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Author: unkle lancifer
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas (1974) By Mickster
Loyal readers of Kindertrauma know that the Mickster loves Rankin-Bass Christmas specials. In fact, my very first traumafession in 2007 was about Frosty the Snowman. Over the years, I have also written about The Year without a Santa Claus and Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer. This holiday season I share my feelings on ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas.
Junctionville has a problem. The people of the town have just received their letters to Santa unopened. Unfortunately, Santa is quite perturbed about a letter he received that called him a "fraudulent myth" that was simply signed "all of us". Now, the townsfolk must devise a plan to make Santa happy again before he passes them by on Christmas Eve. Egad! What a traumatic thought!
This special is one of many (Rudolph, Year Without a Santa, The Grinch, etc.) that convinced me that Christmas could be canceled due to some unforeseen problem. As a child, I found it especially troublesome that a child (Albert the jerk-head mouse) would write a letter saying that Santa was not real. I speculate it is sour grapes on his part because contrary to the signature on the letter he, in fact, has no friends. Little Mickster did, however, find it heartwarming that two adults would try to make things right with Santa. Joshua Trundle, the clockmaker, decided the solution was to make an enormous clock that would play a special song for Santa on Christmas Eve, and Father Mouse attempted to convince his troublemaking son that Santa was indeed real.
The music in TTNBC makes it quite special. "Give Your Heart a Try," sung by Father Mouse to the doubtful and arrogant Albert is catchy and fun. I have noticed that this song is cut when it airs on ABC Family. That is just unacceptable. "Even a Miracle Needs a Hand," sung by Joshua Trundle to his sad children to raise their hopes simply makes me smile with a hint of a tear. "Christmas Chimes are Calling Santa," played for an annoyed Santa on Christmas Eve brought relief to me as a child because I knew Santa would forgive the town and come after all.
There was plenty of suspense in TTNBC for me as young child. Would the town stop blaming Mr. Trundle for the clock not working before he and his family starved for lack of work? Would Albert (the stupid moron) fix the clock in time? Would Santa forgive the town? Bottom line-Believe in Santa and be good, or there could be dire consequences!
P.S. Santa looks totally bizarre sporting buckteeth and no mustache!
Sunday Viewing:: The Mutilator (1985)
We just don't talk enough about 1985's THE MUTILATOR around here! Sure it's shown up in a Funhouse or an IAHTKY or two but THE MUTILATOR demands more! It's my fault I guess. It's just that this movie tends to bring up unpleasant memories of the time when I was a kid and I thought I'd clean my dad's rifle as a birthday surprise and I instead (accidently!) shot and killed my mother who was decorating a cake in the other room. Boy did I get in trouble that day! But you know, I'm over it now. The past is the past! Today is what matters and I just want to enjoy my fall break and watch THE MUTILATOR!
Only about two people in this movie can act and I'm generously doubling the harsh reality that only one can. You should also be warned that if you like it when the information that goes inside your head makes sense, this movie will hurt you.
Highfalutin folks can criticize THE MUTILATOR ‘til the cows come home but around these parts, the only thing that matters is entertainment value and trauma value and THE MUTILATOR has both. This movie is knee slapping hilarious one second and I must say, strangely disturbing the next. Nothing that takes place seems real but that doesn't mean that I don't find myself worried about the psychological health of the person who came up with it. Also has anyone ever put a garage to better use in a horror film? Hmmm, maybe in SCREAM but that would be years later.
THE MUTILATOR may be profoundly lacking on the surface (and truth be told unwatchable for many) and yet somewhere in its murky crevices strongly beats the heart of genuine horror. Hollywood can throw as much money as it wants at a project, nothing beats the power of one possibly insane but obviously sincere creative mind. I guess what I'm trying to say is that this movie is as dumb as a lamp post but a surprisingly vicious lamp post with a really awesome decapitation scene up its sleeve. Not that lamp posts have sleeves. Speaking of lamp posts, this movie is way too dark! Can someone please for the love of God put it on DVD so that I might be able to see what's going on when the kids are playing "blind man's bluff"? Until such a glorious day arrives, we must warm our hands at the dwindling YouTube flame. Watch it by noon, by 5, by midnight. Bye bye.
Name That Trauma:: Drew B. on a Vengeful British Lake Ghost
Aunt, Unk, Kidnertraumatized….
I have a trauma that I've hung onto for years and years that no one can properly diagnose.
The closest person to the trauma, the person I shared this trauma with (my older sister), has suppressed the memory so deep that she has no idea what I'm talking about when I try to describe what I remember to her.
