Kinder-friendly Andre Dumas of HORROR DIGEST recently posted a list of her "Top Ten Willy Inducing Moments" and what an intriguing list it is. I love the idea of diving right down to the nitty-gritty of what gets under your skin. As far as I'm concerned, you can buy as many posters, T-shirts and DVDs as you like but if you don't know the willy first hand, then you're really just a horror tourist!
Fellow bloggers have followed suit and the results have been equally compelling. Unfortunately, my tardiness to the willy party (that sounded better in my head) means that many a good willy is now already spoken for (that did too.) Christine over at FASCINATION WITH FEAR mentioned Father Karras' mother from THE EXORCIST and the chilling last lines from SESSION 9 and I couldn't agree more. Johnny Sandman of PARADISE OF HORROR nabbed the furry ghost from THE SHINING and my favorite scene from HALLOWEEN. The Mike of FROM MIDNIGHT, WITH LOVE jumped on that last chilling shot from PRINCE OF DARKNESS and the creepy as hell parents from THE GATE. Mike of ALL THINGS HORROR included the famous window scenes from both SALEM'S LOT and THE OMEN and BJ-C of DAY OF THE WOMAN dug up creepy laughing Linda from THE EVIL DEAD! Andre herself mentioned such goodies as the not so ghostly apparition from THE INNOCENTS and that damn Zelda from PET SEMATARY!
Well, I had to join in even if some of my favorite creepy scenes had already been mentioned, so here goes…
I've mentioned the daddy long leg spider hive from THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE before. I consider myself a friend of spiders but these guys I can do without. I really believe that they are up to no less than chewing a hole into the universe. Bad spiders!
DOLORES CLAIRBORNE is not a scary movie but the scene where JENNIFER JASON LEIGH looks into a mirror only to see the back of her own head is as startling as being doused with a bucket of ice. It's a shock that reverberates through the rest of the film and it is a brilliant representation of her disowned self.
Speaking of shaky identities, the ultimate reveal of ANGEL HEART may be clichÃ© by this point but it blew my brains into smithereens when I first encountered it. MICKEY ROURKE (who has the best man-scream in the world) crying; "I know who I am!" still gives me the goose bumps.
DAY OF THE LOCUST lulls you into thinking you are on firm ground and then shakes you like a snow globe. Suddenly, the whole world turns violently surreal and there's just no going back to normal. This is herd behavior at its most nightmarish, a flattening bulldozer of chaos.
INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHER's final moment is cruelly sadistic and outrageously pessimistic. Man, how did DONALD SUTHERLAND pull that unearthly trick with his face? I'm sure they would distort his mouth with CGI these days but that all natural howling mug's only competition is a MUNCH painting.
UGH, this has always haunted me. I can't stand MELODY ANDERSON's smirk when we find out she's moonlighting as a murderous zombie in DEAD AND BURIED. First of all, it's all filmed in BLAIR WITCH grainy-cam and secondly, not my MELANIE ANDERSON! Not she of the cherub cheeks, not DALE ARDEN! I can't stand it. I have to throw up.
I don't know how they achieved the evil face at the end of DON'T GO TO SLEEP, but I think it involves worshipping Satan.
Speaking of Satan, this face from SATAN'S TRIANGLE jump started my relationship with horror. It is the most evil thing in the world and I wish it would take a rest from spooking me. This atrocity is, in actuality, my number one willy but I refuse to allow it the satisfaction of knowing that.
You'd think that becoming an adult would save me from the worst of what the willy has to offer. I can use my rational mind to protect myself now right? Enter DAVID LYNCH. Hello, folks, my name is Unkle Lancifer and I am currently too scared to watch MULHOLLAND DRIVE. I saw it twice in the theater and it made me feel like I was going nuts. The old people, oh good lord, the old people! Their out of control maniacal smiley faces were bad enough, bringing back memories of both DON'T GO TO SLEEP and SATAN'S TRIANGLE but then they had to go one pounce further and become tiny berating imps. Welcome to my hell, this is pure unmitigated insanity dumped right out of the box. DAVID LYNCH, for future reference, I scar and sue easily.
At this present date I decree that the wall/face from THE HAUNTING may be my personal ultimate willy. I believe it to be the willy in its purest form. If I've learned anything from compiling this list besides (1) I hate mobs (be them man or spider) and (2) I have serious identity issues that I should look into, it's that (3), I can't stand smiling faces!!! Please everybody stop smiling you are FREAKING me out! My one refuse from the smiling masses is my home where smiling is prohibited but THE HAUNTING seems to want to tell me that a smile can be found anywhere even on a wall. Damn you THE HAUNTING, is nothing sacred? Are you, THE HAUNTING, trying to suggest that all of my willies exist only in my head? Why would you say that THE HAUNTING, and more importantly why would you smile when you say that?
Holy crap, that's too many willies for one day even for me. Now I'm depressed. Well, in all my time on planet Earth I've only found one sure fire cure for the heebie jeebies, the willies and the blues and it's called watching FLASH GORDON! Here's the MELODY I know and love. Go Flash Go! Go Flash Go!
Note: MULHOLLAND DRIVE oldster images courtesy of CHILLY SCENES OF DREADFUL VILLAINY!
UPDATE: Stacie Ponder of FINAL GIRL fame has posted her 10 williest willies HERE! While you're hanging out at the Ponder palace make sure you check out her bloggenaire feature on Kinder-pal Amanda by Night HERE!!!
PLUS: Dod from THE WGON HELICOPTER joins in HERE!
PLUS: MAGNIFLORIOUS does some good willies HERE!