERHOEVEN’s 1985 epic FLESH + BLOOD which stars BLADE RUNNER’s RUTGER HAUER and BRION JAMES, the always incredible JENNIFER JAON LEIGH and legendary Kindertrauma role model SUSAN TYRRELL! Check it out if you have not already because obviously it is awesome.

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Tags: Name That Trauma!

Name That 1987 Horror Flick!

April 15th, 2016 · 25 Comments

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Tags: Kindertrauma Funhouse

Traumafession:: Eric D. on Three on a Meathook

April 14th, 2016 · 3 Comments

We all know the cliche of the old man giving the “back in my day” rant. I never thought I’d reach the stage where I would be giving one of those rants, but its sad to think that kids don’t really care about film anymore, it doesn’t seem to effect them, so here goes…

I take pride in my love of film-I probably shouldn’t, but I do and in this crumbling, decaying wreck of a world in which we live, film helps to at least partially alleviate the general sense of doom and meaninglessness. Now when I hear people say they love film, I say “yeah? have you suffered for film?”

What I mean is; have you experienced pain and/or humiliation in service of film and used it to strengthen this love?

I have.

I had a ritual which consisted of going to the video store and browsing the shelves, sometimes for hours on end. That was my favorite thing in life. The horror section was naturally my second home and went through the entire selection several times over. I was and am obsessed with film.

I got in trouble for watching Friday the 13th Part 3 when I was a kid, aged no more than 4 or 5. My father had rented it for me and when my mom found out, she got so pissed that she actually smashed the tape right in front of me. That was an embarrassing moment; being marched into the video store, shattered VHS in hand, having to stand there while my mom screamed and cursed at the clerks for having rented it to me and apologizing for having destroyed the tape. They never did replace the tape and every time I conducted my ritual after that and seeing all the other Friday the 13th‘s present and accounted for; I felt like a friend had died.

Another time I got in trouble was when I was caught with the Regal Video VHS clam shell box of Three on a Meathook; which is a little known early entry into the backwoods slasher genre. The cover is pretty hardcore; two (why not three?) scantily clad and bloodied women being menaced by a gloved hand gripping a chain connected to a bloody hook (the blood of woman number 3 perhaps?).

Three on a Meathook is a pretty bad film, but I still enjoy it. It’s also odd as hell; in some ways it’s very much Texas Chainsaw Massacre but pre-dates Texas Chainsaw Massacre by about two years and ratchets up the gore quite a bit from its better known backwoods brother but there are long stretches of frolicking courtship scenes and inane dialogue which are inexcusable and slow it down. These scenes make it perhaps one of the most padded movies ever made. I stuck with it and toughed it out though, because I’m not a quitter.

The plot is very simple, man-child can’t get girl(s) because of bad things which happen to said girl(s) when boy meets them, only boy mysteriously can’t remember what. Or so he is told…turns out, ‘ol dad is the naughty boy who can’t keep his hands off the ladies. Did I also mention that pa is in the “meat business”? seems someone takes eating pussy a little too literally…

The special effects are pretty well done considering the budget and are fairly effective. Given the right setting and mood, the movie can weave its own dream like spell and be quite enjoyable. It’s definitely worth a watch if you haven’t seen it.

As is clear, since I was a wee lad I have suffered through quasi-bad as well as outright bad movies, sometimes suffering real life trauma in the process, all in the name of film. But you know what, I wouldn’t change a thing. So, you say you love film- prove it, what’s your story?

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Tags: Traumafessions