Author: unkle lancifer

Long-time reader, first time….er….responder. I usually read Kindertrauma at work (shhh don't tell) so I don't have much opportunity to post. However, that's not stopping me from replying to your invite for getting to know the horror community. Hope you like.

It's a Horror to Know You: Mayday

1. What is the first film that ever scared you?

The Incredible Shrinking Man – I have always been severely arachnophobic, yet as a child I watched this film several times on Saturday's Dr. Schlock Theater (or something like that) despite how horrific the spider battle scene was. Somewhere around that time I also saw Jaws, which gave me nightmares for about a week, as my mother predicted it would. Additionally, I watched Beware! The Blob around this period, which traumatized me, yet I viewed it till the end. Twice.

2. What is the last film that scared you?

Insidious – At this stage of my life I consider myself mostly immune to the powers of 'scary movies'. But Insidious caught me off guard several times. James Wan and Leigh Whannel pulled out all the stops on this one, creating an atmospheric and deeply disturbing old-school horror flick. It had a nice mix of excellent jump scares paired with a creepy aura to challenge even the most stalwart of horror aficionados.

I do have to give a close runners-up shout out to the first two Paranormal Activity films. They proved that less can be more and re-established a true movie-going experience with these unsettling films. Hearing everyone else in the theater emit a collective gasp got my heart racing several times. PA3 had a couple of scenes that managed to equal its predecessors, but overall wasn't as effective.

3. Name three Horror movies that you believe are underrated.

The Ruins – While on vacation in Mexico, a bunch of (actually likeable) college-age kids go in search of an archaeological dig at some ancient Mayan ruins. They discover something far more sinister atop the temple than even the villagers who won't let them leave. The film is as creepy, dark and vicious as the book, both of which were penned by the amazing Scott Smith.

The Saw sequels – Unlike most horror series that continued past three entries, the Saw films always stayed true to the narrative and rules established in the original. The movies are clever and always move the story forward. Calling them mere torture porn with no redeeming value is wrongfully dismissive of them.

House (1986) – Though the effects are dated today, back in the '80s, this film was scary. And tense. And cool. And full of awesome 80s TV actors – William Katt (The Greatest American Hero), George Wendt (Norm from "Cheers") and Richard Moll (Bull from "Night Court").

4. Name three horror movies that you enjoy against your better judgment.

The Devil Inside – I know everybody and their brother hated this film, mostly because everybody and their brother went to see it its opening weekend thanks to the hype, and were ultimately disappointed in it. I was prepared to find it to be utter dreck, but I actually discovered it to be effective and spooky. And I quite liked the "no definitive resolution" ending. Movies don't need to be wrapped up with a pretty bow.

April Fool's Day (1986) – The story plods along, the script is lame and the scares aren't all that and a bag of chips. It has subpar special effects, and a ludicrous plot. But for some reason I enjoyed the hell out of this when it first came out and still do to this day.

The Wicker Man (2006) – Nic Cage proves once again that he has no idea what a fitting role for him is. He over-emotes his way through a hodge-podge script that in no way compares to the original. But his inevitable fate in the movie alone makes it worth watching. Who wouldn't love the chance to break his legs and set him on fire?

5. Send us to five places on the Internet!

Final Girl – Stacie Ponder has some of the wittiest, snarkiest, most insightful commentary in the history of….ever!

Lost Highway – Some of the funniest write-ups of some of the crappiest B-films.

Quiet Earth – Reviews and sneak peaks of horror, sci-fi and indie films, many of which come from the UK or other interesting places outside the US.

Cracked – Be prepared to split your sides laughing at their endless supply of sarcastic, sardonic and evilly hilarious lists involving movies, TV shows and life.

Kindertrauma– I like getting people caught in an endless internet loop.

It's a Horror to Know You: Bleck!

1. What is the first film that ever scared you?

I could make a lengthy list of films, TV shows, etc… that scared me as a kid since I was afraid of EVERYTHING! However, there are two things that scarred me for life that make the top of the list. First was an appearance by Shields and Yarnell on The Muppet Show. For those of you unfamiliar with them, they were a husband/wife mime team who did a routine where they were eating breakfast. This, for some reason, scared me s***less.

The next was a television movie based on the disappearance if Adam Walsh called, you guessed it, Adam. I saw just a few minutes of the movie where he is in Sears with his Mother and he is watching some older kids play a store-demo video game and he was never seen again. Most people know the story and that Adam's disappearance, and subsequent murder, prompted his Father, John, to create the long running TV show America's Most Wanted and countless other resources for missing children. My sadistic parents used this as a scare tactic whenever I would stray away from them while out shopping. Thanks, Mom and Dad…LOL

2. What is the last film that scared you?

Haters are going to hate, but I really enjoy the "found footage" sub-genre. All three of the Paranormal Activity films spooked me and more recently Grave Encounters and Apartment 143 did a great job of giving me a jolt.

