UNK SEZ: Don't forget kiddies, ELVIRA's MOVIE MACABRE returns to television tonight! Investigate over HERE to find out what channel it's playing on in your neck of the woods. Tonight's movie is GEORGE ROMERO's NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD and if you miss it, you will cry like JULIANNE MOORE!
Hold on to your lunch. I have to talk about stuff occurring that is not horrible and depressing and, in fact, makes me happy. I know, the thought makes me uncomfortable too. It is all very unseemly but we can get through this bubble of non-hell together. Soon things will be back to the normal drudgery I promise. I feel so jolly right now that I'm convinced a car is being manufactured somewhere in the world that will ultimately crash into and kill me. You know how the universe works.
Here goes. I wasn't going to say anything but then I realized that not everybody is on the Twitter so they may have missed this slice of cosmic fortune. See that new Halloween header at the top of the page? See that ROB ZOMBIE quote up there? I didn't make that up during a late night drinking binge as you might suspect. That's the real deal. Yes, ROB ZOMBIE tweeted about good old Kindertrauma! He came upon my impassioned H2: Director's cut review and he appreciated my appreciation. Is that not gold?
I know there are both crab trees and Evil-lyns out there thinking, "Sure he likes your review because you love his movie!" to which I say, "Oh, you poor sad, misguided…dumb-dumb. It's not about the love, it's about the understanding." ROB and me are now super best friends forever and you're just going to have to get used to it. Your jealous scorn only tightens our bond.
Seriously though how cool is that? How satisfying to know that my ramblings reached the one who inspired them. I'm just sad that I've already written two reviews for H2 because frankly I'd like to write five more. Maybe I will.
I wonder what the hell my horoscope predicted for last weekend. Did it say, "You are about to encounter greatness" or "Your self delusions are about to hit a fever pitch."? You see, I also encountered the one and only JENNIFER RUBIN! I'll let that ferment in your brain a tad.
Yes! Aunt John and I went to the fanciest town in the universe, Baltimore, to hob knob with the rich and infamous last weekend at a MONSTERMANIA convention. We finally got to meet the Miss Yvonne of our playhouse AMANDA BY NGHT in person for the very first time. If you follow kindertrauma you're surely familiar with Amanda from her multiple Funhouse hosting stints, her informative comments and her non-stop enthusiasm. I have to thank Amanda for showing A.J . and me around and introducing us to her cool friends including but not limited to DANIEL FARRANDS who did such an incredible job with that NEVER SLEEP AGAIN : THE ELM STREET LEGACY documentary ( if you haven't seen it yet change that.) It was a stellar weekend and a great time was had by all.
That song you hear growing louder in your head is Lakme because this trip to glamorous Baltimore was fate's way of bringing JENNIFER RUBIN and I together at last. O.K. I know this picture is weird and it looks like RUBIN is a lifeguard who drug a drowned victim out of a swamp but what can I do? God was obviously watching both Howdy Doody and NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD when he decided to invent me.
See in this picture I'm reserved and relatively normal but hours later I'll bump into RUBIN in the hotel bar and tell her everything that has always needed to be said. Things like you are a way better actress than that too cool to show up for an ELM STREET 3 reunion PATRICIA ARQUETTE and that BAD DREAMS is better than all but two of the ELM STREET sequels. I stand by both of those statements. Luckily AUNT JOHN caught the legendary meeting of JENNIFER RUBIN and UNKLE LANCIFER on video and the clip is below…
All right, that's it. Enough about me and my frenetic mania that will soon inevitably come to a crashing halt. let's see what's going on around the interwebs…
B-SOL of VAULT OF HORROR saw the new I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE remake and his thoughts are HERE!
VICAR of VHS caught ATTACK OF THE BEAST CREATURES which I've always wanted to check out and have neglected to HERE!
My pal Christine from FASCINATION WITH FEAR goes a little psycho HERE!
ARBOGAST does something beautiful with graveyards HERE!
Funhouse winner BILLY V. suggests you get right over HERE!