Instead of a long, rambling description of the film that did this to me – I will simply list what I remember in concise bullet points.
– This was either a British film OR happened to be set in Britain with a British cast.
– From the look of the film, it was made some time in the early 1980's to 1990.
– It was a ghost story. Bleak. Humorless.
– Parts of the film took place on a lake. The lake was involved in a drowning or cover-up.
– In the final scene of the movie, a main character in a small canoe is killed by a tree falling on them. This character would have otherwise gotten away with something or gone unpunished. The audience is led to believe that this was an act of revenge by the film's ghost.
Sadly -that's it, friends.
I remember watching this film with my older sister. Possibly on VHS taped from TV. Whenever I ask her "What was that British movie where a ghost made a tree fall on a person in a boat?" she acts like I made it up.
BUT I KNOW IT WAS REAL!
WHY WOULD I STILL BE THINKING ABOUT IT 25 YEARS LATER?
Mrs. Mac Snow Maze Puzzle!
Mrs. Mac is drunk again and so far away from the sorority house! Can you help her through the snow to get home before she dies of hypothermia?
Want more fun? Good luck with that! Here are some more Black Christmas puzzles to kill time with before you croak!
HELP MRS. MAC FIND HER HIDDEN HOOCH!
Where is the Love? Five Underrated Flicks by Unk
I was just waxing nostalgic for when we were knee deep in the "It's a Horror to Know You!" campaign. I loved those posts because they were so chock full of movie recommendations. One of my favorite questions was "What horror films do you think are underrated?" How can you go wrong throwing attention towards a movie that you believe is too often neglected? I don't know about you, but as soon as my IAHTKY post was up, movies that I forgot to mention began pouring out of the woodwork of my noggin. How could I forget such and such and so forth? To remedy that sorry situation, I bring you "WITL?:FUF" which is simply an epically annoying acronym for a list of five underrated films I believe deserve a little more notoriety.
If you are interested, and I hope you are, you can do a "WITL:FUF" too. Just write out a list of five titles you believe deserve a day (or a longer day) in the sun and send it to kindertrauma@gmail.com. The beauty part is, you can do as many of these as you like. I plan to do another 5 soon enough and please feel free not to worry about ranking the flicks in any order. Who needs that hassle? If you want to say why you dig the flick that's cool but if you just want to list them, that's cool too! If you have a project or blog you'd like to share with us, make sure you specify that and we'll throw up a link! You know how we do! Let's get started. Here are five underrated flicks (with more to follow) from yours truly:
THE GRANNY (1995)
Where oh where is THE GRANNY love? I was recently reminded how much I enjoyed this movie while watching THE CURSE OF CHUCKY because well, they both have such similar settings. I thought THE GRANNY was a hoot and back in 1995, I wasn't finding myself in a hootin' mood all that much. Its wacky, go-for-broke, over-the-top gore-friendly spirit made me think of THE EVIL DEAD, RE-ANIMATOR and DEAD ALIVE, so I thought for sure it would find a place in horror fan's hearts but…nope. So sorry GRANNY, wrong place, wrong time I suppose. Maybe if you just came out a little later in the age of DVD's you'd have picked up some steam by now! Oh well, it's never too late! I think you're more fun than a barrel of rage fueled zombie cats!
BLOOD SALVAGE (1990)
Maybe I have a terrible sense of humor. That possibility has occurred to me often in life and it sure would explain a lot. BLOOD SALVAGE cracked me up and freaked me out and I thought it was a pretty clever homage to the more amusing side of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE series & MOTEL HELL. Somehow though, this funky flick never made it to the horror hit list even though I bet its deranged sensibility would fit in with many a fan's taste even more than my own. How does a movie that stars JOHN SAXON, RAY WALSTON and EVANDER HOLYFIELD remain so firmly tucked under the radar? It's not that dreaded "not available on DVD" demon rearing its ugly head again is it?
LIES (1985)
All right, I can understand why LIES didn't make a bigger splash because it presents itself as more of a sexy thriller and may have lured the wrong crowd. There's a bit of a soap opera vibe that may have left horror fans cold as well. On the other hand, with its twisty plot about a struggling actress being unknowingly set up for a colossal mind-fuck, it's not so different from CURTAINS or DEAD OF WINTER and how can horror fans resist a cast that includes CLU GULAGER, DICK MILLER and BRUCE DAVIDSON? When you witness ANN DUSENBERRY portraying an eighties final girl within the film within the film- you'll wish she actually had (what?)! And GAIL STRICKLAND is beyond aces as a sinister ice queen. Maybe I'm nuts but the lab coats, the warehouse and the hard to swallow conspiracy all scream HALLOWEEN 3: SOTW to me. Is that a good thing? LIES was directed and written by brothers JIM and KEN WHEAT who both went on to pull the same duties on another favorite underrated film of mine 1989's AFTER MIDNIGHT.