3. Name three Horror movies that you believe are underrated.

1) Satan's Little Helper – I have no idea why I enjoy this movie, directed by Jeff Lieberman, there is just something very darkly menacing and funny about it.

2) Poltergeist II – One name says it all…Henry Kane. He is literally MY boogeyman. Of course it is a sequel to a classic so it was never going to live up to its predecessor, but it creeped me out and still does.

3) Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me – I was around 12 or 13 when Twin Peaks premiered on TV. I remember the hype and some disturbing images, but it wasn't until I was in high school that I watched the series. Sadly, I watched the "prequel" prior to that, so I knew who killed Laura Palmer. Nevertheless, Killer Bob, a disappearing David Bowie, a backwards talking dwarf, and a flat out haunting score makes this a favorite of mine but I know a LOT of people despise it.

4. Name three horror movies that you enjoy against your better judgment.

1) Amityville II: The Possession – This one is corny as hell with some bad make-up and effects, but I watch it whenever I see it on TV. This was supposed to be sort of a "prequel" to the original Amityville Horror but it is just so over the top it is ridiculous. For instance, why and how does the sister take her top off for the "possessed" brother? Amazing!

2) Creepshow 2 – I saw this before I saw Creepshow and I have to tell you, I like it better. The hitchhiker and the wooden Indian coming to life? Classic canned corn!

3) Macabre – Jesus…what a whacky ass movie. The chick is banging the disembodied head of her lover. Sign me up. So very bad and wrong but I can't look away.

5. Send us to five places on the Internet!

1) Dread Central– An awesome horror site that many other horror sites get their news from.

2) Mutter Museum – This is a museum in Philadelphia (where I live) that has everything from deformed skeletons to a gigantic colon. Skip the liberty bell and head to this place if you plan to visit.

3) Shadowlands – I have spent many an hour on this site reading the real life ghost stories submitted by, well, anyone who wants to.

4) Sporcle – Need to waste time? Look no further. Games and quizzes that will keep you busy when you really aren't.

5) Laff in the Dark – This is a website dedicated to those haunted/fun houses that were, in their heyday, all over the country. Sitting in a cart, going along the track, surprises and frights abound. Fun stuff.

It's a Horror to Know You: Luki8701!

1. What is the first film that ever scared you?

The Thing. My mom used to borrow VHS tapes from her friend at work and she had a thing for horror movies (thanks mom!) so I was exposed to them from an early age. To this day I remember when I was 5 or 6, sitting in our living room playing with toys while my mom watched this masterpiece. It sure was an experience and while I did not pay attention to the screen the music itself haunted me for days. One time I did manage to gather enough courage to take a look it was during the infamous resuscitation scene. The chest collapsed, mayhem ensued and I ran out of the living room scared out of my mind. I didn't sleep well that night though and my love for horror movies was born.

2. What is the last film that scared you?

Eden Lake. Talk about punch in the guts. I wish I could say I knew what I was getting into, but I didn't expect it to have such a big inpact on my sleeping habits. I have a thing for Brittish horror and I imported my copy of Eden Lake as soon as possible. James Watkins wrote the underrated My Little Eye so my expectations were high…and they were met before Watkins punched me in the face repeatedly and kicked me in the groin. And I enjoyed every single moment of it. Eden Lake is The Texas Chainsaw Massacre of this century and, while a little bit contrived, the ending will propably stay with me for the rest of my life.

3. Name three Horror movies that you believe are underrated.

Only 3? That might be hard but fine…

Alien 3. I don't get the hate for this movie, I really don't. Be it the Theatrical version or the Assembly Cut, this movie is propably the best horror sequel I have ever seen. Sure, it has it's problems but what movie doesn't? It's a dark, depressing descent into nightmare and a perfect ending to the series (or it would have been if Resurection did not follow 5 years later). It's a movie about redemption and closure and it never fails to make me feel emotional and, yes, even a little bit scared.

Candyman 2: Farewell to the Flesh. The first Candyman, to me, represents one of the most perfect horror movies ever made. Every single thing in it just works and comes together to form one of my favourite movies of all time. But the sequel ain't bad either! While the story retcons quite a bit of the original, it is just as compelling and strangely haunting. The cast is excellent too (Veronica Cartwright!) and Phillip Glass returns with his amazing score.

