kindertrauma

Tag: General Horror

Weapons, Together & Alien: Earth

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Early the other morning before I was even fully awake, I went into my backyard to feed a stray cat that hangs out there. The back gate is chained shut but loosely so that the cat (Cookie) can come to and fro. As I was dispensing the goods, the gate clanked loudly as someone tried to open it and that someone shoved her grizzled, overly made-up shrunken apple head through the crack as best she could and screeched “Please sir, can I run through your house? My husband is chasing me!”. It was a hard “No” from yours truly as I advised her to run out the alley instead. Not sure what kind of danger the nightmare hag was in, but she scared the living crap out of me and reminded me of that terrifying scene in Dave Lynch’s MULHOLLAND DR. (2001) involving the heart attack inducing alleyway dumpster entity. I bring this up because Zach (BARBARIAN) Cregger’s latest horror flick WEAPONS basically told MULHOLLAND to hold its beer and delivered similar hag-tastic jolts to my unprepared psyche on a multitude of occasions. I’m a quiet movie watcher but this flick actually made me gasp out loud at one point which would have been embarrassing if half the entire theater didn’t do the same.

I don’t even know where to begin with non-linear WEAPONS, except to say it’s masterful and chilling and wonderfully unpredictable. It’s absolutely ferocious in places and insanely funny in others. It’s endlessly intriguing and haunting and bizarre and feels like a communal nightmare that can be interpreted infinite ways (personally, I was struck by what seemed like an allegory about older generations stifling and holding back younger ones, but the director says he was mostly inspired by his traumatic childhood dealing with parents numbed by alcohol). There’s a consistent compelling push and pull between a grounded reality and a completely insane, otherworldly supernatural force and although it may go too far into the surreal for some, I thought it balanced the two tones splendidly. The acting is phenomenal; Julia Garner as a flawed, ostracized teacher under public scrutiny, Josh Brolin as a father looking for answers, Benedict Wong as a principal trying to keep order (and enjoy hot dogs) and Austin Abrams as a junkie just looking for some cash, all excel. The real scene stealer though is the great Amy Madigan as you’ve never seen her before and perhaps would rather not see her again, who makes Ruth Gordon’s Minnie Castevet from ROSEMARY’S BABY seem like a slacker. Naysayers are going to nay say but much like that crazy lady trying to get through my gate, WEAPONS got me and got me good. I’m painting “instant classic” on the side of its car with blood red paint.

TOGETHER stars real life couple Dave Franco and Alison Brie as co-dependent city folk who start a new life in a small town and find themselves literally fusing together after a run in with contaminated water. The acting is fine, it’s assuredly directed and there’s a few decent enough gross-out shocks every once in awhile but to tell you the truth, I wasn’t feeling it and it left me shrugging. All is serviceable enough but once the sub-Cronenberg melding shenanigans begin there’s really only one direction things can go so it’s just a progression of body horror gags that get progressively worse until finally the ultimate culprit is revealed to be the currently trendy scapegoat… a secret cult (Legit concern all things considered, but getting to be a too convenient catch-all explanation as of late)! I get why one might find this critic-baiting relationship skewering wannabe arthouse flick of note, but I found it predictable (an early mention of the SPiCE GIRLS simply had to lead to an eventual climax involving the song “2 Become 1”) and even borderline judgmental at times (it’s like they’re being punished because the wife is the breadwinner and the husband is pursuing financially iffy dreams of being a musician). I’ve loved worse but it’s a bit of a slog to reach the rather goofy looking sight gag conclusion.

I’ve been literally counting down the days until the premiere of the new TV series ALIEN: EARTH in a way that may be courting clinical obsession. And I was nervous. Would it be a pleasant surprise like ROMULUS or a bundle of missed opportunities like COVENANT? Well, if the first two episodes are any indication it looks like we are in for something extraordinary and far from the usual retread. The plot involves a zoo-like ship carrying a variety of specimens that crashes into a major metropolitan city and the horrific, alien infested clean up that ensues. There’s much creativity and world building on display, the characters are interesting and the levels of action and most importantly, horror are undeniable. Like ROMULUS, a sibling relationship appears to be the emotional core but unlike ever before we are introduced to a young human character who for health reasons, has her consciousness transported to an older synthetic body potentially leading to some fresh and fascinating territory. Even better news is that the score is pitch perfect, the savage xenomorphs have rarely looked more solid and intimidating and many more fantastic creatures are being introduced. I may end up with lingering nightmares due to the fate of a certain cat but so far, this slick, surprisingly cinematic and cerebral series appears to be everything ALIEN fans have been hoping for and then some.

I Know What You Did Last Summer (2025)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I feel for the deranged fisherman with a hook in the latest ‘90s horror legacy sequel I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER cuz I relate to being incapable of getting over the past and I sorta want revenge for the injuries this flick inflicted upon me; most notably, extreme whiplash thanks to the drastic highs and lows it delivers. On one hand, it gifts a true magical mid-way sequence of such wonderful surreality that it’s destined for legendary status and on the other hand, some of the fireworks it attempts to ignite turn out to be lead balloons. For every delightful character there’s an irksome one, for every savage kill there’s a limp dispatch, for every perfectly constructed callback to the original, there’s a cringe-worthy ham-handed pander grenade. I’m saying it’s a bit uneven. Chef’s kiss in some areas and lunch lady slop in others. I’m not mad though, it’s a summer slasher revamp of a right place at the right time hit that always lived in the shadow of SCREAM so expectations deserve to be kept in check. I do admire its sheer audacity even if its wheels are a tad wobbly at times.

