Author: unkle lancifer
5 Underrated TV Horrors by Unk
I'm sure our readers are well aware of the must-see horror TV classics (DARK NIGHT OF THE SCARECROW, TRILOGY OF TERROR, DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK, DON'T GO TO SLEEP, GARGOYLES BAD RONALD, et al.) and I'm assuming I've already pushed more praise on SATAN'S TRIANGLE than any human can reasonably be expected to in one lifetime, so here is a grab bag of TV horrors that are often overlooked and deserve a little more love… (Really I'm just linking to old reviews and making like I've done a fresh post. Don't gripe, it's recycling and it helps the environment.)
DEADLY MESSAGES (1985)
You get a chatty Ouija board, a maniac with a huge knife, that lady from ARE YOU IN THE HOUSE ALONE? (KATHLEEN BELLER) and it's written and directed by the fine folks who brought you THE MIDNIGHT HOUR! This atmospheric gift even takes place during the Christmas holiday! Read more HERE.
SUMMER GIRL (1983)
Will DIANE FRANKLIN one day discover Kindertrauma and be rightly disturbed by my unhealthy obsession with everything she does? Who knows? In the meantime read more HERE.
BLACK NOON (1971)
Watch it for the exceptional cast and love it for sticking a stick of dynamite in your ear and blowing up your brain. More unabashed affection found HERE.
NIGHT GALLERY's "Brenda"
Hey, this isn't a movie, it's a NIGHT GALLERY segment! I can't help it. I'm putting this here anyway because it still haunts me. Read more HERE.
THE HOUSE THAT WOULD NOT DIE (1970)
This one is a legit classic but I scarcely hear it mentioned these days on account of I guess it's kinda granny-toned. Luckily all I need is some creepy whispering voices to get me going! More HERE.
Name That Trauma:: Cindy G. on an Old Lady & Her Possessed Pool
Hello,
I do not watch horror movies as a rule, because I like to sleep, however, there is one film in particular, that I know I saw as a child, that has stuck with me…. There is an old woman who sits in a chair in an upper room of the large house where the film takes place…there is also a swimming pool in the house that is possessed, and when people get in, it changes temperature or something and kills them. Sound familiar? Pretty sure I saw it on television in or around the early 1980s.
UNK SEZ: Hmmmm, I'm open to other suggestions but it sounds to me like you are talking about frequent trauma offender BURNT OFFERINGS. That one got me good as a kid too. Check out the trailer below and tell us if it looks familiar. Better yet, you can watch the full movie HERE.
Traumafession:: Double L on Simon Drake & The Secret Cabaret
Hiya, great to see the site still going strong. I sent in one of my memories a few years back regarding a freaky TV commercial for soft drink Tango, and a few nights ago, I was trawling through Youtube for old TV shows I remember, when I stumbled across a show that really used to freak me out as a child and thought some of you might enjoy it.
Back in 1990, a late night TV magic show called The Secret Cabaret started on UK Channel 4, however, unlike all the family friendly magic shows on at the time, this was decidedly more adult. Combining gothic/heavy metal style, horror, and surreal imagery with violent illusions, stunts and footage from old freak shows and carnival attractions, this was really edgy stuff, especially in the UK at that time (Which was still quite conservative, with many horror films being banned or heavily edited).
The star was a magician called Simon Drake, a cross between Chris Angel and Penn & Teller, whose illusions were often incredibly bloody, such as being gutted on an operating table by a nurse with a chainsaw, all the while screaming and coughing up blood. Or punching his fist through a woman's chest, ripping out her bloody heart. Fun stuff!
But all the gory illusions aside, the part that freaked me out the most was the intro. This was the bit that gave me the chills…
Five Underrated Flicks By Ozne
1. Crowhaven Farm (1970)
2. Simon, King of the Witches (1971)
2. Crawlspace (1972)
3. Stanley (1972)
5. Leptirica (1973)
Thanks,
Ozne
Sunday Viewing:: The Others (2000)
Have you ever had that thing where you're desperate to watch something and so you peruse the Netflix Streaming, the choices available ON DEMAND, the boxes of VHS tapes that litter your floor and the towering shelves of DVDs that align your walls and still, you are unable to find anything that fits your persnickety mood? How is that possible? Possible or not it happened to me the other night. I was in danger of spending the entire evening loitering in a movie title K-hole. Then I remembered that I had recently been waxing nostalgic over the short-lived supernatural cozy-fest called THE OTHERS. Yes! I made a fort out of quilts and built a campfire out of safe LED tea lights that could never cause harm to my pets and I dug in once again into the pilot episode. And it was perfect. So now I'm going to use this space here to try to convince at least one other fellow human to check it out. I love this spooky character driven show! If I recall correctly, nobody could convince me to leave the house on the Saturday nights that it aired. At this point, I've fully given up hope that it will ever be made available on DVD but the pilot episode is below and the rest of the series is only a Google away. Make sure you stick around to see the episode directed by TOBE HOOPER ("Souls on Board"), and the one with the evil wallpaper, that's a good one too! I'm off to watch some more myself….
Frankenweenie Future Trauma by Mike Campbell
Children's films in general but Disney movies in particular have a long history of terrifying children. They love to lull a child into a sense of security and then scare the crap out of them. Who was not traumatized by "Dumbo," "Pinocchio," and the unspeakable horror of "Bambi"? I know we all have our own Disney traumafession. Mine would be "Darby O'Gill And The Little People." That scene gave me nightmares for weeks. It's not just Disney though, what about the Child Catcher in "Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang"? "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" is consistently unsettling, but God knows what they were thinking with that boat sequence. Not to mention those damn flying monkeys that sent me running out of the room like the Cowardly Lion.
