Name That Trauma :: Reader Diana G. on a Taxidermist on Trial
This one has puzzled experts for decades.
When I was a kid, I saw a cartoon about a taxidermist having a nightmare. He was put on trial and sang to a jury of animals. The taxidermist sang, "I ain't gonna stuff no more, no more, ain't gonna stuff no more."
And the all-animal jury replied,"He just says so, how do WE know he ain't gonna stuff no more?"
I suspect it was a Harvey Toon, since that's the package our local after-school show ran more often than not. But for decades I've been trying to see this cartoon about stuffed animals putting the man who stuffed them on trial.
Any help would be appreciated!
Kindertrauma Funhouse :: North 40 Contest!
Hey look, the comments section is currently closed which means we have yet another nifty contest on our hands! This time YOU, yes you, the person reading this can find themselves the proud owner of the first three issue of DC comic's new horror series NORTH 40. I have not read these babies myself but I can tell you that the artwork is exceptional (For a proper review look no further than THE VAULT OF HORROR, our buddy B-SOL has nothing but glowing words HERE). So get to work! Tell me what ten movies the below images are from and send your answers to kindertrauma@gmail.com; this week's winner may live in your mirror!
NOTE: If by some chance you don't know any of the answers to today's Funhouse then of course you should be punished severely! Treat yourself to the living hell you deserve by watching this suicidal duck contemplate his lonely, almost certainly pointless existence…
(That slice of torture comes courtesy of EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE!)
Traumafessions :: Reader Steampunk on 'Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of the War of the Worlds'
Though WAR OF THE WORLDS is a terrifying property in anybody's hands, the version which scarred me as a youth was 'Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of the War of the Worlds.'
Back in the mid ‘90s, my neighbour/best friend had an older sister who recorded it off the radio for us onto a cassette. Our neighbours had a shed which was kinda like our hangout as kids, there were chairs and a radio there and we used to keep toys and stuff there also. So we used to listen to WotW on a beat-up old radio/cassette player in the shed, and because we were kids, it seemed to be incredibly long and epic… not to mention terrifying. We'd listen breathlessly to RICHARD BURTON's commanding voice (I still know the opening narration off by heart) describe the coming of the Martians, backed by the most otherworldly sounds that British ‘70s prog-rock could offer. The music was mysterious, eerie and threatening, and combined with Wells' alien-invasion story of heat-rays and incinerated bodies, it was certainly enough to traumatize.
A couple of years later, we discovered that another neighbour living further down the street had the actual LP from the ‘70s. This opened a whole new level of trauma- the paintings of the Martians themselves contained within the record booklet. The tripods just looked incredibly alien- we were unsure if they were supposed to be the Martians themselves of if they were machines controlled from within (due largely to one image of the crows tearing bright red flesh from a downed tripod)- which only added to the horror. The most stirring painting was the one in which a tripod is destroying a street, and some of the fleeing crowd pass close to the 'camera'- and we can see the blood on their faces. Horrifying.
The biggest factor adding to the trauma was that all this was happening in the 19th century- I was deeply troubled that these people were being confronted with a horror they had no means of understanding, never mind combating. For some reason I found the idea of an alien invasion terrifyingly real, but found the quick-fix-it ending (nothing the humans do succeeds, the Martians are killed by bacteria) unconvincing and therefore unconsoling.
Years later, and the opening bars are still enough to send a chill down the spine, though I am amazed at how ‘70s, and how disco (!), War of the Worlds really was. But however strange, this was one property that definitely scared more than a few kids.
Kinder-News :: Me Heart Batman: Arkham Asylum
I'd love to write up a post telling you all about whatever horror flick I've watched recently, but I can't. The fact of the matter is that I have been trapped playing BATMAN: ARKHAM ASYLUM for several days and there is no force on Earth strong enough to make me stop. My toenails have grown three inches, my beard has turned gray and Poor Aunt John is on permanent call with sippy-cup and bedpan duties. Yep, it's that addictive and the most satisfying time I've had with a video game since my mad affair with RESIDENT EVIL 4 way back when.
I know most of the world is infatuated with CHRISTOPHER NOLAN's last two BATMAN movies and I guess I don't blame the devotion considering he was able to inject some respectability back into the franchise after JOEL SCHUMACHER went all MYRA BRECKINRIDGE with it. Thing is, I've secretly been discontent with both films dry, mechanical stance and feel that the pendulum swing against BATMAN's more freaky side is a bit too drastic.
Sure the bad guys are top notch in each picture, but BATMAN himself is kind of a drip and can anybody really with a straight face tell me that CHRISTIAN BALE's BATMAN voice is not the most ridiculously mock worthy thing ever heard? To me that hokey butch delivery is just as silly as any Bat Suit nipple. It reminds me of the phony, "What me gay?" inflection I used to adopt in my young adult life whenever I went to a sports bar or had to leave an outgoing message on my answering machine.