Silent Hill. Silent Hill may not work all the time, but when it does it roars and screams and sends shivers down my spine. It suffers from uneven script filled with clumsy dialogue and overt symbolism but boy if there ever was a movie made in the last 22 years where it didn't really matter it was this one. An extremely atmospheric and cinematic video game adaptation that might sumble just as often as it jumps, but boy does it jump high! It also has horror friendly Radha Mitchell (Rogue, Pitch Black, The Crazies remake!) and Laurie Holden (The X Files, The Mist, The Walking Dead). The long overdue sequel will be out this October, directed by Michael J. Bassett, who directed a bunch of underrated horror movies of his own (Deathwatch and The Wilderness).

I would also like to mention The Skeleton Key, Session 9, Black Water, Lake Placid and several dozens of other movies that deserve to be mentioned!

4. Name three horror movies that you enjoy against your better judgment.

House of Wax. (The Paris hilton one!) I just love this movie. It should be a complete failure but somehow it works. Jaume Collet-Serra brings enough style and suspense to the proceedings and milks the sets and setpieces as much as possible. Even the deemed-to-be-annoying WB cast is perfectly capable of pulling their characters off (and hey the movie has almost an hour of some basic character development! There isn't even the studio required opening death scene to kick start the movie!), aside from Paris Hilton who makes up for it with her over the top deathscene.

Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows. I worship the original movie. It holds a very special place in my heart and caused quite a bit of uneasy discussions while camping in the woods. The sequel was heavily recut and reshot by the studio who also forced their ways on the director. The main cast is mostly annoying and strangely compelling at the same time. What makes this movie almost work is the twist and several sequences (mainly the hallucinations all the characters suffer from), but it could have been so much more.

Anaconda. Cheesy, unrealistic and with some truly terrible CGI. But I can watch this anytime and always have a good time. I wouldn't call it a bad movie though. It certainly doesn't take itself too seriously and the cast is fun (especially Jon Voight). I certainly enjoy this more than any of the "intentionaly" so-bad-it's-good animal amok flicks The Asylum/Syfy flood the world with. It ain't Jaws or Lake Placid, but it sure is fun.

5. Send us to five places on the Internet!

The Flesh Farm – Lots of enjoyable write ups about horror movies, both good and the bad.

Contamination – Not often updated, but lots of entertaining reading.

Retro Slashers – the name says it all.

Bleeding Skull – plenty of great reads about obscure/cult horror movies.

Cult Laboratories – great forums for fans of the cult cinema.

It's a Horror to Know You: Zack of Film Thoughts!

1. What is the first film to ever scare you?

I was a pretty meek kid. Advertising for horror films was enough to give me nightmares as a child. Drug awareness ads freaked me out. But no film affected me the way "Child's Play 3" did. Print ads were all over the comic books I read and I was exposed to more then a few commercials. As a little kid, I couldn't have been more then five, the idea of something as universal and innocent as a child's doll, a toy, not unlike any of the ones I had, becoming evil and murderous was more then I could handle. I had nightmares about that one literally for years afterwards.

Another one that had a profound effect on me was "Gremlins." I remember falling asleep in my older sister's car and having a nightmare about one of those little monsters standing outside the window, scratching on the glass.

I didn't actually start watching horror movies until I knew I was old enough to take it. I love "Gremlins" now. Still haven't brought myself to watch any of the Chucky movies.

2. What was the last film to scare you?

Originally, I had picked Michel Soavi's "Stagefright" for this slot. It's a super gory, surreal, lottsa-fun slasher film for the majority of its runtime. However, the cramped location quickly causes tension to build. The climax of the film involves the final girl crawling under the stage, trying to get a key to wiggle through the cracks above and fall into her hands. The killer sits above, quiet, unmoving. Because of how the mask is designed, you can't tell if he's watching her or not. It's one of the most intense horror sequence I've ever seen. That seemed like a pretty good choice for this category.

But then I remembered Lucky McKee's "The Woman." I'm a huge McKee fan and I was really digging this incredibly smart, expertly acted, truly twisted horror satire, but then the last act clicked in. As soon as it, I won't say what exactly for spoiler's sake, jumped out of the dog crate, I literally jumped up and yelled "WHAT THE FUCK?!" At that point the movie leaped from disturbing and calculated to just flat-out freakish and weird.

3. Name three Horror movies that you believe are underrated.

1. "The Car" (1977): I think this is a legitimately good movie. The "Jaws-in-the-desert-with-a-demonic-car" premise is pretty nutsy, but the execution works for me. I love the small town setting. I love everyman protagonist James Brolin. I love the scene where Kathleen Lloyd is standing in her kitchen, on the phone, getting increasingly freaked out when you see highlights in the window behind here and then hear that hellish honking. Plus the titular Car just looks cool. Goofy as hell maybe but I can dig it.

