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Unk’s Top Ten Willy Inducing Moments

July 7th, 2010 by unkle lancifer · 20 Comments

Kinder-friendly Andre Dumas of HORROR DIGEST recently posted a list of her “Top Ten Willy Inducing Moments” and what an intriguing list it is. I love the idea of diving right down to the nitty-gritty of what gets under your skin. As far as I’m concerned, you can buy as many posters, T-shirts and DVDs as you like but if you don’t know the willy first hand, then you’re really just a horror tourist!

Fellow bloggers have followed suit and the results have been equally compelling. Unfortunately, my tardiness to the willy party (that sounded better in my head) means that many a good willy is now already spoken for (that did too.) Christine over at FASCINATION WITH FEAR mentioned Father Karras’ mother from THE EXORCIST and the chilling last lines from SESSION 9 and I couldn’t agree more. Johnny Sandman of PARADISE OF HORROR nabbed the furry ghost from THE SHINING and my favorite scene from HALLOWEEN. The Mike of FROM MIDNIGHT, WITH LOVE jumped on that last chilling shot from PRINCE OF DARKNESS and the creepy as hell parents from THE GATE. Mike of ALL THINGS HORROR included the famous window scenes from both SALEM’S LOT and THE OMEN and BJ-C of DAY OF THE WOMAN dug up creepy laughing Linda from THE EVIL DEAD! Andre herself mentioned such goodies as the not so ghostly apparition from THE INNOCENTS and that damn Zelda from PET SEMATARY!

Well, I had to join in even if some of my favorite creepy scenes had already been mentioned, so here goes…

I’ve mentioned the daddy long leg spider hive from THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE before. I consider myself a friend of spiders but these guys I can do without. I really believe that they are up to no less than chewing a hole into the universe. Bad spiders!

DOLORES CLAIRBORNE is not a scary movie but the scene where JENNIFER JASON LEIGH looks into a mirror only to see the back of her own head is as startling as being doused with a bucket of ice. It’s a shock that reverberates through the rest of the film and it is a brilliant representation of her disowned self.

Speaking of shaky identities, the ultimate reveal of ANGEL HEART may be cliché by this point but it blew my brains into smithereens when I first encountered it. MICKEY ROURKE (who has the best man-scream in the world) crying; “I know who I am!” still gives me the goose bumps.

DAY OF THE LOCUST lulls you into thinking you are on firm ground and then shakes you like a snow globe. Suddenly, the whole world turns violently surreal and there’s just no going back to normal. This is herd behavior at its most nightmarish, a flattening bulldozer of chaos.

INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHER’s final moment is cruelly sadistic and outrageously pessimistic. Man, how did DONALD SUTHERLAND pull that unearthly trick with his face? I’m sure they would distort his mouth with CGI these days but that all natural howling mug’s only competition is a MUNCH painting.

UGH, this has always haunted me. I can’t stand MELODY ANDERSON’s smirk when we find out she’s moonlighting as a murderous zombie in DEAD AND BURIED. First of all, it’s all filmed in BLAIR WITCH grainy-cam and secondly, not my MELANIE ANDERSON! Not she of the cherub cheeks, not DALE ARDEN! I can’t stand it. I have to throw up.

I don’t know how they achieved the evil face at the end of DON’T GO TO SLEEP, but I think it involves worshipping Satan.

Speaking of Satan, this face from SATAN’S TRIANGLE jump started my relationship with horror. It is the most evil thing in the world and I wish it would take a rest from spooking me. This atrocity is, in actuality, my number one willy but I refuse to allow it the satisfaction of knowing that.

You’d think that becoming an adult would save me from the worst of what the willy has to offer. I can use my rational mind to protect myself now right? Enter DAVID LYNCH. Hello, folks, my name is Unkle Lancifer and I am currently too scared to watch MULHOLLAND DRIVE. I saw it twice in the theater and it made me feel like I was going nuts. The old people, oh good lord, the old people! Their out of control maniacal smiley faces were bad enough, bringing back memories of both DON’T GO TO SLEEP and SATAN’S TRIANGLE but then they had to go one pounce further and become tiny berating imps. Welcome to my hell, this is pure unmitigated insanity dumped right out of the box. DAVID LYNCH, for future reference, I scar and sue easily.

