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I’m not completely sure Oz Perkins’ new supernatural serial killer movie LONGLEGS comes together in a completely satisfying way but one thing is for sure, it’s creepy as all get out. It’s quite the juggling act to make something both so hyper-grounded that it resembles a documentary at times but also so wacked out bonkers that it borders on a deranged comedy skit. I’m not sure it even plays fair, it’s almost as if every loose end is shrugged off with explanations of unknowable dark magics at work. But in the end, the performances are so strong all around (Nick Cage delves into his deepest well of insanity, Alicia Witt goes full Margaret White and makes a strong case for award consideration, Maika Monroe oozes twitchy disquiet and Blair Underwood and keirnan Shipka deliver quality support) and the palpable tension is ratcheted up to such a degree that it’s nearly impossible to accept it as anything less than a watershed moment in the arena of conjuring dank foreboding. This is a movie that for better or worse (and the implausibilities are legion) understands pure, concrete horror, the kind that makes you want to jump out of your skin and smash an eject button.

Monroe stars as Lee Harker, a morose, “partially psychic” FBI agent determined to identify a Zodiac-like serial killer known for somehow inspiring families to kill themselves and for his impressive talent when it comes to creating life-like dolls (I know that sounds crazy but it’s all about delivering the creeps here and what’s creepier than a life-like doll?). What she discovers is not only a Satan worshiping psychopath that resembles an unholy mash-up of Tiny Tim and Mickey Rourke (Cage, barking mad and carving himself beyond legendary status) but that she herself shares a complicated (to say the least) history with the twisted, squealing, birthday-happy nutcase and that her very own habit-wearing laconic mother (Witt) is somehow entangled in the unfathomable mess as well. What follows is a singular swirling mash-up mix of police procedural and surreal, occult fever dream with traces of pure unmitigated madness that actually leaves me slightly concerned for writer/director Perkins’ mental health. In other words, me thinks he’s crazy in the coconut but hey, that’s what true art is all about and I can't help being a bit in awe.

Not everyone is going to dig this movie (the talkative woman sitting next to me certainly didn’t, she threatened to scream if things got too scary but ended up making a big show of yawning and sighing instead) but it’s hard to dismiss a movie that hits the bell of insanity so resoundingly and frequently. It’s like drowning in molten angst at times and some of the visuals are sure to remain with me for a long, long while. Some of the images (the house, the station wagon, the assorted homey/hoarder details) felt strangely yanked straight out of my own memories which fueled my apprehension even further. And again, the performances are worth the uncomfortable viewing alone, Cage’s fearless audacity is well known and documented so for me, the true stand out revelation is the outstanding Alicia Witt (URBAN LEGEND), who absolutely mesmerizes as a stoic and fiercely determined (understatement of the year) mother. Do I fully understand much of what I’ve seen and experienced while watching this dread spewing contentment annihilator? Not really, and I’m not sure it matters as the lack of logic, normalcy and sense certainly adds to the epic unease. LONGLEGS speaks the language of nightmares and it speaks it loudly in psychotic spades. It means to disturb and it instills real-deal, irrefutable fear. That’s worth a lot in my book even if I continue to (nervously) scratch my head.

The year is 1985, John Parr’s “St. Elmo’s Fire (Man in Motion)” is roaring up the charts, VHS is alive and kicking, Tipper Gore is making a hero out off Dee Snyder, Angeline is gracing billboards and the world (particularly Hollywood) is a low tech un-Disney-fied, glowing, glorious, albeit perilous place. Star-eyed Maxine Minx is trying to put her dark past (which includes both porn and murder) behind her by auditioning for the sequel to a successful fictional horror film ironically titled THE PURITAN. Unfortunately, a shadowy figure with a brimmed hat and strangle-ready gloves is trailing her every move and offing seemingly anyone who she has contact with. Maxine is still very much mirroring her previous enthralled assailant (Pearl) with her furious longing to differentiate herself from the crowd by transforming into a lauded celebrity. But of course, in the world of horror the past itself is an inescapable monster and her attempts to shine are consistently foiled not only by directors, cops and would be muggers but also memories, apparitions and disturbing nightmares. Her default position is succinctly clear thanks to a mantra she learned from her preacher father (seen briefly but prophetically on TV in the first film) “I refuse to accept a life that I do not deserve”.

