Month: March 2026
Undertone
I was on the fence about seeing UNDERTONE because even though critics seemed to be digging it for the most part, I was noticing it was divisive among horror fans in a very familiar way. This seems to happen a lot with small scale, intimate flicks that rely on viewers imagination/participation more than anything else. My track record with such movies is pretty spotty and unpredictable. I find THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT terrifying to this day while some people find it boring (I blame my deep fear of being lost- I have nightmares involving that predicament all the time). Some folks were terrified of PARANORMAL ACTIVITY but I never got that movie at all and sorta resented feeling jerked around by it ( I partially blame my strong aversion to the characters who seemed to be begging for trouble). I coerced a friend to drive me miles to go see SKINAMARINK and I’ll never hear the end of it even though I absolutely related to the childhood fears it stoked (though I also think it would be better suited to an art installation rather than a movie theater). (Semi) recently I was quietly chilled by Steven Soderbergh’s PRESENCE only to find many found it completely confounding. Seems like you just can’t predict how one of these deliberately ambiguous movies will hit you and who knows how much mood, life experience and current willingness to empathize effect the end results.
But then then the movie stopped and the harshest of lights went on in my theater as an emergency siren began to wail and a new voice boomed demanding that I go to the nearest exit as soon as possible! This has happened to me at least five times in my life beginning with a 1988 showing of MIRACLE MILE and always at the worst possible time! My go-to movie joint is in a mall and seems to be extra susceptible to this kind of disturbance. I should be used to this type of thing but with the world the way it is, I don’t feel like messing around with what could be an active shooter or let’s say, a nuclear warhead. So I high tailed it and came back later for a free voucher which I was begrudgingly given (apparently it was a short lived interruption and they started the movie back up exactly where they left off but sadly I happened to be in a “feet don’t fail me now” state of mind). Now, usually I would not dare write about a movie that I did not see in its entirety because the last ten minutes could conceivably make or break a film but in this case, I feel reasonably safe to recommend it on account of both roving reporter Mickster AND trusted Kindertrauma contributor Small Dark Cloud assuring me that having seen the full movie, they both give it two thumbs (or maybe ears in this case) up! The Honorable thing for me to do is use my voucher to indeed catch the last ten minutes of UNDERTONE as agreed but nope, I’m going to use it to see READY OR NOT 2: HERE I COME instead cuz I’m cheap and I can’t wait to see Sara Michelle Gellar on the big screen again (if this negatively effects READY OR NOT 2’s box office take , I am truly sorry). Perhaps after RON2 I will attempt to sneak in and catch UNDERTONE’s finale at last. One thing is for sure, I can’t stop thinking about it and that’s always a good thing.
Traumafession:: E. T. was Extra Terrifying! By Poke Trekkie
When I was a child, I only knew one horror movie, which was Gremlins, a movie that gave me nightmares for years. I thought nothing could ever scare me more than that one, but I was wrong. And it wasn't even a horror movie. One day my best friend brought her VHS tape of E.T. The Extraterrestrial, and we watched it together. I don't remember what I thought about the movie itself, or what I expected going into the movie, but I remember just how terrified of E.T. I was. In the beginning, when Elliott discovered him in his garden and you could barely see him, I was hoping I wouldn't get a clearer view, I didn't WANT to see him. Then, the scene of E.T. screaming in the field, briefly illuminated by a flashlight. I wasn't able to take a second look at this scene for years afterwards, I had to cover my eyes and ears each time. That was the worst one, but almost every single shot of E.T. gave me chills. Even though I was so extremely scared, my friend and I somehow ended up watching this movie multiple times every month for a few years, until her VHS tape broke down and became unwatchable. During that time, I had three nightmares I remember very vividly. They were almost identical, I was sleeping in my bed in each of them and E.T. was sitting on my blanket, staring at me. In one of those dreams, I was trying to hide underneath the blanket and he was walking all over me, it felt extremely real and I can still feel the weight of his steps 18 years later. When I was a bit older and thought my fear was gone, I ended up sticking a picture of E.T. onto my wall, then had to sleep with lights on for months just to make sure the picture wouldn't move. Nowadays I own an E.T. plushie and cuddled it at night once. Only once because my fear resurfaced, which is wild considering I am an absolute horror movie junkie now and thought nothing could scare me anymore. I hold both of the before-mentioned movies very dear to my heart. No idea how that's even possible after so many sleepless childhood nights caused by them…
