Author: unkle lancifer

A trillion years ago I remember seeing DEATH VALLEY some late night in the early days of cable. I remember being a bit bored and disappointed by the fact that it was not the slasher flick I envisioned it to be in my head. Well let this be a lesson to you folks, watching it again some decades later with little memory of it and the lowest of expectations, I have to say I enjoyed the hell of it. Admittedly, I was off to a bad start, the film's cute opening montage in New York is set to music that veers way too close to the opening theme to my own personal kryptonite, mid-eighties HOWARD HESSEMAN sitcom atrocity HEAD OF THE CLASS (a cold shiver just went down my spine). Happily the intellectual New Yorker divorcee rom-com vibe is quickly dropped and we are whisked to Arizona and are witness to something that could be likened to "Circus of the KINDERTRAUMA Stars." Having already been graced with LOST BOYS heavy EDWARD HERRMANN, as the Princeton Professor pop, and Messy Marvin/BOB CLARK protégé PETER BILLINGSLY as the soon-to-be-terrorized tyke in trouble, the appearance of Chucky fodder CATHERINE HICKS as mom, walrus-faced THING-a-mabob WIFRED BRIMLEY as the Sheriff, and my new favorite lizard-person LOOK WHAT'S HAPPENED TO ROSEMARY's BABY's STEPHEN McHATTIE as the kooky psycho just seems to good to be true. The story is simple; during a road trip, while adjusting to the presentation of his recently divorced mother's new beau (STRANGE INVADER's PAUL Le MAT) little Billy gets his nose stuck in the business of a raving psychopath who must now dispose of the kid who knows too much and anyone else who gets in his way. Expecting no thrills or kills, I was surprised that there were actually several. They're mostly straightforward neck slashings but one person's demise, I have to admit, really caught me off guard. McHATTIE is great as the psychotic threat. His piercing presence is almost RUTGEUR HAUER-hypnotic, in some ways he's like a deloused and properly exfoliated JAMES WOODS. Movies that feature kids in harms way are practically illegal these days which makes DEATH VALLEY seem all the more original. Although parts of it are too subtle for its own good (BILLINGSLY's transformation from timid in an early confrontation to someone who is willing to blast away his aggressor is too underplayed), this is a unique addition to the horror road-movie sub genre with some surprisingly clever direction that routinely uses the audience's expectations against them.

• Scary car with HEX license plate
• The motor home kills; sorta tame, but orchestrated well, Slasher fans are even thrown a couple boobs for their troubles.
• Pleasantly plump babysitter is lured to her death with the promise of a free sody pop
• MACGYVER-like toxic bomb created by a shower cap filled with shampoo, perfume and other assorted toiletries
• Contrary to it's earlier subtle tone a super obvious shocking reveal at the end is presented in hilarious slow-mo and freeze-frames to give the audience time to process what they've figured out an hour ago

The tale of a comfortable self-possessed urbanite seeking leisure in the country only to be horrified by what he finds there is nothing new as confirmed by a recent viewing of SNIFFLES TAKES A TRIP (1940). Sniffles begins his journey full of hope and excitement. This is heartily expressed through a gleefully optimistic tune sung by the mouse that imagines a journey complete with babbling brooks for swimming and playful squirrels. Sniffle's naive innocence is exposed as soon as he discovers a sign pointing the way to his destination "Country Meadows." Upon the sign an ominous black raven harks a warning, but Sniffles, in his giddy state, misidentifies the harbinger of doom as a Robin and squeals in delight. Most of Sniffle's misunderstandings of the new world around him are harmless enough, a purple mustachioed, RIP TAYLOR-like predator is in actuality a common fly for example. Two frightening eyes that appear out of a lagoon expose Sniffles' lifelong fear of alligators, but in reality, they are simply the peepers of a passive hop frog. These false scares are traditional in horror and it is only when darkness falls that the dire reality of the situation the little mouse has gotten himself into becomes clear. In the light of a campfire, Sniffles mind begins to completely unravel. Left alone with his own ideas, the peaceful country landscape he once coveted transforms into a vision of hell that would make Dante take a dump in his dungarees. Hideous beings reveal themselves hiding all around him (or are they only in his mind?). At first Sniffles attempts to douse his raging fear by telling himself that the black velvet death that waits to engulf him is "peaceful," this as slithering, twisted eel-like shapes twist around mocking, gnarled demon-possessed trees and a winged demon explodes out of the sky heaving sulfur smelling breath and the silent song of damnation. If there is any question of whether to stay or to flee, it is answered by the eyes…the horrible demonic, death-promising eyes that seem to be popping out of every conceivable crevice, whispering prophecies of a violently brutal gang rape. Evaluating the scene, Sniffles does indeed flee so quickly in fact that his signature hat spins off his head with such gusto that it makes an uncanny whine not unlike that of a U.F.O. stuffed to the gills with Theremins nose diving into the Washington Monument. DELIVERANCE, I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE, WRONG TURN and now SNIFFLES TAKES A TRIP. If you go in to the woods today you're in for a big surprise, the surprise is you are either going to die like a hog in a slaughterhouse or completely loose your mind…

 

After 1981's one-two punch of AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON and THE HOWLING, it seemed like, thanks to advances in special effects that, the sky was the limit for werewolf movies. With the exception of a few kibbles here and there, (DOG SOLDIERS, GINGER SNAPS) we're all still sort of waiting. The truth is it takes a bit more than special effects to make a werewolf tale work. Both of 1981's big doggies sunk their teeth properly into the "curse" element of the lycanthrope mythos and presented us with likable characters who struggled morally with their afflictions. BAD MOON can't hold a candle to those two aforementioned films in the characterization department but it does give it the old college try. Director ERIC RED, who wrote the vampire addiction tale NEAR DARK, has some first hand experience balancing action and pathos but, for the most part, every bone he throws here lands just shy of the mark. Based on the novel THOR by WAYNE SMITH, which is told entirely from the family dog's point of view, BAD MOON as a movie naturally had to switch focus. Rather than spending our time in a German shepherd's head (which actually is not such a bad idea) we are left with what amounts to a story about a sister (wooden as a cigar store Indian MARIEL HEMINGWAY) who opens her door to a sibling (STREETS OF FIRE survivor MICHAEL PARE) who is secretly battling urges he cannot control. Where do you draw the line when dealing with a destructive family member? What if said family member's behavior is endangering your child? BAD MOON's 80 minute running time doesn't allow for adequately getting into these matters, and werewolf fans may be checking their watches anyway waiting for the fangs to sprout. PARE is sympathetic as hell which may work against the drama here, but I think most of the blame can be placed in the lap of a now ridiculous (then just crappy) mid-nineties flavored CGI transformation scene that is almost impossible to recover from. Once fully turned, the beasty that wrecks havoc looks pretty damn good and his threatening attack on HEMINGWAY's tot MASON GAMBLE provides some much needed, late in the game thrills (Thankfully a traveling flimflam artist bounces in to be properly shredded too).  I think if you go into BAD MOON knowing that its intentions are modest, you can have an entertaining enough time. The scope is compact but it's not without some genuinely intriguing (and in the case of the wooded surroundings, well-shot) scenes, just don't expect too much fur to fly or to be left howling at the moon. 

• The sex disrupting original tent attack in Napal
• Watching WEREWOLF OF LONDON on T.V
• Heartbreakingly BENJI-like "dog being taken to the pound" scene
• After the protective family pooch Thor is thrown in the kennel, Pare opens his fly and takes a territorial piss on his doghouse. If the movie had more scenes this darkly clever it could have won best in show!