Horror fans. Who and what are horror fans? Are they unhinged psychopathic time bombs who get a vicarious thrill witnessing pain being inflicted upon their fellow man? Are they ineffectual nerds who are preoccupied with processing their feelings of powerlessness in the universe by viewing assembly line murders? Are they simply antisocial misfits who misspell the word uncle and live in a make believe castle who waste time writing posts on blogs that sound more and more like rejected SEX AND THE CITY voiceovers? We may never know and I, for one, could give a crap. I’m just writing everything you are reading now to justify my posting of awesome gore shots from my current movie obsession CARL REINER‘s hilarious send up of not so modern education SUMMER SCHOOL!
That’s right SUMMER SCHOOL! If you’re asking yourself what the hell is a comedy like SUMMER SCHOOL doing on Kindertrauma well, have fun asking yourself that and let me know how that works out for you. I’m just writing about SUMMER SCHOOL because I love it and I love the characters of Chainsaw and Dave who just happen to be big time horror movie fans and adore THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE specifically. Plus, don’t you know that SUMMER SCHOOL (pronounced “Summa Skule”) stars SHAWNEE SMITH (1988’s THE BLOB), DEAN CAMERON (BAD DREAMS), KELLY JO MINTER (A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET: THE DREAM CHILD) and features songs from sexy kinder-babe E.G DAILY (BAD DREAMS, ONE DARK NIGHT)? So here’s to SUMMER SCHOOL and now lets take a look at those gore shots….
Pretty disgusting, huh? Boy this is a pretty lame post. How can I turn it around? I know, I’ll make it a highfalutin list! We all love lists, right? Be they grocery, shit or even HALL & OATES’ famous list of the best things in life (Your kiss is on that one!) Let’s make a list of horror films that feature horror fans as characters shall we?
SALEM’S LOT: Little LANCE-Y KERWIN liked classic horror movies (The kind in black and white where nobody ever gets a shish kabob shoved down their throat or jumps out of a television to kill you) very much in this STEPHEN KING adaptation. It’s a good thing he did too, ‘cuz it ends up saving his ass when he uses a crucifix from one of his horror models to scare away a pesky floating vampire kid!
THE FUNHOUSE: Remember Amy Harper’s little brother Joey? (SHAWN CARSON) His bedroom was covered in memorabilia and he was so into horror flicks that he dressed up as a killer and stabbed his sister in the shower with a rubber knife. What a perv!
FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE FINAL CHAPTER: Tommy Jarvis was a horror fan and spent much of his time creating masks and elaborate special effects that were on par with the work of master TOM SAVINI! Good Job Tommy!
SCREAM: Randy Meeks (JAMIE KENNEDY) watched so many horror movies that when the time came for all his friends to be murdered he believed that actual real life would echo the structure of one of his favorite films and guess what, he was right!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME: Creepy Alfred may not have been that into horror cinema at all but he certainly liked to create fake decapitated heads in his spare time. He could also make really great MELISSA SUE ANDERSON masks which if you think about it would really come in handy if you were dressing up as Mary Ingles for Halloween!
THE BLOB: Little Kevin Penny just had to see GARDEN TOOL MASSACRE, “a standard slice and dice” that featured a killer in a hockey mask who killed camp counselors. Somewhere out there adult Kevin Penny is nursing the wounds of having to endure GARDEN TOOL MASSACRE’s remake!
FINAL EXAM: Not so final boy Radish (JOEL S. RICE) decorated his dorm room with posters from THE TOOLBOX MURDERS and THE CORPSE GRINDERS, but unfortunately his knowledge of horror did zero to help him survive an identity free slasher on campus.
FADE TO BLACK: Lonely cinemaphile Eric Binford (DENNIS CHRISTOPHER) likes to dress up as his favorite movie icons including DRACULA and THE MUMMY among others when he murders the bullies who torment him. Look out young MICKEY ROURKE! That dude means to kill you!
SPIRIT OF THE BEEHIVE: Munchkin Ana Torrent becomes so obsessed with JAMES WHALE’s FRANKENSTEIN and particularly the scene where the monster accidentally drowns a little girl that it alters her view of reality entirely.
6 FILMS TO KEEP YOU AWAKE: A REAL FRIEND: Speaking of loosing a grip on reality, teenager Estrella (NEREA INCHASTI) much like Chainsaw and Dave from SUMMER SCHOOL idolizes Leatherface from TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE to such a degree that she imagines that the goofball is her B.F.F.! With friends like that, who needs enemies who are still breathing?
FRIGHT NIGHT: Reluctant vampire hunter Charlie Brewster (WILLIAM RAGSDALE) is a horror fan whose favorite show just happens to be hosted by legendary horror star Peter Vincent (RODDY MCDOWALL)
So what says yooze guys? Can you think of any more movies, horror or otherwise, that feature horror fans as characters? Contrary to popular belief, my brain can’t come up with everything! Help an Unkle out! Remember, mind over matter!