Again a group of friends are left with a moral dilemma after some dubious vehicular choices. Sadly, this time around the propelling accident is hardly their fault (imo) lessening the horror and the group are fine but hardly as charismatic as the classic crew. Par for the course, threatening notes are received, interesting characters are slain too early (RIP freaky true crime podcaster Tyler (Gabbriette Bechtel)) and Scooby Doo level detective work ensues. Maybe I’m just an old curmudgeon (scratch the maybe) but even though I understand it’s imperative to the plot, the switch from highly textured and atmospheric working class surroundings to a glossy, angular LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS backdrop takes it’s toll. There’s a certain amount of relatability that’s lost but maybe that’s just my feeling of disconnect to the intended generation Z audience. The elements that unnerved me in the original like that shady cameo by Anne Heche and the smelly trunk full of crabs are replaced by shiny churches, glass mansions and lame engagement parties. I gotta say though, I did dig the pop music playlist in this one more than the original so maybe I’m not quite dead yet.

As far as my fellow old-timers go, I enjoyed seeing Julie James (Jennifer Love Hewitt) transform from a wispy whiner to a wise, level headed, no more F’s to give, trauma-expert and doe-eyed pup Roy (Freddy Prinze Junior) becoming a rough around the edges paternal salt of the earth bar-owner. On the down side, some of the editing leaps all over the place making it feel like there were important connective scenes excised. Without getting into spoilers, some of the murders leave gasp-worthy visual aftermaths and some come across as tame enough for MURDER SHE WROTE’s Cabot Cove. There’s nothing here remotely as thrilling as the Helen Shivers (Sarah Michelle Gellar) stalking scene in the OG but there’s nothing as eye-rolling as STILL’s “Ben’s Son/Benson” reveal either. The killer reveal here is going to be divisive for sure but I’m OK with it as it amounted to some extra scene-chewing for all involved. Ultimately, this is an OK enough fast food diversion even if some of the almost non-human dialogue may leave you scratching your head afterwards. If nothing else, this earnest (director /co-writer Jennifer Kaytin Robinson is clearly a fan) salute to the original hit and its middling sequel (we as a society have collectively decided the third never happened) delivers one absolutely gonzo scene that felt like a hug from the slasher gods and an amusing coda that could be a springboard for more. It’s a cruel, so-so summer but there are enough bright spots to make the trip worthwhile.

Five Underrated: Made For TV True Crime Edition By Mickster

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Deadly Intentions (1985)-Michael Biehn is absolutely terrifying as sadist Dr. Charles Raynor who physically and mentally torments his new wife Katherine, played by Madolyn Smith. When I originally saw this film, I had already watched The Terminator (1984) and viewed Michael Biehn as a good guy, so I was astounded by how creepy and unhinged he was. Here are the most vivid moments in this two-part true crime movie: Dr. Raynor’s sick obsession with photographing his wife in terrifying/upsetting situations is disturbing—inadvertently swimming with an alligator, accidentally encountering a spider while on a ladder, and violent morning sickness…To make it worse, he enjoys looking at these photos on a projector in his makeshift attic “office.” After the baby is born and Katherine figures out he tried to poison the newborn, her escape from Raynor is a master class in building tension. Unfortunately, you can only find this one on YouTube, and it looks like it was ripped from a VHS copy. Even with the low quality print, it is definitely worth checking out.

Helter Skelter (1976)-Steve Railsback is Charles Manson in this unsettling adaptation of Vincent Bugliosi’s true crime classic, Helter Skelter. I discovered the true crime novel the summer before my sophomore year of high school (1986). My best friend’s mom had a paperback copy. I became obsessed with the story. It both fascinated and horrified me. I remember having nightmares about it and being nauseated by the descriptions of the crime scenes, but I couldn’t stop reading it. My favorite hometown video store had the two-part TV movie on VHS. It was like reliving the experience of reading the book for the first time, but it felt like I was watching the real Charles Manson thanks to Railsback’s phenomenal performance. Nancy Wolfe is equally effective as Manson’s minion, Susan Atkins. Her nonchalant description of the Tate murders sent chills down my spine! It is ridiculous that this film is not available to stream anywhere. There are a few clips over on YouTube, but that is it. It is still available on DVD at Amazon.

The Deliberate Stranger (1986)-Mark Harmon is so effective as the “sadistic sociopath” Ted Bundy that it took me years not to be utterly repulsed by him no matter what role he was playing. I vividly remember watching this two-part film when it originally aired on NBC, May 4-5, 1986. The depiction of the abduction of two different women in broad daylight at Lake Sammamish State Park really emphasizes Bundy’s overconfidence and compulsion to kill. As with Helter Skelter, this one is only available on DVD & VHS. There are some clips on YouTube, but it is not streaming anywhere.

To Catch a Killer (1992)-Oh my goodness, Brian Dennehy as John Wayne Gacy, in this made for TV gem, is pure nightmare fuel. Much like the other movies on this list, graphic violence is not necessary to leave viewers feeling completely unnerved. Dennehy, in Gacy’s clown makeup, will haunt your dreams as will scenes where young men are tricked into putting on handcuffs, only to realize too late it was a deadly mistake. Currently, there is a good copy of this two-part movie on YouTube. As far as I can tell, it is the only place you can find it.

