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...:::Streaming Alert!:::...

Streaming Alert:: The Keep (1983) (Via Tubi TV)

May 4th, 2017 · 2 Comments

Hey, you can be watching MICHAEL MANN’s flawed but forever fascinating THE KEEP (1983) for FREE right now! I’ve given up hope that THE KEEP will ever make it to DVD and I (sobs in hands) lost my precious VHS tape years ago (a widescreen version that a friend copied from laserDisc!) so this is a rare privilege as far as I’m concerned. Read my old review HERE (which was once recommended by THE KEEP’s very own author F. PAUL WILSON!) and then go investigate my new favorite joint called Tubi TV right HERE.

Tubi TV is basically like Netflix except for the fact that you don’t have to pay a dime. It takes about one minute to sign up (just register with an email) and then you are free to watch a very impressive selection of films with a few harmless ad views as your only payment (I’d list some excellent titles but I’m saving them for future posts!). I love this. I love FREE. I haven’t been collecting movies on DVD and VHS for the last 30 years so that I would end up paying to stream (I know original content has made Netflix, HBO and Hulu nearly indispensable but I piggyback off of a generous relative’s accounts for those). Last night I watched the coolest movie called OUTLANDER (2008) during a fit of insomnia and it seemed like the greatest gift in the world. It’s about a futuristic dude (JAMES CAVIEZAL) whose space ship crashes in Iron Age Norway with an alien creature on board and so he has to team up with Vikings to destroy it. Have you seen this? It’s awesome! It’s like ALIEN 3 meets THE 13th WARRIOR meets THE TIME MACHINE meets THE RELIC meets HIGHLANDER meets PREDATOR meets ARMY OF DARKNESS. It’s so epic and so geeky and so hauntingly beautiful in places and I only wish I had a toy of the alien creature to pet. Anyway, as God is my witness, I will never pay for streaming again! Trust me; go get you some Tubi TV…now!

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Tags: Stream Warriors · Streaming Alert!

Sunday Movie:: Ava’s Possessions (2015) (Via Crackle)

April 30th, 2017 · No Comments

It’s in every horror fan’s best interest to periodically drop on over at CRACKLE and see what’s new. I’m happy to report they have recently added AVA’S POSSESSIONS, a neon, neo-noir, post-possession character study that plays like prime SUSAN SEIDELMAN directing a horror version of THE LOST WEEKEND. It meanders at times and the tone doesn’t always gel but this movie is so visually arresting and the cast is so appealing that I really think you should check it out. LOUISA KRAUSE is highly endearing as Ava, a gal who is picking up the pieces of her life after a recent possession threw all of her relationships into turmoil and perhaps even caused a homicide or two (don’t act like you haven’t been there). The supporting cast is just as good with DEBORAH RUSH (Yay, STRANGERS WITH CANDY!) portraying her mom and WILLIAM SADLER (Yay, ROSWELL!) as her dad. WASS STEVENS of SATAN’S LITTLE HELPER even shows up as the leader of a possession survivor support group and horror royalty CAROL KANE (WHEN A STRANGER CALLS) graces this fine production with a divine cameo. And not to get all artsy on ya but I just really loved this flick’s sense of style and pitch perfect use of color, plus the score is pretty phenomenal too. Did I mention it’s FREE? Yes, it’s FREE to watch this movie completely unedited right HERE on CRACKLE. You just have to withstand some commercials but such is life. At least you’re not currently possessed.

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Tags: Stream Warriors · Streaming Alert! · Sunday Streaming

Streaming Alert:: Pumpkinhead and Monkey Shines Via Comet TV!

March 13th, 2016 · 3 Comments

Get this, COMET TV is a brand new channel that features science fiction and horror films every day of the week. Even better, you can now LIVE stream COMET TV right on your computer! This means I can watch TV in any room of my house even the many sad rooms that don’t have cable! I don’t know about you but I am on this like white on rice! Check out the full schedule (HERE)!

There is a delicious marathon going down shortly! PUMPKINHEAD is stomping into your living room at 2:00 and then that adorable Ella the monkey makes a house call at 4:OO with a showing of the ever so awesome MONKEYSHINES! Plus even though I didn’t have room for them in the title of this post, our old buddy MAD MAX crashes the party at 8:00 and then it’s off to the scariest house that ever existed with the Kindertrauma-klassic BURNT OFFERINGS at 10:00 starring master thespian KAREN BLACK and the voluptuous OLIVER REED. Wait, did I get that backwards? Nope. Anyways, you should get on this generous smorgasbord today and every day! I know I will. Thanks COMET TV! I think I love you (LIVE STREAM HERE)!

