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Sunday Viewing:: The Night Flier (1997)

February 2nd, 2014 · 4 Comments

Look at this nice thing I found for you dear people. It’s THE NIGHT FLIER, which is based on a STEPHEN KING story and it’s looking pretty sharp! This is seriously one of the better adaptions of KING‘s work, so it’s really a shame that it has become so hard to come by lately. Maybe you can help change that by signing the petition HERE to have it released on Blu-ray! It is truly is a outstanding flick. It’s almost like a lost X-FILES episode and not only is it suspenseful and funny, but I think it hits a pretty horrific and disturbing note as well! It is sure to leave you with three giant questions: Why doesn’t MARK PAVIA direct more?, Why don’t we have more movies with JULIE ENTWISLE in them? and Why don’t people throw awards at MIGUEL FERRER every time he leaves his home? Be kind to yourself today by watching THE NIGHT FLIER below….

Also: Check out this oldy moldy list of SEVEN UNSUNG VAMPIRE FLICKS!

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Tags: Stream Warriors · Streaming Alert! · Sunday Streaming

Sunday Viewing:: The Possessed (1977)

January 26th, 2014 · No Comments

What an excellent day for an exorcism! Who in the name of God could be compelled to miss a TV movie that stars DEAD AND BURIED‘s JAMES FARENTINO, JAWS 2‘s ANN DUSENBERRY, CHILD’S PLAY‘s DINAH MADOFF, HALLOWEEN‘s P.J. SOLES and HARRISON FORD of the smash hit REGARDING HENRY? Full review HEREabouts.

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Sunday Streaming Double Feature: Sorority House Massacre 2 & Hard To Die

January 19th, 2014 · 1 Comment

Let’s go ahead and jump right past the first SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE movie. It’s a serviceable enough HALLOWEEN clone but we’ve got bigger, funnier, fish to fry. SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE 2 (1990) and its quasi-sequel from the same year (if not the same week) HARD TO DIE (1990) were both directed by frequent ROGER CORMAN crony JIM WYNORSKI (88′s NOT OF THIS EARTH). I recommend you watch them back to back for optimum results.

SHM2 concerns five young ladies who buy a house to use for their sorority. They get the place super cheap on account of all of the grisly murders that took place there. Soon they meet a creepy neighbor named Orville Ketchum who kindly relays the history of the house by inexplicably talking over flashback scenes from SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE rather than the previous SORORITY movie. Stock footage of lightening informs us that a storm is brewing and so naturally the girls change into nighties and grab a Ouija board. Hilarious hijinks and horrible hook murders ensue. It’s often said that a cult movie mustn’t be in on the joke to be any good and here’s proof that theory is full of hot air.

Now it’s time for HARD TO DIE (or SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE 3). Most of the young ladies have returned to play different characters and the location has been moved to a towering skyscraper. Now watch as nearly the exact same events occur in a similarly structured script. Orville Ketchum is now the creepy janitor and he’s quick to explain the occurrences of the last film by again speaking over the exact same SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE scenes rather than SORORITY 2. Stock footage of lightening is shown (this time with a building in front of it) and as if trapped in some kind of surreal eternal loop the girls loose their clothes and begin fooling around with a damned puzzle box a’la HELLRAISER having upgraded from the Ouija Board. Again, as the characters one by one meet their doom, two useless detectives loiter about the film’s border only to arrive on the scene barely in time for the closing credits and the too late realization that Orville Ketchum is one very misunderstood man.

All signs point to these distorted mirror movie siblings being campy trash, and they are…and they’re also lazily brilliant and somehow Dada-esque. Balancing on a tightrope between parody and pastiche, they off handedly both celebrate and mock the redundancy of sequels and the trippy deja vu nature of oft-repeated genre clichés. Or maybe I just have a questionable sense of humor.

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Tags: Stream Warriors · Streaming Alert! · Sunday Streaming

Sunday Streaming Suggestion:: Annie C. on Red, White & Blue

January 12th, 2014 · 3 Comments

Hi there!

Thank you so much for Kindertrauma.com! I am a huge fan. I came across it randomly on my cell phone one day and proceeded to read it on that little screen for hours. My eyes were killing me but it was so fun!

I would like to recommend a Netflix streaming movie that is truly terrifying. Red, White & Blue is a psychological horror movie that filled me with a dread that stuck with me for days. The acting was also amazing, especially by Noah Taylor. I hope you like it!

Take care!

