Category: Uncategorized

OK, just to start things off…

Why are these on your site?

Now to the main portion.

I saw the Crack Monster and the Courage episode already. (OH PLEASE USE THE ROMY & ROACH IMAGE AGAIN!) but there was another Sesame animation that freaked me out.

There was this boy who got lost, okay? And he passes by all these things that look like something straight out of Pepperland. Then he FINALLY finds out he's lost, and this weird guy with a yo-yo appears and tells him to make the first thing he passed the last. That's how the boy got home.

What the hell, PBS? Why would you air that?

Surprisingly enough, the day I watched it again, right after I saw it, I discovered the Crack Monster cartoon had been found.

Oh, and that anti-heroin toy monkey PSA. THAT USED TO SCARE THE CELESTIAL OUT OF ME!

Speaking to you from Bhava-Agra,

Tenshi.

UNK SEZ: Thanks for the delicious traumafession, Tenshi! I remember that psychedelic SESAME STREET short all too well! To answer your first question, SNOOPY COME HOME is represented on our sidebar thanks to this horrifying scene….

And ANNIE is included because ANN REINKING is secretly Satan as is proven by this slice of spazzy Hell…

1977's LOOKING FOR MR. GOODBAR may not be a horror film but it certainly left me with a feeling that most horror films neglect to convey and that feeling is actual horror. I used to think maybe I was just ill prepared and taken off guard when I first viewed it many eons ago but a recent revisit convinced me that knowledge of its eventual destination not only fails to dilute the impact but actually adds to the sense of dread. It's got a very seventies, borderline stalling pace but I have a feeling that spending so much down time with DIANE KEATON's wonderfully flawed character as she takes one step forward and two steps back in her journey toward self-discovery/destruction is what makes the film's final chime echo so loudly.

In any case, I feel it is my duty to inform all of those interested that for what I'm sure will be a very limited time, you can catch RICHARD (IN COLD BLOOD) BROOKS' LOOKING FOR MR. GOODBAR on YouTube. If you have even the slightest interest in checking it out this may be your last chance. It's not available on DVD and due to, I'm guessing, music rights issues, it may never be and even if you shell out some big bucks for a VHS tape, it will look like crap. Yes! Check it out; this not long for this world, YouTube version is all crispy clean and letterboxed! So perfect for ruining your day! You're welcome!

Greetings all:

Kindertrauma is a cross between a fan site and a support group, isn't it?

Anyhoo…at almost 50 years old I have a lot of Traumafessions from the "classic" (cough) days of horror movies.

My parents bear some of the blame. We had a drive-in theatre (remember those?) that would play maybe one first-run movie ("Smokey And The Bandit," "Cannonball Run," etc.) and then some Grade Z horror stinkers, like "Grizzly," "Schizoid" and "The Toolbox Murders"…and sometimes really late, they would have bad European soft-core skin flicks (dubbed or subtitled) but those weren't listed on the marquee!

On top of it, this drive-in was in northern Indiana, directly across the road from where the Ford Pinto got rear-ended and exploded in the late '70s! I remember an aerial shot of that on the NBC Nightly News with John Chancellor showing the theatre and this big black burnt splotch across the road. Don't tell me that area wasn't cursed! The theatre doesn't exist anymore; it was torn down and a Walmart built (still cursed with bad service the last time I was there about 15 years ago).

That was the only place my mother would consent to go see movies…and it didn't matter what they were, and my young, impressionable butt got dragged along. The only time I think I won out was when the aforementioned "Grizzly" was being shown. My mother thought it was something like the then-popular Dan Haggerty "Grizzly Adams" TV show (so help me, it's true!), but I'd seen the trailers (oh, the impact trailers had on my life!). I finally persuaded my dad to call the theatre box office and they confirmed what I said…and dad said "no, we're not going to see that." He was the sensible one – he wouldn't let me see "Jaws" at 9 years old in the theatre. He said "it's rated PG, Parental Guidance, I'm your parent and I don't want to see it so you're not either!"

I think the movie trailers were in some ways worse than the actual movies! They would pop up on TV when you weren't expecting them, even in the middle of something like "Hogan's Heroes" or reruns of old Looney Tunes cartoons…you're watching Porky Pig, and then you crap yourself over one of those horrible trailers. The worst one for me, beyond a doubt, was "IT'S ALIVE." I still can't watch that!

Other Hall of Shame trailers:

1. "Suspiria." That scene where the woman with the beautiful long hair turns around and has a decaying, rotted skull of a face…

2. "Magic." That grotesque ventriloquist dummy, "Fats," should have been turned into kindling wood!

