Monster Christmas Mash!

UNK SEZ: THE MONSTER CHRISTMAS MASH is my favorite Christmas album of all time. I wish I could tell you that it was a staple of my youth but the reality is, T.M.C.M. and I did not cross paths until I was in my early twenties when I bought it on vinyl at a dollar store. I used to listen to it every year until it mysteriously disappeared. I can only surmise that, like so many things I once treasured, a horrible person with exceptional taste stole it from me while I was passed out.

Who cares about those lean years without my beloved record though because I just found it once again! Now I usually don’t condone downloading music off the Internet but in this case, I say do. It’s unlikely to ever be put on CD anyway and even if it was, I’m sure that none of the right people would see any mullah. Besides, Christmas is not only about giving, it is also about getting. Imagine if everybody gave and nobody got? There would just be a bunch of presents on the floor and that’s called litter.

Find MONSTER CHRISTMAS MASH HERE!

If you still end up feeling bad about getting something for free then give a toy to a tot or a hoagie to a hobo. This amazing album, especially the irresistible barnstormer “Who’s That Up on the Roof?,” needs to be heard and shared by all!

Traumafessions :: Kinderpal Mickster on Loretta Lynn’s “To Heck With Ole Santa Claus”

It’s Christmas time, which tends to make me more sentimental than usual. I love recalling childhood memories of past Christmases. I even love listening to the same Christmas music such as BING CROSBY, JIM REEVES, STATLER BROTHERS, and PERRY COMO. However, I loathe one Christmas song to this day. My family knows I loathe this song and even now as an adult, they taunt me with it.

Icky!

I even hate typing the title, but here it is “To Heck With Ole Santa Claus” by LORETTA LYNN. When I was little, I thought Santa would be angry at me for listening to a song with lyrics like, “When he goes dashin’ through the snow I hope he falls, I like to hit him in the (ho ho ho) with a bunch of big snowballs; To heck with ole Santa Claus.”

LORETTA even goes on to threaten Santa with this, “This year I’ll build a big fire by the fireplace, I’ll be like a little pig I read about, If that big bad wolf in red comes down my chimney; He’s a gonna scorch his whiskers there’s no doubt.”

Well, as a child, I thought Santa would be insulted by this song just as Santa in ‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS was insulted by Albert’s scathing letter to the editor. I sure hope this year that my family forgets to torture me with this loathsome yuletide tune!

Name That Trauma :: Reader matt323 on a “Lost” Killer Kid Novel

Hey there everybody,

In the mid ’80s there was a novel about a killer kid called “Lost” or possibly “The Lost.” The book also had a creepy T.V. commercial that ran late at night. Every time I try a search for this book everything that comes up is either related to the T.V. show or the Jack Ketchum novel. If anyone could tell me the name of the author it would great and a way to see the commercial again would be even better.

Thanks a bunch,

matt323

UPDATE: NAME THAT TRAUMA SOLVED! Nothing seems to get past the all-knowing senski, and he knew that this book is LOST by Gary Devon.

Traumafessions :: Reader Megan D. on a Japanese Puppet Show

Hi there,

My sister told me about your site. Great stuff, and what a cool idea!

I was wondering if you could help me. For as long as I can remember, there has been ONE thing that I can recall from my childhood that scared the living crap out of me (and it still bothers me to this day when I think about it). I believe it was an act that appeared on the MUPPET SHOW, and it involved some kind of Japanese puppet.

Now, I’ve already done a little research myself and came across this:

This very well might be what frightened me so much, because it seems to match fairly well with what I can remember…but not quite. I seem to recall the puppet’s movements being more jerky and frantic. My sister told me that you often track down the things that scared people so much as kids, and I was wondering if you could help me out. It would be much appreciated! If you need me to provide any more details, please just let me know and I’ll do the best I can.

Thanks so much!

Megan D.

AUNT JOHN SEZ: Megan, I am pretty sure you might have provided the answer to your NAME THAT TRAUMA; however, I am by no means well versed in the art of Japanese puppetry. Therefore, I feel it’s best to ask our infinitely more knowledgeable readers… what says youse guys?

Traumafessions :: Reader Griffin on a Cinematical Children’s Book

Hi there kindertrauma! I’ve sent you guys a question before and I don’t know if you have a limit of one question per person, but this question has popped into my head and it’s driving me nuts!

Anyway what I’m trying to remember is not a movie or T.V. show, but instead a horror book for kids (and no, it’s not a GOOSEBUMPS book), it was a picture book about a boy who goes into an abandoned and haunted movie theater and finds a nice popcorn and soda waiting for him and a movie about to start, so he watches the movie which is an old 1950’s era B-movie about alien spiders on Mars and suddenly the kid finds himself IN THE MOVIE!

And what really scared me about the book is that it ends with him trapped in the movie and possibly eaten by the spiders.

I’m pretty sure it had “Spiders from Mars” or “Mars Spiders” somewhere in the title, but anything I Google gets me nothing but DAVID BOWIE results. Oh, and in case it helps, I believe the book is from the late ‘90s.

So there you have it, this has been driving me nuts and of course I no longer have the book anywhere, that would be too easy, so here’s hoping you guys can help me out!

In Memoriam: Dan O’Bannon 1946-2009


UNK SEZ: The great DAN O’BANNON died yesterday at the age of 63. I know he’s more famous for writing the beyond masterpiece ALIEN and directing the beyond classic RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, but I have to give a little shout-out to another film credit of his that truly left an indelible mark on me, 1981’s DEAD AND BURIED


“Come Dan, let me fix that for you…”