Five Underrated Flicks by Matty from Boston!
Hello Kindertrauma compadres! I'm a longtime reader of your hilarious and insightful site and wanted to share my picks for five underrated scary movies. Like Jessie Spano said, I'm so excited!… I'm so excited!… I'm so scared!
Severance (2006). Here's proof that dark humor and suspense can actually work sometimes, especially if it's combined with three-dimensional characters, terrific acting, and a spooky setting. The villains in this film are horrifying and relentless, and Laura Harris as Maggie deserves praise as a strong, level-headed, resourceful final girl who gets put through the ringer by the dastardly bad guys. This is definitely a movie that horror fans should see; it's smart, witty, fast-paced, and written and directed by the talented Christopher Smith, whose love for scary movies shows through the whole film. Have you seen the ABC Afterschool Special where Helen Hunt takes PCP then jumps out of a second story window? This movie is even more entertaining than that.
When a Stranger Calls Back (1993). Young people of today, imagine a time when there were no cell phones, Twitter, Facebook, or whatever hip device made for communication that I still can't figure out how to use, and then picture yourself stranded in a house with the biggest example of "stranger danger" you could ask for. It's a film filled with suspense and mystery rather than gore, as well as a terrifying opening 15 minutes in which the lovely Jill Schoelen is menaced by a faceless stalker. The last time I was this scared was when I watched one of those face exercise videos starring Greer Childers (look it up on YouTube).
Spookies (1986). My love for this one goes all the way back to USA Network's "Saturday Nightmares", which showed it about every other weekend. Thanks to the magic of the interwebs (check out the filmmakers' Facebook page HERE.), you can read all about what a troubled production this was, but in the meantime, bask in the glory of this insane monster/slasher hybrid. People who happen upon a creepy abandoned house and make themselves at home? Here! Farting muck monsters (yes, you read that right)? Present! Hotheaded Duke's hairy patch of lower back hair above his leather pants? In all it's splendor. It also boasts terrific special effects, decent acting, and a Linda Blair look-a-like (who gets possessed!). The movie makes about as much sense as Donald Trump's hair, but it is a lot of fun.
Fragile (2005). On tonight's very special episode of "Ally McBeal", Ally fights the ghosts in a decrepit hospital! That's one I'd set the VCR for. My beloved Calista Flockhart is outstanding as a nurse with a past who tries to protect her charges against a completely batshit crazy phantom. A spooky, creepy, quiet movie with some great scares and no dancing babies in sight, and almost as scary as the Michael Bolton Christmas album. Almost.
The Gathering (2003). The first time I saw this one, I felt disappointed. When I gave it a second chance, I saw an interesting and original mystery unfold. I don't know why, but religion-themed horror films usually frighten me even if they aren't that scary (I hope that when I die, if there is a Heaven, that Oprah will be at the pearly gates to greet me). Christina Ricci is her usual awesome self, and there's a palpable sense of dread throughout the whole film, kind of like the weeks leading up to a visit from an annoying relative. It's a bit like a Lifetime t.v.-movie in some aspects (which, to me, is never a bad thing) but well worth watching. Plus, how handsome is Ioan Gruffudd? Can I please look like him in my next life?
Thank you so much for reading! May your lives be as sparkly and crazy as the "Cribs" episode with Mariah Carey! xoxo Matty from Boston.
Sunday Streaming:: Scream For Help (1984)
Everybody needs to watch 1984's SCREAM FOR HELP. There's no sense waiting for it to come to DVD because you could be hit by a car tomorrow and if you leave this Earth having not seen it, your life will have been incomplete and all the angels in heaven will point and laugh at you. SCREAM FOR HELP is a scream for help directed by the guy who brought you DEATH WISH and THE SENTINEL (MICHAEL "Damn the torpedoes!" WINNER), written by the fellow behind FRIGHT NIGHT and PSYCHO II (TOM HOLLAND) and it even stars the guy who was the non fish monster brother in THE KINDRED (DAVID ALLEN BROOKS).
It starts out like a hybrid of THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF DISNEY and an ABC AFTER SCHOOL SPECIAL and it ends like a sleazy soft-core CINEMAX home invasion thriller. It's goofy and weird, it has no notion of good taste and yet is surprisingly suspenseful and engaging when the bossy and inappropriate soundtrack allows it to be. It's about a young girl who figures out her stepfather is trying to kill her by adding up all the times he tries to kill her and it's dark, campy and mean-spirited enough to have a dude slap his wife across the face and say, "That's for every time I ever kissed you and wanted to throw up!" Plus it sports an awkward voiceover device! Who can resist that? Not me. Watch below and improve your life!
Name That Trauma:: Mr. Brown on a Spooky Generic Space Record
Hey all.
