kindertrauma random header image

Entries from June 2014

Sunday Viewing:: Unk’s Youtube Ghost Hunt

June 29th, 2014 · No Comments

We were the recipients of a thunder and lightening storm the other night. Naturally I turned off all the lights in order to obtain the maximum effect. Don’t you love it when you can’t see a thing until the lightening illuminates the room, and you half expect to see JOHN CARADINE with SENTINEL–eyes staring at you but you don’t? Well, I wasn’t about to let this fortuitous spooky backdrop go to waste, I needed to watch a ghost movie and quickly. I had no time to go rummaging through my collection of films because I knew very well that would lead to much side stepping, second guessing and ultimately alien abduction level lost time. So I hit the youtubes in search of uncharted paths. I went on a YouTube ghost hunt…

First stop, HASTA EL VIENTO TIENE MIEDO (1968) aka EVEN THE WIND IS AFRAID. Now that’s a title, ain’t it? The contents of this movie are so scary the breezes’ kneezes are bucklin’! This Mexican import was written and directed by the great CARLOS ENRIQUE TABOADA who is guilty of gifting many a gem including 1984’s POISON FOR THE FAIRIES, which we spotlighted on these pages earlier. This one concerns a haunted boarding school and so we’re pals right out of the gate, as it never hurts to remind me of THE HOUSE THAT SCREAMED or THE FACTS OF LIFE.

A student named Claudia is having creepy dreams about a tower on the school grounds and a young lady hanging on a robe therein. When she and her friends investigate the tower, which is strictly forbidden, they are caught by their oppressive headmistress and punished. The girls are told their upcoming vacation is canceled and they are to spend the winter holiday at the school. This is bad news for the girls and good news for any ghost who appreciates a captive audience. It turns out the headmistress knows more than she’s telling and that the ghost is more interested in revenge than simply spooking bystanders. If you like inappropriate dance numbers, catfights, suicide, possession, random owl sightings and plenty of wind, look no further. This is a perfect rainy night movie with plenty of old fashioned, SCOOBY DOO chills and at least one unusual twist. The ghostly appearances are rather well orchestrated too so you might just get a jolt if you’re lucky as well.

HAUNTED: THE FERRYMAN (1974)

JOHN IRVIN who appropriately enough, went on to helm 1981’s GHOST STORY directed this British TV production, which is based on a story by KINGSLEY AMIS (THE GREEN MAN). It’s about a novelist (JEREMY BRETT) who has written a book involving the ghost of a killer/rapist ferryman who haunts an inn. He and his wife jump in a car to avoid a press party, get caught in a rain storm and take shelter in an inn that is way too much like the one in the guy’s book for comfort. The name is nearly the same; the employees are nearly the same and the whole joint looks just like the one he made up in his head. This leads him to rightfully fear that the goings on in his yarn may likely take place too, which means an upcoming appearance of a killer/rapist phantom ferryman. There’s a great build up of dread here and it’s hard not to be curious about what exactly is going on and how. The ending kind of leaves you in a lurch though it’s forgivable on account of when the title ghoul does show up he’s scarier than you’d expect and kind of resembles the scarecrow from FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE SERIES. At less than an hour long this is an eerie thought-provoking side dish perfect to gulp down between lengthier movies.

DEATH DREAMS (1991)

How I ended up here, I don’t know I just did. I thought I was signing up for a hokey laugh fest and found myself totally engrossed instead. This was swell. Well, at least until they get to the courtroom stuff. I hate courtroom stuff unless it’s GENE HACKMAN vs. MARY ELIZABETH MASTRANTONIO. This TV movie finds MARG ( AFTER MIDNIGHT!) HELGENBERGER living the dream with new husband CHRISTOPHER REEVE and a daughter from her previous marriage to a guy who kicked the bucket. The fun doesn’t last though because her daughter drowns in a lake and then comes back as a ghost and is all about pointing her finger at her possessive control freak step daddy! OK, I know we all love REEVE because how can you not? But I gotta say I always found about 9 to 10 percent of him super duper creepy. Maybe it’s the piercing eyes, maybe it’s the missing upper lip, maybe it’s the fact that he looks like a robot or an illustration in a Sears catalog, I’m not sure. The wonderful thing is REEVES snags exactly that 10 percent I always saw and drags it to the forefront for his performance here. He’s really super (!) good in this.

