UNK SEZ:: With DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK opening today I thought this would be a good time for the funhouse to celebrate DON'T movies. Name all the DON'T movies that you see in the puzzle image above!
Name That Trauma :: Reader D. on a Swarm of S-L-U-G-S!
Hey, Kindertrauma!
Hope you guys are doing OK. Just wanted you to name this movie that traumatized me as a child, to the point it made me feel amazingly disgusted by the sight of slugs.
I can't for the life of me remember what was the name of this movie, all I remember is that there was some night scene where some janitor (a woman) was paralyzed, laying on the floor, and something forced her mouth wide open… and from the corners of the hall she was lying, a HUGE amount of slugs started to crawl over her…
slower and slower…
to the point they start crawling on her body…
with her jaw, WIDE OPEN…
And THOSE FUCKING SLUGS, BY THE HUNDREDS, STARTED SLIDING DOWN HER THROAT, CHOKING HER TO DEATH.
I was probably around 8-9 at the time… I cannot unsee that scene ever since.
Could you guys name that movie? I'd really appreciate it!
Keep up the great work!
Regards,
—D
UNK SEZ:: All I can think of is SLUGS (1988) but does it fit? I know snails chomp on a chick in FULCI's AENIGMA (1987) and I know that slug like creatures attack in NIGHT OF THE CREEPS (and SLITHER) but all I can think of is SLUGS which seems way too easy. Anybody have any other guesses?
NOTE: Top slug image is from the SHAUN HUTSON novel SLUGS and comes courtesy of the ever excellent TOO MUCH HORROR FICTION!
UPDATE: NAME THAT TRAUMA SOLVED! Thanks to reader visitedbyvoices for naming it with AENIGMA! Per a follow-up email from Reader D.:
Hey Aunt John!
First of all, I wanna thank you for posting my Name That Trauma! 😀
As for the leads, "Squirm" looked pretty damn close, but I'm gonna go with visitedbyvoices's one, "Aenigma"… I've watched that scene over and over again, while trying to remember what I've seen like, 20 years ago, and I have to say it has to be that movie!
Although those are snails and not slugs, and the woman doesn't look like a janitor at all (don't ask me why I remember the scene like that, I've no clue lol), it's a night scene, she's paralyzed and those fuckers pretty much covered her entire face, killing her!
Thank you so much for solving my childhood greatest mystery! I really, really appreciate it!!
Keep up the excellent work! 😀
Kind regards,
— D
Don't Be Afraid of The Remake: Ten Other T.V. Movies Ready For the Big Screen
With a big budget remake of DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK opening this Friday and talks of KOLCHAK leaping to multiplexes in the near future, it seems the remake machine is wising up to something many of our readers have known for a long time; that some of the best horror tales in existence spawn from the small screen. I present to you now a list of ten other T.V. movies that I think might deserve a big screen treatment, Be warned I left out STEPHEN KING classics like IT & SALEM'S LOT because nobody needs my nudging to remake KING and I skipped over some of my absolute favorites like SATAN'S TRIANGLE, BLACK NOON, DYING ROOM ONLY and MANY MORE simply because I either could not convince myself that they could be done better or I wasn't sure modern audiences would know what to do with them. There are so many great T.V. movies that a list of ten was not easy to compile so if I've left out any of your favorites, feel free to sing their praises in the comment section!
10. THE BERMUDA DEPTHS (1978)
I'm just going to get this one out of the way right off the bat. I'm not sure if it should be filed under horror, action or romance but I do know that its fans are some of the most passionately devoted out there. A story involving a giant sea turtle may be a hard sell in this cynical age but it may also be exactly what the doctor ordered if the correct tone is established. In fact, if done right it could appeal to a wide variety of ages. The original T.V. movie did indeed receive a theatrical release in foreign countries so perhaps TBD's leap to the big screen is not nearly as farfetched as one might think. Screw AVATAR sequels, JAMES CAMERON should be all over this epic oceanic lovelorn adventure.