Hotline (1982)-Okay, this one isn’t based on a real serial killer, but I’m including it because I think this movie fueled my fascination with serial killers. I was eleven years old when I watched this on CBS—October of 1982. I’m quite certain I wanted to watch primarily because I loved Wonder Woman when I was little. The killer’s reveal in this movie stuck with me, so when I recently watched it on Tubi (Yay, Tubi!), I wanted to see if it was obvious to me early on who the “Barber” was (the killer is dubbed “The Barber” because he cuts his victim’s hair before killing them). While there are several “red herrings” throughout the movie, the real “Barber” was a shocker. Lynda Carter’s character, Brianne, starts receiving creepy calls at a crisis hotline giving clues to unsolved murders. The calls become more invasive as she deciphers the clues. The Barber whispers to Brianne, “Barber, barber, shave a pig. Lovely hairs will make a wig!" This movie held up years later, and I highly recommend going over to Tubi to check it out.

28 Years Later & M3gan 2.0

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Director Danny Boyle and writer/director Alex Garland have collaborated once again to deliver 28 YEARS LATER a sequel to 2002’s 28 DAYS LATER and its 2007 continuation 28 WEEKS LATER and the result is well worth the wait. 12 year old Spike (newcomer Alfie Williams) lives with his parents in a gated survivalist community. His mother Ilsa (Jodie Comer) is bed bound and often delusional thanks to an unknown sickness and his father Jamie (Aaron Taylor Johnson) is preoccupied with Spike’s impending young adulthood and ability to kill the infected rage virus victims that roam the countryside like zombies. Dad Jamie takes Spike on an ill advised right of passage hike outside of their safe zone where he learns of the different types of infected, from bloated worm eating slug people who squirm around in the mud to the oversized, highly dangerous, uber-endowed, semi-intelligent “Alphas” who lead crazed packs of rampaging marauders. Spike also learns of ostracized doctor Ian Kelson (Ralph Fiennes) who he imagines might be able to help his mother. After barely returning home alive, Spike witnesses revelatory incidents of his father being disloyal and untruthful and disillusioned, takes his ailing mother back out into the perilous (yet wonderfully scenic) countryside to find the doctor.

28 YEARS LATER is a breath of fresh air both as a sequel that compliments its predecessors and as an apocalyptic “zombie” flick in general (the 28 series may not actually be “zombie” tales but they certainly have influenced them, especially considering the popularity of TV series like THE WALKING DEAD & THE LAST OF US). It’s beautifully crafted, with excellent gritty cinematography (by OG 28’s Anthony Dod Mantle), includes innovative sound design, great music and the entire cast is top notch (particularly the lead family trio). Surprisingly, this horrific nightmare scenario also has a great deal of heart and possesses a sincere interest in respecting life, death and nature itself (most apparent via a cameo by the famous Sycamore gap tree which was tragically felled by 2 jerks in 2023) There are also moments of biting gallows humor and a wild absurdist streak that insures you won’t leave the theater bummed out of your mind. Not everyone will be on board for this crazy flicks tonal grenade conclusion (Note: I recommended this movie to my horror loving niece and she hated it) but I was thankful for the dose of lunacy after such a hearty, heavy trek. 28 YEARS is the first part of a trilogy (the second installment is already shot and will be released early next year) and I have to say I’m excited for whatever off the wall capriciousness comes next.

M3GAN 2.0 gilds the lily and then some, transforming a routine science gone wrong/killer doll horror tale into something more like a mash up of TERMINATOR 2 and MISSION IMPOSSIBLE. The result is a sometimes fun, sometimes headache inducing action comedy with only a few wires still connected to the horror genre. I won’t bore you with the avalanche of technobabble this movie asks its audience to endure, just know that the fashionable, sometimes murderous AI entity M3gan is back and this time she’s rebooted to fight another robot on the fritz who means to destroy the world via a mainframe computer that looks like leftovers from a BUCK ROGERS set. There’s tons of action and POWER RANGERS-esque fighting, many a double cross, and a bunch of heavy on the camp one-liners but it all mostly comes across as a directionless brainstorming session and I couldn’t help missing the original films uncanny, creepy undercurrent. Heck, I don’t even think the titular doll looks half as convincing in this so-called upgrade. It’s an amusing movie for sure, and I suppose it does have something to say about motherhood and its connection to our responsibility toward the growth of technology but nothing really convinces or seems like anything more than a jest. It all just feels like too much and too soon; sort of like directly following the original FRIDAY THE 13th ('80) with JASON X ('02).

None of this is the fault of Allison Williams who once again portrays M3gan’s sparring partner Gemma, who is able to participate in the action in a fresh new way even when burdened with unwieldy dialogue. She may be the only relatable character in the movie, especially at the moment when she shuts down M3gan’s impromptu interpretation of Kate Bush’s “This Woman’s Work” and yes, you read that correctly. It’s a memorable yet cringe-worthy scene that works as a good reminder that some originals just can’t be topped and if it’s not broke, why fix it?