Following the excellent X (2022) and its phenomenal prequel PEARL (2022), MAXXXINE, the final installment in Ti West and Mia Goth’s collaborative character study/horror trilogy has finally been unleashed upon the world. Where X took inspiration from Tobe Hooper and seventies era grind house films (the events of which are even referred to as THE TEXAS PORN STAR MASSACRE in a newspaper headline in MAXXXINE) and PEARL’s woebegone angst was draped in bright swatches of WIZARD OF OZ technicolor, the eighties set MAXXXINE (which is a direct sequel to X) heartily embraces Bava-esque giallo stalkings in a deliciously seedy (think VICE SQUAD, HOLLYWOOD VICE SQUAD, ANGEL, STRIPPED TO KILL et.al) neon strewn boulevard of broken dreams (with shades of De Palma's BODY DOUBLE (complete with randomly inserted Frankie Goes To Hollywood video) and Lynch’s MULHOLLAND DRIVE). I’ve heard rumblings that some folks feel this grand cinematic troika deserved a more sophisticated closing but I have exactly zero complaints as I’m completely helpless and awestruck with this brilliant quilt assembled from my every aesthetic fetish. I suppose there are some who can resist synth-y eighties music, video stores, phony horror movies (here’s hoping West someday makes THE PURITAN and its sequel), Satanic panic, Night Stalker hysteria, grimy peepshows, heart of gold hookers, the PSYCHO house (fresh from filming part II), Bette Davis quotes and more than one (!) reference to ST. ELMO’S FIRE but that person is not me. That person is not me by a very long shot.

Theoretically, sleaze-glitz nostalgia pandering will only get ya so far (far enough for me) but don’t fret, MAXXXINE may systematically push all the right retro chic buttons but it also boasts another mesmerizing performance from masterful Mia, a surprisingly frisky character turn from legendary Kevin Bacon, impressive supportive work by the likes of Giancarlo Esposito, Bobby Cannavale (perfectly cast to channel both Alex Rocco and Cliff Gorman) and even musicians Moses Sumner and ( a barely recognizable) Halsey. Plus, I'd say it has got plenty on its decapitated noggin’ concerning delusional exceptionalism, Hollywood corruption, the exploitation of disposable dreamers and the scorching hot hypocrisy of religion. The final act and ultimate reveal may be too easy or obvious for some but I’m rather relieved that we didn’t get a shoehorned swerve to thwart audience expectations and I believe for the triptych pieces to click together smoothy it was the natural and most honest way to go (in any case, it's exactly what I would have done). I’m only sad it’s (likely) over. Honesty, I feel privileged to have witnessed such an unprecedented artistic feat. Like the previous two films, MAXXXINE slyly uses its setting to remind us that our current culture’s mad quest for identity by way of notoriety is nothing new and yet all three sibling films remarkably retain their own unique style and view things through contrasting yet symbiotic lenses. Above all else though, this is a movie that LOVES movies in general and wholeheartedly respects the value and necessity of genre/cult films in particular. Once again, for the third time, West and Goth have created something truly special and worthy of applause.

I realize reading about the latest “game gone wrong” horror movie may be about as appealing as watching it or writing about it, so my apologies in advance. I just feel compelled to leave a written bread crumb trail for my future self because on a few occasions I have excitedly googled a movie only to find out I had written about it previously and had completely forgot about it. So here I am, leaving this flag in the sand to let myself know that TAROT though not without some merit, is mostly a vaporous generic slog. Although its plot isn’t that different from last year’s excellent (and surprisingly fresh) TALK TO ME, (not to mention jaunts like STAY ALIVE (’06), OUJIA, TRUTH OR DARE and a slew of others, including perhaps guiltiest of all, JUMANJI) this particular cursed young folk flick lacks the spark to be truly memorable.