Annie

UNK SEZ: Dear Annie, thank you so much for your recommendation. I watched RED, WHITE & BLUE (2010) last night and I’d like you to pay for my therapy bills. Seriously, you were not kidding, that movie really is a harrowing ride into the pit. While watching it, I was often thinking I was a hair away from turning it off but there was no way I could. Without giving anything away to those who haven’t seen it, I was really impressed by the fact that no character was presented in easy to digest black and white terms as would be the usual case in a film concerning (at least partially) revenge. It was really the sad desperation and not the violence that burrowed so deep under my skin.

Immediately after my viewing I had to look the director up on IMDb. Holy Crap, writer/director SIMON RUMLEY is the same scamp who made another Netflix streaming nightmare of mine called THE LIVING AND THE DEAD (2006)! He must be a mad man or a genius of some sort. That movie also aged me a couple years with its merciless take on both mental and physical illness. I wrote half a review for that one a couple years ago but just stopped and walked away because it was too distressing to continue thinking about and I didn’t want to make myself a magnet for wicked spirits and bummer vibes.

Again, Annie, thanks for pushing me to watch this difficult movie and thank you SIMON RUMLEY for pushing me past my safety zone not once but twice. I will never watch either RED WHITE & BLUE or THE LIVING AND THE DEAD again as long as I live but I’m looking forward to seeing what you do next.

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Tags: Stream Warriors · Streaming Alert! · Sunday Streaming

Sunday Viewing:: The Others (2000)

January 5th, 2014 · 1 Comment

Have you ever had that thing where you’re desperate to watch something and so you peruse the Netflix Streaming, the choices available ON DEMAND, the boxes of VHS tapes that litter your floor and the towering shelves of DVDs that align your walls and still, you are unable to find anything that fits your persnickety mood? How is that possible? Possible or not it happened to me the other night. I was in danger of spending the entire evening loitering in a movie title K-hole. Then I remembered that I had recently been waxing nostalgic over the short-lived supernatural cozy-fest called THE OTHERS. Yes! I made a fort out of quilts and built a campfire out of safe LED tea lights that could never cause harm to my pets and I dug in once again into the pilot episode. And it was perfect. So now I’m going to use this space here to try to convince at least one other fellow human to check it out. I love this spooky character driven show! If I recall correctly, nobody could convince me to leave the house on the Saturday nights that it aired. At this point, I’ve fully given up hope that it will ever be made available on DVD but the pilot episode is below and the rest of the series is only a Google away. Make sure you stick around to see the episode directed by TOBE HOOPER (“Souls on Board”), and the one with the evil wallpaper, that’s a good one too! I’m off to watch some more myself….

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Tags: Stream Warriors · Streaming Alert! · Sunday Streaming

Five Underrated Snow Flicks by Unk

December 22nd, 2013 · 9 Comments

Are there ever enough movies that take place in the snow? Nope. That’s why this list is happening and don’t be surprised if there’s a part 2 in the future!

YOU’LL LIKE MY MOTHER (1972)

If you are not sold by the name PATTY DUKE alone, I’m really disappointed in you but I’ll plow forward anyway. PATTY plays profoundly pregnant Francesca who goes to visit her deceased husband’s mother for the first time. Things don’t go well. The mother (ROSEMARY MURPHY) is sneaky and snidely and casually speaks of drowning non-pedigree kittens. She also tends to lie about everything, browbeats her sad mentally challenged daughter (SIAN BARBARA ALLEN of SCREAM PRETTY PEGGY) and is secretly harboring a psychopathic rapist (a very un-John Boy RICHARD THOMAS). This is a claustrophobic, tense psychological chiller cut from similar cloth as THE COLLECTOR, MISERY or DEAD OF WINTER. As far as atmosphere goes though, this one is in a class all by itself. Never has a snowy landscape appeared so relentlessly dismal and woeful. In fact, I think it’s filmed in suicide-o-vision and I mean that as a compliment. Strangely, five years after the movie was made, two very real (and unsolved) murders occurred in the oppressive mansion where it was filmed. Why am I not surprised?

BLOOD RELATIONS (1988)

Wait, it seems a lot of my unloved horror flicks tend to get lumped into the “thriller” category. The way I see it though if the crap that happens to the characters in these movies happened to me, I’d call it “horrible” rather than “thrilling” and so here we are. Anyway for about the first half hour of watching the snowy enough for this list BLOOD RELATIONS recently, I began to wonder, “Why the hell did I like this movie?” and then the entire flick nosedived into a surreal nightmare zone of depraved insanity and I had my answer. It was like when Cindy Brady was all, “Why do you always make me peanut butter and jelly sandwiches? And her mom Carol goes, “Because they’re your favorite” and Cindy goes, “Oh yeah, I forgot! I forgot that I’m playing the part of a character so dumb she can’t even remember what she likes to eat.” BLOOD RELATIONS cleverly tricks you into thinking it’s about cold, calculated family backstabbing and then it punches you in the face with the fact that it’s about cold, calculated involuntary brain operations. That’s cool isn’t it? It’s also got RAY WALSTON, is mildy pervy and was filmed in Canada.