ZOMBIES ARE MAGIC talks about one of my favorite movies HERE!
NOW KINDLY UNDO THESE STRAPS cracks me the hell up HERE!
And last but not least AUNT JOHN insists that I show you the ad below…
UNK SEZ:: Hey look it's an AMERICAN VAMIRE FUNHOUSE! How many vampire movie posters do you recognize? Thanks to our pals at DC COMICS somebody out there will win the nice new hard cover book that collects the first five issues of AMERICAN VAMPIRE by SCOTT SNYDER, RAFAEL ALBUQUERGUE and some dude named STEPHEN KING! Get your fangs out and good luck to all!
I think I was the exact wrong age to appreciate INVADERS FROM MARS when it crashed into theaters. I was too old to take it seriously and too young to take it humorously. Now that I'm in my introspective, open-minded post-prime you'd think I ‘d be able to rediscover it as a diamond in the rough but nah, same as ever, my patented me-likey meter still reads "not so much." Yep, I'm saying my TOBE HOOPER love train jumps a smidge off the track with INVADERS FROM MARS but that's O.K. What's a romance without a splash of apathy?
On paper we're made for each other, INVADERS, based on the 1953 classic of the same title, is basically a kid's eye view of INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS (the original INVADERS actually predates SNATCHERS.) The material can't help but capture a specific and crucial time in any adolescent's life when they begin questioning the motives of their parents and start forming their own perceptions of the world. If you can find a decent copy of it (good luck with that) the original is a trippy mind-bending maze of forced perspectives that functions like a pint-sized, paranoid WIZARD OF OZ. There may be some movies that shouldn't be remade but this isn't one of them. Every generation deserves their very own INVADERS FROM MARS.
HOOPER gets some important things right in his re-do. He's able to modernize the tale without completely evaporating the previous take's naiveté and who knows better how to collide the everyday with the bizarre? We're invited into a picturesque home with a cartoon picket fence and doesn't that hilly pathway in the backyard look like it leads directly to Munchkin land? It's a hokey patchwork paradise but no worries, we're dealing with a remake of a fifties film so the cardboard ideal makes sense. Some of the visuals really do chime and reverberate. I love how HOOPER transforms a simple window in a child's bedroom into a portal into another world, that's some good stuff. So where does the crystal ball get dropped?
What I like about the HOOPER is his looseness but yep, that's his downfall too. The second half of INVADERS is as slack as a wet noodle. Plus, I can't believe I'm saying this about the guy who directed THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, but I think he can be too lenient with his performers. Was he afraid to ask for a second take from this bunch?
TIMOTHY BOTTOMS and LOUISE FLETCHER get it right the first time but some of the other apparently on the D.L. thespians here need discipline! I appreciate that HUNTER CARSON is not your typical precocious Hollywood imp but sometimes he sounds like he's reading the back of a cereal box. Furthermore, like any self-respecting horror fan I've saved room for KAREN BLACK in my last will and testament but in my opinion she is miscast here. She's too transtasticly fierce to pull off a fumbling schoolmarm/nurse. Is it too late for her and LARAINE NEWMAN who plays the kid's mom to switch roles?
What's that you say Aunt John? It IS too late for that? 24 years too late in fact? Fine, it was just a suggestion. A suggestion that made absolute sense considering BLACK is CARSON's real life mommy and that she can play creepy better than nearly anyone but hey, who listens to me? What do I know?
All right, enough with the negative. I didn't start writing because I needed to find a new way to bitch (…or did I?) INVADERS FROM MARS is fun. Not terribly fun but fun enough. My eyes glaze over a bit when the military gets involved but that's not exclusive to this movie. I only enjoy the military in movies when they are fighting giant ants. I think this movie is worthwhile just for LOUISE FLETCHER really. She doesn't need to steal scenes, people just hand them over to her and then thank her for the privilege of being robbed.