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Tags: Stream Warriors · Streaming Alert! · Sunday Streaming

Streaming Alert:: Split Second (1992) is Free on HULU!

February 2nd, 2016 · 1 Comment

What the what? Last night I bumped into SPLIT SECOND (1992) on HULU and for free no less (HERE)! I was going to sit on this info until I could use it for a Sunday Streaming post but then I decided life is too short, there’s no time like the present and who the heck cares? The thing is folks, SPLIT SECOND is not available on DVD and the VHS tape probably currently looks all dried up and stinky so this is your best bet for now. Sure there are a few commercials sprinkled throughout but HULU is thankfully pretty nice about keeping them short. SPLIT SECOND is kinda like if one of those ALIEN creatures was set loose in BLADE RUNNER land except that nothing could be as awesome as what that sounds like so prepare yourself to be fairly disappointed. I have no problem telling you SPLIT SECOND should be far more engaging than it is and it looks better both on paper and in your head than it actually does on the screen but there’s still plenty enough going on to make it worth your while, I promise.

SPLIT SECOND comes from the same director as THE BURNING (TONY MAYLAM) and it stars the coolest guy who ever lived, RUTGER HAUER who is supported by such fine folks as plucky KIM CATTRALL, not-so-plucky PETE POSTLETHWAITE and the one and only slightly plucky MICHAEL J. POLLARD of TICKS and AMERICAN GOTHIC fame as “The Rat Catcher.” RUTGER plays a gruff cop who smokes a lot and laments the death of his partner while hunting down a deadly creature that is frustratingly NOT SHOWN ENOUGH in a waterlogged (due to global warming) London in the flabbergasting future world of 2008!!!!

I think I’ve mentioned before that I’m prone to appreciate a mid-budgeted sci-fi flick cuz they have enough money not to embarrass themselves but not so much that they over do everything and come off synthetic and fake. Anyway, this is just a public service announcement for those out there who were waiting to see a decent presentation of this fine enough flick. I seem to recall that when I saw it in the theater it was way too dark but that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore so maybe that was due to the theater I saw it in or something in my head. Who knows? You should have been sold at RUTGER HAUER anyway. Oh, and the soundtrack, she is tops too!

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Tags: Streaming Alert!

Sunday Streaming:: Castle Freak (1995)

January 17th, 2016 · No Comments

I got some good news for ya. Did you know that you could be watching STUART GORDON’s CASTLE FREAK for free on Hulu if you so desired HERE? How do you dig them apples? Now, I’ll be honest with you, this flick didn’t exactly rock my world when I first caught it back in the day. I think it’s because GORDON’S RE-ANIMATOR blew the top of my head off and then his FROM BEYOND blew the sides of my head off and then DOLLS blew the bottom of my head off and there was really no part of my head left to blow up by the time CASTLE FREAK came along. I used to think my expectations were too high but I’ve come to the realization that –duh- GORDON was going for a much more somber feel on purpose.

Anyway, these days I can appreciate CASTLE FREAK for a lot of the reasons I once gave it a shrug. CASTLE FREAK may not deliver the pulse-pounding, over-the-top excitement of GORDON’S aforementioned masterpiece trilogy but it’s absolutely dripping with gloomy gothic atmosphere and leads JEFFREY COMBS and BARBARA CRAMPTON deliver top-notch, albeit mournful, performances. It utilizes its Italian location to the fullest and it’s a great Old Dark House flick even if the old house is actually an old castle. Plus monster! Me love monster! If you haven’t seen it in a while, give it another go. NOTE: I must subtract five points for tormenting a ginger cat.

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Tags: Stream Warriors · Streaming Alert! · Sunday Streaming

Sunday Streaming :: Gargoyles (1972)

January 10th, 2016 · 3 Comments

Hey kids, I gotta plan that’s sure to cheer you up today. Let’s say we sneak on over to that SHOUT FACTORY TV joint and watch us some GARGOYLES (HERE)! It’s only one of the best TV movies ever to grace the small screen and, where I come from, it has a long history of hitting the spot on a Sunday afternoon. Heck, I could even write a traumafession on this slick flick as it always gave me an acute case of the heebie jeebies! It’s not the titular monsters so much (although they are impressively unnerving) as it is the general uncanny atmosphere. I don’t know why but the opening narration relaying the history of Satan, the multiple aerial gargoyle-eye views of pesky humans crawling about on Earth and the sinister simplicity of the perfectly captured pre-CGI, ominous slate gray skies all add up to me wanting my blanky. Plus JENNIFER SALT is in it! Unless you’ve just finished watching BRAIAN DE PALMA‘s SISTERS (1973) or a SOAP marathon (like me) there’s surely not enough SALT in your diet!

