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The Horror of Losing My Dear Wife by Randolph M.

December 6th, 2017 · 5 Comments

Dear KINDERTRAUMA brothers and sisters:

First of all, I would like to point out that my dear wife was an ardent Stephen King fan. She used to watch me browsing KINDERTRAUMA and giggle at the silliness of it all. To be able to take celluloid horror with a sense of humour like that is something she naturally had, and I didn’t. I took the movies/TV shows far too seriously as a child. She could chuckle at MAGIC, IT’S ALIVE, THE SHINING, SUSPIRIA, SCHIZOID or whatever Z-grade flick was showing at the local drive-in, etc. I couldn’t.

Nothing out of the wildest dreams of Dario Argento, Larry Cohen or her favourite Stephen King will ever match the horror I felt watching her die after battling breast cancer for seven years. If a director wants to make a truly horrifying movie, s/he will have cancer as the “monster in the dark,” ever lurking, always waiting. It is far more truly frightening than any bloody monster, mutant or alien.

I remember watching some of the old Hammer Horror flicks with Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing in her last weeks of life (including the unintentionally hilarious DRACULA: A.D. 1972), and considering how really silly they were compared to my lady warrior’s real-life struggle. She made Xena The Warrior Princess or Buffy The Vampire Slayer look like Mary bloody Poppins.

To all of the KINDERTRAUMEN: The next time your loved one wants to hold your hand or grab you whilst watching a horror flick…let them. You know what you are watching on TV, celluloid, DVD or your other favourite medium is fake and temporary. The REAL horror in life is losing someone you love, which I am facing right now. I would rather go face-to-face with “the Xenomorph,” the “Davis baby” or Damien Thorn.

I could binge-watch all of THE OMEN films and laugh at them compared to the real struggle of watching someone you love lose their final battle. The same goes for the silliness that was THE AMITYVILLE HORROR that was ultimately proven to be a hoax. Even the most effective horror directors can say “CUT!” and Robert Englund can go have coffee with his co-stars, or have fun playing Lou Cifer on MARRIED…WITH CHILDREN (which was a hilarious turn of form for Mr Englund!) taking the Bundys and their neighbours to Hell.

I cannot do that now. I remember watching the Director’s Cut of ALIEN when she and I were the only two people in the cinema and she would grab hold of me during the more suspenseful moments of Sir Ridley Scott‘s very effective “what-you-don’t-see-is-more-frightening-than-what-you-DO-see” direction.

We were going to rent THE CAR after I showed her the trailer on YouTube and have a good laugh at it.

All those reading: Enjoy the entertainment, frightful as it may be, with your loved ones, while you have a chance.

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Tags: Traumafessions

Traumafession:: Mary C. on Bizarro Santa from Space Ghost Coast to Coast

December 4th, 2017 · 1 Comment

I recently ran into something that messed me up as a young child (6? 7?) and seeing how it was Christmas-related and it’s December now, I’d like to share it to you guys.

It’s Bizarro Santa from Space Ghost Coast to Coast.

See, I was a huge fan of C2C, Zorak was the best, tied with Space Ghost, but this episode I’m not even sure what happened in it except there was Santa Claus and he was “ho ho ho”ing, and suddenly everything went dark as an eye grew from him and he mutated into his “true” form, an Eldritch thing dubbed “Bizarro Santa”.

Bloody hell. This was on Cartoon Network, mind you, the show had yet to move to Adult Swim. Thankfully I repressed it in time for the real Santa to deliver my presents, as I remember seeing it around the holiday season.

The episode in question’s called “Girl Hair“. Check it out.

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Tags: Traumafessions

Traumafession:: Danielle P. on The Electric Company and Jack Bowser

October 25th, 2017 · 1 Comment

When I was a kid I grew up on PBS. There were some spooks here and there (like how Sesame Street started a phobia I outgrew around the time the subject I’m focusing on happened) but right now, I wanna talk to you about the 2010 Electric Company show. It’s not as good as the 70s although my brother and I watched it.

You had killer lollipops, Morgan Freeman as a vampire, and monolith words.

I had freaking Jack Bowser.

See, there were these stop-motion skits that sended up 24, starring a dog parody of Jack Bauer; “Jack Bowser.” He’d always be trapped somewhere and he had 24 seconds to read a sentence correctly or else he’d explode. And every time, he got out unscathed.

I don’t know about you, but these skits just creeped me out. The black background, the sound of the timer, and the creepy-looking dog. I remember always wanting the dog to die for some reason. It’s the sadist in me.

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Tags: Traumafessions

Traumafession:: Dustin in Minnesota on The Soupman (1980)

October 16th, 2017 · 2 Comments

Greetings traumathusiasts!

It’s been a long time since I have posted, but I do try to at least visit the site every week. This place has been great for naming my past traumas, especially now that IMDB removed all of their discussion boards.

That said, I am traumafessing this 1980 episode of the apparently religious program Insight. I saw the second half of this by chance once or twice around 1980 or 1981, and never caught it again. This episode is called “The Soupman,” and the part that scared 10-year-old me was how this gang treated Joey, one of their own members.

I had read books like “The Outsiders” and watched films such as “My Bodyguard” and “Over the Edge,” and had a fear of and fascination with delinquents.

I have attached a link to the episode (HERE).


Dustin in Minnesota

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Tags: Traumafessions

Traumafession:: L.L. on Suspiria’s TV Commercial

September 5th, 2017 · 1 Comment

It’s 1977. My older brother and I are staying up late watching The Twilight Zone alone in the darkened living room. He’s 12 years old and I’m 11. Everyone else is asleep and I feel pretty cool for being awake after midnight, watching and enjoying this “scary” grownup show. I don’t recall for sure which episode it is, but I feel like it was The Hunt, the one where (SPOILER!) an old hillbilly and his dog die while hunting raccoons and the loyal dog prevents the old fella from wandering into Hell. It’s not one I’ve ever found all that frightening, so my guard is down.