9. DUEL (1971)
I pity the fool who tries to follow in STEVEN SPIELBERG's footsteps but if it's ever going to be attempted this is a good place to start. The original was so well received that it graduated to play in not only European theaters but in US theaters as well. An update could add a class war element with the main character being a snooty modern urbanite and the phantom truck driver being a faceless good ol' boy/ mudflap girl enthusiast. In any case, car movies tend to do well at the box office, so jack up the stunts and let her roll.
8. MR. BOOGEDY (1986)
This family friendly, haunted house comedy is a no-brainer. Go gross, go goofy, go 3-D, rake in the dough and leave BEETLEJUICE in the dust. Many folks have fond memories of the original but even kids unfamiliar with the title would be chomping at the bit to check out this funky phantom. Clueless Disney owns the rights so don't hold your breath but the original led to BRIDE OF BOOGEDY, so I see major franchise potential. C'mon on Disney, this is your chance to make up for lousing up THE HAUNTED MANSION to such a vile degree!
7. HORROR AT 37,000 FEET (1973)
This movie may be hokey but there's no reason why the remake has to be. In fact, I think this would be a great project for my pal and yours JOHN CARPENTER. Think about it, the story involves a plane carting ancient druid stones that ends up being threatened by its supernatural cargo. It's basically PRINCE OF DARKNESS in the air! The endangered are small group of people from all walks of life and who has more experience directing folks thrown together and forced to battle side by side against an unknown foe? (Think THE THING, THE FOG, ASSAULT ON P13, etc…) CARPENTER can upgrade the scares and the believability and he'd have a blast getting all metaphysical explaining the cargos power with his very own screenplay (which he'll surely credit to a fictional entity.) The story even has a dog in it and I know he has worked with canines before!
6. THE SPELL (1977)
There was many a copycat in the wake of the success of CARRIE but this one offers several unique wrinkles. THE SPELL's vengeful conjuring teen is overweight and not only has a "perfect" sibling but also a hyper critical mother hiding her own powers that she must battle as well. It would be easy as hell to slap this story into a contemporary setting and touch upon current topics of interest like high school bullying and the pressures on teen girls to conform to a certain body type. STEPHEN KING's novel CARRIE features a plump protagonist, since none of the official adaptations of his work has yet had the nerve to feature this element, here's a chance to rectify that slight.
5. THE DEMON MURDER CASE (1983)
History has shown that possession movies, particularly ones based on "true" stories tend to fill theater seats. This tale that takes place in Brookfield, Connecticut where yours truly once resided, is ripe for the picking. Of course you might have some trouble securing rights from the folks who it actually happened to who say it's all a sham but perhaps they could be quelled by a DVD exclusive documentary focusing on their side of the story. All I know is this movie and the corresponding book "The Devil in Connecticut" scared the living crap out of me once upon a time and that some of the details (the demonic old man with hooves and a charred plaid shirt) true or not, still give me the heebie-jeebies.
4. BAD RONALD (1974)
I don't know about you but I can't get enough of BAD RONALD. There's only so much that can be done on television, so here's an opportunity to delve even deeper into the psyche of this intriguing character. How about using HEAVENLY CREATURES as an inspiration and showing on screen, in detail, Ronald's elaborate fantasy world? Nerdy outsider characters seem to be all over the place these days, so how about giving us one who is actually interesting?
3. DON'T GO TO SLEEP (1982)
A little girl comes back from the dead to convince her younger sister to kill the rest of their family. Hey, we need more killer kid movies because nothing is more entertaining! It's fool proof really because if it fails to convince it will still be funny as hell. The story of course will have to be updated with fancier kills. Has the electric pizza cutter been invented yet? This remake will also get extra points if it casts VALERIE HARPER in the role of Grandma and retains the haunting signature closing shot.