Five Underrated: By Unk

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Summer is here and the time is right for hitting the great outdoors… but vicariously through a TV set because it’s way too hot to step outside. Nightmare road trips are a horror staple so here are a few underrated flicks about folks who live to regret going where they shouldn’t have gone…

ANIMAL (2014) surely could have used a more distinctive title but I can’t be mad at a movie that delivers fine monster design, impressive practical effects, a committed cast (which includes future NOPE star Keke Palmer, CHASING AMY’s Joey Lauren Adams and Thorsten Kaye of SHARK ATTACK 2) and generous gore. It’s a monster movie AND a “Cabin in the woods” jaunt and I dig that it is simple, up front, streamlined and refreshingly straightforward. Some might prefer a little more explanation as to how, why or what the formidable creature is but I’m just going to assume its the offspring of the beloved mercury mutant(s) that wrecked havoc in John Frankenheimer’s PROPHECY (’79) and consider it an unofficial sequel. Extra bonus points for the Tomandandy (THE MOTHMAN PROPHECIES (’02), THE HILLS HAVE EYES (’06) THE STRANGERS (’08)) score!

THE MONSTER (2016) is written and directed by Bryan Bertino who did the same duties with THE STRANGERS (’08) but it takes a completely different nerve shredding path to provoke anxiety. Rather than fears of home invasion being stoked, this movie reminds ya how leaving your safe space is fraught with multiple dangers as well. As a card carrying agoraphobe, the hackneyed “car breaks down in the middle of nowhere’ scenario works on me all too well and the additional burden of having to look after someone else only adds to the unease. Here, a young mother with substance abuse issues (Zoe Kazan) is driving her teenage daughter to her dad’s house for her co-custody visit. The car hits a wolf and the two are stranded in the woods awaiting help with more than a few familial issues to iron out and something much worse than any canine on their tail. This one was released by A24 so you know it’s moody, determined to play with audience expectations, and not necessarily always a popcorn crowd-pleaser but Kazan delivers a harrowing performance and Bertino knows how to inject depth and tension to every hairy turn.

PRIMAL (2010) is an Australian mash-up of horror sub-genres that’s action packed, super kinetic and wonderfully grotesque. We’re in familiar territory from the get-go as a group of friends are on a road trip to study some cave art and sadly learn that said cave art is actually a warning for them to stay as far away as humanly possible (due to the tiny insects that can eat the tires off your car, the contaminated leech filled pond that can turn you into a feral fang toothed maniac, and the plethora of mysterious tentacles). If Cronenbergian contagion body horror is your bag you’re sure to be RABID (’77) for what comes next and if you dig possession flicks like DEMONS (’85) & THE EVIL DEAD (’81), or nature gone wacko flicks like THE RUINS (’08) you should feel right at home here too. Bad decisions abound and a few moments might be a little too slick for their own good but when this movie starts heading for the finish line it fires on all cylinders. The directing (and editing) by Josh Reed is refreshing and vivid, the cast is easy to hang with and the final girl-friendly finale is savage, off the wall, and utterly bizarre.

It’s back to Australia with DYING BREED (’08) a film that features not one but two legendary figures. I’m not talking about WOLF CREEK’S Nathan Phillips and writer, director Leigh Whannel who both star in the film, but a murderous cannibal known as “The Pieman” and the notorious Tasmanian tiger. Friends on a road trip (compete with multiple driving aerial shots, natch) travel into the wild in an attempt to complete their pal Nina( Mirrah Foulkes)’s deceased sister’s research involving an extinct marsupial who is rumored to still exist. They end up staying in a seedy backwoods hotel occupied by creepy, too friendly locals who turn out to be descendants of the dreaded “Pieman” and covertly keeping up the family legacy (by reheating Tobe Hooper’s non-vegan nachos). Triggering mayhem ensues on multiple levels & I’ll look past the (staged) animal cruelty because it fits the film’s survival of the fittest theme. There’s a WRONG TURN meets DELIVERANCE (’72) vibe that I just naturally find harrowing and an EDEN LAKE mean streak that bums me out in a way that I thoroughly respect. It’s a tension packed cannibal meat pie with more than a few surprise teeth baked into the dish.

Speaking of TCM, the sadly hard to find (check YouTube or Dailymotion) Indonesian blood soaked gorefest MACABRE (2009) deserves a lot more eyes on it. A group of victims, I mean friends, are driving to the airport (for a job offer in Australia no less) when they spot a young woman who seems stranded and lost. Not realizing you can never trust any other human in this life ever, they decide to play good Samaritan and drive her home. Ostensibly wanting to repay their kindness, she invites them in to meet her family leaving out the detail that her family is insane, kills folks on the regular, and sells the scraps to rich peeps who want to stay looking young (Main mama villain Shareefa Daanish is truly stunning so it’s clear the murder=Youth theory has got some merit). This movie rallies near DEAD ALIVE (’92)-level carnage with gusto as the group (which includes a very pregnant woman) try their hardest to escape the lunatic family while their numbers dwindle in the grisliest of ways fast. Who will survive and what will be left of them (spoiler: not many & not much!)?