DEATH DREAMS is based on a book by WILLIAM KATZ and directed by MARTIN DONOVAN who also directed APARTMENT ZERO and wrote DEATH BECOMES HER. DONOVAN‘s got a fantastic eye and there are several clever visual flourishes that stand out. He seems really good with actors too as both leads come off extremely well and he allows FIONNULA FLANAGAN of THE OTHERS free reign to pull off a highly memorable nearly over the top turn as a psychic doctor. She’s a real hoot and would fit right in on AMERICAN HORROR STORY. Again, the courtroom stuff towards the end is a bit of a snore but this is definitely a fun and worthwhile ghost tale. Just when you think it won’t go as far as it might it does and the final scene provides a impressive well earned comeuppance for creep-master REEVE.

So there you have a night of hopefully off the beaten path ghostly YouTube viewing. I enjoyed all three of these flicks. I’m sure none of them will exactly terrify you but who cares? I live in the city, if I want to be terrified I can just walk two blocks in the wrong direction. Ghost movies are more about opening the doors in your head and seeing who or what pops in and allowing yourself the possibility that there may be more to the world than the concrete boundaries we’re fed. It may be comforting for some to imagine life after death but for me it’s simply comforting to imagine that my revenge has no expiration date! Gee, I hope we have another thunderstorm soon.

[Read more →]

Tags: Stream Warriors · Streaming Alert! · Sunday Streaming

Black & White Funhouse

June 27th, 2014 · 11 Comments

[Read more →]

Tags: Kindertrauma Funhouse

Name That Trauma:: Brandon B. on a Blue Ghost, a Headless Instructor & Dog Food Dining

June 25th, 2014 · 3 Comments

Hi, I have three entries. These three did not necessarily scar me for life, but they have chilled me to the bone since I was a kid.

1) A dark-haired woman is seen in her bright white light kitchen, the woman is wearing a bathrobe or raincoat and is cooking something in her pot of boiling water on the stove. The woman (quite starving) opens her nearly empty refrigerator, moving jars around, and finds a can of dog (?) food. She feeds it to her small grayish white dog (might have been a cat) pouring some food in the bowl. She kneels on the floor, if I remember correctly, and begins eating some of the pet food. As her dog comes rushing into the room, she stares at it with this horrible greenish face. I saw this in 1990-1992, but someone said (unfortunately, they just remember as much as I do) they saw it in the mid-‘80s. There might have been a scene where this hand comes out of the pot grabbing the woman pulling her face into the pot.

2) A woman is lying in her pitch dark bedroom. She might be in a hotel. She hears a noise, asks if anyone is there, and then we see a walking/floating ghost hidden underneath a blue sheet. The ghost is seen in the hallway, eventually making its way up two steps of banisters. When it does, the woman calls out a name; I think the name of her former lover. No answer, the ghost flies towards her. The woman does nothing, but stares up at it, fussing, screaming, trying to kick it away with her legs. I saw this around 1990-1991.

3) A late teen (wearing black clothes, pulled back light brown hair) is seen walking in a vacant classroom towards the front of the room. As she walks, a disembodied head of a young man (probably her instructor) flies throughout the room eventually landing on its corpse, which we see resting beneath the blackboard, near the front desk. I saw this sometime around 1987.

(All were shot in color; all I saw on TV, #1 and #2, I think, are night shots, while #3 is a day shot)

I know this is not much to go on, but can anyone here please help me? I asked all around, and no one knows.

[Read more →]

Tags: Name That Trauma!