I'm thinking there's plenty out there who get warm fuzzy nostalgia vapors over INVADERS and I don't begrudge them that in the slightest. Its got its fair share of fumbled opportunities and foul balls but it's a kid's movie that's willing to get dark and twisted and that is always welcome here. I might suggest watching RETURN TO OZ instead but I used to make my Han Solo and Princess Leia action figures get married (with Chewie as the best man) so you might want to ask somebody cooler than me.
Wait, wait, in the words of CURT COBAIN, I have a new complaint. Nice job on the Martian monsters recently departed and forever will be missed STAN WINSTON, but it's painfully obvious that you made exactly and only two (not counting the leader-brain). They keep dying and reappearing but you only ever see two at a time! You and TOBE couldn't get together and figure out something with split screens or blue screens or miniatures or something? How about a mirror? A simple mirror would have worked. Two does not seem like very many monster costumes to me. I think there were at least three Sleestak suits in LAND OF THE LOST. I guess that's probably the least of INVADERS problems but I'm just saying…
You know what? The sand whirlpool thing works better in the original and that's not really acceptable either…
So, INVADERS FROM MARS is not my favorite HOOPER movie by a long shot but it'll do in a pinch. Like a pop-tent without a pole I suppose you can squirm in there to get out of the rain if you have to, but a little more ingenuity and whip cracking would have made a universe of difference. It's starts well and I admire its intentions, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I went from happy to nappy before the end and I mean the FINAL end because there are like, three endings. Yes, this movie has more endings than it does monster costumes and that's never a good idea. Still, LOUISE FLETCHER, she undeniably owns.
UNK SEZ:: Will this be too easy or too hard? How well do you know your sci-fi? Special kinder-thanks go to the indispensable BADMOVIES.ORG for image #10 as my personal DVD was acting ornery! Good luck, kinder-space cadets!
The HOOPER posts, they just keep on a' coming! I can't blame some folks for not cuddling up to EATEN ALIVE. It's scattershot, brutally blunt and sometimes feels like it's held together with spit and crossed fingers. Like the run down hotel it takes place in, the overall structure comes off as flimsy and second hand and the walls literally wobble. Yet it's also strangely eerie and I don't know what your nightmares look like but mine don't look too far off from the random, nausea-toned whirlwind found here.
There's not much as far as plot goes, sad sacks line up to be scythed and fed to a crocodile, but genuine sense-defying horror hovers about like an impenetrable wall of humidity. Bottom of the barrel country tunes bleed together with manic music box chimes (and a chorus of wails) and even as the whole package plays with pointlessness, it's so darn expressive that you have to take a step back and gawk. EATEN ALIVE's commitment to chaos makes it a slippery fish and hard to get a handle on but as a surreal horrific mood piece, it works big time for me.
There's really no identifiable reality to cling to here for comfort. EATEN ALIVE, with its makeshift, puke-toned, sets comes off as a hellish high school stage production or a cancelled Satanic soap opera. HOOPER, having just exited the bleached bone dust bowl dimension of THE CHAINSAW MASSACRE, flipped a switch in his head and got down to experimenting with garish unnatural color and lighting, a proclivity that will come to full fruition with THE FUNHOUSE.
The film texture itself is collage-like sometimes stark and brazen, sometimes shrouded and hazy. Maybe it's just grindhouse sloppy but it jars regardless. I can't help comparing it to the mash-up, psychedelic roulette wheel visuals that ROB ZOMBIE puts to use in his films. HOOPER may have been paying a bit of an homage to horror comics with his color palette but I'm also reminded of the plethora of neon-soaked eighties music videos that EATEN ALIVE predates as well (or stranger still, ROBERT ALTMAN's FOOL FOR LOVE). The clash of "real" weathering and grit and "unreal" otherworldly color may throw some off but maybe that's the point. So much of what is going on here comes off as a slap attack on the viewer.