Recently Viewed: Final Destination: Bloodline, Bring Her Back & Fear Street: Prom Night

Posted on By unkle lancifer
I’ve never met a FINAL DESTINATION movie that I didn’t enjoy. Even its most maligned sequel (2009’s fourth entry) is fine by me. I absolutely relate to the series’ inherent paranoid catastrophizing and I was born to dig its melodious marriage of the horror and disaster movie genres. Furthermore, I admire the franchise’s commitment to creative deaths and appreciate its consistent spotlighting of folks like myself suffering from Cassandra complexes. Happily, the latest entry, FINAL DESTINATION: BLOODLINES grabs the series’ calamity baton with gusto and delivers a fine blend of crowd pleasing shocks that push the series into fresh territory while still providing gratifying fan service (not to mention a lovely adieu to beloved horror icon Tony Todd) that cleverly weaves the installments together without painting itself into a corner. This is definitely a movie that should be seen in the theater not only for the legit visual spectacle of it all, but to share in the inevitable hoot and hollering it inspires with fellow audience members. I don’t have to tell you the plot do I? Of course not. Just know this is the rarest of birds, a late entry in a franchise that may arguably be its finest.
I do have to tell y'all that I saw FD:B in something called 4DX which I never even heard of before. It literally blew me away. The chairs went up and down like a darn roller coaster, wind was blown when appropriate and water was squirted into my face during scenes of blood splatter! There was even a rubber house wiggling around my ankles to simulate shuffling debris (but it really just reminded me of the good old days when you might encounter a rat in the theater searching for fallen popcorn). I was a little scared that I had to sit next to a potential lughead (!) but my dude turned out to be a great provider of hilarious commentary and clearly enjoyed the bone crushing mayhem as much as I did. All in all, it was an incredible experience I will never forget and the most fun I’ve had in ages.
On the complete opposite end of the fun-o-meter is the devastating bleak-grenade BRING HER BACK, the latest flick from the undeniably talented Philippou brothers whose previous effort was the truly terrifying (imo) TALK TO ME. This unabashed dread porn overdose is beautifully shot, stuffed with indelible images, exquisitely acted and somehow a bit too dour and depressing even for a card carrying Eeyore Stan like myself. I think it even threatened to knock me into the same psychotic pit of depression that THE LODGE did back in 2019 and I can't say I was fully down with that. I guess the filmmakers could not have known that I was in a fragile state having had to dispose of a poor dead opossum that died in my yard earlier that morning but I still feel mercilessly psychologically bullied and tormented all the same. I know I signed up for horror but a mere 5 minute intermission involving cartoon puppies (not opossums) would have been much appreciated by yours truly.
This unrepentant non stop funeral dirge begins with a teen boy named Andy (Billy Barratt) and his blind younger sister Piper (Sora Wong) discovering the dead body of their father in the shower. The two hapless siblings are threatened to be separated but wind up being foster-cared for by a woman named Laura (Sally Hawkins- who is frankly, TOO GOOD at playing a manipulative lunatic and now I’ll never see her any other way). Laura is beyond unhinged, she’s hinge-repellent and she lives in an unnerving mid century modern home with too many windows where it rains all the time (you can nearly smell the mold and mildew) with a kid who looks like young Jason Voorhees and (of course) a perpetually vulnerable cat named I believe, “Garbage Man” (and probably on street called “Ari Aster Lane”). Naturally, Laura is a great big personified urn of spinning grief because her daughter (who was Piper’s age) somehow drowned in her annoyingly shaped pool. Not to be cruel, but Laura should have just gotten over it instead of causing havoc, flirting with witchcraft, convening with basement cults, making Susan Tyrell in BUTCHER, BAKER, NIGHTMARE MAKER (’82) look sane and acting like she never saw Mary Lambert’s classic adaption of Stephen King’s PET SEMATERY before. I mean, if I’m advising a person to “move on” in life, you know that person is seriously circling (in this case, almost literally) the drain.
BRING HER BACK is an admirable work of art that expertly wrings every once of woe and gloom it can from the viewer… and I want it to go away and never cross my path again. I will not be buying the DVD to proudly place next to my valued copy of TALK TO ME on the shelf because I am sure I will never be in a secure enough mental space in the future to watch it again. So I say congratulations on a job well done but no thanks to this joyless misery crawl (actually there was one funny part when Laura’s (not long for this world) co-worker visits, sees the gaudy bedroom Piper is residing in and quips “Good thing she’s blind” under her breath. That was indeed high comedy but it was like drowning in the ocean and spying a life preserver floating way too far away to ever possibly reach).
FEAR STREET: PROM QUEEN reminded me a lot of my own 1980’s high school experience in that it is filled with a lot of forgettable characters and it should have been a lot more fun. Which isn’t to say that there are not a few bright spots. There’s a couple of amusing kills, the music selection is impeccable and I did enjoy seeing both Lili Taylor ('99's unintentionally hilarious THE HAUNTING) and Chris Klein (I watch JUST FRIENDS (2005) nearly every Xmas) having fun chewing the scenery. Unfortunately, the whole affair is so busy pirating the past that it forgets to find its own identity and its sad killer reveal is so brazenly obvious from the get-go that it lacks any sting. Its comically campy climax is almost worth the slog but its failure to make any of the young characters even remotely identifiable from each other is almost painful. It’s definitely not up to the quality of the previous trilogy loosely based on the works of R.L Stine but I suppose you could do much worse in the teen slasher department. I’ll give it some leeway based on its soundtrack alone even though I can assure you that it’s depiction of high school students having “dance-offs” to Laura Branigan’s “Gloria” circa 1988 is about as historically inaccurate (not to mention cringe) as you can get. Amusingly, one of its promotional ads sports a tagline that reads “This Party Is So Dead” which pretty much turns out to be a rare example of truth in advertising.

