UNK SEZ: Critters, check out this stunning short from Directors RODRIGO GUDINO & VINCENT MARCONE! Look closely. It shall curl your toes!
Author: unkle lancifer
Happy Father's Day! :: The Horseman
I wanted to pick a special Father's Day Netflix Streaming movie and decided to go with the stompy Ozzie revenge flick THE HORSEMAN! I should warn you upfront though that this movie is extremely violent. In fact, I even caught myself closing ONE of my eyes and in retrospect, I have no idea how I thought that might help. I'm also afraid that it does some skipping through the torture zone. I'm not a fan of on-screen torture myself. It's almost always gratuitously sadistic and I just think it's rude to tie somebody to a chair. A lot of people are tied to a lot of chairs in this movie. I really wish that characters that find themselves in that position would just hand over the requested information and not be so ornery and antagonistic for my sake. Sassing makes everything more difficult for all involved. Spill the beans, dummy.
Christian (I know, pointed name considering the film's title right?) played by PETER MARSHALL (not the HOLLYWOOD SQUARES guy) is a dad who learns his daughter is dead. Her drugged-up, contaminated remains were just sort of dumped like trash by an anonymous person. His grief is thrown another whammy when he receives a VHS porn tape in the mail with his daughter featured in it, clearly out of her mind on drugs and being abused by a group of men. It's pretty gross. Christian, who fittingly works in pest control, grabs a toolbox and hits the road on a rampage, inflicting retribution to all those involved. I'm not saying his way of going about things is right but I'm not totally against it either. Karma is always sitting down on the job so sometimes you have to give it a little push…with a crowbar.
What raises THE HORSEMAN above the standard comeuppance flick is its commitment to examining a man's emotional pain in between skull cracking sessions. First time director STEVEN KASTRISSIOS displays real talent and thankfully he nabbed a superior actor to join him. MARSHALL is great in this and even if you find his actions questionable, you'll never doubt the intensity of his mournful rage. Along his travels Christian encounters a lonely hitchhiker not unlike his daughter named Alice (CAROLINE MAROHASY) and their relationship allows for even more of his humanity to emerge. When Alice inadvertently (and perhaps unavoidably) gets tangled in Christian's campaign of violence, a whole new level of discomfort for poor me is reached.
THE HORSEMAN is on the harsh side (I could have lived without the several instances of penis abuse) but I have to give it props nonetheless. I enjoy my violence a smidge more cartoon-y, but I do appreciate the film's reluctance to simplify physical anguish and give the viewer an easy out. There are no easy ways out here. The point is clearly made that it is more than Christian's ego that has been damaged and more than his pride that has been taken away. He let his daughter down and now he faces a tsunami of guilt that can't be bashed away. I guess the truth is, most Dads fuck up. None can completely shield their children from the dangerous world. I picked this film to celebrate the dads that are THERE anyway, the ones that show up to make the mistakes. The ones that at least TRY to give their kids a better life than they had. Christian isn't going to win any Father of the Year awards any time soon, but hey, he cares. That deserves at least a card or maybe a monogrammed crowbar.
NOTE: Happy Father's Day to my dad who is in the hospital (don't worry he is fine and will be out soon)! As far as I know he is not in the hospital for getting in fights with hooligans on my behalf but he is a super cool guy (imagine THE GREAT SANTINI crossed with Ted Baxter) anyway. Happy Father's Day!
Creepy Crawly Funhouse!
First came the back-to-back ARACHNOPHOBIA traumafessions, then I found crazy cabbage worms chomping on my garden! Now I can't stop itching! My current feelings can best be expressed with an all-bug FUNHOUSE! Now, I know all the creatures in today's FUNHOUSE flicks are not actually bugs but I don't have time to count legs and look these things up in fancy science books. If it ain't got fur then it ain't that cute and it needs to stand down and back the cuss up! Can you identify the creepy crawly movies below? One smart cookie will win an XXL Kindertrauma T-shirt for trying!
Special Report :: Christmas TV History's Joanna Wilson on "Edith's Crisis of Faith"
"Edith's Crisis of Faith" features the character Beverly LaSalle, a transvestite and female impersonator, played by Lori Shannon. Beverly appeared in two earlier AITF episodes, "Archie the Hero" in 1975 and "Beverly Rides Again" in 1976. A friend of the family, Beverly returns to the Bunker home in "Edith's Crisis of Faith" in order to invite them to her scheduled performance at the prestigious Carnegie Hall the week before Christmas. The Bunkers are happy to see Beverly and accept her invitation while Edith, who considers Beverly to be "like family," returns the gesture and invites the performer to Christmas dinner at the Bunker home.