TAROT (which is theoretically based on a non-supernatural slasher-esque YA horror novel called HORRORSCOPE by Nicholas Adams) concerns a group of pals (complete with comic sidekick) who while searching for alcohol in a rented mansion (you all can afford renting a mansion but no hooch?), discover a deck of strange, apparently hand-made tarot cards. Resident horoscope aficionado Haley (Harriet Slater) reads the group’s futures and thereby hexes them with personality appropriate tragic fates. I have to admit, I found myself a bit excited by the rogues gallery of monsters depicted on the cards as they reminded me of my boos the NEON MANIACS (’86) but sadly as groovily gruesome as the creatures may appear (hats off to the make up/effects crew) they uniformly offer only screaming close-ups as their peak intimidation which gets old and annoying fast. As a proponent of quality PG-13 rated horror and a believer in its potential effectiveness, I gotta say lack of imagination seems more the cause of the film’s overall neutered nature than its rating. On the plus side, TAROT consistently looks atmospheric n’ gothy, sports a likable enough cast and might even be a fun, rote distraction at a teen slumber party; it’s just too bad that checking the boxes and going through the motions seems to be this attractive yet vapid film’s most inescapable curse.

I’m not as devoted to Bryan Bertino’s now-classic THE STRANGERS as some. I’ve heard from many friends that it absolutely terrified them to a mentally scaring degree but for some reason a part of my brain could never fully buy what it was selling. That said, I do admit that the “because you were home” remark is one of the greatest lines ever spoken in the history of horror film. Strangely enough though, I’m absolutely smitten over its audacious sequel THE STRANGERS: PREY AT NIGHT and find its over-stylized (and then some), broad stroked neon, flippant flamboyance mesmerizing and relish soaking in its haunting, isolated late night setting and absolutely shameless indulgence in awesome eighties’ tunes. Johannes Robert’s fashionably late (10 years) follow-up rings all my bells by forcibly steering the straightforward home invasion flick into pure unadulterated cult-y slash-a-thon territory. It’s a brilliant stroke in my book that I’ll never stop applauding and what a great springboard it could have been for a third, trilogy making film that conceivably might push the artsy outlandishness even further!

Except no, as my shoelace once said “I’m a frayed knot”. Instead, the board has been erased and we’re back to square one (or perhaps zero) with THE STRANGERS: CHAPTER ONE a movie that intends to kickoff a new trilogy by covering half the ground the original did. Well, you might be saying at least the sometimes fantastic (LONG KISS GOODNIGHT), sometimes reliable NIGHTMARE 4, DIE HARD 2, DEEP BLUE SEA) but let’s face it, non-miracle worker (snooze-fest THE EXORCIST: THE BEGINNING ) Renny Harlan is behind the wheel. It’s probably too soon to say if Harlan can pull this three part serial off but as possible as it may be (isn’t my Pollyanna optimism annoying?), I’m afraid the future does not look bright so hold off on wearing those shades. CHAPTER ONE feels like a shaky, stammering, stalling lurch with close to nothing on its mind. It’s almost like a Cliff notes version of the original but with many of the already abridged pages missing. Harlan does deliver a few frightening moments but they’re sort of unavoidable in the flick’s DNA anyway. There are a few absolutely killer shots of the bag-headed scarecrow faced ringleader stalking ominous woods like a force of nature but they seem designed for T-shirts and magnets at Hot Topic more than striking genuine fear. Will I see CHAPTER TWO? Yes, of course, provided I’m alive, my curiosity will probably get the better of me but damn, even the “Because you were home” line I was pre-sold on somehow gets mangled into the mundane here.