Speaking of the ROB-ZOB, EATEN ALIVE definitely digs dumping its ladle in hillbilly sleaze and stirring the white trash gumbo. It's not only the local yokels like the TARANTINO-quoted Buck (a young ROBERT ENGLUND whose, "I'm Buck and I like to fuck" resurfaced in KILL BILL) who come off as less than noble characters. Even TCM survivor MARILYN BURNS is difficult to relate to or rely upon completely. First of all, she's not a very good mother and second of all, I still can't for the life of me figure out why she wears a "new Jan Brady" wig at the start of the film and then discards it without ado. Her husband is bat-shit crazy for what purpose to the story I don't know and her daughter (a pre-HALLOWEEN KYLE RICHARDS) does little more than scream at the top of her lungs (not that that didn't work for BURNS in TCM).
If you want to know how much EATEN cares about your sensibilities just check out how it milks poor RICHARD's peril. I won't reveal her outcome but her safety is not the usual assumed "given" based on her child status. That's really one of EATEN ALIVE's biggest strengths, the fact that you can't trust the film or anybody in it at any time. Everybody we meet is crazy, duplicitous or falling apart in some way and weirder still, the victims all but take numbers and volunteer for their savage fates.
The crocodile is paper mache phony and the sets are about as convincing as a SID AND MARTY KROFFT production. Nobody, not MEL FERRER (who is presented as little more than an animated portrait painting) or THE ADDAMS FAMILY's CAROLYN JONES (made up for the most part like a hunch backed cartoon witch) or main loon Judd (a wild-eyed and mumbling NEVILLE BRAND) is identifiable as an authentic human. I guess these are all reasons enough for some viewers to put up their hands and decline. When presented with wild arbitrary violence such as this maybe it's instinctual for some to automatically comb for any evidence of falsehood to keep their footing and/or distance.
Perhaps it's a cop out on my part but I don't think a film like this needs to be bound by rational laws. In fact, I think its main agenda is to stick its tongue out at rationality in general. The truth is, when real horror does find its way into your life that old pal rationality is the first to yell, "Check please!" Real horror really can render everything senseless and the familiar world a false cardboard stage.
There's an intense (though relatively short-lived) chase scene within EATEN ALIVE that almost takes place on a fairy tale page with prop trees bending to impossible winds amidst swirling, machine made mists. It's a raging, Southern gothic storm and it's cheap and lovely like a plastic champagne flute. Whether you buy into the situation or not HOOPER does orchestrate a multi-layer cake of suspense with several floors of his Starlight Hotel reaching fever pitches of the grotesque simultaneously. If EATEN were a dream this is the moment of crescendo right before the sleeper wakes. No, it's not very believable at all but every dreamer knows it's quite real enough.
I love character driven psychological horror; I love expertly timed set pieces too but there is a special place in my heart for films like EATEN ALIVE that rattle and run on simple unleaded insanity. The adult me protests and throws down barriers but the primal me rolls over like a sniveling dog. I suggest watching EATEN ALIVE alone without the distracting voices of sense and reason, preferably late at night when the walls between "awake" and "asleep" grow soft and blur. I've come to see it as a blood-stained music box with a headless, spinning hillbilly ballerina inside. Sure, this is some frayed, imperfect jacked-up business and it's no TCM but when baby Leatherface has a bad dream, it just might look like EATEN ALIVE.
I caught LIFEFORCE back when it first appeared on VHS and was none too impressed with it. I've always avoided it as a positive example of TOBE HOOPER's work due to my unfavorable memory of it. Then the other night it slunk into my living room via the MGM HD channel*. It happened to be the longer cut of the movie with its original HENRY MANCINI score fully intact boasting a new transfer overseen by HOOPER himself. LIFEFORCE is loony and it careens and wobbles around like a runaway bumper car. I don't blame myself for loosing my grip and falling off of it way back when. It asks you to accept some serious absurdity particularly in the acting department but if you're game, it's astounding or, at the very least, refreshingly bizarre. Color me a convert; I see it now as an epic genre smorgasbord so damn nice I had to watch it twice. Oh boy, I dig the opening & closing theme…
*As an aside allow me a moment to gush over the MGM HD channel. Because I love it so much, it is sure to betray me soon so let me rave and ramble before the curtain falls and I'm hit with a sandbag. Recently on MGM HD I have witnessed bile like SUPERBEAST and MONSTER DOG transformed into strangely watchable train wrecks, the piss poor TENTACLES resurrected as a camp classic with a killer soundtrack and borderline faves like SQUIRM and THE BELIEVERS vividly revitalized. They showed the still stunning (to me) STILL OF THE NIGHT which has never made it to DVD and even the elusive PREDATOR pre-dater WITHOUT WARNING which never even crawled onto VHS!