What comes next is disturbing and unexpected. Though the action takes place off camera, we learn that son-in-law Mike Stivic and Beverly are mugged. Eventually we see Mike in the hospital in bandages–he was beaten but will be fine. Mike describes the mugging saying that Beverly had successfully defended him against the gang of violent attackers but then the gang turned on Beverly with a lead pipe. Mike says, "I guess they figured out what he was and they just started smashing him with the pipe." A doctor tells Edith and Archie in the waiting room that Beverly has died. "Just because he was different," Gloria later adds. The rest of "Part 1" sees Edith numb in her grief at Christmas time.
The storyline continues into the following episode "Edith's Crisis of Faith, Part 2" where we see more fully how deeply Edith is affected by the death of her dear friend. Not only is Edith unable to put aside her grief, she finds she can't even be happy at Christmas for the sake of her two year-old grandson Joey. Even worse, Edith who is usually a person of unwavering faith now questions her belief in a God that would allow someone as kind, gentle and good as Beverly be so tragically murdered. She won't go to church at Christmas and even suggests that she may never go back. Archie encourages her to return to church but Edith's disillusioned response is: "Why? What good does it do?" Edith's family is beside themselves trying to cheer her up but Edith is inconsolable. She even runs out of the room when Archie offers a prayer over the family's Christmas dinner. Eventually, Mike is the only one able to offer any comfort to Edith. Mike reminds her that we can't always understand everything. Though Mike's answer is simple, he is actually making a complex point that a crime such as this is beyond reasonableness–it may never make sense. Watching a character as gentle and decent as Edith suffer so terribly is torturous and emotionally draining.
What many may find difficult here is that this deeply emotional and tragic episode occurs at Christmas–the one time of year most people want to feel uplifted, optimistic and hopeful. That may be the exact point the writers of this episode may have been communicating–juxtaposing this sad episode with the usual bright spirit of the holiday. It also makes it difficult to re-watch year after year as we all so often do with Christmas TV sitcom episodes.
However, the tone of this painful episode is handled correctly. AITF had perfected the appropriate manner in which to handle the sensitive issues of the day in previous episodes that dealt with topics such as racism, bigotry, war, politics, cancer, and more button-pushing issues one wouldn't immediately associate with family sitcoms. Even other Christmas episodes of AITF took on hot topics such as Edith's breast cancer scare, the divorce of Gloria and Mike, and my favorite: 1976's "The Draft Dodger" where Mike's friend, a draft dodger on the run, comes to Christmas dinner to share a table with Archie's friend who's son was just killed in Vietnam.
Yet, Christmas may just be the most appropriate time of year to remind ourselves of our desire for a world filled with peace. Hate crimes such as these unfortunately still exist and occur all too frequently. Part of what makes AITF such a groundbreaking show is the fact that its take on subjects such as this are still relevant today. Perhaps the depth of emotion felt in "Edith's Crisis of Faith" can serve as an annual reminder to grab our loved ones even closer and find compassion and acceptance for everyone.
Though a situation comedy, the jokes are never at the expense of the social issue but are aimed squarely at the insensitive fool, Archie Bunker. This show so successfully tackled social issues that many other TV series in the 1970s and 1980s went on to try to do the same thing with varying degrees of success.
UNK SEZ: Thanks so much Joanna for sharing such a wonderful post! I have a strong recollection of this episode as well and you really captured what made it so memorable.
Folks, not only is Joanna one of Kindertrauma's favorite people in general but she is also the author of the books THE CHRISTMAS TV COMPANION and 'TIS THE SEASON TV. You can pay her a visit at her official home base CHRISTMAS TV HISTORY!
Streaming Alert: I Start Counting (1969)
I have a superb and seldom seen recommendation for you guys today. This is exactly the type of near impossible to find treasure that keeps me so enthusiast about Netflix Streaming. 1969's I START COUNTING (based on a novel by Audrey Erskine-Lindop) is a coming of age horror/thriller and it fits nicely as a sort of missing link between HITCHCOCK's SHADOW OF A DOUBT and 1985's SMOOTH TALK. It stars a young JENNY AGUTTER, who you're sure to know from AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON, and it's directed by DAVID GREENE who also helmed THE SHUTTERED ROOM (1967). From what I can tell it never made an appearance in the US, either in theaters or on television. The subject matter does walk a fine, leering line sometimes but to me, it reads more frank than exploitive.
AGUTTER plays Wynne, a fourteen-year-old who has developed a fervent crush on her much older (he's 32) half-brother George (BRYAN MARSHALL). This situation would be complicated enough but as Wynne's obsession leads to stalking she also finds many a reason to suspect that George is directly responsible for all of the dead ladies that have been popping up all over town. Rather than allow George's apparent violent, deviant side to dissuade her though, Wynne grows more and more infatuated and condoning while her courting of danger escalates. Again and again she finds herself gravitating towards the abandoned wreck of her childhood home, a place that she has been warned never to go. Eventually she discovers that her dark imaginings are a couple shades lighter than what's going on in the real world and that her yearnings have clouded her view.