2. TRILOGY OF TERROR (1975)
The truth hurts but it must be said, nobody cares about the first two stories in this trilogy. The best idea would be to make this an all-Zuni doll affair and return to RICHARD MATHESON's original story title "PREY." The Zuni fetish doll is a sleeping giant of a horror icon and if Chucky can run for five films and counting, I think little Zuni has the potential to follow suit. By the year 2022, I personally require a Zuni vs. Chucky movie!
1. DARK NIGHT OF THE SCARECROW (1981)
Now this one comes with a genuine, pre-existing fanbase. It hardly matters though because how can you beat that title? What horror fan would ignore such a thing on a marquee? They'd have to be thick! Also, here's a chance to make something specifically for the Halloween season. My advice would be, amp up the atmosphere a couple notches, pour on some extra blood and just sit back and let the story do the rest. How could it not work? Furthermore this classic tale would offer some seriously meaty roles for actors who were up to the challenge. What A-lister in their right mind would pass up the chance to play a mentally challenged person or an unstable mailman? Both roles are Oscar bait! I'm thinking CILLIAN MURPHY as Bubba and MICHAEL CHIKLIS as Otis and maybe KATE JACKSON as Bubba's mom as a nod to THE SCARECOW AND MRS. KING. What? Why are you looking at me funny? It needs to happen yesterday. Jeez, give me 20 million dollars and I'll make it myself!
So that's my ten and I overlooked only a couple hundred. I wouldn't talk T.V. movies without asking T.V. movie gal pal Amanda by Night for her two cents, so for ten more T.V. movies that deserve big screen makeovers jump over to MADE FOR TV MAYHEM and check out Amanda's top ten picks HERE!
Name That Trauma :: Reader Josh D. on a Wedded Witch
I was reading a post about the burnt Spider-Man, which reminded me of another movie around the same time that was very traumatic, to me at least, I was eight at the time. A man was married to a woman he believed to be a witch, or something along these lines, and he spends the movie trying to prove to others that she is, in fact a witch.
The scene that was so terrifying to my eight-year-old brain was the man walking into an upstairs room walking up on a rocking chair, in the same vein as PSYCHO, thinking he is approaching someone else, turning the chair and finding his witch/wife sitting there instead. He is startled to the point of backing himself out of a window and falling to his death.
Thirty years later and the images are fuzzy, but they gave me nightmares at the time. I thought ROBERT CONRAD played the unfortunate husband but a glance at IMDb didn't uncover anything.
— Josh D.
The Reef (2010)
They say sharks need to keep moving in order to survive but sometimes the best way to move forward is by going backwards, breaking things down, simplifying and focusing on the essentials. Shark movies seem to be getting more outrageous and ridiculous with each passing year (thanks Syfy Channel!) but THE REEF defiantly swims against the current campy stream. Directed by one of the fine folks (ANDREW TRAUCKI) responsible for 2007's excellent shock-crock flick BLACK WATER, THE REEF is a streamlined, straightforward jaunt unhindered by the typical needless ornamentation. Much like BLACK WATER, one of the ways THE REEF separates itself from the pack is by refusing to rely on CGI and by utilizing actual real live sharks. The result is hyper authentic and hyper engaging. No computer-generated cartoon can compete with the freaky mug Mother Nature slapped on these deadly fish. Maybe sharks are misunderstood but I think it's okay to be leery of a creature who might chomp all your limbs off and then use your face as a palate cleanser.
The plot is this: Some people are on a boat but then it tips over so they decide to swim for shore but it's really difficult on account of the relentless shark(s?) trying eat them. Suddenly life's usual quandaries seem quaint and very far off in the distance, sort of like the dry land that will prevent them from being din-din. TRAUCKI really has a talent for capturing the beauty along with the danger of the untamed world and he's careful not to shirk on characterization either. We don't know an extensive amount about the victims here but they seem like people amiable enough not to deserve being chewed apart while screaming for help that will never materialize.
