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Depressed Horse Commits Suicide

October 13th, 2007 by unkle lancifer · 5 Comments

Artax, the beloved horse of Atreyu took his own life while traveling through the swamps of sadness in Fantasia recently. Creatures with depressive disorders have long been warned of the swamps ability to amplify suicidal ideology, leading to immobilazation and eventualy complete submersion. “He let the place get to him,” explained the bereaved. “I guess he just started thinking about how screwed up things have been around here lately, plus there’s this whole approaching nothingness thing. I think about stuff like that too, I just don’t think about it when I’m in the effing swamps of sadness.” When pressed further, Arteyu, a great warrior, claimed he did everything in his power to talk his friend out of his existential dilemma. “I thought he was joking at first, I even tried to laugh it off, but old Eyore just kept sinking. I was like, ‘You have to try, you have to care!’ For me… I’m you’re friend. I love you! I even called him a ‘Stupid Horse,’ something I’ve never said before. I told him I wouldn’t give up and I didn’t, but he sure as hell did.” Services will be held on Shell Mountain close to where the incident took place. The grieving are advised to travel there by Luck Dragon, giant bat, racing snail or even rock tricycle as the swamps have proven time and again with occurrences such as this, to be dangerous by foot or hoof. “It’s a NEVERENDING STORY admitted the ruler of Fantasia, a nameless Childlike Empress, “Lots of folks go into that swamp, not so many come out.”

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Tags: Tykes in Trouble

5 responses so far ↓

  • 1 ericNo Gravatar // Dec 14, 2007 at 6:56 pm

    it’s still hard for me to believe that the same kid that plays Atreyu is also the older brother in “Troll”.

  • 2 sbdNo Gravatar // Jun 23, 2008 at 11:06 pm

    My most traumatic moment from this movie came about because the first time I saw it was as an adult while I was babysitting my 3 year old niece. She’d seen it a bunch of times but I was completely caught by surprise when Atreyu rides between the apparently lovingly crafted, anatomically correct sphinxes. I was thinking, “should I say something, cover her eyes, turn it off…?” She saved me though by piping up casually, “Dey got big boobies!” Phew!

  • 3 mamamiasweetpeachesNo Gravatar // Oct 1, 2008 at 4:12 pm

    I sort of liked this movie and tryed to get my daughter to watch it…and then the Horse Scene came on and she burst into tears and cursed me for making her watch it. Oh well.

  • 4 Michael EditsNo Gravatar // Apr 15, 2010 at 8:17 am

    The really sad part is that he couldn’t be retrieved for use in dog food and glue factories.

  • 5 SiloDwellerNo Gravatar // Feb 10, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    i’m still not so sure whether or not i like this film. it made me feel very ‘weird’ when i was a kid and even today, all i have to do is hear that theme song and i feel a little frightened. strange but true.

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