I START COUNTING does a beautiful job of capturing the confusion of being trapped in a limbo between a dissolving childhood and an alluring, yet threatening adult world. It's quite a character study as we are granted near full access to Wynne's haunting memories and current fantasies. It's a beautifully shot film utilizing an almost uniform palate of gray and beige hues and the soundtrack and locations bring to life an idiosyncratic bubble of history during radically shifting social mores. (Wait until you get a load of the record store Wynne's other brother Jim (MICHAEL FEAST) works at!) Best of all, I START COUNTING delivers a pretty steady pulse of suspense and even a few punches of horror. Its focus on the psychological, strong use of symbolism and willingness to jump freely between what's going on in reality and what's going on in Wynne's head insures that the viewer always has something to chew on.. You may figure things out before Wynne does but that just makes things all the more nerve racking. I don't want to ruin too much, so I'll say no more. Now get watching!
Overlook Funhouse!
Egad, those rascally Overlook spookies have trashed the radio room! Can you help Wendy find the ten discrepancies before her husband loses his temper? All work and no Kindertrauma Funhouse makes everybody dull! Don't be dull! Click the middle images to enlarge!
Dear Dead Delilah (1972)
I swear to God I'm not purposely trying to be the most unhip horror fan in the universe. Baby I was born this way. I've already stated my affection for crusty mansions, blood-stained doilies and cracked doll heads and now I must salute the incredible joy that is Southern-fried sud-goth. 1972's DEAR DEAD DELILAH is like a soap opera with axe murders rather than commercials and it's my favorite thing I've seen since the last favorite thing I've seen. Some people think it's boring and those people have no idea what they are talking about. Really, I'm beginning to think that "It's boring" is code for "There's dialogue." How can anyone not enjoy this movie?
Like all great stories, we begin in the past. In this case, we meet Little Luddy who is opposing her mother and preparing for an unapproved of date. She explains her actions to her mom who does not respond, not because she doesn't care but because she is chopped up with an axe. Years later an older, artsy Luddy (PATRICIA CARMICHAEL) is released from prison. She has nowhere to go but thanks to a fortuitous event (being hit in the head by a football!), she soon finds herself nursed back to heath and gainfully employed in a Tennessee mansion. The homestead is overseen by dying matriarch Deliah (AGNES MOOREHEAD) who has gathered her family together to divvy up the inheritance. Chaos, angry words and ultimately many an axe murder are the result when Delilah informs the congregated that the family fortune is hidden in the house and it's finder's keepers.
This being MOOREHEAD's final film appearance, I was fully prepared for the phone-in routine. Oh, me of little faith. AGNES is as sharp as ever and devours every line with acidic relish and her southern accent adds an extra bite to her performance. Her mere presence is enough to satisfy but someone up there must like me because she is not only there but she is also there in a motorized wheelchair! There is one scene where Delilah wheels her chair into a mausoleum and then, after a momentary scream, the chair comes whizzing out by itself and that is when my couch officially turned into cloud nine. Sure, the plot and execution of D.D.D. dips into veritable camp at times but the shear darkness of its humor is too aggressive to dismiss. Just because the film is having some fun doesn't mean it doesn't take its horror seriously.
DEAR DEAD DELILAH was written by author JOHN FARRIS the mind behind THE FURY and it's sadly the only film he ever directed. At times it has the cardboard drive-in vibe of S.F. BROWNRIGG (DON'T GO IN THE BASEMENT, DON'T OPEN THE DOOR!) but its flashes of dreamy surrealism, and taste for broad soap opera theatrics also brings DAVID LYNCH to mind. It is a bit rough around the edges (me likey) but it truly accomplishes some striking moments of eerie weirdness. Best of all, the various deaths of the conniving family members are as strong as anything in BAY OF BLOOD or FRIDAY THE 13TH. My life was a little bit more complete seeing Grandpa Walton (WILL GREER) stumble out of a smoke house carrying one hacked off hand in the other. I feel I was always meant to see that.
