Year: 2011
The Beguiled
Folks shouldn't forget to invite THE BEGUILED (1971) to the horror party. Just because nothing supernatural is going on and hardly anybody gets killed, doesn't mean it won't bring any bean dip. Directed by DON SIEGAL (INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS ‘56) and starring frequent collaborator CLINT EASTWOOD, THE BEGUILED spins a delicate, deleterious web adapting the southern gothic novel A PAINTED DEVIL by THOMAS CULLINAN. If you appreciate the ominous beauty of NIGHT OF THE HUNTER or the psychosexual undercurrent of THE INNOCENTS you should get along with this movie just fine. Its blade is sharp enough that you may not realize that you've been cut until the film is over.
EASTWOOD (in his prime, I must say) plays injured Yankee soldier John McBurney who is discovered and drug home by a young girl (ubiquitous seventies child star PAMELYN FERDIN.) He finds himself being nursed back to health in an all-girl Confederate school and, although the ladies present express their trepidation about allowing the enemy in, it may be he who should be apprehensive as their bedside manner ends up being more Annie Wilkes (MISERY) than Florence Nightingale. A handful of the women instantly establish designs upon McBurney and he, operating as a blank slate, allows them to project whatever they like upon him. It isn't long before romantic fantasies are clashing and colliding and amity is thrown to the curb. Events eventually come to such a head that manipulative "McBee" pays for his underestimation of the fury of a woman scorned with a rather symbolic and wince-worthy loss of an appendage.
EASTWOOD showcases murkier depth than is usually associated with him and the supporting players are equal to his best. GERALDINE PAGE, as headmistress Martha, is chilling in her self-deceptive rationalizing and RAPE SQUAD's JO ANN HARRIS plays the perfect pouty vixen. During my last viewing though, I came away more impressed than usual with ELIZABETH HARTMAN who portrays the fragile Edwina. Turns out the Academy Award nominee voiced Mrs. Brisby in THE SECRET OF NIMH and tragically took her own life in 1987. The way all of these characters are represented with their own inner voices and personal flashbacks is unusually keen. There are no specific bad guys here really, just a group of people whose motivations and aspirations don't mesh. Outside of the alarming operation scene, THE BEGUILED treads softly but the mood established is cozy-creepy and the film has a rather luxurious candle lit glow. No, the supernatural does not come out to play, but thanks to cinematographer BRUCE SURTEES (whom EASTWOOD would wisely borrow for his own PLAY MISTY FOR ME later the same year) the movie feels legitimately haunted anyway.
THE BEGUILED is precise in its understatement and it's one of those movies that refuses categorization and therefore tends to get lost in the shuffle. Perhaps too, it was difficult for audiences to except EASTWOOD as such a calculating character who uses his masculine charms to get his way. He's no mere "womanizer"; he blatantly exploits romantic expectations to his advantage and yet still evokes sympathy like a wounded bird. In any case, this is one of EASTWOOD's best performances and further indication of what a fine, thoughtful artist SIEGAL could be. With one foot in the lovely and one foot in the grotesque, THE BEGUILED may not be traditional horror fare but it if you ask me, it does fall into that smaller category of a "great film."
Name That Trauma :: Reader Paco on a Pop-up Doll
Back in the '80s when I was a kid there was a toy where a monster would pop out and eat people/elves (not sure). As I remember it was a mini scene where something comes out from under a rock. It haunted me for years.
Later as a teen, I saw the DEVILMAN anime movie and it had an intro with fairies flying peacefully over an alien looking forest. Out of nowhere these cute things get eviscerated by all sorts of nasty carnivorous fauna and creatures. It's terrifying and also creeped me out for a while. It reminded me of the toy I am trying to remember.
Please help,
— Paco
UPDATE: NAME THAT TRAUMA SOLVED! Special thanks to Chris for solving it with Rocks & Bugs & Things!
Traumafessions :: Reader Brian Katcher on The Visible Woman
The Visible Woman is an exhibit you used to see in museums. It's a life-sized mannequin with transparent skin, so you can see her organs and skeleton. When I was about six, I was into the human body, so when we went to a museum, my dad took me to see this. We went into a small auditorium, where a real life woman stood next to the plastic one. When the chairs filled, we assumed she'd explain to us about the various organs.
Then the real woman walked back stage.
Then the lights went out.
Then the plastic woman's brain began to glow.
"This is my brain," said an eerie, disembodied voice.