IF I DIE BEFORE I WAKE (1998)
Yikes, yikes and more yikes. Going through an old box of tapes I found this forgotten nightmare from the late nineties. I can't say I enjoyed this home invasion flick but it sure made me want to invest in extra locks for my door. I think I've discovered why YOU'RE NEXT and THE STRANGERS had little effect on me, it must be because IF I DIE BEFORE I WAKE had already fully tapped that particular fear zone in my brain. Don't get your hopes up, it can't possibly be as scary and disturbing as I remember, but I'm not watching it again to find out and so you are on your own. I must be exaggerating things or perhaps I was just in a vulnerable state of mind at the time? Who knows? In any case, I'm a little surprised something this vexing, which was released during a rather languid year for horror, went so unnoticed. Now I feel the need to hide in the chimney.
THE SENDER (1982)
This one isn't all that obscure and it often gets a certain amount of positive nostalgic attention simply for being released during the early eighties horror boom. But it's not enough! Whereas my other picks could easily be excused away by my admitting to a strong affection for the strange and left of center, THE SENDER is head to toe an exemplary movie in my book. The whole shebang is top notch and I think it's one of those silent influencers that other films casually pilfer from while never extending any gratitude or credit. So much of its dream/reality hallucinatory power has been cribbed, it's easy to forget how innovative it was at the time. Ironically what really makes it special (its tone, its characters, its performances) nobody bothered to imitate at all, as the genre had much more lucrative, teen-oriented flashy neon fish to fry. Not that that I'm complaining, it's just that I wouldn't mind a few extra mellow, thoughtful tunes like this in my horror jukebox. Oh well, I guess that just makes it all the more unique (full slobbery review HERE).
That's it. That's five underrated films I'm more than happy to sing the praises of. I hope I didn't bend your ear needlessly about stuff you were already well aware of. If you're up for sharing your own five flicks, please join along. You'll never find a more receptive or understanding audience than the readers of Kindertrauma. Take my word for it. Folks let me get away with liking all kinds of crazy stuff around here.
Traumafession:: Dustin in Minnesota on The Water Babies (1978)
Greetings, fear fans!
I had a memory trigger today that reminded me of one of my childhood fear films—1978's The Water Babies, a half live action/half animated tale of a chimney sweep who jumps into a river to avoid accusations of theft—and discovers an underwater world there.
The part that always creeped me out was this floating face of this woman who would pop up in different parts of the film, always in different roles. The face was live action, superimposed over whatever else was going on at that time. I believe she played six different roles in the film, the creepiest of which was near the beginning. As Tom, the hero, was running from people falsely accusing him of theft, her face pops up in black and white and whispers, "Run, boy—run!"
To a young mind, disembodied floating faces can always give chills.
Dustin in Minnesota
UNK SEZ: Ack! I found the offering scene! It happens about 30 seconds into the segment below. You're right, that lady is creepy as hell. She kinda acts like a whispering witch accuser and how dare she break the fourth wall and stare at me directly! Thanks Dustin! You always have interesting traumafessions!
Lake of the Dead (1958)
I'm terribly sick and I have an awful cold. No, I don't. I'm totally lying so that I can hide in a bed with a blanket on my head. I don't want to do anything but read today because I'm in the middle of STEPHEN KING's DOCTOR SLEEP! The world really should just grind to a halt until I'm done. Is that too much to ask? The problem is, I'll feel like a rat if I don't post something so here I am, can you tell that my mind is elsewhere?
I have an idea! Let us talk for a moment about a movie I watched late the other night on the greatest invention known to man, YouTube! It's called LAKE OF THE DEAD, it's in black and white and it's from Norway circa 1958. In it, a group of chums travel to a lake that has a dark reputation where they freak each other out trying to figure out why the guy who was supposed to meet them there is missing and his dog is suspiciously dead.