A COLD NIGHT’S DEATH

Another pattern I see forming with these unloved flicks is that they tend to have forgettable titles. A COLD NIGHT’S DEATH? Is that trying to be Shakespearian or something? You don’t win friends with salad. If you’re like me, you love JOHN CARPENTER’S THE THING more than you love any of your friends or family but you always felt that one thing was missing from it and that thing is a monkey. There is no monkey in THE THING. It is verifiably monkey-less. A COLD NIGHT’S DEATH does indeed involve a monkey or two. On the other hand, never at any point during A COLD NIGHT’s DEATH does a person’s head fall off, sprout crab legs and do a jig under a desk so ultimately there’s not much of a competition. The good news is this made-for-television production does get right what CARPENTER’s film does, the sense of isolation and paranoia is truly palpable and it’s hard to get a firm grip on exactly what to fear. I’m not sure if that’s enough to make up for COLD’s shocking lack of scenes in which chests explode into teeth that chomp off arms but it’s something. How’s about ROBERT CULP as a compensation prize? He’s sort of the unsung king of winter horror considering his turns in SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT 3 and SANTA’s SLAY. Certainly he and monkeys combined are an adequate substitution for the mind-blowing artistry of ROB BOTTIN? I guess not but give this one a stab anyway.

THE DARK HOURS

Now this movie is truly underrated. See, there’s this psychiatrist (KATE GREENEHOUSE) who finds out she has a brain tumor. She goes to hang out in her cabin in the snowy woods and is surprised to find her little sister and husband already there and plenty of suspicious evidence that her unexpected arrival thwarted a tryst. Shocking as that may be, the night has much more drama to offer in the form of one of her disgruntled ex-patients showing up for one of those surprise home invasions that are so popular these days. This movie is unnerving. And the stakes are higher than most of its kind because the characters seem like real people and the danger feels like legitimate danger. It’s also a bit of a mind-screw so make sure you keep an eye on every fire lit detail. How this one keeps falling between the floorboards I’ll never know.

THE BOOGENS

Don’t give me that look. I know there are far more obscure films needing a leg up than this one but I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t try to cram THE BOOGENS into every possible conversation I could. Everybody knows about THE BOOGENS but do they respect THE BOOGENS? Not as much as they should. People like to give this gem a hard time simply because it presents monsters that look like adorable turtles but c’mon, those shoddy shots only concern about two minutes of screen time! Hmmm, I feel like I ranted about this before. Did I already tell you how I read the movie tie-in novelization and I loved it and it had the same characters but in different situations and it concerned the entire town all leading to a climax together which reminded me of THE FOG? Or that in the book the monsters were so hideously described that I just picture them that way now when I watch the flick? Can you believe that I’m watching THE BOOGENS right now as I write this? It’s true. How can you beat that cabin in the snow? I’m not kidding when I say I think Trish and Mark (REBECCA BALDING & FRED McCARREN) are my favorite horror couple at this point. Oh and Tiger the dog, let’s not forget him! Or that Jessica (ANNE-MARIE MARTIN) was not only in PROM NIGHT & HALLOWEEN 2 but also once battled BUCK ROGERS with glowing-eyed psychic powers!!! The less we talk about Roger (JEFF HARLAN) being on MORK & MINDY the better on account of he tried to date rape Mindy in the pilot. I’m going to watch this movie every year for the rest of my life. I just want you to know that.

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Tags: Stream Warriors · Streaming Alert! · Sunday Streaming · Where is the Love? Five Underrated Flicks

The Dark Crystal: Director’s Cut

December 12th, 2013 · 4 Comments

Have you heard about the so- called DARK CRYSTAL “Director’s Cut”? A bunch of folks have already written about this wonderful thing and now I’m going to as well on account of it’s just too specifically kindertraumatic for me to resist. Once upon a time, it seems there was an earlier version of THE DARK CRYSTAL. It was shown to a preview audience to get their reaction and their reaction was mostly stuff like, “What was that?”, “Huh?”, “Come again? “ and, “I want my mommy!” The movie had to be altered in order to more likely receive wider acceptance and so rambling scenes were chiseled down and explanatory dialogue and clarifying voiceovers were added. Finally the movie was deemed ready for popular consumption and this new easier to digest version was released to the masses who reacted mostly with stuff like “What was that?”, “Huh?”, “Come again?” and “I still want my mommy!”