That was enough for me. I began to cry. My dad, realizing how creepy this seemed to me, picked me up so we could leave.
AND THE DOOR WAS LOCKED FROM THE OUTSIDE.
This was so that no one would interrupt the presentation, and you exited through a different door. However, dad couldn't figure out how to leave without disturbing everyone, so I spent about ten minutes crouched in the corner, my eyes closed, covering my ears.
UNK SEZ: Thanks BRIAN, for the great traumafession! For more on author BRIAN KATCHER, visit his home base HERE! Painting above "Visible Woman" thanks to artist VICTOR RODRIGUEZ!
Star Crash
Post-holiday poverty stricken and desolate, I had no right to be perusing the used Blu-ray aisle in one of the last remaining brick and mortar stores in Philadelphia but I did so anyway like a delusional Delta Dawn. Normally, I just carry items around for a while, with no intention to buy, wearing an invisible hair shirt and scolding myself for contemplating things made superfluous through Netflix streaming. Every junkie has his Achilles' heel though, and why did they have to put out that recent ROGER CORMAN collection on Blu-ray? I swore I'd stay away from the Blu-beast temptation but my PS3 slobbers karo syrup like a bullying VIDEODROME accomplice. I had to get me that copy of STAR CRASH because it was reasonably priced and I could skip a meal or rob a convenience store if I really put my mind to it.
You can't deny STAR CRASH's cast which includes both JOE SPINELL and CAROLINE MUNRO, before they starred in MANIAC, MARJOE GORTNER who, when I was a critter gave me serious heebie jeebies in EARTHQUAKE due to his crone mug, a still-sorta human seeming DAVID HASSELHOFF, and CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER acting as if he had taken a wrong turn somewhere and might as well make the best of it. PLUMMER may not be alone in his feeling that he showed up to the wrong party, Oscar winning composer JOHN BARRY (MIDNIGHT COWBOY) inexplicably lends his talents to the questionable cause. Up ‘till now I'd only seen STAR CRASH on an ancient VHS tape sporting murky stroganoff color schemes but I've always had a crush on its ludicrous nature and clunky stop motion animation. I point and guffaw when its pants fall down.
Well, I'm glad I dipped my cone into STAR CRASH's rainbow jimmies on Blu-ray because it sure as hell showed me what's what. Moments in, I realized that my eyeballs were about to get reamed. You want stars? Where STAR WARS offers stars in one lone color, STAR CRASH gives ya a whole assortment of glimmering lite-brite hues. As much as this movie gets labeled a rip-off of GEORGE LUCAS' blockbuster its mise en scène is more bargain basement BARBARELLA. I know I'm looking at a junk pile, but it's a junk pile of beautiful sparkling garbage. Oh and the special effects, they still suck but now they suck brilliantly. Now I know what to drive when my FLASH GORDON is in the shop. Anyone who has ever dived into a swimming pool filled with Gummi Bears will know exactly the sensation that this psycho slapdash space adventure provides.
What's it about? Um. Smugglers who hate cops and then don't and then encounter nudie Amazons and cave people and who have to save a prince? Something about red lava lamp dot monsters that float around and some torpedoes with soldiers hiding inside? I do comprehend that JOE SPINELL is the bad guy and he wants to wreck everything. If you like your robots there's a really awesome cowboy talking robot named Elle (JUDD HAMILTON, Executive producer of MANIAC) who gives Twiki from BUCK ROGERS a run for his money in the, "My head looks like a dildo" department. Yeah there's not much of a plot, just a series of sloppily strung together sci-fi vignettes with a major, semi-excellent battle with fake Lego looking spaceships at the end. Perhaps most confusing of all is PLUMMER's final speech, which I think amounts to, "Let's do this again sometime."
Director LOUIS COATES (aka LUIGI COZZI) would go on to frappe ALIEN next with the splatter-tastic goo explosion CONTAMINATON. I love this guy; he's in the business of making counterfeit Gucci handbags but insists on decorating them with a BeDazzler. Yes this was a wise investment after all, as I've watched it three times already playing it like one of those video fireplaces burning nonsense. STAR CRASH is terriblific and certainly not the worst STAR WARS rip-off ever made. (I think that honor belongs to THE PHANTOM MENACE.)
NOTE: I had no way of capturing screenshots from my Blu-Ray but if you'd like to see the glory I'm speaking of, I suggest checking out the images included with this impeccable review by GARY TOOZE over HERE!