I'm not saying both NOLON movies aren't good, just chronically overrated and I severely miss the kooky goth-gone-gonzo vibe of TIM BURTON's first two flicks. NOLAN may have that rusty industrial thing going on, but I like my BATMAN with a bit more of a gnarly carnival atmosphere and a dose of CHARLES ADAMS chic. The game BATMAN: ARKHAM ASYLUM finds the perfect balance between introspective maturity and the wildly eccentric and fantastical, plus it's just plain kick ass in a very literal way. Why can't they make a movie like this?
All the voice talent involved is primo; MARK HAMILL as the joker, KEVIN CONROY as Batman and ARLEEN SORKIN as Harley Quinn. My favorite nutcase here though just might be the Scarecrow who subjects Batman to a surreal nightmare landscape that could leave Freddy Kreuger taking notes. Really, the psychological territory you tread in this game (Including Bruce Wayne's kindertraumatic past.) is competitive with any movie or graphic novel and it's a full, gratifying experience across the board.
Beyond that ass kicking aspect I mentioned, there is also a refreshing emphasis on stealth activity and detective work and happily it's not all cops and robbers fighting over who's got the loot. I'll get back to those horror movies soon, but for now this game is almost like stepping into a movie myself, which I can't resist. As far as hanging out with Batman goes this is the best time I've had with the guy in a long time. BATMAN: ARKHAM ASYLUM is also a fine reminder that a little tempered flamboyance suits the caped crusader just fine and that the more the line blurs between himself and his bizarro enemies the more engaging he becomes.
Traumafessions :: Reader Joan A. on "Abracadabra"
I was recently getting a tooth filled, and was reminded of a childhood trauma. No, it's not dental-related. It's the song that came on the "lite" classic rock station: Abracadabra, by the Steve Miller Band. I actually liked this song as a kid, but for some reason…maybe the "I want to reach out and grab you" line, maybe the spooky electronic effects…it also really scared me. And that was before I saw the totally terrifying video.
Come to think of it, that STILL scares me…
Traumafessions :: Reader Bernd M. on Alf ep. "La Cucaracha"
Greetings!
ALF. An innocent comedy show from the ‘80s?
No!
The 25th episode of the first season "La Cucaracha" was frightening beyond imagination.
The story: Alf finds slimeballs in his spaceship and in the package was a cockroach
from Melmac. Its reaction to our insecticides is not death, it starts growing. The Tanner family leaves the house to get more potent insecticides and Alf is alone and defenseless
with the giant cockroach.
The cockroach chases the scared Alf through the house, and the end fight in the bathroom is the soul shattering climax. No escape, no mercy.
You never see the giant cockroach completely, only its giant antennae and legs.
The Cockroach is unstoppable; and Alf is totally terrified.
Very disturbing for a harmless comedy show.
I never forget this episode. It scarred my life forever.
UNK SEZ: Speaking of ALF abuse, what is not to love about the painting below ("We Can Has A.L.F.?") by artist CASEY WELDON?
Traumafessions :: Reader Smidget on Beneath the Planet of the Apes
Another terrifying moment for me….and you can just ignore this if you want, I am not sure of the limit on these traumas, because today, I am a huge horror fan who usually never has to look away (unless we're in today's "horror" with human torture, just not my thing)….but anyway, I was not as brave or as into it as a kid. The moment is when the humans take off their masks in BENEATH THE PLANET OF THE APES and reveal the mutations.
OMG.
I was so so so afraid of that, it practically killed me. But I loved that series of movies so much and still do.
Not so much a scare, but an indelible chill up my spine forever and still today is the closing scene of the original PLANET OF THE APES……damn you all to hell….if you were watching that as a kid and seeing it for the first time without knowing what was coming, it was clearly the fondest trauma I've ever had.
UNK SEZ: Thanks for the traumafessions Smidget and don't worry, here at kindertrauma, just as in real life, there is no limit to the number of traumas you can have!
Name That Trauma :: Reader Tara S. on Voodoo Behind Bars
The film that I have never been able to identify is an old drive in classic from the KENTUCKY FRIED MOVIE / LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT era. My pal Heidi's dad used to take us to all sorts of adult (not porn but way too scary) stuff as kids. The film was about a man in prison who made a deal with the voodoo inmate. He was a black man kind of like YAPHET KOTTO. Anyhoo, the spell was cast using a human liver. I did see most of the remaining film peeking through two fingers. It was definitely a ‘60/'70s grainy film set in a prison.
Anyone?
UPDATE: NAME THAT TRAUMA SOLVED! Props to Kahotep for solving it with PSYCHIC KILLER.