You've helped me before and I hope you can do it again. It was late 70's/early 80's I had a vinyl album of Star Wars music. However, it probably wasn't "official" as I'm pretty sure side A had some tunes from the original movie (main theme, cantina song, etc.), but side B was more generic "space" music and not from the movie at all. You know, the weird synthesizer drones, warbles, and chirps all combined musically that you would expect to hear as you travel through space in the 1970's! That gauzy 70's space music always sort of creeped me out and I'd like to find it again, so I can confront my trauma! Anybody remember such an album, or where can I find music that might fit the bill?
Thanks in advance.
Sunday Streaming:: The Final Terror (1983)
Hey kids, how's about we take a fancy field trip today? Let's say we bounce on over to the new hot spot known as SHOUT FACTORY TV. They have a bunch of free streaming movies and TV shows over there and the best part is they're offering some of the cool horror titles presented by their offshoot brand SCREAM FACTORY! In fact, currently they are offering up their crispy clear version of the summer slasher THE FINAL TERROR! Sure, It's not the best killer in the woods movie (read our sympathetic review HERE) but it's nowhere near the worst either! In any case, it has never looked better and this time of year it's just nice to get outside … through the safety of your computer screen…while enjoying air conditioning… and are absolutely safe from ticks…and mutant bears…and murderers. Watch the trailer below and the full movie over HERE!'
Name That Trauma:: Rebecca T. on a Frightening Fire Safety Flick
I was traumatized as a kid by a film we were shown in 3rd grade. It was a family of 4 who you followed around for the day getting to know them. After work, dad drops a bit of ash behind the couch and it eventually starts a fire. The boy dies immediately as he is on the top bunk and inhales smoke. The girl fails to stay low as she leaves the room and dies. The parents both somehow die trying to go after the kids. Only the dog survives. I was on the top bunk. I would't sleep there again after that film. Dad had to call the school. Do you know where to find this if anyone knows what it is? Hoping to rewatch it in order to give it less fear power.
Thanks,
Rebecca T
UNK SEZ: Thanks Rebecca! We've got you covered as we've been getting submissions on this notorious trauma inducer for YEARS and YEARS! Our beloved SENSKI was able to finally identify its title as "Another Man's Family" and reader SIMMINY eventually found it on YouTube HERE. Sadly a better quality version has yet to appear but we'll be keeping our eyes open and sound the alarm if it does. One thing's for sure, you're not bunking alone!
Sunday Streaming:: Wake in Fright (1971)
A long whiles ago I was planning on spotlighting WAKE IN FRIGHT while it was hanging out on Netflix Streaming but before I had a chance, it got evicted and up and disappeared! There's no need to fret though cuz it's done showed up on HULU! Yay! Making matters even more convenient, a quick search of my trashy desktop uncovered half of the post I never finished from zoinks, way back in January! I'll just paste it here for ya'll….
From TED KOTCHEF, the director of FIRST BLOOD, WAKE IN FRIGHT is a highly unnerving outback odyssey into inebriated oblivion. It's a difficult movie to shake and I'd put it right up there with STRAW DOGS and DELIVERANCE, two films that share its fascination with the fallout of testosterone run amuck. Wow, just think of how peaceful the world would be if men decided to stop trying to impress other men. It would be like mellow rainbow unicorn town all over the place.
Unfortunately for me, this great film has a searing drawback in that it features the most atrocious animal deaths imaginable during a kangaroo hunt scene. It can't be unseen and I can attest that putting your hand over the computer screen only helps a little. Some small solace may be derived from knowing that the director utilized footage from an actual hunt that was going to happen anyway in order to expose the cruelty involved. Still, I can't help thinking it's bad mojo. Now real death has floated out of my computer and pushed through my eyes and is currently swinging in a hammock in my head humming "The Old Gray Mare" in the creepiest tone possible. Maybe fast-forwarding is the solution. It's not like you can pass up the only film that directly confronts the perils of waking up naked next to DONALD PLEASENCE.
…and that's all I wrote. Hmmm, funny this film came galloping back to my awareness after this grueling week of dealing with the repugnant murder of Cecil the Lion. I know, some people will ask as they have before, "How can you get upset about an animal's death when you watch so many movies in which so many people die?" It's really very simple. I like animals waaaaaay more than people. I never told you that? It's true. Animals are cute and loyal whereas humans are soulless tubs of rank manure on stilts who'll stab you in the back the first chance they get and would drive over their own Grandmothers if it meant a few extra bucks in their pocket. Present company excluded of course! I need to remember that our readership is mostly human even though we do score highly with doggies aged 2-4 (that would be 14- 24 in people years). Anyway, watch the trailer and excellent movie below, neuter your pets and maybe take it easy on the beer when vacationing in Australia.