Can you imagine a high-definition KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE? I admit that MGM-HD was incapable of changing my tune about CLIVE BARKER'S LORD OF ILLUSIONS, but I did end up with an appreciation for the scary DIAMANDA GALAS song that plays over its closing credits. If you don't have HD just ignore me but if you do, I need to tell you to make sure you check out this channel especially considering the VINCENT PRICE-heavy schedule they're threatening for October! Holy crap SHADOWS AND FOG is on as we speak! Try to tell me that's not a beautiful looking movie. Gush done.
Where was I? Oh yeah, LIFEFORCE is crazy! You really have to make sure you walk into this movie using the right door. If you go by the trailer's assertion that an ALIEN-like serpentine sci-fi horror flick is about to commence, you are sure to require a handkerchief for your multiple tears. LIFEFORCE I think is better off approached like a sweeping epic fantasy adventure that opens in heaven and closes in hell and along the way high fives a half dozen beloved sci-fi and horror devices and ends giving a big wet smooch to QUARTERMASS AND THE PIT.
It's not a simple movie, it does not walk a simple line and yes, it can't help coming off as semi-dopey thanks to the exaggerated earnestness of its major players. It's a weird mix and much like riding on the back of a cartoon unicorn, you simply have to lean into the turns or you'll be a miserable wreck. It's all very silly but get over it and you'll get a giant basket of candy.
Maybe if they had gone with the original title provided by the source material, COLIN WILSON's novel "SPACE VAMPIRES," folks could more easily accept this odd film's extravagantly pulpy disposition. Not that we're talking FLASH GORDON here, the learned WILSON's metaphysical take on vampirism is a deep well masquerading as a puddle.
Forget pointy fangs and blood loss, the LIFEFORCE parasites perform in such a manner as to remind me of my first ill fated marriage to the dead and buried Latino heart throb Aunt Hector. These vamps use your soul as a sippy cup and suck out your will to live. The peaceful release of merciful death is even wickedly withheld. It turns out your dehydrated corpse must then rise to perform the same atrocity to whoever is unlucky enough to get near you and then they are compelled to go do the same. Soon the world is 28 DAYS OF THE LOCUST LATER, all screaming zombie chaos. In other words, if you ever meet somebody who seems too good to be true it's probably because they are a giant bat demon spewed out of the tail of Haley's Comet… but you knew that already didn't you?
If you've ever entertained the notion that POLTERGEIST doesn't quite feel like a HOOPER movie, you've gotta check LIFEFORCE out. If I didn't know who was driving, I'm not sure who I'd accredit this divine madness to. Really, when people say a movie doesn't feel like HOOPER, don't they really mean that it doesn't resemble THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE? I've said it before that TCM is a perfect storm. If it only took talent to make such a thing there'd be masterpieces growing on trees. I think it's commendable that HOOPER doesn't drag around a stagnant voice, with this jaunt he howls at the moon.
I mentioned QUARTERMASS AND THE PIT (AKA FIVE MILLION YEARS TO EARTH) earlier. LIFEFORCE's climactic vision of the destruction of London due to alien sabotage strikes strongly as taken from the same mold. As I found myself succumbing to LIFEFORCE's fantastical grab bag of supernatural sci-fi salad I thought of the vast and necessary leap required to adore (or tolerate) HALLOWEEN 3: SEASON OF THE WITCH.
