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Burial Ground (1981)

October 19th, 2011 by unkle lancifer · 13 Comments

If you watch horror movies all year ‘round to begin with, how in the world do you amp up your Halloween viewing pleasure for the month of October? One way I kick things up a notch is by shamelessly watching movies that are extra goofy. BURIAL GROUND: THE NIGHTS OF TERROR is just such a movie. It really is relentlessly daffy and how evil am I for subjecting an unsuspecting Aunt John to it sans warning or explanation? Aunt John asked what year it was from and I guessed ‘73 (I was way off ‘81) not really my fault.

The plot is about as complex as a HENRY comic strip: a professor with a wise beard discovers how to raise the dead. He invites some friends to his cool mansion to talk about his find except he’s already been eaten by zombies and soon they will be too. The entire movie consists of his unfortunate guests failing miserably at escaping peril. Folks cannot even cut across the lawn without stepping in an inconceivably placed bear trap and the only thing missing really is the BENNY HILL theme song. It’s a bad day for the living and a good day for the stunningly resourceful dead. Normally a good zombie movie will make me morbidly depressed, but this one is like a semi-creepy day at the beach.

No post concerning BURIAL GROUND would be complete without singling out scene-stealer extraordinaire PETER BARK. At roughly the age of 26, the diminutive BARK portrays a young child named Michael whose affection for his mother is disturbingly enthusiastic to say the least. The portrayal is lifted to the sublime with the aid of an absolutely unconvincing adult actor supplying his dubbed, puppet show voice. Even if you think you have no interest in seeing BURIAL GROUND, I assure you that once BARK enters the picture that there is no turning around. Even Aunt John rode the film out to its “Did that really just happen?” conclusion.

BURIAL GROUND is above (or below) understanding, speculation or critism. It only wants to bring you joy. It also showcases some of my favorite zombies of all time. The make-up person sort of went with the idea that if something is painted black, then it is invisible to the human eye (even in broad daylight) and I honor this delusion. (At least that’s why I think that some of our zombie pals have black make-up on their noses beneath their masks?)

In any case, I think this calls for a zombie beauty pageant! Check out these teeth that resemble no teeth that ever existed! Look at that crazy hair! How about those cutting edge burlap fashions? Vote for your favorite zombie below and check out this movie if you want to have fun. Trust me, its the only zombie movie in existence whose BARK is better than its bite!

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Tags: Caution: I break for geniuses! · Halloween · I Have No Idea What This Is · Kids Who Kill · My own personal Jesus · Tykes in Trouble




13 responses so far ↓

  • 1 David FullamNo Gravatar // Oct 19, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    Hot women and cool zombies, you can’t go wrong.

  • 2 Amanda By NightNo Gravatar // Oct 19, 2011 at 12:44 pm

    I like Milton. He seems demure!

    I saw Burial Ground in the theater a few years ago. I had no idea what to expect and Peter Bark surpassed anything I could have even imagined! It’s a really fun film.

  • 3 turnidoffNo Gravatar // Oct 19, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    I have a lot of love for Burial Ground. Even though 1980 italian zombie makeup is just shy of a dried oatmeal face mask, I still enjoy and get a little creeped out by them. Bark is still scarier than any zombie though. Also, I need to use the term, “Wise Beard” in conversation today.

  • 4 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Oct 19, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    DF,

    This movie is kinda racy. It even features the classic romantic line “You look just like a little whore but I like that in a girl!”

    ABN,

    I like Tanya she reminds me of the shocked- chicken goblin from Troll 2.

    I also love that when I went to “like” Peter Bark on Facebook it said “mutual friend=Amanda Reyes”

    Somehow I was not surprised.

    Turn,

    I swear no matter how silly an Italian zombie movie may be they ALWAYS do seem to manage to creep me out some.

    They’re so committed and unafraid of being hopeless.

    As you said though Bark truly does outshine the undead here!

    “Momma, this cloth smells of death!”

    He also seems to have perfected the “mom jeans” look way back in 81!

  • 5 turnidoffNo Gravatar // Oct 19, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    YES! Them Italians were always ahead of the fashion scene!

    The more I look at him, the more I realize that Bark is to Dick Cavett what Belial was to Duane Bradley in “Basket Case”

  • 6 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Oct 19, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    I can see that!

    Bark also looks exactly like Hecubus spawn of Satan from Kids in the Hall…

    …or the love child of Dario Argento and Rachael Dratch

  • 7 Philip MertzNo Gravatar // Oct 19, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    I had a Burial Ground shirt that I rocked until the printing on it cracked all to Hell. Oh and nights is spelled “nigths” and prophecy is spelled wrong in the ‘Profecy of the Black Spider’ quote at the beginning of the trailer. Gotta love it.

  • 8 Chuckles72No Gravatar // Oct 19, 2011 at 8:58 pm

    This week’s challenge is to create a ready-to-wear look utilizing only burlap and of course the accessories from the Piperlime.com wall.

    As an added challenge, this week you will be designing for a very special group of clients…..

  • 9 Princess FluffernutterNo Gravatar // Oct 19, 2011 at 9:26 pm

    I love Peter Bark and John Franklin (Isaac “Children of the Corn” Chroner). They both rocked their respective “is-he a-kid-or-isn’t-he” looks back in the day.

  • 10 lottie_of_millhavenNo Gravatar // Oct 20, 2011 at 1:32 am

    I’m so glad you mentioned the “This cloth…”line. As soon as I saw you guys reviewing this film, I rushed down here to mention it.

    Its just so quotable!

  • 11 Jami JoAnne RussellNo Gravatar // Oct 20, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    Hm – I don’t know, Keith is just unrotted enough that he could, from a distance, pass as Ryan Stiles if Ryan were to put on about 25 to 50 extra pounds (ten of them being in his face.) So until he got up close enough you wouldn’t know at first he was a zombie, making him more deadly.

    However, Milton has a Phantom Of The Opera type vibe to him and I’ve always had the hots for poor Erik. Course, in my fantasies Erik has been turned into a vampire and is in love with me but we’re talking about Hollywood zombies (as opposed to VooDoo/real zombies), not vampires.

  • 12 ApocalypsejunkieNo Gravatar // Feb 8, 2012 at 11:27 am

    “Check out these teeth that resemble no teeth that ever existed!”

    I dunno, been to Walmart lately? I swear Molly checked me out and Bipsey was hanging out by the cheese cooler :-O

  • 13 Drew BluddNo Gravatar // Mar 31, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    The kid looks like if Tim Kazurinsky from Police Academy and Squeak from BASEketball had a kid.

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