Like BLOOD AND LACE (1971) and MANSION OF THE DOOMED (1976) both of which I just discovered recently, I think D.D.D. is a sorely undervalued film. Why, even my trusted Encyclopedia of Horror is a naysayer! I even read one review that called it "typical." C'mon, can you really use a word like "typical" to describe a movie that exhibits decapitations via horseback, a forced heroin overdose, unexplained random optical effects and an axe blade used for foreplay? I guess the inheritance gimmick is passé but that's just a springboard. Truth told, I would have liked to have gotten to know Luddy a little better but the fact that she's such a unique proto-final girl is ultimately enough for me. I couldn't help but dig that her post incarceration experiences resemble those of dear Norman Bates in PSYCHO II. Anyway, don't get fooled by the consensus and haters to the left, if you're like me, a fuddy duddy who likes it bloody, give this often sneaky and slightly creaky crazy train a ride.
Streaming Alert! :: The Hazing (2004)
There is a reason so many people remember eighties horror movies so fondly and it's because many of them were actually, you know, fun. Fun is important and fun is impossible to fake. If you really enjoy and believe in what you're doing, fellow humans can often detect it. It's like a sixth sense or something. If you create something solely to make money, bask in your own ego or grind a boring axe, people can smell that too and it smells really bad, like as bad as that sponge in my sink is beginning to smell. To prove my theory, just watch both A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET and its remake back to back. Notice how the first one smells like fine leather and the other one smells like being smacked upside the head in a urine soaked alley with a sweat stained tube sock stuffed with spoiled clam dip? That's what I'm talking about!
2004's THE HAZING directed by ROLFE KANEFSY is officially NOT the best movie I have ever seen in my entire life (how could it be, it doesn't even have DIANE FRANKLIN in it?) but I can assure you that it IS fun and you won't have to whip out the glade brand room deodorizer afterward either. The budget was obviously on the light side and some of the special effects are sub-MR. BOOGEDY, but it has heart and what I detect as a genuine desire to show its audience a good time. It actually began life as a potential sequel to 1981's HELL NIGHT which it still vaguely resembles, but it ends up being more of a cross between THE BREAKFAST CLUB and NIGHT OF THE DEMONS (the original, non-depressing one.) You may notice nods to TOURIST TRAP and THE EVIL DEAD too and happily these nods come across as affectionate hat tips rather than cinephile regurgitation.
You can't have a likable film without a likable cast and fittingly you'll find one here. NECTAR ROSE as a bimbo hiding her inner Buffy comes across as this generation's answer to NANCY ALLEN, TIFFANY SHEPIS shows some real range for someone constantly clad in a skin-tight astronaut outfit and when is anyone NOT glad to see genre legend BRAD DOURIF? You get decapitations, you get laughs and you even get to know some of the characters before they die. I forget and refuse to Google how many more days it is to HALLOWEEN but the best part of THE HAZING is that it makes it seem so much closer. Check this one out on Netflix Streaming while you can and you just might find yourself positioning it on your permanent October playlist in the future.
What Are Friends For? (1980)
There are After School Specials and then there are After School Specials. In my questionable opinion, the ABC After School Special WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR? is primo, cream of the crop stuff! It's strangely morose yet consistently compelling and it signs off on a surprisingly wise, bittersweet note. MELORA HARDIN (who would grow up to star as Jan on THE OFFICE) plays twelve-year-old Amy who has just moved into an apartment building with her divorcee mother. She quickly meets neighbor Michelle Mudd, an overall-wearin', bull-in-a-china-shop Peppermint Patty type, portrayed by the late and very loud DANA HILL (SHOOT THE MOON). Although they have little in common, the two quickly bond as Michelle is reeling from her parents' disintegrated marriage too. Aw, was there really a time when being a child of divorce made you different? How quaint!
Amy soon learns that Michelle Mudd is high maintenance and then some. She's wildly unpopular amongst her peers, she lies like a rug, she steals like a magpie, she requires near constant affirmation and vows of loyalty and she dabbles in the black arts. It's too bad that Amy finds Michelle such a handful because honestly I would have gotten along with her just fine. When Amy walks in on Michelle drowning a doll in the bathtub wearing goth make up in a bizarre, blood red voodoo ritual she is outraged and horrified by the display, whereas I truly believe my reaction would be, "How can I help?"
WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR? feels like it may nosedive into FATAL ATTRACTION/ SINGLE WHITE FEMALE territory at any moment. Since it's aimed at the pint-sized crowd though, it touches down in a place of understanding and acceptance rather than boiling bunnies and puppies pushed out of windows. Fine by me really, I hate to see anything happen to fluffy animals and dolls are always asking to get drowned anyway! They love it!
Amy basically learns that while she feels some compassion for Michelle that it's not her responsibility to repair her. More importantly she realizes that some relationships have an expiration date and that sometimes one must cut their losses and move on. This revelation allows her to finally accept her parents' divorce and forgive them both for parting ways. I think I learned something too. I learned it's a bad idea to shoplift gifts for people other than myself and that you have to be really specific about who you want to have disappear from your life when performing a voodoo spell.