Both QUARTERMASS and HALLOWEEN 3 have a creative name in common, NIGEL KNEALE. KNEALE might rightfully tell me to blow it out of my ear but LIFEFORCE intentionally or not, bows towards him. I'd also like to out CARPENTER's semi-unofficial (the script was authored by CARPENTER pseudonym "Martin Quartermass") KNEALE tribute THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS as at least a spiritual sibling of LIFEFORCE with its metaphysical spine and its desire to peak behind the veil of the everyday and stare into a larger universal horror.
I'm rearing off topic I know. Let's talk about LIFEFORCE's cast. I would be remiss not to mention what grabbed many a viewer by the bullhorn and pulled them through this avalanche of outlandishness when it haunted eighties cable, one MATHILDA MAY. I can't say MAY is not well cast as a cold figment capable of inspiring slobbery servitude. Carrying the duel weapons of (cough!) scant dialogue and scant attire, MAY glides straight through the sometimes overstuffed laser show like a hot knife through margarine. Haters gonna hate but it's no easy feet to upstage an apocalypse. STEVE RAILSBACK needs less ham in his diet but has an overall convincing worminess that makes him ideal space babe fodder. PETER FIRTH is cotton candy clueless but the scenes of him running through London with gun drawn as zombies swarm are among my favorites in the film. You even get PATRICK STEWART speaking in tongues and forcing guys to make out with him. Do you need to know more than that? My favorite though may be FRANK FINLAY who I've never met before. Where have you been all my life FRANK? There's a scene near the end where he dismantles in front of a blood stained skyline and it's semi-jaw-droppy.
So's anyway suffice to say I now dig the LIFEFORCE. Any vague shame I might feel makes me desire this everlasting gobstopper of a film even more. B-movie invasion, vampire romance, zombie contamination, mind reading, possession, insane asylums, space ships, EGON SCHEILE paintings brought to life, near constant breaking glass and lasers blasts , all natural boobs for some, unsolicited PATRICK STEWART make out sessions for others. It's "out there" and "out there" movies are easy to rip to shreds. Personally I'm much happier getting high off of the secondary smoke that comes off the screen. Anyway, I'm chalking another one up for the HOOPER, movies don't have to be good to be great and this one (and particularly this HD edition) is infinity times better than I recall.
One of the biggest fears I've ever had in my life was of the 1985 Godzilla Inflatable by Imperial Toys!
I am 31 now….and still have a weird fear of it!
I've never been able to explain why…I mean the thing is so silly looking…especially when looking at it from the front!
I think I may have been the eyes…..
As a child I would see this thing everywhere…and even though I was afraid of it…I wanted one! In 2003 I ordered one off of eBay….and I couldn't even open the package!I had to have my friend do it for me (I video taped the whole thing!) But once it was inflated…I wasn't afraid of it anymore.
It's a weird thing…as in if it's right in front of me I'm fine…but if it's put away in a box….or even if I stumble upon a pic of it on the internet…I'm weary of it! There have been a few times when on eBay looking at it….and if the page loads up slow…then BOOM the pic pops up….I jump!
Haha…there was this other time while watching DEMONS 6, you can kinda see it in the shadows in a certain scene……and I was like, "Whoa…it's the Godzilla inflatable!"……but then a few seconds later they have a close up scene of its face! I totally jumped up out of my seat and ran in the other room! Haha…I was 29 at the time by the way!
Soo yeah, that's my Kindertrauma.
There are several versions of this toy:
- The original 1985/86 version
- And three different sized ones from 1992/93: a four foot, five foot…..and AN EIGHT FOOT!!!!!!
I can't even imagine being in the presence of the 8 foot one!
PLUS besides DEMONS 6, it was in: BIG,ARMAGEDDON, IT, & (just slightly in) A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 4… just to name a few…I'm sure it's been in others!
That is all……love the Kindertrauma site.
Thank you!
—Raven J.