Recently Viewed: Sinners, Hell of a Summer, Werewolves & Until Dawn

Posted on By unkle lancifer

SINNERS is something truly special, an instant classic and one of the most impressive and epic vampire films ever made. This is true prestige horror that offers a full meal so do yourself a favor and see it in the theater where its glorious cinematography can shine and its outstanding score can be heard in its purest form. I feel like I really lucked out by somehow never witnessing a commercial or trailer for Ryan Coogler and Michael B. Jordan’s latest collaboration and so every moment that unfolded seemed to offer a fresh revelation. I read zero reviews but was aware that word was positive though even with that knowledge I was not prepared for how moving, transportive and provocative the film would be. The greatest surprise perhaps is what a great testament it is to the power of music and I’ll just say there’s a scene that connects the past, present and future so beautifully that I’m still getting chills right now thinking about it. Having said that, the less you know the better so I won’t say much more but if you love movies this is a must see. I was blown away by multiple performances, the assured direction and just how deeply it cuts. I’ve seen some compare it to FROM DUSK TILL DAWN (’96) and that’s true in some surface and structural ways but I think its stronger, more frightening elements reminded me more of INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS (’78) and THE THING (’82) in that much of the horror and tension comes from the frightening realization that one can never trust others completely; not even those closest to us. That’s just one take away from literal infinite layers and insights this stunning work offers but it’s one I felt was particularly relatable in our current world.

HELL OF A SUMMER is a fun and frothy ode to camp(y) slasher flicks with a winning cast that may be a bit too cautious for its own good. It’s been-there, done-that magpie Frankenstein approach is both its selling point and its curse as some of its greatest attributes are borrowed and it sometimes fails to make a deep enough cut of its own. The plot is mostly color by numbers with a group of young folks preparing a camp for opening day getting picked off one by one by a masked serial killer. THREE’S COMPANY level misunderstandings provid laughs and road bumps along the way. It’s an agreeable enough good time that would probably benefit from multiple views but I can’t help wishing it leaned into FRIDAY THE 13th (’80) / THE BURNING (’81) gore as much as it does the HAPPY CAMPERS, WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER (both 2001) humor (that’s me though- I’m always wishing for more bloodshed and HOAS’ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME inspired poster may have gotten my hopes up too high). Above all, its greatest asset is jolly lead Fred Hechinger (He of Netflix’s FEAR STREET and the phenomenal THELMA (2024) ) who makes the whole excursion worthwhile with his buoyantly bonkers and constantly entertaining performance. He pretty much carries the whole canoe on his back uphill and in my handbook, deserves all the merit badges.

WEREWOLVES is insane and preposterous and god help me, a delightful good time. Folks say you should never use the term “guilty pleasure” because you shouldn’t feel guilty for liking something but phrases exist for a reason and yes, I do feel guilty for enjoying this nonsensical, wacked-out werewolf rampage movie and that guilt is part of the fun and should not be policed! This movie is almost the exact opposite in intention as Leigh Whannell’s recent maudlin joykiller WOLF MAN and its all the better for it. Plus, guess what it delivers in up-the-wazoo spades? Werewolves. Giant, hairy, sharp toothed dog-faced, black nosed, pointy eared werewolves (who sometimes even wear adorable outfits). Color me smitten and doing a silent prayer thank you bow as we speak. Listen to this: the world we’re presented here is still recovering from a super moon that took place a year ago which turned roughly half the population into werewolves. Obviously this occurrence was not ideal so preparations are made to curb the lycanthropic enthusiasm during the up and coming super moon. Mistakes are made, blunders abound and poor soldier/scientist Wesley Marshall (Frank Grillo giving J. Statham and even K. Russell a run for their money) must save the world (and his widowed sister in law and niece) from roving bands of giant howling beasts that seemed to have been raised on radioactive Alpo and PURGE sequels. It’s so goofy but it’s also exactly what would make me scream into my Snoopy sleeping bag as a monster loving kid. Again, not proud, but there in lies the all the fuzzy fun.

UNTIL DAWN operates more like a video game than the actual video game it’s based on. Directed by David F. Sandberg (LIGHTS OUT (2016), ANNABELLE: CREATION (2017), UNTIL DAWN operates a bit like 2014’s EDGE OF TOMORROW (aka LIVE, DIE, REPEAT) with characters trapped in a loop experiencing their own demises multiple times until they can hopefully suss out an escape. An excessively attractive group of young folks hit the road in search of a missing sibling (cue standard aerial shot of car winding through the woods) only to find themselves trapped facing a litany of supernatural horror staples. It’s a bit CABIN IN THE WOODS (2011) meets TOURIST TRAP (’79)/ HOUSE OF WAX (2005) and although it won’t win any awards for originality it does steadily provide the comfort horror gruel we all deserve. Much like the late nineties/early aughts output of Dark Castle Entertainment (HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL (’99), THIRTEEN GHOSTS (2001), et al.) it’s a little too slick and glossy for its own good but admirably maintains a mean streak when it comes to bloodshed and creature design. Sandberg knows his way around constructing false diversion scares so what could have been as limp as something like last years’ pedestrian TAROT actually provides a few genuine jolts. Sadly, it’s not always possible to overcome the lack of high stakes baked into the script but the cast is likable enough (I mean c’mon Peter Stormare as the creepy antagonist is worth the price of admission alone) and the flick is generous enough with the creative kills that its hard not to have a good time. Poor UNTIL DAWN probably would have benefited by being released much later in the dog days of summer (and further away from the shadow of mammoth SINNERS) but I’m betting it’ll find the appreciative comfort horror audience it deserves in due time. It’s perfect slumber party fare.

