Author: unkle lancifer
I Saw The TV Glow & Speak No Evil
A24’s trailer for Jane (WE’RE ALL GOING TO THE WORLD’S FAIR) Schoenbrun’s I SAW THE TV GLOW had me all prepared for an IT FOLLOWS-esque suburban curse flick crammed into a Candle Cove repressed memory nineties nostalgia taco shell. While there certainly are sharp slivers of horror spiking this poetic, fluorescent fish aquarium-toned ode to outsiders and their dependence on media for a social life, it’s more of a coming of age character study than anything else (albeit a mighty surreal one). Owen (Justin Smith who I recognized from the video game THE QUARRY) is a cautious wraith-like teenager who can’t seem to materialize enough to cast a shadow at home or at school. He eventually meets a slightly older gal named Maddy (Bridgette Lundy Payne) who indoctrinates him into the comfy world of obsessive serial television fandom and the buffering delights of wrapping yourself in the toasty warm blanket of dissociation. Maddy’s go-to trap door escape from reality is “The Pink Opaque” a young adult dark fantasy series complete with monster of the week episodes and a “Big Bad” named Mr. Melancholy (who looks like a still from 1902’s A TRIP TO THE MOON sans the rocket in the eye). Maddy describes the program as “More real than real life” and I’m in no position to judge her as in the nineties I was known to claim BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER was more important to me than my actual life (I no longer think that but must admit I was much happier when I did).
Over the preceding years, both Owen and Maddie are haunted by their connection to the show and struggle to understand the ever fuzzy (and possibly adjustable) line between fantasy and reality. Although much of the journey depicted is frustratingly vague, willfully muddled and downright mumbly at times, it’s hard not to feel sympathy for these characters who find it easier to relate to fictional beings on a television screen than the abrasive clods that surround them in life (Fred Durst is Owen’s step dad – you know that can’t be easy). Sure, I’m still slightly disappointed I didn’t get my (wrongfully assumed) scarefest on but I’m glad I caught this earnest tribute to square pegs (another great TV show) and the art that nurtures them when no-one else will. One scene that I found particularly poignant has Owen catching up with his beloved program decades later only to discover that age has not been kind and what once seemed profound now seems prosaic and what was once scary is now laughably lame. We’ve all been there (but let it be known that BUFFY still rules).
James (of the soul devouring EDEN LAKE) Watkin’s SPEAK NO EVIL is a superior thriller (and remake of a 2022 Danish film) that boasts stellar performances and hearkens back to the “Blank From Hell” suspense films that elbowed horror flicks to the side during the late eighties/early nineties (I’m thinking their heyday blossoms with FATAL ATTRACTION and wilts with THE TEMP). In this case, James McAvoy (who has proven his psycho chomps and then some in SPLIT & GLASS and should really play Jack Torrance some day) is Paddy, a host from hell who along with his hippy-ish spouse Ciara (STOPMOTION’s Aisling Franciosi) and socially stunted (with good reason) son Ant (Dan Hough) welcome the far too trusting Dalton family (BLACK MIRROR: San Junipero’s Mackenzie Davis as borderline unfaithful wife Louise, Scoot McNair (MONSTERS) as ineffectual husband Ben and Alix West Lefler as neurotic preteen Agnes) to spend the weekend in their gorgeous yet sorta slummy farmhouse in the Italian countryside (BTW, I thankfully never have to worry about the incidents depicted here befalling myself as the only thing I hate more than traveling is staying in someone else’s home overnight and I therefore have made a pact with myself never to do either again if at all possible).
The getaway gets off to an uncomfortable start as Paddy who knows very well that Louise is a vegetarian, tries to force feed her a duck he roasted after telling tales of the fowl's remarkable spirit. From there things get worse and worse as personality clashes pile up, an unexplained surplus of fancy watches emerges and someone (not me this time) outs themselves as a fan of the Bangles and particularly their #1 charting power ballad "Eternal Flame". The tense situation ultimately comes to a head when the Daltons learn the tastes of their eccentric hosts lean less toward SCHITT’S CREEK and more toward WOLF CREEK (if ya catch my drift). This is a real nail biter with a satisfying conclusion and I enjoyed how there’s never a moment when you think the ultimate showdown will come between the two patriarchs as clearly the formidable Louise is the Dalton’s best chance of survival against the runaway rage train that is Paddy. Unfortunately SPEAK NO EVIL, through no fault of its own, happened to be the first film I watched after the mind-blowing cinematic hand grenade that is THE SUBSTANCE and therefore sometimes felt about as quaint as a Holly Hobbie Chloroforms set in comparison. Nevertheless, this chunk o’ menace still operates like a well tuned STRAW DOGS-esque fret machine and its main pillar performances (McAvoy & Davis, natch) are super compelling, top notch and something to shout about.
