Today is the day I finally realized without a shadow of a doubt that I am trapped in the wrong dimension! I do not belong in this hell world where the pilot for THE ELVIRA SHOW went unaired. I belong in the alternate universe where THE ELVIRA SHOW ran for six seasons and now airs nightly repeats in syndication. Get me out of this damned dimension! I want to go home!
Here’s a heads up! Next Saturday (the 26th) at the Alamo Drafthouse in Yonkers they’re going to be showing SATAN’S LITTLE HELPER! Director JEFF (SQUIRM/JUST BEFORE DAWN) LIEBERMAN is going to be there too! It’s the perfect time of year for such a thing! If you can’t make it because you live too far away don’t fret! The Halloween-centric SATAN’S LITTLE HELPER is on Netflix streaming! More on the Alamo Drafthouse showing HERE and read my dusty old recycled review HERE!
Since everyone has been talking about logos that have scared them, I thought I might as well add my own. It was the BBC logo from the very early nineties. (I think they changed in 96 or 97) two lines would come from either side and meet in the middle before the letters BBC would appear, but that bit didn’t scared me, it was the ominous music that played in the background.
I loved watching old British comedies as I grew up with them, but I would dread it when someone played a video and that darn logo would come up first. One night I notice my parents watching a British comedy so I sat with them. Then when the tape had finished I made a mercy dash back to my room as the dreaded logo does indeed appear at the end of the tape. I remember one time I told my dad to fast forward that bit as it was scaring me and he just replied: “You’re being very silly!” No! I wasn’t! It was scaring me!
Then years down the track, I was over at my cousin’s place (he was only 3 or 4) and he decided he wanted to watch a cartoon… A BRITISH CARTOON!!! That meant the horrid logo would once again pop up and haunt me. Anyway, the tape was played and I was crouching in my chair when… GASP! THEY CHANGED IT! THEY CHANGED THE BBC LOGO! Instead of the two lines meeting together and playing that horrid music, There were two ribbons floating diagonally with the letter fading in and nice gentle music was playing. I tell you what, I could not tell you how relieved I felt that day. Phew!
Today’s Funhouse is all about letting you know about our pal Kevin‘s big ALL ABOUT EVIL show at the Alamo Drafthouse in Yonkers tomorrow! If you can get there please do and make sure that you say hello to our favorite human Tenebrous Kate while you are there! All the information you need is right HERE! Are you sad we have no game to play today? Don’t be! How many movies can you identify that appear in Kevin’s video below? I’ve got one! I spy DON’T GO TO SLEEP!
Hi Unk – I’m trying to find the the title and author of this horror anthology from the early 80s. I think it was called “Haunts, Haunts, Haunts,” but an Amazon and Google search didn’t turn up anything. Two of my favorite stories were “Sweets to the Sweet” and “Don’t Look Behind You“, a first-person narrative from the point of view of the ghost. My sisters and I loved to recite the last sentence “don’t look behind you…until you see THE KNIFE,” and quickly turn to the illustration of a knife-wielding corpse and scream.
“Sweets to the Sweet” was about an little girl with a voodoo doll who had the power to harm anyone that pissed her off. It may have been from the same anthology, or a different series (Creeps, Creeps, Creeps or something like that). The artwork for the story was black and white photo of one of those creepy old-fashioned porcelain dolls with the glass eyeballs. From my recollection, the story ended with someone’s head rolling down the stairs. Barbie dolls with painted on eyes never bothered me, but my 4th grade self developed an aversion to life-sized dolls with glass eyeballs with the potential to walk across the room and kill you ever since.
Thanks for the trauma,
UNK SEZ: Thanks for sharing your trauma PJ! I’m not sure about the first-person ghost story but ROBERT BLOCH‘s “Sweets to the sweet” is included in a horror anthology edited by LEONARD WOLF entitled DOUBLES, DUMMIES AND DOLLS. The cover of that book looks just you described and you can see it HERE. I hope that’s it! Does anybody out there recognize PJ’s knife-wielding ghost story? Let us know!
Hey, it’s me again, Lorraine, and this has been nagging at me for ages. Years ago, I was made to go to bed by my parents because they were watching a movie that was “only for grownups.” I think they might have also had company over. Well, being the little devil that I was, I decided to sneak in and watch it. To this day, I do not think that they know that I saw it. The scene that I walked in on involved a couple. I didn’t know it at the time, of course, but looking back on it, I am certain that the couple was having sex.