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Tags: Stream Warriors · Streaming Alert! · Sunday Streaming

Streaming Alert:: Home For The Holidays (1972)

December 24th, 2015 · 1 Comment

Hey folks, I have a lot of egg nog in my system and that means I don’t have time to play with you. DON’T EVEN call yourself a horror fan if you’ve never seen HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS…serious…DON’T EVEN. I don’t care if it tastes like medicine….you eat it anyway!!! What I do for you kids! My computer is so ancient that every sentence I write is preceded by a spinning rainbow ball! It keeps spinning and spinning! It’s making me dizzy! The simplest post is like knitting a sweater! Not that you care with your instagrams! Did I spell that right? You know what? Why don’t you put your criticisms where the monkey puts the nuts? One day your Unkle will be dead and gone like a VHS tape and you’ll be all teary-eyed and missing me never realizing that YOU ARE THE MURDERER! Glug-glug..hiccup and furthermore glug-glug Smurfs in the ceiling!!!! Ah, look at the pretty pretty lights!!!!! Happy Merry Christmas Eve. I love you!!!!

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Tags: Stream Warriors · Streaming Alert!

Streaming Alert:: Monster Christmas Mash

December 23rd, 2015 · No Comments

Let me share with you one of my most favorite Christmas records of all time, THE MONSTER CHRISTMAS MASH! I first bumped into this groovy gold mine of holiday lunacy in a thrift store in the late eighties and it has slowly ear-wormed its way into becoming an essential part of my yearly festivities. I’m happy and relieved to see that the old devil has made its way to YouTube. I wish I could just plant the entire record on this spot but sadly it’s chopped into way too many multiple parts. Don’t worry though, we can all just take a field trip and jump to this playlist joint RIGHT HERE and listen to the whole album in order! Yay! I hope you have some (strong) egg nog ready…and plenty.

Here is a mere sample of what awaits you:

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Tags: Streaming Alert!

Sunday Streaming:: Ninja III: The Domination

December 13th, 2015 · 2 Comments

Oh Geez, that ELECTRIC BOOGALLO doc has left me with a strong case of CANNON fever! What to do? Hey, it looks like our fine friends over at the YouTube channel THE PARAMOUNT VAULT has the solution! Let’s say we all watch NINJA III: THE DOMINATION! Don’t worry, you don’t have to see the first two NINJA movies to understand this one because it defies understanding anyway! All you need to know is LUCINDA DICKEY rocks hard and is a champ at playing the video game BOUNCER. If you’re still not cured, it looks like a bunch of other CANNON flicks have ended up in the same joint! I see HE- MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE, MISSING IN ACTION, AMERICAN NINJA, KING SOLOMAN’S MINES and much more! They’re all FREE, they all look great and it’s all on the up and up! Why are you so generous PARAMOUNT? Are you possessed?

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Tags: Stream Warriors · Streaming Alert! · Sunday Streaming

Sunday Streaming:: Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story (1987)

December 6th, 2015 · 2 Comments

Ssssssh! Let’s watch something that we’re not supposed to watch. As long as Richard Carpenter is not a regular reader of Kindertrauma, I think we can totally get away with this. Have you ever seen TODD HAYNES’ lil’ masterpiece SUPERSTAR: The Karen Carpenter Story that is based on the life and times of the tragic genius KAREN CARPENTER? It’s so cool because all the actors are dolls and even more strange is just how creepy and moving it ends up being. Sadly this 44-minute slice of brilliance will probably never have a proper release because of all the musical licensing mumbo jumbo and the fact that Richard Carpenter is not a fan of the content in any way, shape or form. But my advice is you should check it out on the down low anyway because at the end of the day, art is more important than all that other stuff and you don’t want to go about the rest of your life having missed out on this singular experience. I dunno, I get the Carpenters on my mind every year around this time due to their contribution to Christmas music and I think we can learn a lesson from poor Karen’s inability to give herself a break and realize how cool she was in the first place. So let’s watch this but whatever you do, keep it quiet!

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Tags: Stream Warriors · Streaming Alert! · Sunday Streaming