Name That Trauma:: Kathryngrace on an Oversized Eyewitness Ghost Book
Hi, I know the “Name That Trauma” is usually about movies or TV, but there’s a book about ghosts I read as a kid that I’ve been trying to find for years and I thought someone might recognize what book I’m talking about. It was a book about “real" ghosts. It was blue and oversized and had a picture of a ghostly woman riding a carriage on the cover. She may have been holding her decapitated head or I may just be imagining that. It was titled something generic like “Ghosts” or “Hauntings” which has made it even harder to find. The format was kind of similar to those DK Eyewitness books for kids or the Time Life books on the supernatural. It was written before the mid ‘90s, because that’s when I discovered it at the library. Fingers crossed someone recognizes this!
The Substance (Plus Special Funhouse)
I just had my underused brain yanked out of my head like a peach pit, dribbled around the room like a basketball and handed back to me like a letter to to Bigfoot without a stamp by THE SUBSTANCE. Oh, how ill prepared I was. Poor me wandered innocently into the movie theater (finally utilizing my free pass) expecting a stylish dark psychological thriller that was vaguely horror adjacent like say, BLACK SWAN but Coralie (THE REVENGE, 2018) Fargeat’s gloriously surreal takedown of engorged ego, body dysmorphia, misogyny, ageism, corporate exploitation and the shallowness of society in general, is a pure capital H, mega-dose of Horror (particularly of the body variety) and the florescent light it’s hiding under its bonkers bushel is that it’s the most eye-poppingly awesome and bizarre special make-up effects extravaganza the cinema has seen since Rob Bottin abandoned horror fans like a deadbeat dad (Seriously, bring goggles with windshield wipers on them in preparation for the film’s climax).
This many layered psyche crusher burrows bone deep and features a truly extraordinary (and Oscar worthy) performance by a fearless Demi Moore (PARASITE, THE SEVENTH SIGN, model for the I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE poster) as a theoretically past her prime celebrity who is prepared to demolish everything (even herself) to be adored with the same ferocity as she was in her youth. Unfortunately, she makes a Faustian bargain with a faceless pharmaceutical company (and apparently David Cronenberg) and ends up with a vampire level addiction doing the REQUIEM FOR A DREAM downward spiral shuffle which never ends well, and always leaves yours truly in an emotional fetal position.
As always, the less you know the better so I’ll say no more, just drop everything that you’re doing and run out and make sure you see what is the greatest and goopiest horror spectacle to come howling down the pike spraying ooze in decades. THE SUBSTANCE is a highly original affair like nothing you’ve seen before but that doesn’t stop it from stoking and rekindling memories of many other fine slices of nightmare cinema. Therefore, since we had no Funhouse this week, here are 15 images for you to identify from 15 movies this bravo-worthy instant classic might pal around with:
Recently Viewed (By Unk)
In PHANTOM OF DEATH (1988), Michael York (THE ISLAND OF DR MOREAU ’77) portrays Robert Dominic, a concert pianist who suffers from a rare disease that speeds up his aging process and he’s so darn salty about it (who wouldn’t be?) that he goes on a cathartic murder rampage to let off some steam. Fortunately for viewers, he eventually unwisely sets his sights on the daughter of a police inspector played by the one and only Donald Pleasence who goes into full throttle, late phase Dr. Loomis mode which results in much yelling and delicious scene chewing in the beautiful streets of Italy. Although a little slow and meandering at times, this is a must see for Giallo fans directed by the legendary Ruggero Deodato (Cannibal Holocaust) that features a very welcome cameo by my personal hero (he really did me a solid once and I’m forever indebted) the late, great Giovanni Lombardo Radice ( THE GATES OF HELL, HOUSE ON THE EDGE OF THE PARK, STAGE FRIGHT, CANNIBAL FEROX and plenty more) and a boasts yet another lovely score from the master himself Pino Donaggio (DON’T LOOK NOW, CARRIE, PIRANHA, THE HOWLING, TOURIST TRAP and countless other classics). I have no idea how I’ve lived so long without being aware of this weird gem (I’m still stunned by a scene involving a kid on a park swing with an elderly man’s face) and oddly must thank a local thrift store that hung up its video release movie poster for alerting me of its existence.