At this present date I decree that the wall/face from THE HAUNTING may be my personal ultimate willy. I believe it to be the willy in its purest form. If I’ve learned anything from compiling this list besides (1) I hate mobs (be them man or spider) and (2) I have serious identity issues that I should look into, it’s that (3), I can’t stand smiling faces!!! Please everybody stop smiling you are FREAKING me out! My one refuse from the smiling masses is my home where smiling is prohibited but THE HAUNTING seems to want to tell me that a smile can be found anywhere even on a wall. Damn you THE HAUNTING, is nothing sacred? Are you, THE HAUNTING, trying to suggest that all of my willies exist only in my head? Why would you say that THE HAUNTING, and more importantly why would you smile when you say that?

Holy crap, that’s too many willies for one day even for me. Now I’m depressed. Well, in all my time on planet Earth I’ve only found one sure fire cure for the heebie jeebies, the willies and the blues and it’s called watching FLASH GORDON! Here’s the MELODY I know and love. Go Flash Go! Go Flash Go!

Note: MULHOLLAND DRIVE oldster images courtesy of CHILLY SCENES OF DREADFUL VILLAINY!

UPDATE: Stacie Ponder of FINAL GIRL fame has posted her 10 williest willies HERE! While you’re hanging out at the Ponder palace make sure you check out her bloggenaire feature on Kinder-pal Amanda by Night HERE!!!

PLUS: Dod from THE WGON HELICOPTER joins in HERE!

PLUS: MAGNIFLORIOUS does some good willies HERE!

PLUS: THINGS THAT DON’T SUCK and HORROR EXTREME!

And don’t forget Pax Romano of BILLY LOVES STU and a ton more HERE!

Tags: General Horror




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cmcmcmcm
cmcmcmcm
10 years ago

creepy smiling faces!  omg yes!  i have a creepy lady faces traumafession i’m working on in my brain right now!  there’s so many out there.

Amanda By Night
10 years ago

What a great list! There are so many David Lynch moments (mostly from Mulholland and Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me), I could probably make a top 10 list just from those!

Satan’s Triangle – what’s that about? It FREAKS me out! And so does Don’t Go to Sleep. I actually saw it for the first time as an adult and it still made me jump!!!
Great stuff – again!

Andre Dumas
10 years ago

Wow! These are great. I am embarrased to say I haven’t even seen half of them I need to remedy that immediately. You’ve truly unearthed the deeper meaning of the willy! Isn’t great that I’m getting all these people to use the word willy over and over again??  I think i’ll finally watch Mulholland Drive this weekend, even if I’m scared—especially of that scary face but I didn’t know about the old people. Yikes!

Thanks for participating Unk- this is one of the most original lists out there!

lee w.
lee w.
10 years ago

I have to second the Melody Anderson appreciation!  I had a huge crush on her after seeing Flash in it’s first run in the theater (I was about 13), and I wrote her one of the few fan letters I’ve ever written.  It was a retrospectively embarrassing missive, boldly declaring my undying love for her.  She actually responded with a very sweet and thoughtful note, thus securing a special place in my heart forever after.  Yay Melody!

Chuckles72
Chuckles72
10 years ago

Props for noting Angel Heart.  The end of that movie completely freaked me out.  I was really pulling for Mickey Rourke’s character and was shocked out of my socks when his true nature was revealed.
And Mulholland Drive – that film gave me too much of a headache to register as scary.  I think I watched it three times back-to-back trying to piece all the clues together before giving up….

TheMike31
10 years ago

Great stuff, good sir!  Love the inclusion of Dead and Buried, I too was quite taken back by the evil side of Dale Arden.  Also, Day of the Locust just shot up my Must See list.

Jergy
Jergy
10 years ago

God I love you guys more and more every day. Hail Flash. Which leads me to my Flash Gordon willy list.
1 – Facing the woodbeast – Even though you actually don’t *see* the enranged woodbeast get anyone, the reaction and tension built as they stick their hands in one by one made me run out of the room screaming as a child.
2 – Goodbye Klytus – bulging eyes + engorged tongues + metallic mask = horrifying.
3 – Lizard people. Their faces are in their mouths!
4 – A melting General Kala – “What do you mean, Flash Gordon approaching?!”
5 – Sam J Jones – ‘Tricked ya Barin!”