UNK SEZ:: That eight foot Godzilla does sound scary. From what I've gathered from the toy box covers the taller the inflatable Godzilla is the more aggressive he acts. It looks like the six ft. tall one (below) is about to rip that kid's head off! Thanks for the mighty traumafession Raven and thanks to GO GO GODZILLA too!
P.S.: Why is it that I have neglected to see DEMONS 6? I gotta get on that!
Grab your robes and torches minions, Satanists are back in high fashion! Ever since I saw RACE WITH THE DEVIL as an adorable, yet malnourished, premie I have been stressed about stumbling upon these rogue nogoodniks mid-ritual!
Freedom of religion is important and I commend you sassy Satanists for not stooping to apply for tax exemption but sacrificing children and more importantly fluffy animals? Not the best P.R. move! What you need(s) to do is get some super star celebrities to be the face of your cause. May I suggest the delightful BETH HOWLAND and the quirky and quizzical Q-BERT?
Speaking of fluffy animals I spy childhood dream date ERIN GREY still lovely HERE!
Back to people who worship Old Scratch! Do you know what is the most underrated Satan worshipping movie? I say it's BROTHERHOOD OF SATAN. That movie is bonkers with a capital bonk-bonk and yet visually I find it ever so arresting. Check out the trailer below. I love the meeting of the assortment of dudes in one room scene (@1:10). It's so J. CARPENTER!
I watch so much crap that there's no way for me to keep you up on what I have shoved in my eyeballs. Let's take a look at some of the hard working bloggers out there who have succeeded where I have woefully failed!
TRUTH OR DARE: CRITICAL MADNESS can be viewed any time on your Netflix account. It is one bizarre yet fascinating movie directed by an eighteen year old. I'm not sure I could do it justice but I know that the VICAR OF VHS bit the bullet for me HERE!
TRUTH OR DARE got me in the mood for more stinkaroos so I polished off my ancient VHS tape by the name of THE WEEKEND IT LIVES. This movie should have just disappeared back into the hell pit from which it came from but for some reason it was resurrected as a DVD called AXE 'EM back in 2002. Have any poor souls out there witnessed this somewhat hilarious abomination? VEGAN VOORHEES has lived to tell the tale HERE!
JOHN KENETH MUIR cures me of the amnesia that almost made me forget one of my favorite BUFFY episodes of all time "Tabula Rasa" HERE!
VAULT OF HORROR spreads the word about the silent beauty that is THE CAT AND THE CANARY over HERE!
CAMP BLOOD shows off the awesome pillowcase that comes free with your purchase of the complete SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE set HERE!
And from the "Why didn't I think of that ?" file, killer kudos to DEATH TO CGI for the awesome (What the hell is THE PEACOCK KING?) top ten pre-CGI transformation list over HERE!
I wasn't a big fan of the cinematic adaptation of JACK KETCHEM's THE OFFSPRING but if LUCKY McKEE is behind its offshoot THE WOMAN then so am I. Check out its official site HERE! (Thanks for the tip BLOODY DISGUSTING)
You know, sometimes when I read one of my own posts something horrible happens in my head. For some reason when I finish the last paragraph I hear the READING RAINBOW "Ba-dump-dump" as clear as a bell. While searching for the READING RAINBOW "Ba-dump-dump" the other day, I found this…
And in closing: JAMES CAMERON, first you break LINDA HAMILTON's heart and then you insult (as whispered in my ear by FANGIRLTASTIC) the genre that you should be on your hands and knees giving a "blowing" (holla LAST EXORCISM fans!) -job to? This week's Official Corky St. Clair BASTARD PEOPLE AWARD goes to you, ya big mirror-licking jackass!
Don't you dare listen to a word of what that mean old glorified dingleberry said FRIDAY THE 13th PART3 IN 3-D! You're better than all his lame 5-hour long movies put together. (Shut up ALIENS! I know you kind of rule but can't you see F13 Part3 is in a bad place?) C'mon F13, groove us out of Kinder-Bitz with your disco theme. I know you want to. That's it little buddy, lift up your 3-D chin! God (or Satan) don't make no 3-D mistakes!