To tell you the truth, the sole reason BELIEVE (2000) fell into my orbit is because I’m down for collecting any VHS tape that happens to have a lenticular cover. As it turns out, I rather enjoyed this corny yet sweet nearly G-rated ghost flick mostly due to its winning cast. Benjamin Styles (Ricky Mabe) is sent to live with his uptight grandfather in a small town when his boarding school tires of his constant pranking which typically involves him convincing unsuspecting kids of ghostly happenings with ghoulish props and makeshift special effects. Soon it is he though who is witnessing supernatural phenomenon in the form of a ghostly apparition in a red dress. He elicits a local outcast/love interest (a young Elisha Cuthbert of HOUSE OF WAX (2005) who is absolutely adorable) to be the Nancy Drew to his Hardy boy and solve the mystery of who the phantom may be and why the two kids’ grandfathers (DEAD OF WINTER (’87)’s Jan Rubes and always great Ben Gazzara) have been feuding for years. Well shot and low key spooky, this Canadian production (so Canadian that even BLACK CHRISTMAS legend Andrea Martin shows up to portray a paranormal specialist) is sort of a lighter version of Halloween favorite THE LADY IN WHITE (’88) and is a great choice if you’re in the mood for the softer side of horror.
Yet another teen slasher following faithfully in the meta-horror footsteps of SCREAM (with a heavy dollop of WISHMASTER thrown in) SPLICED (2002) tells the story of angsty young horror fan Mary (Liane Balaban of 2012’s MANIAC) who goes to see a fright flick entitled THE WISHER and lives to regret it and then some. Not even her pill pushing high school guidance councilor/therapist Campbell (a fascinatingly out of place RON SILVER) can explain why after viewing the film, Mary has begun seeing it’s titular antagonist stalking about and has had every one of her own off-handed wishes come true with decidedly horrific results. SPLICED bites off a little more than it can chew for sure but its over the top histrionic heart, dubious dialogue (which seems almost AI generated) and film within a film references (THE WISHER movie is apparently sweeping the nation, a marquee shows it playing alongside HALLOWEEN RESURRECTION and it even has a convincing full page ad in the newspaper boasting its 4th smash week) make it pretty darn entertaining in my book.
I caught 1985’s THE DEADLY INTRUDER on VHS (Can't resist a Theon EMI clamshell case) many years ago but quickly wrote it off as yet another escaped mental patient picture (which it is) but something about its murky, late night vibe has always stuck with me. I even forgot the title but was able to track it down again having remembered that it featured Danny Bonaduce of THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY in a supporting role. Although this micro-budgeted semi-slasher is still muddy enough at points to make my mind wonder all over the place and subjects the viewer to a hysterical heroine who seems to have never learned how to run, it provides a groovy synth score, a nifty twist to deferential itself from the pack, and hopefully a small paycheck for a game but underused Stuart Whitman (Hooper's EATEN ALIVE). I would love to see this hidden oddity graduate to high definition some day but I gotta admit there’s something about its relentlessly dark, grainy, nearly indecipherable imagery that adds to its charm. Bonus points for one particularly vicious kill and a pretty decent stinger of a final image.
Fritz Lang’s SECRET BEYOND THE DOOR (1947) is a moody noir thriller and gothic romance that once it reveals its titular secret, may leave you wishing you’d revisited Hitchcock’s superior REBECCA instead. Don’t blame the great Joan Bennet (SUSPIRIA, DARK SHADOWS), she carries the whole affair on her back and it’s a pleasure to hear her distinctive voice even when she’s navigating through the tritest of dialogue. Bennet plays Celia, a navel gazing woman who marries a man she barely knows only to find out he is either a murderous psycho or just super grumpy and emotionally abusive. I mean, the guy doesn’t even bother to inform her that he has a son until poor Celia moves in with him! This is a beautifully shot black and white Universal film (that even reuses the exact foggy grove of trees featured in THE WOLF MAN to nice effect) with a decent paranoid set up and passable performances (GILLIGAN’S ISLAND’s lovey Howell Natalie Schafer steals a few scenes) but oh boy, the (non) payoff is a clunker and it’s very difficult to believe that there was any time period in which people would behave in the head-scratching way that the characters do here. Considering all that transpires, it's legit bonkers that the film insists on an "all's well that ends well" denouement.