Scream 7
Does the highly successful SCREAM 7 deserve the pummeling it received from critics? Nah, not at all. It’s got a spooky, surprisingly mature melancholy vibe going for it, one of the best kills in the franchise (clearly inspired by the classic 1981 slasher MY BLOODY VALENTINE), one of the stronger opening set pieces and juggles themes concerning trust, the paranoia of parenthood, the threat of AI, post-trauma survival and toxic parasocial relationships fairly well (especially considering that its director, Kevin Williamson, is responsible for the cinematic detention known as TEACHING MRS TINGLE). It’s understandable that some folks might be reluctant to support the film on account of its lamentable behind the scenes drama (in a nutshell: Production company Spyglass Entertainment fired proposed returning actress Mellissa Barrera for speaking her mind, lost co-star Jenna Ortega and the creatives known as Radio Silence due to their solidarity with her, and caused a complete upheaval of the planned trilogy story arc). Personally though, I’m far too invested in the long running SCREAM franchise to consider a boycott. It takes many, many folks to make a movie so my attendance is officially in support of the film career of newbie horror icon McKenna (ANNABELLE COMES HOME) Grace and frankly, I need to know what my boo Gale Weathers is up to (It helps that avoiding unpleasant reality is a specialty of mine). Anyway, it turns out that all the negative energy surrounding the flick kept my expectations duly in check and as much as I enjoyed recent SCREAMs 5 & 6, I ended up digging 7 even more. It’s got an eerie, quieter tone (similar to my faves the OG & Part 4 ) and I didn’t miss the sometimes overly flashy and chaotic (too lively for gramps) beat of the previous two entries.
Venerable “celebrity victim” Sidney Prescott (properly paid her worth, Neve Campbell) is back and seemingly following in the luckless (yet pleasingly autumnal) footsteps of final squirrel Laurie Strode (preparing for the inevitable a’ la 2018's HALLOWEEN and pissing off her overprotected child a’ la ’98’s H2O… sans the problem drinking, self sabotage and questionable hair). Like many successful authors, she’s gone and opened a coffee shop (?) in a small town to raise her daughter Tatum (a surprisingly engaging Isabel May) hopefully in a murderer-free environment. Tatum seems a bit too tall to be Sid’s kid until you learn her cop-pop Mark Evans is played by longshanks Joel McHale ( I easily accept Joel as a police officer thanks to 2014’s DELIVER US FROM EVIL). Unsurprisingly, suburban harmony is short lived when one of Tatum’s besties Hannah (aforementioned horror royalty McKenna Grace) is heartlessly slaughtered while rehearsing for a high school production of Peter Pan (in which Tatum plays the dog). Who is responsible for this SCOOBY DOO calamity? Stalwarts Gale Weathers (Queen Courtney Cox with a killer entrance) and sidekick Meeks-Martin sibs Mindy & Chad ( Jasmin Savoy Brown & Mason Gooding) provide back-up in the search for multiple red herrings and iffy clues. Happily for me, no wheels are attempted to be reinvented and the entire cast is much more likable than usual, Sidney especially. Gone are Sid’s hemming and hawing quirky mannerisms and instead what stands before us is a take no crap momma bear we can all be proud of. She’s straight forward, direct and focused on others besides herself. I think this my favorite iteration of her and that’s saying a lot.
Maybe I’m just half glass full rationalizing, but did things somehow (no thanks to the powers that be) work out for the best? At least in the fictional SCREAM universe? By sitting out the last installment (due to a warranted salary dispute) Neve/Sidney developed a strong, returning champion status and solidifies further audience loyalty and appreciation. By not returning here the Carpenter sisters Sam and Tara ( Barrera & Ortega) avoid bummer fates (Tara was set to die, Sam was to become a killer bent on revenge) and provide some much needed space to focus on the Heckle and Heckle comedic stylings of the suddenly much more endearing Meeks-Martin twins Chad & Mindy (Mason Gooding and Jasmin Savoy Brown). If things had gone as planned, I’m not sure we would have gotten a glimpse into what I think may be the present heart of the series, the the reluctant yet powerful friendship and comradery between Sidney and Gale. At one point Sid describes their relationship as “complicated but enduring” and I found that strangely affecting (not sure if credit goes to Williamson or reliable Guy (FINAL DESTINATION: BLOODLINES, ABIGAIL, READY OR NOT) Busick). Missed too probably would be Sid clarifying to her daughter that she named her after her BRAVE friend Tatum not her “victim” friend Tatum which I also found fortifying. Surely not all will agree, but as a lifelong slasher fan and SCREAM enthusiast since day one, I was very pleased with how 7 luckily hurdled every messy obstacle thrown its way. If I have one complaint, it’s only that Kirby Reed (Hayden Panettiere) wasn’t squeezed into the winning proceedings. Oh well, there’s always part 8 for that.
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