There’s an act break and a commercial begins. My brother and I both assume this is a Clairol ad, or some other hair care product. We see the back view of a woman brushing her long dark hair, reciting the “roses are red, violets are blue” rhyme. And after putting a flower in her hair, the figure turns, revealing A FREAKING SKULL YELLING AT US!

Of course this wasn’t a hair care ad at all, but a commercial for Suspiria, a movie I wouldn’t actually see for decades—and when I did see it, didn’t realize that it was related to this image stuck in my head since childhood. I was pretty happy to run across this on YouTube a few years ago.

Of course, I had to send the link along to my brother.

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Tags: Traumafessions

Traumafession:: Julia D. on Pingu’s Nightmare

August 31st, 2017 · 2 Comments

Hey guys!

I just happily discovered your blog and I think I’ve got just the right kindertrauma gem for you:

Many people on the internet will agree that there are a lot of traumatizing moments in the Swiss claymation show “Pingu“. And young me has been scarred by this show as well. The worst: The Pingu’s Nightmare episode. Just look up a picture of that disturbing walrus, it’s…. unsettling to say the least. I remember seeing this as a kid and feeling like I had some weird fever-induced hallucination.

Here’s a personal fun-fact: I forgot about this Pingu episode for a long time until someone handed me a christian flyer as a teenager. On that flyer was a crude picture of an alien with a moustache and without knowing why, I was overwhelmed with a very unsettling feeling. Then all the memories came back… f*cking Pingu. F*cking moustache walrus. Ugh.

And here’s another one, thou this one might be for the Name That Trauma!- section:

I remember seeing this weird episode of a Cartoon Network show as a kid. It might have been “Cow and Chicken” or “I am Weasel” because I can faintly remember the Red Guy being the antagonist. In that episode the two main characters visited a factory that, well, turns people into furniture.

Yep. You can see the people on a conveyor belt going INTO the factory and sofas, cabinets etc.comming out. I always loved the very absurd humor of many cartoons back then, but this episode was just a little too weird even for me. I tried to find this abomination of a kids show for a few times, but with no result. Even thou many people watched these shows, nobody knows what I am talking about when I’m trying to describe the plot to them. Maybe you guys can help!

Thank you and keep up the good work!


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Tags: Traumafessions

Traumafession:: Katie B. on Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

August 29th, 2017 · No Comments

I was recently thinking back on favorite movies from my childhood and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang came to mind. While The Child Catcher always gave me the heeby-jeebies, there was another character and scene in the film which particularly traumatized me to the point that I would always fast forward or leave the room. It was… Dick Van Dyke aka Caractacus Pott disguised as a life-sized clown doll. The box opened to his lifeless body coming to life and dancing around the room, performing silly antics. Then he would sing with the music box doll (Julie Scrumptious). The sudden change in his appearance and behavior scared me so badly. I was always terrified of clowns and seeing a character who otherwise was friendly and fatherly become temporarily unrecognizable was quite conflicting. At least the children made their grand escape in the next scene and Mr. Pott took off his wig.


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Tags: Traumafessions

Traumafession:: Miyamoto Y. on Fatal Frame and Bimbo’s Initiation

August 7th, 2017 · 1 Comment

Hi there! I am Miyamoto from Japan and a friend in the US told me about this site. I must say, there’s a lot of good stuff on here! Glad you know about Matango and “Kinderpal Bigwig on Pigmon” was f*cking funny! I used to watch Ultraman reruns as a kid here in the country the show originated, and I can’t believe people were freaked out by Pigmon. I always found him stupid. (“He spoke Monster.” I CANNOT BREATHE)

Growing up in Japan I don’t believe it that nothing scared me, as a child and now. I was always fearless and the closest I was to ever being scared was when a bat flew in my window when I was 11.

I think I played some games that scared me, though! Fatal Frame was one of them. But it wasn’t a lasting trauma.

Ha Ha, It’s Burl!’s post was very hilarious, especially “the Maurice Sendak bedroom forest” (excuse me while I develop asthma).

I recommend that Unk and John watch “Bimbo’s Initiation“, that’s my Kindertrauma Recommendation for today! I see you covered “Pigs is Pigs” which was another inspiration.

See you around!

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Tags: Traumafessions

Traumafession:: Trouble on a Scary Santa Train

July 3rd, 2017 · 1 Comment

Pretty standard fare, I suppose:
I was three. There was a special attraction Santa Claus Train ride. Mom was all excited and I was, too. Then we got on the train. First came the clowns. Loud ones. With balloons. Cue me burying my head in mom’s lap and shrieking. Nonstop. Santa Claus came along and I screamed louder. He wouldn’t leave me alone.. One wrecked event for mama, and a lifetime fear of….wait for it….’tainsrides’ (?!) for me.


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Tags: Traumafessions

Traumafession: Beth L. on The Believers

June 8th, 2017 · 1 Comment

Hey guys! I have a weird one for you. When I was about ten I watched a movie with my dad and for years I only remembered the very beginning. There was a scene with a mother making coffee who somehow electrocutes herself by standing in a puddle while touching a faulty coffee maker. It terrified me because I imagined it happening to my own mom and I still think about the scene sometimes when I make coffee. I was talking about it with a friend who told me it was called “The Believers” and I found the scene on YouTube! It’s dubbed but it’s definitely the scene I remember as a kid! I wanted to share it with you. Thanks for all the trauma memories!


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Tags: Traumafessions