I finally solved a “Name That Trauma” of my own recently. While finishing a flick on Tubi, it fortuitously suggested 2013’s SCARECROW to me as something I might be interested in next. I caught this movie on TV back in the day (apparently on the SyFy channel as it’s one of their originals) but forgot its title. All google attempts failed due to the fact that I wrongly remembered it starring Danielle Harris instead of Lacey Chabert (they do kinda resemble each other so I’ll give myself a break). I know that in most cases SyFy movies should be avoided at all costs but this one isn’t half bad and I think the fact that it stuck in my crawl for so many years says something. I do have a soft spot for the killer scarecrow sub-genre and I especially like that (the admittedly too generically titled) SCARECROW features a group of hapless people trapped in a farm house a la’ NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD with the fields around them becoming almost like shark infested waters. The scarecrow creature itself is more of a morphing root demon than any scarecrow I’ve ever seen but hey, all it really needs to be is an unpredictable threat and I’m on board. Sure it’s silly but the character dynamics are fun (there’s a love triangle and a requisite selfish saboteur) and the peck them off one by one, survival element works well. Lil’ Lacey even gets her chance to grab an axe and go relatively badass. Mostly I'm just relieved to finally find this needle in a killer scarecrow movie haystack and can’t wait to move on with my life.
I caught Gary Sherman’s brutal VICE SQUAD ('82) on late night HBO as a kid while staying at a friend’s house and it rocked my world. I love it’s grit, I love its sleazy LA setting and I especially love its beyond terrifying psycho antagonist Ramrod portrayed by the remarkable Wings Hauser (who incidentally also sings the film’s glorious theme song entitled “Neon Slime”). Not sure how a movie that features an OG MTV VJ (Nina Blackwood) being beaten to death with a clothes hanger has somehow almost become a comfort movie for me but here we are. I think it’s because it never fails to make me feel completely in danger even in my own home. It’s possible this flick permanently changed the wiring in my head all those years ago and I have to periodically watch it again to remember what it felt like to be that riveted.
I usually refrain from watching horror movies during the day but I was seeing such a frenzy of discourse concerning THE DELIVERANCE this past Labor Day that I had see what all the hubbub was about ASAP. Based on an alleged real haunting/possession, this soapy Lee Daniels anomaly doesn’t quite satisfy
but it sure is a hoot and a half to watch thanks to vibrant performances and its go for broke nature. Honestly, the less you take it seriously, the better off you’ll be. I’m assuming since it references VALLEY OF THE DOLLS, Blaine and Antoine, the “Hated it!” guys from IN LIVING COLOR, and features Colleen Camp as a doctor that its tongue is firmly planted in its cheek and high camp was an intended goal but I've heard otherwise from many. In any case, this is at least its own wacky beast and although it has trouble whipping up the scares due to its inconsistent tone, I’m always at least a little unnerved by the loss of personal control element innate to any possession film. The true mark of success for me will depend on exactly how many people I see dressed up as Glenn Close’s scene stealing character Alberta this Halloween. I’m guessing they’ll be legion.
I randomly came across THE TODD KILLINGS (’71) on DVD at my local used media shop recently and I’m so glad I did. Like Jack Ketchum’s THE LOST and Joyce Carol Oates' "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been" (the inspiration for 85's excellent SMOOTH TALK), it’s based on the crimes of Charles Schmid a young charismatic pied piper who somehow was able to entice his admirers into killing innocents for kicks. Underrated character actor Robert F. Lyons (DARK NIGHT OF THE SCARECROW) plays Skipper Todd an amoral egoist who fancies himself a rock star, lives off his mother (DALLAS’ Barbara Bel Geddes ) and manipulates the impressionable until finally his cowardly crimes catch up to him. Early seventies California looks gorgeous throughout and I dig the Scooby Doo flavored fashions and the near constant rotation of recognizable stars of that era like THE WALTONS Richard Thomas as an easy mark for Skipper, and an underused Gloria Graham (BLOOD AND LACE) as his worried mom. FAMILY’s James Broderick (Mathew’s pop) is allotted a choice scene where he gets to read Skipper to his face and inform him how mundane his rebel without a clue edgelord tendencies are and that he is fundamentally as bourgeois as those he condemns. This one’s a real find for those enjoy seventies cinema, psychological thrillers or simply watching sociopath bullies get what’s coming to them!
