
After seventeen plus years you’d think I would have relayed all of my childhood kindertraumas by now but it seems there’s always yet another gremlin hiding under the bed. Once upon a time, in the land of wood paneling and shag carpet the color of guacamole, the standard family had a giant crate sized TV with an extendable antennae that when fiddled with precisely offered there major networks, one mostly boring public channel and most importantly, around three local UHF stations (there was also likely a scrambled porn station but we won’t get into that here). Having moved about the country with my family a bit I feel I can say from experience that Philadelphia had exceptional UHF channels that I’ll always be indebted to in the the form of channels 17, 29 and perhaps particularly, 48. These channels for the most part showed cartoons during the day, sitcom repeats during the dinner hour, dramas and detective shows in the evening and then late night became a wild free-for-all of thrillers , science fiction and horror. This is how I first came across horror master Wes Craven’s sophomore effort THE HILLS HAVE EYES. How could anyone turn the channel on a title like that?

THE HILLS HAVE EYES as I’m sure you all well know, involves a nice normal family named the Carters (which includes genre queen Dee Wallace) who along with their two dogs (Beauty & Beast) are traveling with an awesome towed trailer through the Nevada desert to vacation in San Diego. They foolishly decide to take advice from an obviously loony geezer and take a more “scenic” route to their destination and find themselves stranded and hunted down by a terrifying counterpart clan of cannibalistic savages the scariest of whom is named Pluto (the great Michael Berryman). The two groups battle it out for survival and dominance and we’re left wondering just how thin the line between the so-called civilized and the uncivilized actually is. One thing is left crystal clear, if the Carters wish to have any chance of living, they'll have to fight on the same feral level as their foes.

As a kid, I found so much relatable within this mesmerizing movie, in fact, it still resembles a vague memory of my youth. All of the earthy colors, the familiar family dynamics, the evergreen awesome seventies attire, the covet worthy vehicle, the way it all mirrored so many popular fairy tales and the fact that canines played major roles as valued family members, all appealed to me. Long before Freddy Krueger was even a mere glint in his father Wes’ eye, lumbering, giant, bald headed, sunken-eyed Pluto stalked my nightmares. As much a this movie freaked me out to my core (especially when it involves a kidnapped baby threatened to be cooked and eaten by a witch equivalent) it also thrilled me to no end. Much like RACE WITH THE DEVIL (’75) another road movie involving bad decisions and comfy means of transport, it was always an adrenaline rush to see it listed in the TV GUIDE and I was lucky enough to catch it multiple times. I’m in agreement with anyone who points out that the 2006 remake is superior (how often does that happen) but HILLS ('77) will always have a special place in my horror loving heart.

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