Trauma-daddies have their work cut out for them keeping up with the dastardly doings of the horror world’s Trauma-mommas. But let’s face it folks, not counting a couple stellar stand outs who really put their nose to the grind stone, dads in horror films are traditionally an absentee lot. Still upset that your dad missed your big baseball game? Well Jason Voorhees‘ dad could never find the time to show up for any of his son’s killing sprees. We’re talking double-digit sequels and never so much as a peep from that guy! Faced with a skeleton crew of nominees, we here at Kindertrauma decided to bag the whole countdown presentation that the Trauma-mommas received. We decided that instead of stamping the pops in broad terms like “good” and “bad” or placing them in order of popularity, we would instead focus on the behavior of some of our own personal favorite horror fathers and judge their actions, rather than the person as a whole. Any new fathers out there would do well learning from the actions of the daddies on our list, both positive and negative. Remember dads, your conduct may be the deciding factor on how ugly the next tie you receive as a Father’s Day gift is!
Covert basement rage explosions are not only fine, but also a traditional fatherly past time. Wasting a perfectly good out door barbecue stewing over how not perfect the perfect JILL SCHOELEN is? Bad idea, grab a hot dog and lighten up!
INVITATION TO HELL
It may not look so hot to the neighbor’s prying eyes but disposing of your children’s evil doppelgangers is always advisable.
BETTE DAVIS as an aunt-in-law is not something I would wish upon Hitler, but still there is no excuse for attempting to drown your son in the swimming pool.
Not beating the living daylights out of the son who inexplicably stood on the dining room table and urinated on the dinner you were about to consume? Gandhi could take lessons from this guy!
AMITYVILLE 2: THE POSSESSION
Right smack on the opposite end of the spectrum from the TROLL 2 dad is this guy. Beating the crap out of your kids and blaming them for demonic graffiti they did not have a hand in thwarts their creativity. If these kids’ brains were not blown away shortly thereafter, they would have ended up accountants!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
Reacting to the idea that your daughter is throwing a party whose invitees consist of all the people she just murdered with a look of disappointment rather than sheer terror and nausea is impressive. Way to hold it together dad!
Yeah, yeah, yeah… I know your entire God-fearing clan has just been slaughtered, but it’s never cool to denounce the Lord! You’ve read the Bible, so you already knew how the big guy pays back the less than devout!
HALLOWEEN 3: SEASON OF THE WITCH
It’s a good thing to call home and make sure your kid’s brains are not being chewed apart by bugs thanks to evil Halloween masks every once in a while, even if it means talking to your naggy ex!
SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT
Leaving your young son alone with your bat-shit crazy, pretending to be mute Santa-hating father? Not cool. Although I guess if you think about it, this dusty loon was right about Santa!
Kindertrauma is a critter friendly site that does not endorse the execution of animals that is, unless of course, they are demonic dogs that have turned you entire family against you.
Way to deliver the evil dads AMITYVILLE series, that’s why you rock! (Besides the already mentioned part 2, JAMES BROLIN‘s behavior in the original is less than stellar too). Now where was I? Oh yeah, coming back from the dead to throw your kid in the fireplace? No, don’t do that.
Not allowing your adult spinster daughter a monkey pet is one thing, but faking the need for a wheelchair in order to keep her waiting on you hand and foot and killing her only beau is just plain mean!
ALONE IN THE DARK
Protecting your family from JACK PALANCE invasions is honorable and super brave. Good going Capt. H.M. “Howling Mad” Murdock!
Please do not get seduced by the babysitter. Even if you are married to PATTY DUKE!
NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET PART 3: THE DREAM WARRIORS
Dying while attempting to kill the skeleton of the molester you burned alive years ago deserves mucho props!
POLTERGEIST 2 THE OTHER SIDE
Usually tequila is the answer to everything, but not when there is a giant demonic worm that will possess you at the bottom of the bottle! Let go and let God!
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE
Keeping family traditions alive? That’s good!
Eventually the time comes when you must let your children go, hopefully it’s before you become a stark raving mad zombie in a rubber room.
Sharing your love with an adopted child is a beautiful thing. What could go wrong?
DON’T LOOK NOW
Repeat after me: “This is not my dead kid.”