I’m not completely sure, but I -think- that the woman was blonde and the guy had brown hair, and I’m almost certain that the bed was completely white. Pillows, sheets, mattress, everything. Well, the scene eventually cut to an aerial shot of the couple, giving a perfect view of the guy’s back. Then, to my absolute horror, his back split open! He didn’t even seem to react! There was so much blood, and the monster in his back had a mouth, making a sound that would strike terror into any little kid. I ran back to bed as quietly as my little feet could manage, still shivering with fright, and I’m sure that I must have slept with one eye open that night.
It’s been years, and I have still not figured out what the movie was. Do you have any idea?
My name’s Dave Bekerman, I’m a longtime fan of your site, and in the spirit of Halloween, I want to share my Kindertrauma…
Zoos… And in particular, monkeys.
One of my earliest memories involves visiting the Central Park Zoo with my parents as a toddler, and excitedly encountering all sorts of exotic animals. That visit took a slightly dark turn for me as I watched in shock as a seemingly benign llama reached its head over the fence and nibbled at my mother’s hair, thinking it was straw. She shrieked, and pulled her head away – no harm done. Still, there was something primal and horrific about that animal crossing the barrier and violating our space.
As I got older, the very concept of zoos became increasingly worrisome. These enclosed animals were living, sentient beings, taken from their natural habitats, and trapped behind cages for our amusement. If human beings were treated that way, their captors and the people who enjoyed their enslavement would be monsters.
This notion became most distressful when it came to monkeys. The similarities between simians and people are impossible to ignore. Documentaries like Koko drive home the point that these amazing creatures are closer to us on the evolutionary chain than many are willing to admit. These creatures have obvious personalities… you can see their souls in their eyes. At the zoo, they fling themselves around with an agility and power that can be awe-inspiring and terrifying.
Once I became a horror fan, I was enraptured by Don Brautigam’s stunning cover art for Stephen King’s Night Shift, which featured a wind-up monkey, and movies like George Romero’s underrated Monkey Shines. The real-life news story about the Connecticut woman whose face was ripped off by her pet chimpanzee in 2009 was a turning point where the horror became absolutely real and mortifying to the core. She trusted and loved this pet, and in a flash, the animal turned on her. Nature bit back.
My longtime fear of and fascination with monkey has manifested itself in a new project: Bubu: The Murderous Monkey, a free web-comic that is updated twice a week. Along with co-creator, Frank Hannah (screenwriter of The Cooler, Damage, and Hunt to Kill), and amazing artist, Alwyn Talbot, we’re bringing to life an adorable, deadly character that I think you and Kindertrauama fans will absolutely dig. We’re turning my childhood fear into art! Albeit, twisted art…
You can check out the exploits of our furry little friend here and share my livelong trauma…
So there is a movie that I only remember watching the beginning of that scared the bejeezus out of me when I was young. I think it was British, and I think it had something to do with vampires. The part I remember seeing (and I apologize it has been a long time but it has stuck with me) is there is a young woman with blonde hair sitting in the forest and someone comes up to her from behind, it’s a POV shot, and goes to tap the girl on the shoulder and when she turns around, her face is all disfigured like she looks like a ghoul (or a vampire!?) I also remember a shot of a mirror, like a handheld mirror on the ground that drops of blood start falling on. So yeah, not much to go on, but even in the Internet age I haven’t been able to figure out what movie this is.
Thanks so much for your help.
— Kevin M.
I say Halloween month is a great time to watch anthology horror movies. They are like visual trick-or-treat bags filled with eye candy ranging from “Delicious!” to “Are you kidding me?” 1983’s NIGHTMARES is a personal favorite that should be shoved in your face more often. Read our old-timey take HERE and watch the Momma rat goodness below…
Hidey-ho! THE CURSE OF CHUCKY was sprung on the world this week so let’s visit our friend till the end! Below there are five numbered images from the first five Chucky movies. Can you identify which image is from which movie?
But wait! There’s more! There are also five lettered images! Can you match the numbered image with the appropriate letter image from the same film?