The Monkey

Posted on By unkle lancifer

There’s an area in our home referred to as “The Black Hole” as things tend to disappear there never to be seen again. The notion that something uncanny exists in the space is backed up by the fact that our cats often stare into it as if seeing something we don’t. The corner consistently aggravates due to it being adjacent to the stereo which means CD’s and their covers are often separated. About seven years ago I put an ALICE IN WONDERLAND Cheshire Cat weeble-wobble figurine on top of a speaker and it too went missing. I searched for hours and actually began to think a houseguest had stolen it. One day years later it seemed to reappear but it turned out that my husband had simply purchased a new one off of eBay (in hopes surely that he would never have to hear about the missing object again). Appeased, I moved on. Then, this past holiday season I went to fetch the Christmas music mix CD we’ve played every year for the last decade only to find that it too had vanished. As I searched the area once again saying aloud “It’s gone forever, nothing ever comes back from this space” and while thinking of the Cheshire cat specifically, I looked exactly where I had looked many times before only to see him! He was facing straight forward, plain as day, smiling directly at me! So now there were TWO identical Cheshire cat toys, great! I placed them next to each other and we went to an Xmas party, told the tale to a couple friends and came home later to find that… one had disappeared again! Maybe a cat knocked it over? There’s several logical explanations but it was gone again for sure. I’ve again searched everywhere. All this to say, I know exactly what it’s like to give an inanimate object the side eye and worry that it may not be exactly what it seems. Something tells me I will come across that grimacing orange face again.

Anyhoo, Osgood Perkins’ THE MONKEY is mostly your basic cursed object tale based oh so very loosely on a short story by Stephen King. It starts out fairly faithful but Perkins, apparently high off the lingering lunatic fumes of LONGLEGS, drives the whole kit and caboodle (I just learned the phrase is not “kitten” Caboodle”) into wacky town. Inherited generational trauma is at it again as Petey Shelburn Sr. (Adam Scott giving Richard Benjamin) finds he’s in possession of a murderous monkey toy who causes death and destruction whenever he plays his drum (much like the mannequin in ODDITY, its hard to believe anyone could look at it and not immediately presume it was evil incarnate). The damned toy ends up in the paws of his neglected twin boys (both played impressively by Christian Convovery), Hal (a nerd) and Bill (a bully) who try to dispose of the thing only to find it has returned years later to wreak havoc on them as adults (Theo James takes over the part in later years playing the duo with much winking zest). Childhood resentments between the two resurface as the monkey keeps drumming and the world turns into chaos around them. This is a very broad, throw everything at the wall black comedy that has no interest in the slithery unease that Perkins has built his reputation on. It probably forgoes some of its potential fright factor in favor of gross out gags but that will probably work in its favor in the future for those looking for a casual cult-ready horror party movie to watch.

For the most part, so much fun is clearly being had that you can’t help chuckling along with the gruesome gallows humor but some of it is so punch drunk giddy that it had me wishing it would settle down, sit up straight and take things more seriously. I love the whole time crash aesthetic of the film (it looks like it takes place in every decade besides the ones it actually does take place in), I dig its commitment to the sparkle motion of slapstick gore and elaborate FINAL DESTINATION-style calamity demises (the cherry on top fate of a busload of cheerleaders is chef’s kiss) and the performances are fun, eighties-style broad stroke joys to behold (Theo James’ take on adult Bill is almost channeling Billy Zane in DEMON KNIGHT ('95), Elijah Woods is a hoot, Sarah Levy and Tatiana Mislay have a campy blast and Perkins provides one of the most hilarious director cameos ever committed to film). But again, it does get to be a bit silly at times. A scene involving a hornets nest and now seemingly chronic movie disruptor Rohan Campbell (HALLOWEEN ENDS’ notorious Corey Cunningham) is so over the top it would be more fitting for a Roadrunner cartoon. It’s all still highly entertaining for sure, but I was sort of reminded of the “Angel in the Morning” moment in IT: CHAPTER 2 when ya kinda wish the goofiness was taken down a notch. That said, as much as I wish THE MONKEY stung the psyche as enthusiastically as the funny bone and maintained a bit more of the dread of the original story, there’s no denying the infectiousness of Perkins’ twisted enthusiasm. His genuine love of the genre is clear throughout and it’s a gift to witness him take his moody gloves off and play pander-free with this sometimes wildly macabre, sometimes utterly ridiculous wind-up toy.

Heart Eyes

Posted on By unkle lancifer

A part of me wishes that the entire planet blew up while I was watching HEART EYES to insure that I died happy and doing what I loved most. It’s no secret I love slasher movies and there’s a special fluffy space in my heart for a holiday slasher that I can count on to view annually. If said movie also sports likable characters, grisly kills, a morbid sense of humor and clear genuine respect for its early eighties predecessors then I’m in the cloud nine zone. Director Josh Rubin (WEREWOLVES WITHIN)’s HEART EYES gets exactly everything right in my book. It’s tons of fun, laugh out loud funny and delightfully vicious. It moves at a perpetual gallop, has a plethora of twists and turns and glides by dispensing impressive quantities of both mirth and mayhem. It also works very well as a frothy rom-com with both Olivia Holt (TOTALLY KILLER) and Mason Gooding (SCREAMS 5&6) delivering charming, pitch-perfect performances. I’m telling you, I actually missed this movie when it was over. I hated to say goodbye. Returning to the drudgery of reality was dreadful so I stopped at a bar on the way home just to ease my entertainment withdrawal.