Name That Trauma :: Reader Eddie Quist on Slaughtered Soap Stars
Love this site, one of my favorites ever since I discovered you guys through a Google search about the still-terrifying made-for-TV flick DON'T GO TO SLEEP. My question is about another made-for-TV movie, since I know they're a specialty of yours.
Around 1982 or '83, I remember a movie airing that followed a group of soap opera stars as they were being bumped off one by one. I don't remember much about it other than the fact that there were a lot of shots from the murderer's POV, which were usually accompanied by his weird, tuneless humming. The only other thing I remember was that one of the soap's male stars was pushed out the window of an apartment building; the cops in the next scene described how he "splattered" when he hit the pavement, which seemed absolutely crazy to me! I was just glad at the time that they only talked about it, and thankfully didn't show the result.
The movie itself was pretty lame, even to a pretty easily scared kid like myself, but the murderer's disaffected humming totally creeped me out. I think the whole thing turned out to be a hoax–there may have been some sort of movie-within-a-movie twist or something, but I can't really remember.
Any ideas?
— Eddie Quist
UPDATE: NAME THAT TRAUMA SOLVED! Special thanks to kinder-sweetheart AMANDA BY NIGHT for flexing her SUZANNE PLESHETTE prowess and solving it with FANTASIES (1982).
Kinder-News:: Kindertrauma Nominated for "Best Fan Blog" By Total Film!
UNK SEZ:: Hey look at this! KINDERTRAUMA has been nominated for "Best Fan Blog" by TOTAL FILM. Many other fine blogs were nominated as well, including some of our bestest pals. We hate to grade-grub but we'll do it anyway, if you like what we do here give us a high five via a click vote! Thanks times a million for recognizing us TOTAL FILM and remember folks, vote for KINDERTRAUMA because we don't even want to go to college! Check out the ballot HERE!
Traumafessions :: Reader Grimpressions on The Haunted: A True Story
I stumbled upon this great site about two weeks ago and I've been visiting several times a day ever since. KINDERTRAUMA has rejuvenated my interest in old horror movies and pretty much anything that creeped me out as a kid. So as I religiously watched every minute of THE WALKING DEAD this Fall I kept asking myself where I've seen JEFFREY DeMUNN who plays, Dale, the older man in the group of survivors. I looked up his filmography and I realised that he played the father in a made-for-T.V. movie that scared the crap out of me as a kid called THE HAUNTED: A TRUE STORY.
I remember getting our first V.C.R. when I was 8 or 9 years old, around the time the first BATMAN movie came out on video, back when it would take a year for movies to be released on video. From that point on I proceeded to tape anything on that looked scary. We only had basic cable channels so I ended up recording a lot of T.V. movies, mostly based on true stories. It became somewhat of an art for me because I'd pause the taping and kept the commercials out so perfectly so that you almost couldn't tell they were recorded from television except of course for all the black fade-out and fade-in's and the family-friendly tackiness that accompanies T.V. movies. One of these movies was 1991's THE HAUNTED: A TRUE STORY, which was based on the case of the Smurl family haunting which took place in Pennsylvania during the 70's and 80's.
The movie was one of the more effective made-for-T.V. films. I started to realise how terrible a lot of them were as I got older and stated to rent rather than watch T.V. The acting was great and there were a lot of scary scenes. The ghosts that haunted the family were so relentless that they even followed the family when they tried to get away on a camping trip. The thought that ghosts could follow you outside of the house that was haunted terrified me.
The ghost appeared mainly as a floating, black mass. The usual events took place, chairs and dresser drawers moved on their own, radios turned on when unplugged, the family would hear voices, and there would be unexplained cold spots throughout the house. The black marks that re-appeared on the walls even after a fresh coating was applied was different along with the creepy pig squeals and snorts that would be heard coming from behind the walls.
The one scene that traumatized me though was when THE WALKING DEAD's own JEFFREY DeMUNN is raped by a female entity. DeMUNN who plays the father, Jack, is watching T.V. in the living room after everyone else goes to bed when he sees the ghost, who is an attractive girl at first, come down the stairs. She picks him up and throws him across the room. She straddles him and, at first, and he seems like almost doesn't mind it. The scary music swells and the ghost gets uglier and uglier and Jack starts to freak out. I finished recording the movie, but I couldn't watch it again for years.
Luckily some kind, or demented, soul posted the whole film in 10 parts on YouTube.