LAKE is rather talky and houses stories within stories, some more intriguing than others. I probably would have been happier with a few more things left unexplained but I sure can't fault LAKE OF THE DEAD on its atmosphere. It's got such a haunting, lyrical, dreamy quality and one scene, depicting a transparent ghost guy crawling out of the lake, chilled me right to the bone. If you are a fan of 1945's DEAD OF NIGHT or even 1979's SCREAMS OF A WINTER NIGHT, you should get a kick out of this. I don't know, I'm just an absolute sucker for that cabin by a lake setting and LAKE OF THE DEAD really knows how to take advantage of it. You can watch LAKE below or better yet, wait until later tonight to do so. Sorry this is so short but LAKE OF THE DEAD, at 70 minutes, isn't exactly long either. Plus I gotta get back to my book! And I'm sick! I have the flu! Just take a look at this thermometer I was holding next to a light bulb for twenty minutes! It says my temperature is 150!
Sunday Viewing:: Iced (1988)
Today's viewing selection ICED, (1988) was recommended by our old pal Amanda By Night of MADE FOR TV MAYHEM fame. It's an eighties slasher flick that takes place in an isolated ski cabin so how can it not be good? But it's not good! In fact, the first death, the catalyst for all the bloodshed to follow, involves a guy lamely falling on some rocks! Falling on some rocks is no way to die in a slasher movie! This did not bode well. I began to wonder if Amanda was in her right mind recommending ICED. She has been a little overworked lately. Maybe she needed a vacation in a ski lodge and that explained her attraction to this abomination! I decided to watch on regardless and have some faith in my friend and I'm glad I did. ICED is like skiing itself, you have to slog up a steep hill but once you get to a certain point, you can just let go and let gravity do the rest. I suppose you have to wait for ICED to reprogram your head and dismantle your defenses. Once you get it into your brain that logic and reason are far from welcome ideas in the world of ICED it is a non-stop party…a joyride even! You do not change ICED, ICED changes you!
There's no point of me telling you the plot because you already know it and it would be folly to attempt to list this film's crimes against reason because they are legion. You may be thinking, "Hahaha, another campy cheesefest how cute!" No, no, no. You do not understand ICED. This movie is gloriously, joyously, spectacularly inept and lives on a level all by itself. Nobody can even talk like a normal human for one second in this move. The dialogue will tattoo itself upon your heart and stay there until the day you are dead. Even more bizarre than the movie's inanity is the uncomfortable fact that its prerequisite chase finale is actually rather rousing! How is that possible? I dunno. It shouldn't be. I blame the score and what a score it is!
Let me add too that here are some real stand outs in this cast and its very difficult for me to pick a favorite but I'm heavily leaning toward "Jeanette" (THE ADDAMS FAMILY's LISA LORING) who has some major relationship issues and Carl (RON KOLOGIE) who has a tiny, tiny, ponytail. It's too bad that Carl feels the need to sexually assault poor Jeanette but I guess it's okay because she relaxes in a hot tub afterward. I could go on and on and on except I can't because frankly, I'm a touch hung over having stayed up too late last night with some whiskey watching ICED for a second time! Is there any better testament to its awesomeness than that? Oh, Amanda I shall never doubt you or trust a snowman ever again.
Traumafession:: Audrey Spindler on The Neverending Story
I must have been about 4, maybe 5. I saw The Neverending Story for the first time at grandma's house, sitting in the living room with my 2 cousins. I loved the movie, but there were some parts that scarred me for life. Of course I can watch the film now and still experience it with glee every time…but that day, so long ago, is a day I will never forget.
First off I hated the part where Artax dies in the Swamp of Sadness. It was horrible. It made me very unhappy. It still does. Not to mention the fact that I had a big ole insta-crush on Atreyu ( who didn't, am I right ladies?), and didn't like to see him so upset. It was all very emotional and intense for a small girl.
Of course after seeing what happened to the knight when he tried to pass the first gate…I wasn't too excited to have Atreyu try his luck. I don't remember breathing during this scene at all.
Then there was Gmork. Need I say more?
Then at the end of the movie, the Ivory Tower is crumbling after all of Fantasia has already been destroyed. Very heavy stuff here. I was so caught up in the moment, I was certain that the Childlike Empress ( who was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen up to that point in my young life) was going to die.
I began crying inconsolably behind grandpa's big recliner until my mother found me there and assured me that the Childlike Empress was NOT dead, and look how how her and Bastian are rebuilding all of Fantasia now. I will always remember wiping my nose and tear stained face on the back of my sleeve and watching the end of the film- feeling afterwards not just a little bit silly.
Well that's my story. Tons more where that came from. I'll be posting again soon.
Sincerely,
Audrey Spindler