I went to see A QUIET PLACE: DAY ONE in the movie theater but right at the point when the creatures were attacking New York City there was a bomb threat and the entire audience had to be evacuated! So there I was, much like the characters in the movie running down stairs while sirens roared wondering if these were my last moments of life. Well, finally the movie hit streaming and I can see what I missed (the theater did give me a free pass in compensation but I figured I use it on something else). I might have to watch the first two movies again to verify this but at this point, even though I enjoyed them all, I’m actually thinking this latest entry is my favorite of the three. I really loved the amped up disaster movie vibe and delighted in watching people running for their lives as the world crumbled around them (from GODZILLA VS THE SMOG MONSTER to EARTHQUAKE to the simulated Cylon attack in GALACTICA 1980, I’ve been a sucker for catastrophe ever since I was a kid). The fact that this flick involves monsters ravaging a modern city and attacking people in broad daylight in droves something I (and many I'm sure) have always fantasized for the ALIEN franchise, makes it all the more awesome sauce. I also identified with the characters (Lupita Nyong’o’s terminally ill curmudgeon Sam, STRANGER THINGS’ Joseph Quinn's overwhelmed and vulnerable Eric and HEREDITARY’s Alex Wolf as not long for this world Rueben) much more as they were flawed relatable outsiders rather than some milquetoast family who probably badgered retail workers before society collapsed anyway. Also this film knew that to truly drive me up the wall insane it must include a cat in peril due to my every nightmare involving exactly that. Just seeing a person carrying a cat in the city (looking at you INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS) is enough to make my right leg start shaking like a jack hammer. Bring on DAY TWO.
I had exactly zero hope for BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE because somewhere along the line I had thrown in the towel in regards to Tim Burton as a director. It almost seemed like he was purposely destroying everything I enjoyed in life and gleefully stomping on my personal favorite things. How dare he take beloved works like PLANET OF THE APES, CHARLIE & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY, ALICE IN WONDERLAND (the mere thought of the break-dancing mad Hatter scene in ALICE still makes me want to jump out a window) and DARK SHADOWS and turn them into intolerable tacky looking miasma mush? Burton has kicked me in the shins more times than I can count and as far as I was concerned his talent had tapped out long ago. But then I started hearing all this (equally shocked) positive word of mouth and noticed rave reviews popping up and wondered could it be? Had the storm of ugliness finally passed? I had to find out and find out I did and gosh darn it, I loved BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE. It’s like a dream come true to me. It builds off of the OG beautifully, enhances and broadens its world, is routinely funny and most miraculously, has the manic energy, weirdo style and wild enthusiasm of Burton’s early assured artistry. I’m so glad I kept an open mind and gave it a chance because the climax of this movie brought actual tears of euphoric joy to my eyes. Ya see, I really loved the first BEETLEJUICE (and its companion cartoon) but had retroactively forgotten how much so due to Burton's string of debacles and now I feel like something of great value has returned to me. Listen folks, if I can believe in Tim Burton again anything in this crazy world is possible. Never forget that.
Name That Trauma:: Zak B. On An Electrocuted Twin Sister
I have a movie that been stuck in my head since I was 4 or 5 (1989-1990) My sister and I had a babysitter and we were watching a really scary movie (maybe 70’s or 80’s) about (possibly) a twin sister in jail like facility and one gets electrocuted but she didn’t die, her body was hard and they hung her on a metal rack and put her in a dark closet. Another part is a mason jar with a skin from the head of a woman stuffed in and spinning on a record player in the middle of a locker room. Any ideas?
Traumafession:: Miss M on The Exorcist
I have a story to add. I grew up on horror thanks to having a young emotionally immature Mother lol. I was 14 when I saw this eye poppin' doozie of a movie. The horror could not be contained.
I had to go to sleep for school the next morning but decided to prank my Mother who was the only other one in our apartment.
I rapped on the wall twice (reminiscent of how the possession of Reagan started) covering my mouth with both hands to keep from laughing as Mom shouted "Go to sleep!!!"
I begin dozing off. I heard thumps and mom yelled again. My eyes snapped open. I began screaming at the top of my lungs BLOODY MURDER as I did a scooby doo run in midair -before my feet could land and I FLEW into mom's room, jumped on her, grabbing her by both sides of her head and was yanking her head….all while she was laughing. She was chortling with tears streaming from her eyes, pee your pants kind of laughter that made her weak lol. (She pranked me better.)
Needless to say, I missed school the next day for lack of sleep as Mom kept scaring me all night long…grabbing a knife and grinning.