It's safe to say that JAWS is in no danger of being dethroned as the ultimate shark movie but THE REEF is more than another also-ran as it truly delivers the suspense. It was certainly not necessary for me to keep my legs on the couch while watching this, but I found myself doing so anyway and that should tell you something. Like much survival horror (OPEN WATER, FROZEN) this tale is bound to work more for those cursed with the unfashionable ability to put themselves in other people's shoes.
TRAUCKI is quoted as saying, "Reality is far more intriguing than fiction" and THE REEF (which is based on a true story) backs his theory nicely. I'm not sure I enjoyed this film as much as I did BLACK WATER but it's gratifying to see a filmmaker taking the subject of man vs. beast (or vs. nature, or vs. shitty luck) seriously.
THE REEF is now available on Netflix Streaming.
Traumafessions :: Kinderpal FilmFather on Rollercoaster
What is it with me and Traumafessions from 1977?
First it was SASQUATCH: THE LEGEND OF BIGFOOT, then it was ORCA, and now I come to you with ROLLERCOASTER.
In the summer of '77, I was 8 – a great age for enjoying carnivals and amusement parks. My interest in rollercoasters was just beginning to blossom, and I probably would have gone on them had I not seen the movie ROLLERCOASTER, starring TIMOTHY BOTTOMS as a mad bomber of said funrides.
The scene in the following clip is what traumatized me so much that I didn't get on a rollercoaster until I was 14:
It's not enough that BOTTOMS' character attacks what should be a safe haven of fun for kids, or the horrifying images of the rollercoaster snapping in pieces, carts and bodies flying everywhere — what scarred me the most is the scene of the cart flipping upside down and dropping its passengers directly on their heads.
Yes, if you squint or freeze-frame, the passengers in all the carts are obviously dummies. But when you're 8 and you see something like this without the benefit of a pause or slo-mo button, it affects you. Deeply.
Name That Trauma :: Reader Jami J.R. on a Bouncing Bell or a Ball of Light
I think it was a made-for-T.V. movie back in the '80s. I only remember the opening and parts of the end, but not much in between.
It starts with a bunch of kids going up into an old bell tower. They form a circle around this girl with long, very straight, blonde hair, doing some sort of ceremony. The bell falls on top of the girl and I think it might have even bounced, for when it's removed, she's gone.
Disappeared.
(At least, I THINK there was a bell. It might have just been a great flash of golden light. But I'm 99.9% sure a big huge bell fell on her then maybe bounced away.)
Years pass, I forget entirely what happened in between, but eventually the kids, now adults, return to the bell tower and repeat what they did. I think, but I'm not sure, that the bell fell again. I do know that this time the missing girl's mom, now a grey haired old lady, is there, and the girl reappears, I'm pretty sure she was still the same age she was when she disappeared – or she might've grown up to her early 20s while gone, but I'm thinking the former. I remember her going to hug her mom. And – that's it. If they ever resolved how people were going to explain how she reappeared or any thing like that, I don't remember.
Heck, I don't even remember if the bell tower was supposed to be haunted or what have you. And for some reason, even though I remember a bell and a long climb up, the set reminded me more of a barn loft. Lots of room, sunlight, and unpainted wood.
UPDATE: NAME THAT TRAUMA SOLVED! Special thanks to Reader Robert S. for naming it with THE WATCHER IN THE WOODS!
Amityville Kitchen Cleanup Funhouse!
UNK SEZ:: Pets are great but Jodie the demonic invisible pig sure is a handful! Jodie has gone and switched 10 things in Kathy Lutz's kitchen. Can you identify what they are? Click on the image below to jump to the playing board!
Name That Trauma :: Reader Susie on a Wax Circus Killer
Hi,
My sister and I have been searching for years for a movie or show we saw as kids. There were three parts to the film, each separate stories, but I really only recall one of them. It would have been on T.V. around 1990, I think on a main network.