As kids we aren't prepared for some of the stuff we might run into. I once shared "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure" with a little kid I was babysitting, I had forgotten about Large Marge. He loved the movie up until that point, but that really scared him. I recently watched "Frankenweenie." (I know, I'm late to the party, sorry.) While "Ed Wood" is one of my favorite films, I haven't had much interest in Tim Burton lately. This is a delightful homage to the old horror movies that many of us enjoyed as a child. (When I saw "Bride of Frankenstein" as a little boy I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to live in an isolated castle and fly kites off the roof during a thunderstorm, and when folks would drop by I would cower behind the door and implore them to go away.)
The animation is beautiful. There are many references to old horror films and repeated viewings would undoubtedly reveal more. Mr. Whiskers transformation sequence cracked me up. The science teacher is a great caricature of Vincent Price with Martin Landau voice acting. The girl next door is named Elsa, thank you. Watching this movie I could not help but wonder how it might seem to a child. Without the affectionate back-story I live in, what does this look like to a kid? I can see some parents looking at this movie and deciding it is not appropriate for their children. I can see far more parents seeing that Disney logo and tossing it to the hapless kid without a second thought. I think every parent should watch this before showing it to their children, but I doubt that will be the case.
Kids have pets. Pets die. It's a part of life children have to learn to accept. When my pet turtle died I was very sad. (This movie does give a generous nod to Gamera, but does any little kid know who Gamera is anymore?) When your pets die you can't bring them back. My favorite scene was when Sparky ran away and found his headstone in the pet cemetery. He circled a few times, and sadly laid down. That was his place. Even the dog knew it was where he belonged. That's the only thing that bugged me about this movie, the ending. (SPOILER ALERT!) Sparky should have stayed dead at the end. I could have gone with Sparky trying to come back, but being unable to do so. My favorite line in the movie is when Victor tells Sparky it's OK, he doesn't have to come back. That should have been the end. In 10 or 15 years, this movie will be a recurring Traumafession.
Five Underrated Flicks By Dennis A.
The Black Pit of Dr M (Mexico, Fernando Méndez)
Ultimo Mondo Cannibale (Italy, R. Deodato)
Jigoku (Japan, Nobuo Nakagawa)
Witchhammer (Czechoslovakia, Otakar Vavra)
Our Mother's House (UK, Jack Clayton)
Future Traumafession :: Mary R. on Spongebob Squarepants
I love your website and it brings back some awesome memories from my childhood. I have a couple of future Kindertraumas that will possibly fuel good memories to come.
Spongebob Square Pants: Now how could the wimpy yellow kitchen sponge possibly scare anyone? Well in an episode called "Nightlight" a terrified Spongebob is told by his boss to go in the dark cooler to get some fresh Krabby Patties to grill up for the lunch crowd. Meanwhile Spongebob had spent the previous evening watching a scary show and has developed a morbid fear of the dark. As the cooler door opens a disembodied head (played by Tom Kenny who voices Spongebob) floats out accompanied by evil sounding laughter. When my then 5-year-old saw the face she screamed like someone encountering an ax murderer. Several weeks later my husband was sleeping and I was engrossed in something else when the episode came on again. This time she screamed even louder and ran around the room. We raced to see what the problem was, thinking that maybe she had fallen and was somehow hurt only to see "Nightlight" playing on the television. For months afterward she would ask if "Nightlight" was coming on whenever we watched Spongebob.
My son is pretty brave for a two and a half year old but comes unglued when confronted by giant inflatable lawn decorations. Last October he screamed and flailed around in the shopping cart when faced with a giant inflatable dancing pumpkin. Even after the thing was quickly sold he would cover his eyes and wail, "Oh no oh no!" any time we passed the holiday section where the inflatable had been displayed. He also goes bananas when he sees puppets on television or YouTube, this just proves that the Uncanny Valley continues on to the next generation.
Keep up the good work on an awesome website!
5 Underrated TV Movies with vampires by Mickster
Nick Knight (1989)
This failed pilot (until much later with a different cast) is a superior TV movie. The soundtrack loaded with awesome 80s tunes. Rick Springfield is super sexy as the vampire cop on the trail of what he thinks is another vampire killing the homeless for their blood. Try this one if you have not seen it before. I tried watching Forever Knight (the much later series), but I could not get past the fact that Rick Springfield was missing.
The Norliss Tapes (1973)
I adore all things Dan Curtis, so I loved this one right away. It had a lot of potential, so I am surprised this pilot was not picked up Roy Thinnes is fantastic as the investigative reporter helping Angie Dickinson discover what happened to her "late" husband, the artist, who used unusual art supplies.
3) Cliffhangers-"The Curse of Dracula" (1979)
The only storyline I recall from the short-lived Cliffhangers series is "The Curse of Dracula". No wonder since I have always had a thing for vampires and Michael Nouri. It was the best of both worlds! Unfortunately, I cannot find this one anywhere.
Vampire (1979)
Another failed pilot is the source of this gem. Richard Lynch is creepy and sexy as Prince Anton Voytek that emerges from the ground growling because of the groundbreaking for a new church. I remembered that scene from my childhood. This movie has some excellent actors besides Lynch such as Jason Miller (The Exorcist) and E.G. Marshall (Creepshow).
Count Dracula BBC (1977)
I wrote a traumafession about one particular scene from this adaptation of Bram Stoker's classic. I blocked this scene until I actually read the novel in high school. I have seen many adaptations of this novel, but this one has to be the closest to the book on film. Louis Jourdan, even though he would not be my first choice, is surprisingly good as the Count.