Alien: Romulus
I am over the moon to report that ALIEN: ROMULUS is the ALIEN sequel that I’ve been waiting decades for. Not only does it take place between Ridley Scott’s 1979 masterpiece ALIEN and James Cameron’s 1986 classic ALIENS but it cleverly borrows the best elements from both films (with a sprinkle of aesthetics from the excellent ALIEN: ISOLATION game). This is a machine that hums with the thrilling gothic haunted house vibes of the OG yet doesn’t shy away from the gun blasting, action set pieces that drove its most successful sequel (while wisely jettisoning the empty nihilism of ALIEN 3, the artsy quirkiness of RESURRECTION, the bloated pretentiousness of PROMETHEUS and the convoluted compromise of COVENANT (Not to mention the goofiness of ALIEN VS PREDATOR and the sloppiness of REQUIEM). BTW: despite this slander avalanche with the exception of COVENANT, I’m a BIG fan of the ALIEN series & it’s possible my distaste for that last entry is mostly due to loyalty to the great character Elizabeth Shaw who I believe was done dirty to an unforgivable degree). Director Fede Alvarez cuts out all the chaff, leans hard (and I mean hard) into horror and delivers a believable, grounded world occupied by two of the most compelling characters to ever grace the franchise. In fact, I dug it so much that I had to award it my highest honor which is to say that I dug into my moth strewn cheapskate wallet and paid to watch it a second time a few days after my first viewing (I couldn’t help myself, the movie is just so damn immersive and you know I’d do anything to play hooky from reality).
Plucky yet disgruntled Rain Carradine (Cailee Spaeny) dreams of living in a world where she can see the sun but instead she’s an exploited cog for the oppressive Weyland -Yutani corporation which has no issue grinding her down to smithereens and is already responsible for the death of her parents. Her only joy in life comes from gleefully enduring groan worthy dad jokes supplied by her synthetic sibling Andy (Incredible David Jonsson who deserves all the laurels and is instantly sympathetic, fascinatingly nuanced and literally impeccable in every scene). The two are presented with a possible escape from their drudgery in the form of a plan devised by Rain’s ex boyfriend Tyler (Archie Renaux) to pillage a derelict space station for sleeping chambers that would allow them to travel to greener pastures. What Tyler’s band of misfits really needs to pull off the caper is the talents of Andy who as a synthetic, can communicate with the ship’s computer system and allow them the full access required. Rain is desperate enough to take the offer and of course, nothing goes as planned. In fact, the group finds themselves trapped in a living hell filled with numerous beasties (both familiar and new fangled) and hurling towards an inevitable deadly collision (if they last that long- which doesn’t seem likely due to the wall to wall monsters roaming about cruising for nonconsenual hosts).
ALIEN: ROMULUS miraculously takes the tried and true trapped on a time bomb ship stuffed with ferocious creatures premise and consistently pumps fresh, imaginative life into it. Beyond the titular alien menace, the setting breeds many innovative dangers that creatively play around with gravity, room temperature, deadly acid and of course, the unreliable nature of elevators. Many times survival and escape seem absolutely impossible and the multitude of monstrosities feel completely overwhelming. Even the more familiar menaces appear injected with horrific new vibrancy. The film takes its sweet time setting up its merciless mousetrap but when the dominoes begin to fall it's a steep non-stop roller coaster ride complete with unpredictable turns and a sense of tangible peril. Further persuasion is supplied by a fantastic, nudging, triggering score that nearly throttles care of Benjamin Wallfisch (IT, BLADE RUNNER 2049). This is true edge of your seat business set up with a real time countdown to destruction that unnerves to the core. I tried not to but yes, I made audible yelping noises on several occasions but luckily I was not alone. Crawling through this collapsing house of horrors, I felt the whole theater was as enraptured as myself, something I haven’t felt in a long time.
Now, to be fair, there is perhaps a few moments of regrettable wonkiness thanks to some overstepping CGI (don’t worry it doesn’t involve the very solid xenomorphs who have never looked better or more menacing). I was able to use my always handy imagination to slink past the offending blemishes but I understand that’s not going to be possible for everybody. The strange thing is that the eyesore in question could have been so easily avoided with some simple editing or PATTY DUKE SHOW camera angles but I guess they had to go for it (CGI hubris is a dangerous drug). In any case, it doesn’t effect the storytelling and I’m confident it will look better (or at least look less jarring) on the small screen in the future. It’s really just a visual flaw on an otherwise beautifully structured canvas and if nothing else it at least exists in order to provide one hell of a surprise for longtime fans. All in all, I am overflowing with gratitude towards any and all who made this long time coming, worthy (and truly horrifying) sequel possible. It’s like a dream (albeit a very nerve-racking and terrifying dream) come true.
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