Hey, maybe these newfangled horror movies just aren’t created with oldsters like me in mind and I should just stay home! Turns out yes, that is not a bad idea because I also recently watched 1988’s THE BRAIN and felt like a dying plant being watered. Edward (BLOODY BIRTHDAY) Hunt directed this Canadian sci-fi/horror film that stars David (RE-ANIMATOR) Gale (who once again looses his head), Tom Bresnahan (TWICE DEAD, MIRROR MIRROR and most importantly, SKI SCHOOL) and Cynthia Preston (of the excellent PIN). This baby is Christmas themed, filled with ELM STREET-style surrealism and leans into the gooey practical effects. In this fine film, a literal giant head from another planet teams up with your everyday mad scientist-type lunatic to brainwash a small-town and then eventually, the world. It’s exactly the paranoid fifties-flavored tale told through wacky eighties eyes of a malignant mutation with sights set on world domination that I guess I needed. You’re likely to observe shades of everything from THE BLOB and THE STUFF to INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS and HALLOWEEN 3: SEASON OF THE WITCH with plenty of mirroring toward TERRORVISION thrown in. Funnily enough though, I do believe I caught this movie back in my video store days and didn’t care for its goofy nature or the random flashy inserts of the titular creature who resembles a discontinued marauding Madball. In other words, giving a film a second chance sometimes pays off big time so maybe there’s stiff hope for the aforementioned recent titles TAROT and STRANGERS: CHAPTER ONE after all. You never know (Ignore that noise. I’m just trying to close on an upbeat note)!

How much fun could a movie about a group of mostly dopey criminals being trapped in a mansion with a rampaging child vampire with a penchant for ballet be exactly? Well, tons of fun, obviously. Even if done poorly, I’d venture this particular set-up is fool proof entertainment but happily in this case it is executed by folks with true love and knowledge of the genre ( Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett, the talents behind READY OR NOT and the last two SCREAM flicks) and showcases an absolute dream team cast playing characters so contrasting and sharply carved you can almost imagine them on CLUE game cards. MATILDA: THE MUSICAL’s Alisha Weir is instantly iconic as the title character, a supernatural whirling dervish that is part Rhoda from THE BAD SEED, part Pris from BLADE RUNNER and part Carol Kane in SCROOGED sans toaster. With her sly precociousness she effortlessly joins the ranks of other classic “child” vamps that floated before her (Danny Glick of SALEM’S LOT, Homer of NEAR DARK, Claudia of AN INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE, et al.). She’s one of the many reasons this movie is a bloody, demonic party and a half (one scene even strongly references NIGHT OF THE DEMONS) but all involved deserve kudos (and I don't mean the discontinued granola bar).

ABIGAIL introduces us to a group of rag-tag crooks whose get rich quick scheme involves kidnapping a rich kingpin’s kid, taking her to an isolated mansion (I just love a limited location film, what better way to fully block out the outside world than to literally erase it from visual existence?) and collecting some ransom money for her safe return. What could go wrong and how could all involved possibly know Universal pictures was looking to update DRACULA’S DAUGHTER? Things go South mighty quick and soon the rat pack code-named group including level headed ex-junkie Joey (SCREAM 4 & 5’s Melissa Barrera ), conniving short fuse ex-cop Frank (THE GUEST’s Dan Stevens fresh off GODZILLA X KONG and nearly unrecognizable), wacky hacker Sammy (FREAKY’s Kathryn Newton), no nonsense marine sniper Rickles (William Catlet), sweet natured bumbling muscle head Peter (Kevin Durand) and dim-witted psycho thug Dean (the late Angus Cloud in a spot-on performance that makes you reel at the incalculable loss) are fighting for their lives against a fanged pirouetting pipsqueak with daddy issues who is immune to crucifixes, stakes and garlic (like myself, her only true kryptonite is sunlight).

ABAGAIL (much like last year’s LAST VOYAGE OF THE DEMETER) proves there’s plenty of blood left to be sucked from the archetypal vampire tale and although it’s literally explosive at times in its implementation, it works equally well as as a cozy parlor, old dark house flick complete with hidden passages and nods to “And Then There Were None”. Much of the territory may feel familiar but there’s a subterranean wild streak that keeps you on edge right up to its final enthralling surprise. As always, a good film is greatly indebted to its cast and truly, there isn’t a weak link to be found in this crew. Darkly twisted, laugh out loud hilarious, terrifically brutal and ultimately strangely endearing , ABIGAIL is a movie and a character for the ages with an unabashed appetite for horror we can all relate to.