The second story (which is the one I recall) was set in the early 1900s, I think. It begins with a boy, whose parents are circus performers. The mother is having an affair and the father catches her in bed with another man. He ends up stabbing her with a sword and the boy witnesses this.
The story then jumps to later in his life when he is an adult. He is a struggling artist. He becomes romantically involved with some woman and she tells him of a wax museum that will be opening and she offers to buy his childhood story from him to display there. They show him drawing up images of what happened while sitting at a desk with only candlelight. He cuts his hands on the blade he is using to sharpen his drawing utensil.
After they have created the wax sculptures of the death scene of his parents, the woman takes him to view the display prior to the opening. It is incredibly detailed with a statue of the child him standing mouth agape in terror. He and the woman begin to argue and he ends up accidentally stabbing her with the sword from the display. It ends with him standing by her body and the statue of himself as a child with the same terror struck expression.
Any help you can offer would be much appreciated!
Thanks,
— Susie
Scream of Fear (aka Taste of Fear, 1961)
I don't get it. 1961's SCREAM OF FEAR (TASTE OF FEAR in the UK) was apparently both a critical and commercial hit upon release, so why does it so frequently get overlooked? How is it that this film, still gripping and creeptastic today, is not mentioned alongside the usual classics? I'm serious, I don't get it. It's s-o-o-o-o good. It's the title isn't it? Folks you have to give your movies memorable titles! I can't stress that enough. Just because my advice is half a century too late is no reason not to heed it.
SUSAN STRASBERG is wheelchair bound Penny Appleby. She travels to France to visit her estranged father and get a load of the stepmother she's never met. Once there she is informed that her pop is away on business, which is believable enough until she starts coming across his wide-eyed corpse in every other room in the house. The set up is familiar indeed. Is Peggy a fruitcake or is somebody effing with her head? The large inheritance that hangs in the balance seems to suggest the latter. I guess I'm a mental slowpoke because as much as I thought I knew what was going on, I didn't. This movie has more twists than a…think of something twisty for me….that!
What I find so exceptional about S.O.F. is the fact that even though it is a grounded in reality thriller, it huffs and puffs like a supernatural yarn and is just altogether haunting. The incredible black and white photography is partially to blame but the story itself leaves giant spaces for you to come to your own conclusions at times and you won't be blamed for suspecting something otherworldly is going down. One scene in particular that involves Dad's corpse being spied in a swimming pool is just a blaring punch of full-on horror. That scene should track down the scene from NIGHT OF THE HUNTER with SHELLEY WINTERS at the bottom of a lake and then propose marriage to it. They are the perfect couple because they both flip me out equally.
SCREAM OF FEAR is directed by SETH HOLT (THE NANNY 1965) and written by HAMMER regular JIMMY SANGSTER who deserves to be a household name in the world of horror. (Please just take a moment to gawk at his credits HERE.) STRASBERG is marvelous as brittle screamer Penny; ANN TODD, as the stepmom, is cool as a cucumber where most would have camped it up; RONALD LEWIS is top notch as the ever so helpful chauffer and guess who else shows up? CHRISTOPHER LEE. Man, I love seeing LEE in his earlier roles. Here he plays a French doctor who has the nerve to suggest that Penny's wheelchair routine is all in her head. Yeah, tell that to the horse who fell on her and broke her spine in three places Doc! LEE is in this about as much as he's in HORROR HOTEL (where he played an American) but as per usual, he's all you can look at when he's on screen.
This is a must-see thriller on par with the best and if you are a LEE groupie like I now realize I am or an appreciator of the glory of black and white, double that must-see. I tell you this because if you should happen to have the FEARNET Channel it's on twice today both at noon and at 10 PM. See, I caught it a couple days ago and I saved this review just for today. How do you like that? I've always thinking of you. If you don't have FEARNET you can find SCREAM OF FEAR shamefully hidden in a HAMMER DVD boxset. Why it does not have a special edition of its own, again, I have no frickin' clue. It's exemplary and I'm not just saying that because I love wheelchair movies.
