Author: unkle lancifer

Don't let the name STEVEN SPIELBERG or the PG rating fool you, this film has caused countless sleepless nights and it's done so for decades. What's so scary about POLTERGEIST? Well first of all, it takes place somewhere many kids can easily identify with, suburbia. Any child who has recently gained mastery over their fears of cobweb strewn mansions or gothic castles are instantly sent back to square one. Secondly, unlike many of its R rated contemporaries, POLTERGESIT is not afraid to deal with the very real specter of death. From flushing pet canaries down the toilet, to coffins emptying their contents into the swimming pool, actual mortality is present here. An after life is also suggested, but it's cold comfort considering the place is not only overcrowded, but apparently covered in a substance not unlike cherry Jell-o. The tagline warning "It knows what scares you!" might as well have been made directly to the juvenile set, because the lion's share of POLTERGEIST's most indelible scares are based on common childhood fears. For example: See that comforting tree outside your bedroom window, the one that's basically a marker that you're home and safe? Yeah, well, it's actually going to try to swallow you whole…and that clown doll that you used to insist sleep in the same bed as you? He's kinda got arms that can grow to any size that he wants to wrap around your neck. You don't mind if he pulls you under the bed do you? Actually few are safe from the anxiety factory that is Poltergeist, from Dad's bad financial investment to Mom's fear of literally loosing her child to the television set. Nobody here gets off Scott free, but unlike the parental figures in POLTERGEIST, most kids don't have the luxury of a little toke of ganja to help them get to sleep at night.

INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

• Everybody's least favorite toy, the clown doll looking to "hug it out"
• "One, one thousand, two, one thousand" …the kite eating tree's revenge!
• The guy ripping his face off in the mirror…a Proactive commercial gone horribly wrong

Stephen King was not particularly pleased with Stanley Kubrick's take on his material, but there's no question decades later that THE SHINING is an unmitigated horror classic. King's novel is more concerned with father Jack's drunken guilt ridden slow-dive into madness, while Kubrick focuses on psychic son Danny's chronic anxiety about his ineffectual mom and time bomb pop. Part of what makes the film so potent, and universally scary, is that it reminds all of us, adults and children alike, what it's like to be scared of our parents. The idea that Daddy is mad at Mommy and may hurt her has crossed many children's minds, and the idea that Daddy is mad at ME and will hurt ME has crossed even more. The stakes are just that much higher at the Overlook Hotel because the last Daddy who worked there and got mad used an axe to get his point across. Some complain (King included) that Jack Nicholson's performance is over the top, and that he appears insane before he even reaches the hotel, but remember he IS insane in the eyes of Danny who has already been on the receiving end of his drunken rage. Of course King touched upon these fears as well, but it's a different affair when we have so much sympathy for the father's plight. In both tellings THE SHINING remains one of the grandest, most fascinating haunted house tales ever told.

INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

• The seductress who morphs into a cackling hag not only echoes many a grim fairy tale but is also every drunkard's "coyote ugly" nightmare come viciously to life
• The enigmatic kneeling plushy enthusiast hints we've only seen the tip of the iceberg as far as what the Overlook has to offer
• The Diane Arbus twins famous incantation "Come and play with us Danny, forever and ever and ever…"

This quintessential family movie is most children's first experience with cinema's remarkable capacity to induce fear. No upbeat musical number or happy ending can undo the ordeal that is Dorothy Gale's Journey. Unconvinced? Take out the hallmark sentiments and what do you have? The story of a young girl with presumably dead parents whose beloved pet is handed over to the town psycho for euthanasia, whose happy home life is erased by the wrath of mother nature, and who's transported to a nightmarish netherworld that's populated with hideous troll creatures, governed by a floating green demonic head and terrorized by a poppy pushing witch and her army of ghoul-faced flying monkeys. Certainly, there is "no place like home" if this hell zone is the alternative. As if her new stomping grounds were not uncomfortable enough, said witch has a personal vendetta against Dot since she inadvertently crushed her favorite sibling to death under a house when she showed up. Sure, she makes a bunch of fast pals with the local gays, but it's only after being forced to commit homicide that she is viewed worthy of returning home.

INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

Any involving Margaret Hamilton's brilliantly villainous witch, easily the most enduring female villain of all time. Her sarcastic word-play taunts, "Scarecrow, wanna play ball?" were decades ahead of similar child stomping wisecracker Freddy Krueger.

Alright, perhaps the makers of the original Oz can be given the benefit of the doubt. They weren't intentionally trying to curdle the child audience's peace of mind. But what in blazes were the makers or "Return" thinking? Unflappable Fairuza Balk's journey is unquestionably grim and horrific and there's no musical reprieve in sight. Poor Dorothy is immediately sent to the nut-house for jabbering about her previous visit to Oz, these ramblings are diagnosed as delusional and intensive shock therapy is suggested. (Kudos to the madman who designed the shock machine because they were clever enough to make an atrocious happy face out of its dials and knobs.) Mother Nature again intervenes though this time she mixes things up by sending a deadly flash flood Dorothy's way. Once returned to Oz, she finds her old friends turned to stone, an indescribably twisted marauding gang of thugs known as "wheelers" and an equally misanthropic Witch who collects decapitated heads like Imelda Marcos collected shoes. Her new pumpkin-headed pal Jack seems nice enough but not exactly the kind of figure you'd want tucking you into bed at night. Obviously great effort was made to duplicate the feel of the original L. Frank Baum book's illustrations by W.W Denslow, and the results are gorgeous but undeniably creepy. Although considered a major misstep upon its release, "Return" has garnered much favor over the years. It may be one hell of a twisted vision but that just might be what makes it so unforgettable to its fans and perhaps one of the most underrated films of all time.

INDELIBLE SCENE(S):

• Mombi's screaming heads coming to life followed by her headless body
• The attack of the screeching, maniacally laughing wheelers.