An opening news footage montage (shades of MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D (2009) ) informs that the “Heart Eye Killer” (aka “HEK”) has been terrorizing cities (including Philly, yay) for the last couple years on Valentines Day. The masked murderer with literal heart eyes that glow has a penchant for singling out couples in love. Currently he seems to have settled on Seattle for his hunting grounds. Enter Ally (Holt, adorable) a recently dumped quip-ready misanthrope who works in advertising and is forced by her boss Crystal (scene stealing Michaela Watkins) to teem up with designer Jay Simmons (Gooding, also adorable) to brainstorm a more positive angle for selling their product. Ally and Jay butt heads as expected but when the grousing non-couple bump into Ally’s ex boyfriend, she kisses Jay passionately in order to save face. Unfortunately, this action is viewed by you guessed it, ol’ Heart Eyes and soon the bickering duo are number one in the maniac’s crosshairs. Things get further complicated when a couple of police officers named Hobbs and Shaw (Devon Sawa and Jordan Brewster, both outstanding and aging like fine wine) begin to suspect that Jay is actually the killer!

HEART EYES was written by Phillip Murphy with I’m thinking a strong assist from comedy-horror veterans Christopher Landon and Michael Kennedy (FREAKY, IT’S A WONDERFUL KNIFE, HAPPY DEATH DAY et al). Obviously, comedy is subjective so I can’t promise everyone will find this movie as hilarious as I did (I sometimes fear I’m living in INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS and I’m the last soul with a sense of humor) but it hit yours truly directly on the funny bone and made me laugh out loud frequently. And I have to say, the chemistry between the two leads is exceptional. Honestly, I barely noticed Gooding in the SCREAM flicks but he potently charms here and Holt is wonderfully wry and effervescent. Impressively, the rom-com undercurrent bubbles like champagne without flattening the savagery of the slasher elements in any way; it’s like they’re perfectly married. As far as I’m concerned, HEART EYES is a keeper across the board. It skillfully fulfills its duty as a body count flick with memorably sadistic kills while delivering some of the most engaging characters I’ve encountered in a while (Can’t add more on that front without spoiling). If you dig slashers, horror or just pure escapism I highly recommend you see this gem in theaters. It filled my heart fully and is there any better recommendation than the fact that this devout shut-in cheapskate plans to see it again tomorrow?

The Wolf Man (2025) & Presence

Posted on By unkle lancifer

There’s much to admire about Leigh Whannell’s (perhaps too) tasteful take on THE WOLF MAN but while nobly attempting to bring something fresh to the lycanthrope table it gets a bit lost in the woods and sadly doesn’t quite scratch the werewolf itch. This movie boasts a thoughtful, script, sincere performances (Christopher Abbot, Julia Garner & Matilda Firth are all great), at least one nerve shredding set piece (cleverly involving a slash-ready greenhouse), and plenty of heart but strays so far from its source inspiration that it muffles its howl and comes off almost sheepish. If it was say, a remake of THE BEAST WITHIN (’82), I’d be plenty satisfied, but it’s not and I feel like I didn’t get my proper dose of werewolf. Do I need more fur on my werewolf tale? Yes, I think so. I did appreciate that it offers a singular view of what it might be like to slowly loose your humanity and how its clear commitment to its characters sparks a romantic tragedy that nicely mirrors Cronenberg’s THE FLY. It makes absolute sense that after the successful THE INVISIBLE MAN that a similar counter intuitive approach be taken here but as my grandmother always said “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander but what’s good for the invisible man may not be good for the wolf man” or something to that effect.

There’s a key part of the film in which a moving van careens off of the road, crashes down an embankment and lands teetering in a tree threatening to smash down twenty feet below and possibly splatter someone. The escape of all involved is tense and anxiety inducing but the van fails to fall. Much later we return to the scene (this flick has a flair for callbacks) and so the van has a second chance to flatten someone but still never does. And I feel like that’s a good illustration of the movie in general. It’s packed like a moving van full of, interesting ideas, it absolutely puts you in a state of tense, unease for much of its runtime but it never seems to deliver its full potential impact. I’d say it’s still worth checking out and I’ll leave room for it to grow on me but for the most part, in the case of THE WOLF MAN I may be an old dog weary of new tricks (and less fantastic creature design).

Impressively eclectic Steven Soderberg’s persistently puzzling PRESENCE offers a unique, literally haunting experience that’s both fascinating and disquieting. It may disappoint viewers looking for violence and wall to wall scares but those who enjoy the subtle and mysterious will be richly rewarded. Written by reliable David Koep ( DEATH BECOMES HER, STIR OF ECHOES) the film basically puts the viewer in the position of an ambiguous entity in a gorgeous house privy to goings on both mundane and eventually shocking. Lucy Liu and Chris Sulivan portray parents who move into a dream home with their teenage children, outgoing athletic son Tyler (Eddy Madday) and sensitive outsider daughter Chloe (Callina Lang). The unknown ghostly entity is especially drawn to Chloe who is mourning the loss of a friend who recently died of a drug overdose and we eventually come to understand that its interest is more protective than predatory (once, I finally assembled the pieces I got the always welcome gift of serious goosebumps). This is a movie that requires some patience but it has one humdinger of a twist that retroactively makes many of its small details become monumental (and even moving) in retrospect. Not a flick for a Friday party but absolutely perfect for a rainy afternoon indoors.