Cameron and Colin Cairnes’ retro horror jaunt LATE NIGHT WITH THE DEVIL has an irresistible cult-baiting premise. The year is 1977, Satanic panic is brewing and late night talk show host Jack Delroy (David Dastmalchian, who with recent appearances in THE BOOGEYMAN & THE LAST VOYAGE OF THE DEMETER is carving out some impressive genre star cred) is desperate for ratings (presumably to one up contemporaries like Johnny Carson). Unfortunate domino tiles begin to line up involving an impromptu conjuring of a certain “Mr.Wiggles” a demonic force that speaks through a pretty yet creepy young girl named Lily (Ingrid Torelli) who is the subject of a recent book (that recalls the infamous “Michelle Remembers”) on none other than Halloween night (Speaking of Halloween night, fans of BBC’s GHOSTWATCH (’92) should have a general idea of what’s in store). There’s little room for disbelief as Lily begins to spout information she herself could not possibly know as her chair alarmingly levitates. Eventually chaos reigns and audience members flee as hallucination and reality converge while the fully possessed Lily dispatches anyone who gets in the way of her exposing a massive skeleton in the not so innocent Delroy’s Faustian bargain lined closet.

LATE NIGHT is consistently entertaining thanks to it’s central performances (Dastmalchian is fantastic and Torelli’s arrival enlivens the proceedings even further) and the delicious anticipation of witnessing doubting Thomas “Carmichael the Conjurer” (Ian Bliss) proved wrong in his cynical skepticism. It’s not all smooth sailing though as the part faux-documentary (with Michael Ironside as narrator), part found footage, part backstage pass, part dream/delusion with a side of delirium, struggles tonally due to an indecisive foundation. Unlike the aforementioned GHOSTWATCH, LATE NIGHT doesn’t have much of a desire to fully commit to convincing the viewer of its own reality which gives it ample creative space to play around in but also dilutes the scares. It’s almost as if LATE NIGHT, by constantly pointing out different levels of artifice, shoots off its own foot in the process. There’s no real danger in a cardboard cut-out world. Still, no reason to throw out the possessed baby with the holy bathwater. This film’s glib, gimmicky nature may prevent it from getting truly under one’s skin but that doesn’t stop it from being a enjoyable send-up and a future shoo-in low commitment annual Halloween watch.

I will forever be grateful to my late father for taking me and my brothers to see the raging pile of cinematic pandemonium known as HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP (1980). Rarely has a film delivered such a schizo-mix of goofy guilelessness and pure exploitation. How can anyone resist a film brave enough to expose the epic confrontation between giant mutant fish men and the unflappable Troy McClure? Extra points scored when said flick features creature designs provided by none other than the brilliant Rob Bottin! This Roger Corman produced slime riot is cartoon-level silly for much of it’s runtime but I have to admit there are a few stalking scenes that still deliver authentic creeps and its final trashy jolt is an eye-popping ALIEN-inspired humdinger that may leave you reeling.

How in the world can anyone question the power and validity of made for TV movies when GARGOYLES (1972) is flying around? From it’s eerie opening narration to it’s unnerving aerial shots to its multitude of gorgeously created monster effects (Stan Winston’s work here rightfully earned an Emmy), this is a one of a kind monster mash that every horror fan should track down.

NECRONOMICON: BOOK OF THE DEAD (’93) is a squishy special effects heavy anthology loosely based on the work of H.P Lovecraft (who is portrayed by horror icon Jeffrey Combs in a wrap around segment). The Philadelphia-set third story “Whispers” is of special interest here as it was directed by the great Brian Yuzna and features absolutely freaky flying subterranean stingray-type creatures that are the stuff of nightmares (and could almost be related to my buddies THE BOOGENS (’81) or even THEY (2002). I’m a fan of the whole film but this third tale is disturbingly surreal and sports one hell of a sadistic mind-screw mean streak.