3. Even the first, original 1977 trailer for "Star Wars" was kind of spooky in the beginning, with the logo in outer space and someone's creepy voice talking over it.

4. "Carrie." My parents did go to see that one (I persuaded them to let me go elsewhere!) and it scared hell out of my diesel mechanic, former Army soldier dad.

5. A qualified mention for "Alien," as that actually became one of my top films! I remember the very first trailer with just the egg without scenes from the movie inserted.

6. "Phantasm." That horrible, evil silver ball…

Theatre owners were devious. They'd even slip those in as "COMING ATTRACTIONS!" when I would go to see something innocuous like "The Bad News Bears!" A pox on them for eternity!

Of course, there were the tried-and-horrible TV episodes like the Hallowe'en "Little House on the Prairie," and "The Day After," though I was older then and it really didn't get to me…and I ended up joining the Air Force!

The Black Pit of Dr M (Mexico, Fernando Méndez)

Ultimo Mondo Cannibale (Italy, R. Deodato)

Jigoku (Japan, Nobuo Nakagawa)

Witchhammer (Czechoslovakia, Otakar Vavra)

Our Mother's House (UK, Jack Clayton)

I had seen about half of THE LAST HOUSE ON DEAD END STREET (1977) before; it was about ten years ago and, here in Philly, somebody was showing a double feature of it along with FRIDAY THE 13th PART 3 in actual 3-D (a big deal at the time)! Back then, I only cared about seeing FRIDAY, but now I'm kind of amazed that somebody had access to a 35 mm print of TLHODES. From what I saw of TLHODES that night, I had no regrets for showing up late and not sitting through its entirety. I love horror but there are certain movies that fall into the sadistic zone that I stay away from just because I'm not into the whole "Now I feel like soaking in a tub of Clorox" thing. I get why other people enjoy pushing their limits but I've done my time in the trenches and I don't need to try every 31 Baskin & Robbins flavors to have a general idea of what appeals to me. Forget the rampant torture and sadism for a minute, DEAD END STREET shows a cow being slaughtered! Morrissey wouldn't approve, but my delicate condition demands that I stay willfully ignorant of the ungodly bloodcurdling origins of my beloved Whopper Jr.! I pretend magic makes them.

So there I was living the life perfectly content never seeing DEAD END STREET again. Let others put it on a pedestal based solely on its obscurity, I was done with that horror-ipster stuff. But then one day I saw the mesmerizing mess-terpiece SHADOWS OF THE MIND (1980) by the same director (the late ROGER WATKINS) and I became curiouser and curiouser. As much as I didn't have a taste for DEAD END before, I suddenly found myself needing to see something else from the director of SHADOWS OF THE MIND and, sans his porn output, it was my only option.

But could I take it? Yep, it turns out I could. I only wanted to turn it off once and that wasn't even because of the sadism… it was because of the eerie as damnation score freaking me out. (Oh wait, I must have caught something from Chuckles because that is a lie. There is a shot of a woman in a clear mask and the way her features fluctuate beneath the translucent, plastic shell shoved my finger toward the pause button for a millisecond too.) I can see now that this movie really is something. Let me unpack my sack of non-criticisms! The acting is insane, it's poorly dubbed, it choppily skips all over the place and it looks like hell and hell on a budget, dragged through the mud. As you know, I no longer give any of those types of slights the time of day. None of those crutches can stop the film from being unforgettably disorienting and disturbing. In fact, I'm sure they help.

There's absolutely nothing supernatural going on in TLHODES but still, the whole shebang stinks of bad mojo. It's like being a witness to a savage ritual and its grim unyielding take on dog-eat-dog inhumanity has a bite that may require a tetanus shot. WATKINS admitted that most of the film's budget went to his drug addiction, which could explain the movie's blistering nightmare feel and palpable raging desperation. Somehow, amidst all this trash-tastic rubble though, there are clear glimmering flashes of aberrant artistry that should appeal to anyone who has a jones for gritty seventies-era exploitation.

Geez, it really is incredible how powerful a simple mask can be on film… and hey, snuff! You can't help but make a statement about society's disgusting nature when you have snuff as a topic in your film! Oh, I'm sorry I forgot to tell you the plot! A guy (writer/director WATKINS) gets out of jail and needs to make money, so he decides to make snuff films. Worse still, he somehow gets a group of equally down on their luck people to help. Worser still, there's Manson-esque henchladies! Worstest still, they wear hideous masks! I recommend this flick to folks looking for something extreme or maybe annoying too-happy people who need to be made less so. In any case, all humans must watch the trailer! It alone could scratch itself a permanent hole in your psyche…

"I'm so proud of my boys- they found all ten differences!"