2."No Telling" (1991): Larry Fesseden is a seriously underrated horror auteur and I'd say that any of his films belong on this list. Yet none of them got to me quite the way "No Telling" did. Its slow deliberate pace leads up to a truly disturbing climax. If you're an animal lover, this movie is bound to get under your skin.

3. "Lisa" (1990): I have a bit of a soft spot for femme-centric horror, maybe because it's just so rare. This one is more of a thriller for most of its run time but Stacy Keanan is a really lovable main character and Cheryl Ladd, as her mom, is also very good. It's actually something of a fable about growing up but the climatic sequence with the serial killer is pretty intense. Director Gary Sherman also did the more well-known but still underloved "Dead and Buried" and "Death Line."

Honorable Mentions: "May" is pretty well known in the horror community which is why I excluded it from the list above. However, seeing as how it's one of my favorite movies of all time and my vote for best horror film of the 2000s, it still deserves to be more widely seen. Lucky McKee's friend Chris Siverston is also underrated. "The Lost" has a brutal, intense final act and "I Know Who Killed Me" is nowhere near as bad as you've heard, a lovably trashy homage to giallo.

"Kolobos" is an obscurity that I like, a throwback to Italian gorefest that predicted and predated the extreme horror phase of the early 2000s.

"KatieBird: Certifiable Crazy Person" isn't the easiest movie to like, with its noise-rock soundtrack, multiple comic-book panel visual gimmick, and all that torture and weird sex stuff. But under the grime are two extraordinary performances from the female leads and an exceptional non-linear storyline that builds to a shocking conclusion.

4. Name three horror movies that you enjoy against your better judgment.

1. "Repo! The Genetic Opera" (2008): This is one of those movie with a fandom that embarrasses even hardcore horror fans. I'm neither goth nor an industrial music fan but something about this gore-soaked rock opera is irresistible to me. The overstuffed lyrics and melodrama make me groan but I love the A+ cast and the bittersweet finale. Besides, it's hard to hate a musical about live organ transplants.

2. "Sssssss" (1973): Why not a bad film by any means, there really isn't a lot remarkable about this goofily entitled film. It's just one of those movies I saw over and over again on cable at the right age. I came to love it through pure repetition. It's enjoyably gonzo with some decent creature effects and an awfully attractive leading lady. Snake-lovers and fearers should check it out.

3. "House of Horrors" (1946): This forgettable late period Universal Monster entry is about as routine as you can get, some would even say contemptible for the way it exploits Rondo Hatton's real-life deformity. Yet this is pure horror comfort food for me. I love the atmospheric back lot setting. Rondo's, let's be kind, "naturalistic" acting skills are immediately endearing. Any story of an underappreciated artist striking out at the world is going to appeal to me. My inner-Monster Kid can't help but adore it.

Honorable Mentions: Eben McGarr's "Sick Girl" (unrelated to the Masters of Horror episode of the same name) isn't a great movie. It's extreme for extreme's sake. The miniscule budget shines through repeatedly and the ending is abrupt. I sort of love it anyway. I can't tell if Leslie Andrews gives a good performance or not but I'm hooked either way. The hitchhiking scene misleads the audience fantastically.

There are plenty of trashy slashers I adore. "The Toolbox Murders" for its opening cascade of misogynistic gore. "The Prey" for its unintentional hilarity and accidental dream-like tone. "Sleepaway Camp II" because it's completely brilliant, in every meaning of the word. I could go on and on.

5. Send us to five places on the Internet!

1. Six Weeks of Halloween: Though obviously only updated during the Halloween season, Kernurex is a friend and an always witty horror reviewer.

2. Horror Etc. Podcast: I eagerly await listening to Tony, Ted, and Sometimes Doug chatter about horror movies (And sometimes other stuff) every week. These guys are true horror fans who love the entire genre and are always worth listening too.

3. Andrew Barr's MONSTARS: Andrew Barr draws horror characters, beloved, derided, and completely obscure, in his quirky signature style. I'd love to have a few of these framed and on my walls.

4. Fantastic Movie Musing and Ramblings: Dave Sindelar has quietly been going at this for years, an endless quest to watch and review every "genre" (sci-fi, fantasy, or horror) movie ever made. Originally stationed on the beloved, long-gone Scifilm forums, he now has his own archive of hundreds of amusing, insightful movie reviews.

5. Trent Harris: Denying all financial sense, Utah based independent filmmaker Trent Harris has continued to pop out obscure, bizarre, and utterly unique tragi-comedies ever couple of years. Bootlegs, books, and artwork can all be read about and purchase here, his central online hub.