Sunday Viewing Suggestion:: Billy V. on Tim Burton’s Hansel & Gretel

June 22nd, 2014 · 5 Comments

Reader Billy V. wrote in and suggested that we feature TIM BURTON’S HANSEL & GRETEL today for our weekly Sunday Viewing and that’s just what we’re going to do. Legend has it that this short flick aired only once on the Disney Channel way back in the greatest year that ever happened, 1982! It’s not hard to see why BURTON‘s vision was quietly hidden under Micky Mouse’s rug, it tastes like it’s marinated in Kindertrauma sauce! Yikes, that witch looks like the lead singer for THE CULT and acts like SEAN YOUNG pitching for a part in a movie! She really gives JOAN COLLINS in the SHELLEY DUVALL version a run for her money! And don’t get me started on that gingerbread man. Ya know what? This is so wacked-out and off the wall that I find I am now finally ready to forgive TIM BURTON for being behind the lowest point in cinema history, the breakdancing Mad Hatter scene from ALICE IN WONDERLAND. I’m just going to forget it ever happened! Thanks for the treat Billy V.!

[Read more →]

Tags: Stream Warriors · Streaming Alert! · Sunday Streaming

Mickster’s Mighty Match-Up Funhouse

June 20th, 2014 · 7 Comments

Last week when I told our old pal Mickster I planned to do a funhouse based on FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE SERIES, she came up with the idea to have a puzzle where you matched up the show’s villains with their proper cursed objects. I told her that was a swell idea but I wasn’t going to do it on account of I was way too lazy. Undaunted by my chronic slothfulness, Mickster took matters into her own hands and snagged those images herself. Thanks Mickster, you have gone above and beyond the call of duty! Now, can you folks match the characters with the objects that made them crazy?

[Read more →]

Tags: Kindertrauma Funhouse

The Horror of:: WKRP in Cincinnati

June 19th, 2014 · 3 Comments

We got rid of all our non-basic cable and now ironically, I seem to be finding more stuff to watch on TV. There’s a channel that shows movies all day and a channel that shows sitcoms all day and what else do you need (as long as you still have Netflix, Redbox, your local library, a collection of your own and the ever expanding universe of YouTube)? I guess I’m not going to miss all of those cipher channels stuffed with Styrofoam peanuts after all.

Anyway, the other night I was flipping through my wonderfully limited choices and I came across an old episode of WKRP IN CINCINNATI that I instantly remembered from my youth. In it, the crew of the radio station is hired to sing a jingle for a funeral home. I’m not sure if it was the first episode I ever saw but it was definitely the first one that struck me (the second one that struck me involved turkeys). Part of its ingraining power on me I’m sure is thanks to the fact that involves a jingle and jingles by design are meant to get under your skin.

More importantly though, the jingle in question mocks death and as a young person who had serious issues with the concept, I found it hilarious, as if some infallible bully of mine was being roasted. I tend to closely connect my appreciation for this type black humor to my love of horror. It’s always soothing to whistle past the graveyard and there’s something cathartic about minimalizing the second biggest thing that will ever happen to you. In any case, this ditty has been worming through my noggin all week…

Doesn’t that Henry Kane looking mo-fo mortician, the brilliantly named “Mr. Ferryman” (Don’t Pay The Ferryman!) look familiar to you? I looked him up and that guy, FRED STUTHMAN played the horrible dead ghoul dad who gets his face slashed in THE SENTINEL! What’s more, FRED started his acting career as Chicago TV horror host “Jeeper’s Creeper”!