If you want to scare away potential friends just tell them you’re a fan of 2011’s prequel/re-quel THE THING and watch the light slowly evaporate from their eyes. Sure, I know the movie makes the mistake of slathering on unnecessary CGI and botches its climax (blame studio execs and rando test audiences) but it’s not nearly as faulty as its reputation suggests. There’s a great attention to detail that could only result from sincere reverence to John Carpenter’s classic, the cast is solid, the paranoia is substantial and more than a few of the hideous monstrosities it showcases are actually pretty impressive. It can’t compete with its predecessor for sure but it makes a fine optional companion piece and well, I just can’t resist its icy score and on-point arctic setting. One scene in particular always stands out to me involving Mary Elizabeth Winstead’s character observing stars in the night sky. It’s a pure moment of contemplation of the endless unfathomable nature of the universe and no effects are needed.

The ever clever Larry Cohen’s darkly funny flying monster movie Q: THE WINGED SERPENT (1982) features awesome aerial views of Manhattan and a gleefully retro stop motion animated beastie but the greatest ace it holds is the quirky acting stylings of one Michael Moriarty. I don’t know how he does it but Moriarty with his unpredictable eccentric mannerisms is somehow able to upstage a winged prehistoric Aztec God who sleeps in the Chrysler building and has a name I’m not even going to try to spell; it’s truly a remarkable thing. Cohen clearly felt the same way as he would continue to fan the flames of Moriarty’s idiosyncratic talents in several more collaborations. Over the course of his career, Cohen has delivered a surplus of cinematic gold to genre fans and this strange, eighties time capsule oddity, in my opinion, may be his grandest, most entertaining creation.

Anguish (1987)

Very hard to describe but this is one hell of a film and definitely shouldn't be missed. A film-within-a-film thriller about a group of people who are terrorized in a movie theater by a killer while watching a horror film about a murderous optometrist looking for eyeballs who stalks his victims in a movie theater. It's very intense and highly original, do yourself a favor and see it.

The Rosary Murders (1987)

Here is a film not to be missed. Detroit is plagued by a series of murders (what? I don't believe you) of priests and nuns, with each victim found holding a black rosary. The police cannot catch the serial killer and the Church can't protect its flock. When Father Robert Koesler (Donald Sutherland) hears a confession from the murderer, he isn't sure what to do (it's a toughie).  Can he respect the Seal of Confession even if it means putting more lives, perhaps even his own, in jeopardy? 

All American Murder (1991)

For all the giallo/whodunit fans out there, here is a film you should check out. An outcast with a past on the outs with his father and society in general gets transferred to a new college and falls in love with his dream girl; everything is looking to be on the upswing until she winds up getting torched and he takes the blame for it. Not wanting to fry himself -and with a little help from Christopher Walken- he sets out to clear his name, but it seems bodies keep piling up around him as the seamy underbelly of this seemingly perfect town and its inhabitants are exposed and the noose around his neck tightens. It's got funny, witty dialogue from likeable characters (as well as likeably hateable characters) and the atmosphere is taut but fun.

The Psycho Lover (1970)

A psychiatrist uses his position of influence and trust to induce a psychotic patient the police suspect of being a murdering rapist to off his wife. Things get fouled up when the wife finds out about his plan, cold bloodedly turns the tables and leaves his world shattered. Leaving aside a few gratingly crappy late 60's/early 70's pseudo folk songs and some campy scenes here and there, this is better than average for this type of film. All things considered it is entertaining throughout, with a definite sense of atmosphere, style and suspense.

Buried Alive (1989) and (1990)

The first of these films follows a young woman teaching at a spooky old girls’ school overrun by ants and staffed by some unusual types including Donald Pleasence. Spurred on by a series of horrific hallucinations, she begins to investigate the mysterious disappearances of several students. The second, A married woman and her lover plot to kill her husband to make off with the insurance money. However, their attempt to murder him using poisonous fish toxins backfires in surprising ways.