I love horror movies! That’s why when I went to the movies this past Friday I skipped past the theater marquee that read THE STEPFATHER and planted my Sour Patch Kid chompin’ ass down to see WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE in the theater next door! I might have given THE STEPFATHER a chance except for the fact that I accidentally brought a gun with me and I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to resist blowing my brains out as soon as the movie started. Also, I’m sure everyone is familiar with my motto, “Never judge a movie until you’ve seen it…unless the director of that movie is the guy responsible for the remake of PROM NIGHT.” Besides WILD THINGS looked like tons of fuzzy fun and, at least once a year, I like to feel happiness.

Did I get my fun? Yep, but I also got this super moving experience I won’t soon forget. How’s come this movie that stars a bunch of monsters seems to deliver more human emotion than most non-monster starring movies I know? I sure hope my fellow moviegoers saw me blowing my nose into my hoodie sleeve when the credits were rolling because that is my new way of saying giant thumbs up!

You can probably tell from the trailer that, thankfully, WILD THINGS was not turned into a homogenized hand holder that teaches you to be all in love with yourself and that winning is about believing and that dreaming is about winning and hooray for you because you win! Strangely it’s not even all, “Hey, you’re really ugly, but that makes you different and the world would be really boring if everyone was good looking, so thanks for not boring us ugly”!

WILD THINGS is not only unafraid to accurately depict the troubling and confusing loneliness that sometimes invades childhood, but also the complicated idiosyncratic nature of human (and monster) relationships that causes that loneliness. Really, doesn’t it just suck that needing somebody is exactly the type of thing that will make you act up (go wild) and scare that somebody away? WILD THINGS also had me asking myself the most important life question of all: “Why can’t CATHERINE O’HARA star in everything?”

Whoever’s idea it was to hire SPIKE JONZE to direct this movie needs to wear a gold crown on their head. Here is a place we have never gone before and the creatures, a combination of practical effects with a light gloss of CGI, come off as superbly convincing. The voice work is nearly too good be true with the likes of my hero LAUREN AMBROSE, super stud FOREST WHITAKER and snuggle bunny JAMES GANDOLFINI lending tonsil. MAX RECORDS, as Max, gets a “You’re not annoying” sticker and don’t get me started on the mom I’d never run away from…CATHERINE KEENER.

Some folks might be off put by the movie’s mellow drifty attitude, but I found it kind of relief not to be yanked around from scene to scene by the lapels. There is so much texture and detail here that future visits are unavoidable. If you are too poor to afford a down comforter, go see this movie instead. It’s basically the same thing.

Q: Will kids be entertained?

A: Only the ones worth keeping.

Parents, heed my word, take all your children to see this and the ones that don’t like it or fall asleep, just leave in the theater; you don’t want those ones. I’m so keen on this flick I’m even going to throw out a Bloody Disgusting inspired blurb! “It’s the hairiest movie of all time!”

I gotta go now, MUMMY 3 (TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR) is on HBO and they just called forth the Yeti!