Yay, THE DARK CRSTAL (shaking Kermit arms above head)! It’s beautiful, obtuse, crazy-making, corny, gorgeous, mystical and as disturbing as a bad dream. It’s a truly singular visionary work that gets better with each passing day. It’s awesome and freaky and sometimes boring in any form but yeah, a few nips and tucks do make a big difference. Hey, movies, or any art for that matter, are incantations and of course you can’t alter a speck of the spell and expect the exact same results.

The big news is that some guy by the name of Christopher Orgeron had access to a ratty old copy of the original version and like a saint, decided to painstakingly craft it back together as best he could. Nicer still, he wants to share his accomplishment with us! What he did from the best of my ability to understand is, keep the original soundtrack in place, leave in everything that was later removed and spackle on top the better picture of the standard version wherever possible. So sometimes the picture and the sound can get wonky but it’s the closest you’re likely to get to JIM HENSON’s original, preview audience disapproved stab. It’s pretty cool.

The biggest difference is that those horrifying plucked rooster demons, the Skeksis, now speak their own language and we are not privy to their words. It works great because you can kind of guess what they’re going on about but the language barrier makes them all that much more alien and off-putting.

The other thing is, and this is just me, I’m totally fascinated by the (minimal) scenes that are of the shoddy quality that Orgeron would probably prefer to do without completely. Content wise they are inconsequential but wow, they come off like bizarre radio signals from another planet (or BEGOTTEN or some super early episode of DOCTOR WHO). They are so hauntingly strange, I half wanted to watch the whole movie in this vague, craptastic static-o-rama style. Which makes no sense because DARK CRYSTAL is so pretty and nice with the purple but whatever. Is this version any more kindertraumatic? Hmm. Yeah I think so, but it should be mentioned that the most disturbing parts of DARK CRYSTAL are front and center in both versions. Still, the estranging effect of holding the audiences’ hands to a lesser degree does make a difference. Fans of the film should check it out below or download it HERE. Thanks Christopher Orgeron! What a noble endeavor!

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Sunday Viewing:: The Mutilator (1985)

December 8th, 2013 · 6 Comments

We just don’t talk enough about 1985’s THE MUTILATOR around here! Sure it’s shown up in a Funhouse or an IAHTKY or two but THE MUTILATOR demands more! It’s my fault I guess. It’s just that this movie tends to bring up unpleasant memories of the time when I was a kid and I thought I’d clean my dad’s rifle as a birthday surprise and I instead (accidently!) shot and killed my mother who was decorating a cake in the other room. Boy did I get in trouble that day! But you know, I’m over it now. The past is the past! Today is what matters and I just want to enjoy my fall break and watch THE MUTILATOR!

Only about two people in this movie can act and I’m generously doubling the harsh reality that only one can. You should also be warned that if you like it when the information that goes inside your head makes sense, this movie will hurt you.
Highfalutin folks can criticize THE MUTILATOR ‘til the cows come home but around these parts, the only thing that matters is entertainment value and trauma value and THE MUTILATOR has both. This movie is knee slapping hilarious one second and I must say, strangely disturbing the next. Nothing that takes place seems real but that doesn’t mean that I don’t find myself worried about the psychological health of the person who came up with it. Also has anyone ever put a garage to better use in a horror film? Hmmm, maybe in SCREAM but that would be years later.

THE MUTILATOR may be profoundly lacking on the surface (and truth be told unwatchable for many) and yet somewhere in its murky crevices strongly beats the heart of genuine horror. Hollywood can throw as much money as it wants at a project, nothing beats the power of one possibly insane but obviously sincere creative mind. I guess what I’m trying to say is that this movie is as dumb as a lamp post but a surprisingly vicious lamp post with a really awesome decapitation scene up its sleeve. Not that lamp posts have sleeves. Speaking of lamp posts, this movie is way too dark! Can someone please for the love of God put it on DVD so that I might be able to see what’s going on when the kids are playing “blind man’s bluff”? Until such a glorious day arrives, we must warm our hands at the dwindling YouTube flame. Watch it by noon, by 5, by midnight. Bye bye.