This would not be a complete “The Horror of..” segment if I did not go through the WKRP cast’s contributions to our beloved genre so here goes…

GARY SANDY (Andy Travis) was in TROLL (1986)

GORDON JUMP (Arthur ‘Big Guy’ Carlson) was not only in the kindertraumiest episode of DIFF’RENT STROKESThe Bicycle Man,” he was also in the awesome TV-movie MIDNIGHT OFFERINGS (1981)

HOWARD HESSEMAN (Dr. Johnny Fever) was in ROB ZOMBIE’s HALLOWEEN II (2009)

FRANK BONNER (Herb Tarlek)’s acting debut was in the cult classic EQUINOX (1970)

RICHARD SANDERS (Less Nessman) was in the ANNA FARIS post-SCREAM slasher LOVER’s LANE (2000)

TIM REID (Venus Flytrap) was of course, in the TV mini-Series IT (1990)

The ladies of WKRP sadly skipped the horror trail altogether but…JAN SMITHERS (Bailey Quarters) did star alongside P.J. SOLES in OUR WINNING SEASON the same year SOLES was in HALLOWEEN (1978) and LONI ANDERSON (Jennifer Marlowe) was married to BURT REYNOLDS star of the beyond horrifying RENT-A-COP (1987)!

[Read more →]

Tags: The Horror of...

Aunt John’s Two-Gif Review:: Dead Ringer (1964)

June 18th, 2014 · 1 Comment

[Read more →]

Tags: Aunt John's Two-Gif Review

Traumafession:: Bill S. on G.I. Joe’s There’s No Place Like Springfield

June 17th, 2014 · 2 Comments

In or around 1985, the popular G.I. JOE cartoon aired an episode that was unlike anything seen for children’s programming.

The episode was titled, ‘There’s No Place Like Springfield‘. This episode found the character, Shipwreck, waking up to a place that is unfamiliar to him. He’s told things that don’t make sense to him. Shipwreck’s mind slowly starts to unravel as he tries to determine what is real and what is illusion.

This is a psychological thriller, culminating in some horrifying visuals for children.

Here’s some moments from this episode!

[Read more →]

Tags: Telenasties · Traumafessions

Traumafession:: Bill S. on Monster Club (1980)

June 16th, 2014 · No Comments

In the late ’80s or early ’90s, I caught the last 40 minutes of a horror film that was truly chilling.

The Monster Club‘ is a film split into 3 vignettes.

In the last one, a man drives into a mysterious village and slowly discovers the townspeople do not want him to leave. He then meets a young girl who decides to help him attempt escape.

The ending has a fantastic twist!

The rest of the film stars Vincent Price and other Hollywood old-schoolers and features an all star soundtrack as well. (The animated, dancing skeleton scene is infamous!)

Anyway, I’ve set up this youtube link to start at exactly the last story. Enjoy!

[Read more →]

Tags: Traumafessions

Father’s Day Viewing:: Haunts of the Very Rich (1972)

June 15th, 2014 · No Comments

Happy Father’s Day! Today I submit for your viewing pleasure the very father-tastic made-for-TV flick, 1972’s HAUNTS OF THE VERY RICH. It stars the father of JEFF & BEAU BRIDGES, LLOYD BRIDGES, Mary Richards’ father figure ED ASNER, America’s most favorite dad ROBERT REED as a reverend (or father), TONY BILL who fathered one of my favorite movies, FIVE CORNERS, CLORIS LEACHMAN who played somebody who shared the same father as Mrs. Garrett on THE FACTS OF LIFE and the father of Julie’s baby on ONE DAY AT A TIME, MICHAEL LEMBECK.

This sorta reads like a precursor to that show by TORI SPELLING’s pop, FANTASY ISLAND although it’s sadly HERVE VILLECHAIZE-free. It’s about a bunch of rich people who get trapped on an island and thanks to forces beyond their understanding, come to realize how wretched existence is when hopes are dangled in your face like carrots on strings and repeatedly snatched away. If I could throw us all in a time machine back to the days when this flick’s SARTRE-lite rug-pull was still a mind blower, I would but Father Time just won’t allow it. Thankfully, seventies era slo-mo shots and background music brandishing hellish death sirens singing “ahhhh-ahhh” will always retain their eternal creepy power ‘round here. Enjoy, and have a mutha of a Father’s Day.

[Read more →]

Tags: Stream Warriors · Streaming Alert! · Sunday Streaming · Telenasties · The Seventies mushed my head