FatherOfTears
10 years ago

David Lynch: My traumatizer as an adult.  Yep, those old people smiling gave me the creeps.  To make it worse the damn DVD has no chapters!  One has to fast foward past it instead of just hitting the “next” button on the remote.  Of course the big Willy inducer had to be BOB from “Twin Peaks”.  That sadistic smile!  That horrible killing of Maddie Ferguson!  I even had this site name Mr. Lynch as an Official Traumatizer! 

Now for childhood Willies:  Karen Black’s Zuni Fetish Doll smile at the end of “Trilogy of Terror”.  Now I didn’t see this when it first came out (I actually fell asleep during the first story!) but I would see it on TV a bit later.  Oh boy!  What would have happened had then 8 year old me seen this when it was first on TV? WPIX TV in New York gave us this: 

  Speaking of hands, there was the ending to “Carrie”!  Oh, let’s not forget “Salem’s Lot” with the vampire kids floating by the window & tapping on it to be let in!  I also was crepped out by Donald’s screem at the end of “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” 1978.  I also had a “Star Trek” Traumafession of “Empath” & “The Lights of Zetar”-the latter one had Scotty’s girlfriend get a glowing look on her face and then she spoke all slowed down speech!  Oh yeah, there were the TV spots with the talking dummy and “lady” combing her hair!

Jeff Allard
10 years ago

An outstanding list, Unk – as expected! Extra props for including some of my favorite willie-inducing moments, like that mirror scene from Dolores Claiborne and the reveal of Melody Anderson’s treachery in Dead and Buried – classic!! And I too attest to being too scared to watch Mulholland Drive. I literally fled into the lobby the first time I watched it during the scene when the homeless guy appears in the alley behind the diner. Oh my God – I would’ve passed out in my popcorn had I stayed in the theater. I saw it a second time in the theater and even with bracing myself for that moment, it was still hard to sit through. And the climax – forget about it. Tiny old people scampering under the door? That’s too many willies for me!

cmcmcmcm
cmcmcmcm
10 years ago

Don’t forget Robert Blake’s creepy glued-on smile in Lost Highway!  I added that one to my list!
Unk you def have some creepy smile shots that I’ve never seen.   Satan’s Triangle – holy crap!  I gotta see that!

cmcmcmcm
cmcmcmcm
10 years ago

ok – the weenie patrol needs to come get me cause i watched that microscopic ending bit of satan’s triangle on youtube – and it totally freaked me out.  what’s up with that ladies face?  why is it so creepy?  and it seemed like there was the start of an evil male laugh starting but the clip ended.  if there something that freaks me out more than creepy ladies faces it’s voices with the wrong face!  i gotta say i’m kinda glad i didn’t see that when i was a kid.  i think my brain would have exploded.  but i desperately want to see it now.  cause that’s the kind of masochist i am!

eugeniepetite
eugeniepetite
10 years ago

oh unk, that damned mass of daddy long legs!  in my kinder years, i once threw a rock at one of these masses that was under the eaves of my grandparents house.  many of them scattered, but mostly they came tumbling down on my head.  another lesson learned.

Jergy
Jergy
10 years ago

Awesome Flash article Unk.  Back in 1980 I was given a choice between 2 films playing at the local twin cinema for my birthday.  Robert Altman’s Popeye, and Flash Gordon. And while Popeye is in my top ten musicals of all time, choosing Flash made me who I am today.

cmcmcmcm
cmcmcmcm
10 years ago

wow – i just finished don’t go to sleep on youtube.  that was pretty intense.  you wouldn’t think a pizza cutter would be that freaky – but it was!  scary pizza cutter alert!  the girl at the end was pretty creepy – but i have to say the feeble repetitive knocking creeped me out  a little bit more.

Pinchy
Pinchy
10 years ago

Reading this post makes me wish that some sort of Kindertrauma gathering could be arranged. Like a mini-convention…or perhaps a giant group therapy session. This is easily my favorite blog on all the enterwebs.
That said, I’ll add a few unmentioned willies to the pile…
The Exorcist III: The long shot of the night nurse going about her mundane duties for what seems like forever….and suddenly BAM! all hell breaks loose. It happens so quickly and is so unexpected that I nearly peed my pants the first time I saw it.
Poltergeist: In a movie filled with creepy moments, the one that still gets me is the chair stacking scene. It’s so subtle. No cuts. No fanfare. I still don’t know how they managed to do it (and I don’t want to).
Jacob’s Ladder: Pretty much the entire film… This was one that ricocheted around in my brain for a long time.
….and David Lynch probably deserves his own top ten creepiest moments list of his very own.