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Sunday Viewing:: Iced (1988)

December 1st, 2013 · 5 Comments

Today’s viewing selection ICED, (1988) was recommended by our old pal Amanda By Night of MADE FOR TV MAYHEM fame. It’s an eighties slasher flick that takes place in an isolated ski cabin so how can it not be good? But it’s not good! In fact, the first death, the catalyst for all the bloodshed to follow, involves a guy lamely falling on some rocks! Falling on some rocks is no way to die in a slasher movie! This did not bode well. I began to wonder if Amanda was in her right mind recommending ICED. She has been a little overworked lately. Maybe she needed a vacation in a ski lodge and that explained her attraction to this abomination! I decided to watch on regardless and have some faith in my friend and I’m glad I did. ICED is like skiing itself, you have to slog up a steep hill but once you get to a certain point, you can just let go and let gravity do the rest. I suppose you have to wait for ICED to reprogram your head and dismantle your defenses. Once you get it into your brain that logic and reason are far from welcome ideas in the world of ICED it is a non-stop party…a joyride even! You do not change ICED, ICED changes you!

There’s no point of me telling you the plot because you already know it and it would be folly to attempt to list this film’s crimes against reason because they are legion. You may be thinking, “Hahaha, another campy cheesefest how cute!” No, no, no. You do not understand ICED. This movie is gloriously, joyously, spectacularly inept and lives on a level all by itself. Nobody can even talk like a normal human for one second in this move. The dialogue will tattoo itself upon your heart and stay there until the day you are dead. Even more bizarre than the movie’s inanity is the uncomfortable fact that its prerequisite chase finale is actually rather rousing! How is that possible? I dunno. It shouldn’t be. I blame the score and what a score it is!

Let me add too that here are some real stand outs in this cast and its very difficult for me to pick a favorite but I’m heavily leaning toward “Jeanette” (THE ADDAMS FAMILY’s LISA LORING) who has some major relationship issues and Carl (RON KOLOGIE) who has a tiny, tiny, ponytail. It’s too bad that Carl feels the need to sexually assault poor Jeanette but I guess it’s okay because she relaxes in a hot tub afterward. I could go on and on and on except I can’t because frankly, I’m a touch hung over having stayed up too late last night with some whiskey watching ICED for a second time! Is there any better testament to its awesomeness than that? Oh, Amanda I shall never doubt you or trust a snowman ever again.

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Tags: Stream Warriors · Streaming Alert! · Sunday Streaming

Sunday Viewing:: Demon Wind (1990)

November 24th, 2013 · 9 Comments

After all the SPOOKIES love last Sunday I was all set to spotlight THE WILLIES today but then something happened. Late last night while reality and logic were fast asleep in their bunk beds, I stumbled across DEMON WIND (1990)! Many a yarn ago (a yarn is a year in Battlestar Galactica-ville) we received a “Name That Trauma” about a cabin that was demolished on the outside and yet totally intact on the inside (HERE). The film in question turned out to be DEMON WIND, which I had regrettably never seen. I made a mental note to check it out on YouTube but by the time I got around to it, it had disappeared! Rats and double rats! Then, to pour salt on my tender wounds, reliable sources like Matty from Boston and Enzo S. sang the praises of DEMON WIND within their respective “It’s a Horror to Know You!” posts! I probably should have bought a VHS copy right then an there but instead I went into a corner and prayed to God that one day DEMON WIND would return to YouTube even if only for a brief period so that I would not have to endure the pains of the postal system. Dumb story, dumber, right before I hit the hay last night, God contacted me through a headless Hummel figurine and was all like, “Oh, I’m sorry, I totally forgot you requested that! We’re so backed up here and your prayer was accidently received as junk mail. Here ya go- Here’s DEMON WIND on YouTube…”

DEMON WIND is terrible and eerie and strangely trance inducing and incredibly fantastic and also hilarious and wonderful and eye-poppingly bizarre. I think it changed my life. Yes, it did. It changed my life. I wish somebody could explain why DEMON WIND is not shown on T.V. everyday around the clock on a DEMON WIND Channel. I trust that writer/director CHARLES PHILIP MOORE is currently safely and securely kept in a mental hospital and that the key to his cell has been thrown into a volcano. You don’t understand! People explode in this movie and turn into infants! There’s a giant skull with a snake tongue and an egg opened up and spilled larvae! There are magicians and they play hacky sack with beer cans (?) and spin around with Kung fu kicks! Wait a minute, did I really see this movie or did I dream it? Oh my Lord, so many possessed demons and or zombies roaming the countryside that is paroled by an evil fog! Did I mention the horrifying taking doll?

All right, you just have to watch DEMON WIND is all there is to it. Trust me, DEMON WIND is going to come up at every holiday gathering you attend this season and you’ll want to have seen it so that you might join in the conversation and share your learned opinion. I can’t believe I wasted my life by not training to be a Kung fu magician. I really blew it.

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Tags: Stream Warriors · Streaming Alert! · Sunday Streaming